By Cynthia Aralu
Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.
Hope you are keeping well and are in good health. Another weekend is almost over and the time goes by so quickly.
The events of this past Wednesday has me evaluating my thoughts towards people extending their hand to me for a handshake during the “exchange of sign of peace” at mass or perhaps my response to people in general. Since the Covid-19 pandemic happened, I do not shake people’s hands without feeling like my hand is completely deadweight until I wash it or use a hand sanitizer. So, I generally do not shake people’s hands outside of church or in church. At my old job in London, when I was in a situation where a person reached out his hand for a handshake, I shook his hand out of politeness, but I waited until the person was away from me to reach for the sanitizer. Throughout the conversation with the man, all I could think of was my hand which I had to sanitize for it to be usable. I feel as though the use of the sanitizer became something of a programming to me, considering the nature of my old job and the medical environment in which I worked. I am not as stringent as I was back then about using a hand sanitizer after a handshake, but I still do not like shaking people’s hands because all I can think of is germs.
At the church I attend daily mass, I believe it has happened twice to me now, that people have stretched out their hands for a handshake. The first time, I came close to not shaking his hand. I mean, it was like a hand dance, with me pulling my hand back and then stretching my hand out again for the handshake. I didn’t want to be mean but I ended up being weird.
The second time was recently this past Wednesday. I didn’t pay much attention to the man at first. The first time I noticed him, I think I vaguely saw him walking around. The second time, I did not even look in his direction. He was a row ahead of me, at the far-left end, reciting the words of the priest at consecration and I thought, “Who is saying that? Only the priest is supposed to say that.” I vaguely remembered seeing that somewhere so, I am not sure this is true, but I did not take my eyes off the priest, the Host and the Chalice.
Then, it was time for the exchange of the sign of peace and I looked in his direction. He did not turn around to acknowledge anyone until the Agnus Dei was being said. Then, he moved to tap the shoulder of the lady in a row ahead of him and I thought, “Maybe he knows her.” He shook the lady’s hand and then moved towards the man standing in the same row as him and I thought, “Oh, he is shaking hands.” I immediately went to my knees, since the Agnus Dei had been completed and hoped my kneeling and prayer posture would deter him from approaching me to shake my hand. It didn’t. He extended his hand to me next, and I could not ignore him or be mean to him. So, I went first with my left hand since he had extended his left hand, but I remembered my Nigerian upbringing and extended my right hand instead. For context, it is considered rude in Nigeria to use your left hand to collect things from people or give things to people, including handshakes. The man in front of me had a disability; it looked like he had a bit of a hunch back and the palm of his left hand was shaped in a such a way that I actually could only fit my right hand in the palm of his left hand and not my left hand, that it almost seemed like he was taking my hand for a dance.
“Soft.” I thought when my hand connected with his and I beamed up at him, happy to have gotten the handshake right and he beamed back at me. I suppose I have never felt a hand so soft.
When he walked away, I looked at my hand and I held it away from my other hand, thinking of germs. Then a thought crossed my mind that, “For all I know, he could be an angel.” So, I dropped my reservation and clasped my hands together in my normal prayer pose.
During communion, he was in front of me on the line and when he got to the minister, I watched him get on his knees with a struggle, and I thought, “Why is he kneeling when he can’t? He must have great reverence for God. I will be doing this as well when I am old. Should I help him?” But he got on his knees and so I left it alone.
When it was time for him to stand up, I noticed he struggled and this time, I rushed to his side to help him. As I tried, I realized I didn’t ask his permission, so, I stopped to ask him, “Do you need help?” He responded in a low voice, “Yes.”. I tried my hardest to help him up, but he did not budge, and I was not lifting the man. Then after a moment, he lifted his leg to give a bit of traction to his rise, to my joy which was short lived, because I tripped, and the man and I began to fall sideways. Thankfully, someone else, came to the other side of him just at that moment, as though timed, and steadied us, and we were able to get the man to his feet.
Considering the poor job I did, I had to ascertain that I did not hurt the man, so I asked, “Are you okay?” He nodded and gave an enthusiastic “Yes.”
I nodded in satisfaction and stepped back slightly to give him space. Then he stood there for some moment not moving. “Give him time.” I thought. So, the line for communion was held up, but honestly, I would have stood there for as long as he needed. He looked back at me with serious eyes as though searching, and then turned around to leave in the opposite direction from where he would need to take to get back to his seat; in the direction of the priest on the second communion line. “Why is he going that way?” I wondered. I had to go receive communion, so I looked away from him.
I got back to my seat and wondered where he went to and as I left the church, I wondered, “Did he leave the church?”
The event replayed itself in my head after mass as I made my way home, and I considered the moment we almost fell. I remembered how I had been meditating on the 4th sorrowful mystery the day before, “The carrying of the cross”, and I had considered that Jesus fell three times and He did not try to save Himself from the fall but relied on Simon of Cyrene. I could relate to Jesus’ fall in a better way and also to St. Simon helping him. My next thought went to his final glance back at me, and I thought of his studious gaze, and it felt so familiar like I had gotten that look before in a dream about Jesus. Goosebumps washed over me when I thought, “Was he Jesus?”
I suppose one of the remarkable things about this event is that prior to this, I had been wondering if I would continue kneeling to receive communion even when I am old and I was unsure, but I got my answer when I saw him get on his knees.
I have replayed this event in my head so many times I have lost count, and I have reached the conclusion that my actions would have been different if I thought the man to be Jesus from the very first moment in which I noticed him. I would not have knelt to avoid him, neither would I have had any issue shaking his hand, and when he struggled to get down on his knees, I would have rushed to him without thinking too much about it. So, I am re-evaluating the way I respond to people. In any case, if indeed the man I met was Jesus, he was quite patient with me.
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Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.