By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well and remembering to pray the rosary.

Recently, I’ve taken some time to learn more about the concept of marriage as understood by the Catholic Church, so as to guide me. I vaguely recall listening to a priest on a podcast, a while ago, where he addressed a question about attending a wedding that would not take place in a Catholic Church (if I remember correctly). His response was, “No, a catholic should not attend that wedding”. This discussion stood out to me, and I stored it away in my mind.

I also remember a debate from when I was much younger about whether Catholics who completed the Nigerian traditional marriage were considered already married. Someone argued that they should be, since the traditional marriage existed long before Christianity arrived. I can’t recall my exact viewpoint during that conversation—it might have been in favor of the “White” wedding (Catholic wedding), against it, or simply confused by the complexity of the topic. At the time, I hadn’t received sufficient catechesis to be fully educated on the matter.

More recently, about a year or two ago, I had an awkward conversation with someone who had completed a “traditional Nigerian marriage”. During the discussion, I explained that, according to the Church, the individual wasn’t truly married yet and encouraged them to avoid sin before the Catholic marriage was finalized. Looking back, I realize that I must have understood that a traditional marriage wasn’t considered valid at all. However, I wasn’t entirely clear on all the reasons why. I only knew it was not and that it was my responsibility to offer advice, regardless of whether it was accepted.

Recently, despite my initial reluctance, I’ve delved into Canon Law to gain clarity. In addition to studying the law, I’ve spent time watching numerous videos, reading Catholic materials, and engaging in conversations about this topic. Although I often feel unsure and exhausted, I’ve tried my best to understand. This journey has led me to much greater clarity than I ever had before—and ultimately, it has guided me toward conversion.

First of all, baptized Catholics are governed by Canon law. This might not be widely understood by many Catholics, and I’ll admit, it was something I personally struggled to make sense of. When I think of “government,” I often associate it with countries. The idea of being governed by Canon law felt strange at first. However, upon reflection, it makes sense: I am a citizen of Heaven and the government of Heaven has a physical/visible representative here on Earth—the Church. Any discomfort or unease I feel or have felt about this authority likely stems from my own struggles with submitting to authority, not from the authority itself being invalid.

Canon law provides a framework rooted in divine law and tradition, and disobedience to it is considered immoral or sinful. While I’m not the person to determine the severity of sin for anyone (frankly struggle even for myself), I encourage studying more about the nature of sin and the three key elements that distinguish venial sins from mortal ones: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent.

As such, with regards to marriage, the Church governs the marriages of Catholics. For Catholics, marriage is a sacrament that requires adherence to Canon law for both validity and sacramentality. Canon law lays out clear guidelines regarding the sacrament of marriage, and its validity depends on meeting specific requirements, i.e. a celebration of marriage according to canonical form, including:

• Celebration of the marriage in the presence of an authorized Catholic cleric and at least two witnesses, typically in a Catholic church, unless a dispensation is granted.
• Celebration of the marriage according to liturgical practices established by the Church.

If a Catholic marries outside of canonical form—such as through a civil ceremony or in a non-Catholic setting without proper permissions—the marriage is considered invalid unless a bishop grants a dispensation.

In addition, when a Catholic and a non-Catholic wish to marry, they must meet the requirements set out in canon law (including the permission of the local ordinary). Without this dispensation, the marriage is deemed invalid and cannot impart sacramental grace, even if one or both parties are baptized.

Baptism is essential for sacramentality, but it’s not the only requirement. Other necessary elements include the intention to remain faithful, openness to procreation, freedom/capacity to marry, free consent, and adherence to the proper form of marriage—including the presence of an authorized cleric and witnesses.

Additionally, Canon law requires a Catholic who was previously married to obtain an annulment of their prior marriage before entering into a new one, even if the previous marriage was civil and deemed invalid. This ensures the sacramental integrity of the new marriage.

Invalid marriages can be healed by the Catholic Church, as appropriate for each case in order to bring the marriage into conformity with Church teaching and allow it to be recognized as valid. It highlights the pastoral care of the Church and its desire to guide the faithful back into good standing with the Church and God, all while considering the unique needs of each case.

It’s important to note that these guidelines apply specifically to members of the Catholic Church and doesn’t extend to non-Catholics. If you’re interested, I recommend exploring Canon law further for more information.

From my brief investigation, I have learned that attending an invalid marriage can be considered immoral, depending on the circumstances. Some adopt a firm stance, refusing to attend any invalid marriages, while others take a more flexible approach, evaluating each situation on a case-by-case basis—for example, when a marriage takes place outside the Catholic Church without a bishop’s dispensation. When it comes to unions that could involve adultery, I’ve encountered advice urging extreme caution. One perspective suggested that the morality of attending such a marriage might only become clear at the final judgment—a thought that sent a literal chill through me. However, there is a clear and consistent teaching to take a firm and resolute stand against attending same-sex marriages.

When a marriage is invalid, any immoral actions within such a union are sinful. There is also the argument that the marriage itself is immoral because it involves a violation of Canon law. This raises questions for me, particularly about the stance of the Nigerian Catholic Church. I wonder why traditional marriages often take place before Catholic church marriages if they are recognized as immoral. Is there some sort of dispensation granted in these cases? This has been a source of confusion for me, as well as for others who see no issue with civil or traditional marriages occurring before the Catholic wedding as a result of this. It is entirely possible that such practices are sinful yet have become normalized to the extent that it is now seen as good, and that is a difficult reality for me to fully grasp.

All of this feels too complex for my simple mind. My intuition is to avoid these situations altogether—or at least consider those that have the potential to become licit, where there is a clear intention to complete a Catholic marriage afterward (with a set date and plans in place). However, I recognize that I might be influenced in allowing this small exception by my background and the advice from priests I’ve come across. Is it good? I have different thoughts, and I can’t say for certain. Scandal doesn’t just affect those directly involved; its repercussions can ripple through generations. This is where my mind lingers. When I consider that, I believe avoidance is often the wisest choice, as you can never truly know if your intended good might come at a hidden cost. Ultimately, my priority is to put God first.

I don’t know enough to speak in depth about customary marriages (nigerian traditional marriage) or how the Catholic Church in Nigeria provides pre-marital counselling regarding the navigation of traditional and Catholic marriage. Typically, the traditional marriage is completed first to satisfy the cultural practice of giving a child away, and all weddings (traditional, civil, church) are often planned together and usually take place within a short time (hours, day(s) or month(s)) of each other. From what I’ve read briefly, customary marriages are legally binding under Nigerian law. I’m also aware that some Catholics consider customary marriages to be valid. Unfortunately, Nigerian Catholics can easily fall into sin if they are misled, poorly taught, or influenced negatively by culture or scandal. This is why, when I was much younger, I was in a discussion with fellow Catholics about whether customary marriage alone is sufficient. Personally, I am starting to think the traditional marriage may not be necessary for me but we’ll see since culture is beautiful to have in one’s life but never at the expense of faith and morals.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to any Catholic that I wholeheartedly believe in the truths revealed by the Catholic Church in Canon law and the precepts of the Church, or that as a result, I decide to live my life through the lens of the truths revealed by the Catholic Church, to the best of my ability and I do not intend to reject any truths revealed by the Catholic church, all by the grace of God and the moulding hands of Mother Mary. I can understand a non-Catholic disagreeing with me. However, when the disagreement comes from a fellow Catholic, it fills me with a sense of relational dissonance, loneliness, exhaustion, uncertainty, and a deep longing for God.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used to refine this write up and also garner some information.