Category Archives: Conviction

For An Increase in Faith

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone. Remember to pray the Rosary!

I suppose I should say Happy New Year, or rather, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. The future feels overwhelmingly long, so I’m choosing to follow Jesus’ words and focus on today, because each day has enough worries of its own. I’m thankful to God for His forgiveness, for helping me to keep praying, for holding me close, and for never letting me go. I’m aware of how often I fall short in loving Him as I should. It is a source of unhealthy grief and I don’t believe it helps me, however, my knowledge of what helps me is limited, so there is a chance that even in this conclusion, I am wrong. Since, in all things, God works for good, for those who love Him. Life moves so quickly, so I’m trying to take things slower and to be at peace with the things I cannot control.

I wrote most of this post, perhaps on the first week of last December, but never got around to sharing it. I’m glad I finally am.

This is a post about faith. It feels connected with a recent encounter I had with a man on a plane on the eve of Christmas, who’d introduced himself as Anglican, whom I’d come to realise was lacking in faith, love and perhaps, hope. I was moved to pray for him and his family, and as well for an increase in faith in myself; not that the encounter led me to doubt but because I know I am not infallible. After this prayer, I soon realized that I too, through a lack of knowledge and unaddressed doubt or should I say “confusion”, was lacking in faith. It was ugly but thanks to God, it did not last, because it is the very nature of faith to carry on even when knowledge lags behind, and I am grateful for the ministry of reconciliation. So here I am, praying that Jesus saves me from this body of death. Thanks be to God, for He has loved me enough to show me, so I know His work is not finished yet.

To have faith when you have been let down over and over again is not an easy thing to do. I don’t think I was always skeptical. I think it became my defense mechanism against the lies I was always so gullible to believe growing up, lies that did not even make sense. I believe it played a role in me falling out of faith when I became much older, although I cannot say it was the only reason. In a world full of deception, selfishness, cruelty, disregard for life and limitations, it is better to put your faith in God, who is Truth, Love, Life and Unchanging, than to put your faith in man.

The bible says, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for. The conviction of things not seen”. I recall writing a post about the point of life a little close to five years ago, April 4, 2021, to be exact (as seen in my notes). This was at a time I had returned back to a belief in God, as more of a unshakable conviction than a logical conclusion. I must add that no matter what logical conclusion one has, without a conviction, one is not able to come to faith, because not everything is seen or known, no matter how smart the argument sounds for the existence of God; this is because we are quite foolish after all, and the wisdom of men is foolishness to God. Once one has faith, all other argument contrary to the existence of God, or suggestions that it is impossible to know, becomes utter foolishness and is rejected with a vim, “God forbid”. This is because it is the character of faith to know, with a conviction reverberating throughout your very being, without knowing everything.

In any case, I read my writing from years ago and it seemed bizarre to me. I am also uncertain in totality what I believed in, since I did not see any point of life back then, even after believing in God. From reading my writing, I can only conclude that I lacked hope. I also lacked the things which people would typically state as the point of life, and what I did have, was so distant, that I could not latch on to the idea of it. From a place of poverty, I’d set out to write out my thoughts in order to prove that there was no meaning to life, however, by God’s providence, I ended up proving to myself, logically, that God exists.

I argued back then that the actual search for a point to life is futile because if life did not exist, there would be no search for its meaning. To my mind back then, the idea of a point to life only stemmed from life’s existence so, it was inaccurate for people to say helping others is in essence what gives life meaning, because the point to life could not stem from the actions of the people existing. I believed life’s point had to exist outside of life and demand that life functions in the way it was created to function. And so, if we were to ascribe to life, an External Creator who determines life’s function, then, the Creator’s Will becomes the point of life. The rest of my writing went quite dark and ended with me saying life seemed pretty pointless.

Back then, I held up 2 possibilities if we were to consider an External Creator. The first possibility was that humans are high functioning beings with wants and desires. As a result, the need for choice could not be escaped because of that very design. However, if the idea of the Creator’s Will being the point of life is the standard, this idea strips an individual of the individual’s will, leaving that individual a shell waiting to be commanded and nothing more. Just like a remote control cannot argue about the reason for its existence. The second possibility was that it is the Creator’s Will that we exist exactly as we have been created, complex and different, free to make our decisions and chase our desires, (I believe I thought this was as long as it did not go against The Creator’s Will, although I cannot be certain of this addition as I have inserted it as I’m writing this, and I distrust my memory), and when we can no more, to die, in a natural process or circle of life. When I considered that, I concluded that the point to life could possibly be defined as the sum of all we amount to or our fate in life. I considered how unfair and uncertain fate is and decided that life seemed pretty pointless. I believed people confused the point to life with what I termed “anchors to life” or reasons for living, such as family, love, friendship etc. I considered that perhaps there was more out there, a world that we are unaware of, but even if we gained all of that knowledge, it would not really matter or change the situation of the world. The way I saw it, I was lucky to have my family, and if that luck persevered, maybe I would have the love I desired. So, for one who’d thought I’d come back to Christ, I had come to a worldly conclusion.

I have come to a third possibility, I believe through God’s providence, which builds on truth within the first and the second possibilities, which I believe is true: If life did not exist, there would be no search for its meaning. The idea that there is a point to life only stems from the very fact that life exists. The point of life cannot be derived from the actions of the people existing as a primary principle, since if life did not exist, there will be no search for its meaning. Life’s point has to exist outside of life and demand that life functions in the way it was created to function. So, we can consider the Force or Power that exists outside of life and demands that life functions the way it has been created, an Immortal Creator (God), able to drive life in the direction He pleases. We can deduce from how precise and intricate creation is that there are no accidents and as such, there must be a clear plan for creation. In our human understanding, we would call a device that fails to do what it was created to do, “faulty”. However if the creator of a device dies, the device does not lose the meaning for its creation and if not faulty, is able to continue existing after its creator is dead. Without God, we would have no meaning since everything will cease to exist. From the point of view of my existence in relationship with God and through Faith, I know that God is the Uncreated Primary Cause, and His creation are created secondary causes.

Humans have been created to be high functioning and complex, having wants and desires, the ability to search out the meaning of its creation, and to participate in it as a driving force. This reveals God’s desire that we have our own will, in order that we choose. However, since God is Creator, He has designed us to exist in the manner we have been created to exist. In order for creation to be, there has to be God’s Design and God’s Law for His creation, which humans participate in as a driving force. It follows that choosing God’s Will keeps us in God’s design, but rejecting God’s Will, throws us out of God’s design for us. To be able to choose at all God’s Will or to reject God’s Will, we would need to know what God’s Will is. This need we have to know of God and His desires, reveals that there is a type of relationship that God desires with humans.

In addition, when one considers that an all-powerful God created the universe, desired humans to know Him, and gave us the free will to choose; I suppose this gives evidence of the nature of God, which is Pure Love, because given the choice, humans can love you or hate you. God chose that vulnerability. God being Love itself, did not force us to love Him out of compulsion even if it meant we could reject Him. This reveals another nature of Love. Love is not driven by the need of one party over the detriment of the other party. So, The Creator has to be a God infinitely more powerful than we can imagine to create the universe, and irrevocably Love to have created us.

It could not be a sadistic situation either for human beings to choose God’s will, given that when one reaches discernment of what love is, we know that Love is pure, Love is good, Love is truth, Love is life, Love wills the best for you, Love is joyful, Love never ends. I can conclude from the nature of love that in living according to God’s will, humans were joyful and full of life at some point. If you consider our current human experience, you will see evidence of a lack of joy, a lack of truth and an abundance of death because of lies, selfishness, cruelty and a disregard for life. It is possible to discern that something must have happened to us to bring about this change from love, joy and life, to what it is now. Something that took us away from God’s will for us. Something that made us broken.

If you look into all the stories in the world which speak of God, none of them relates the nature of God from the point of view of God creating us, in a way that gives a snapshot of God’s Power, Love, Vulnerability, Care, Purity and Loving Relationship with created things, like the God of the Bible does. Nothing else fits.

The Bible, in Genesis explains that our first parents (Adam and Eve) went against God’s will. As a result of this, sin and death came into world, and today we suffer the consequence of those actions. In essence, all the evil, sickness, death and bad that you see in this world is a consequence of sin. The Old testament tells a story of a God who loved the world so much, He set a plan in motion the moment humans sinned and fell away from His Design, in order to save them, because He is a God that does not rejoice in the death of the wicked. In His Divine Plan, He set apart a people for Himself (Israel) through whom He gave the world a Divine Law (The Ten Commandments).

The problem with sin is that it corrupts everything, and one of those things corrupted is the human intellect and the human will. As a result, after the fall, humans did whatever they felt was right in their eyes, which did not necessarily mean it was good, because on the one hand, humans enjoy sinning, and on the other hand, it can sometimes be hard to discern because of the darkened intellect, and also, we do the things that we do not want to do because of a weakened will. God knew the people He set apart for Himself were imperfect, unable to keep the Law, but it was necessary to give the Law so that what is sin may be revealed through the transgression of His Law, so that we come to knowledge of the gravity of sin which is death, so that God’s Justice and Mercy is magnified and so that humans stop destroying themselves and others. We are like foolish toddlers set on killing ourselves through our interaction with the world around us.

Through the Law and the Prophets God provided, He prepared a people for the coming of the Perfect Sacrifice to take away the sin of the world, Jesus Christ. And through the perfect everlasting sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His Son, in the likeness of sinful man, sin was condemned in the flesh. If sin is not condemned, God is not Just, but if there is no mercy, God is not merciful. This is why Christ’s sacrifice is the One Perfect Sacrifice. Jesus received the justice for our sins. Hence, those who have died in the flesh with Christ and now have new life through Christ’s resurrection, have their sins washed away, a regeneration of a new heart and have received an outpouring of the Spirit of God; the Spirit of adoption as heirs of God, being co-heirs with Jesus Christ.

What great love God has for us that while we were still sinners, He sent His Son into the world knowing that He would be killed by humans because the world hates all that is Good, Pure and Holy. Through Jesus’ entry into the world, we see that suffering is an inescapable part of existing in a broken world, but there is dignity and purpose in suffering well, when united with Jesus’ suffering. Through Jesus’ obedience and His sacrifice, God lifted Him up and gave Him a name that is above any other name. So, we know with a knowing that is conviction, a gift from God, that if we live through Him, In Him and With Him, we have the justification of a clean conscience before God, a crown of glory and immortality in God’s presence, where there is fullness of life and peace.

From this third possibility, I can see in fact, that the point of life is relationship with God, and from what I have come to know and believe, I can see that this relationship can only be through Jesus Christ, His Son.

Relationship does not negate religion. It is through the system of religion which Jesus Himself instituted, in establishing His Church, through Peter, “the rock”, and supported by the Apostles, the pillars of the Catholic Church, in a succession that spans nearly two (2) millennia, that we are able to have a relationship with God through Jesus.

The bible points out religious practices which are pleasing to God and those that are not. It never said religion is bad. So, if you’ve heard religion is bad, do a complete 180 and drop such foolish beliefs and doubt the ones or groups that told you that. There might be no malice from them but there is plenty foolishness and a blind man cannot lead a blind man. To accept such a teaching signals a spirit that craves sugary goodness without the pain of submission to authority and yes, there is pain that comes with submission. You are not able to reach pure love of God there or anywhere else other than the Church Jesus founded, which is the ONE, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. That is, if this is your desire.

Old testament:

  • Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

New testament:

  • Jesus speaking: And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church (singular), and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.
  • If any one thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man’s religion is vain. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used as an editing tool.

A great song to listen to!

“Love”

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

I have been going through some things which I shan’t go into details about, but I will say this, I have learnt that a stranger will give love more readily than someone you consider close. Better to run to that stranger, than someone you think is close. But a stranger is a stranger for a reason, and I think as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt…hmmm, or is it disrespect. Better yet, run to God Who never fails.

I flinched when someone told me “I love you.”. It is hard to hear those words when you have been beat up emotionally by the person saying them. The words became easier to digest over time, to understand and to love. I cannot take credit for this transformation. Only God can do this.

I also prayed and hoped to God for something I desired. I moved forward courageously, when I had not a lot of courage, and prayed fervently for His peace. I thought I heard Him say to go forward but things did not work out as I had hoped. I wondered if indeed I had heard Him. Maybe not but also maybe I did. I do know looking back at it from a close distance, I can see that I have learnt some things from the experience so far. I have a richer understanding of what it means when God forgives you. It is written that God forgets your sins when you repent, and He forgives you. It all made sense to me amid a chaotic moment that was unrelated in matter to God’s revelation to me, but congruent in weight or depth of expression. The potent revelation I received made me realize in a striking manner which my soul is wont not to forget, that I will not crucify myself for my mistakes and God does not want me to do so either. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our sins from us”. “I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”

Oh, I felt ecstatic and hopeful when things did not go my way, and instead of grief, I thought to myself that this is all for the Glory of God, for my salvation and the salvation of others. Later on, I felt grief, but it did not overtake me like it had in the past. It made me long for the Heavenly Jerusalem just like Abraham and the saints did. I told Him that perhaps I did hear from Him and I will take this event as discipline. God disciplines those He loves, so He must love me so much. God loves me so much, this I know.

Afterwards, I considered the love between a husband and a wife. I have been trying to have a God-like view of what that dynamic is supposed to look like. I remembered the portion of the bible where St. Peter exhorts wives to treat their husbands in the manner Sarah did, when she obeyed Abraham and called him ‘lord’. I was critical of the word “lord”. What did that mean? It sounded reverent but also, I couldn’t help but think about subjugation combined with inflexibility, judgementality, hypocrisy and inconsideration. I know of a traditional, catholic man who was this way. I also know of a middle class protestant Christian who was very considerate to his wife, he treated his wife like an egg. I know of a rich, liberal man who was conservative when it soothed him, so his wife suffered because he did not help whether by contract or by self, and he did not encourage the best for his wife. Finally, I know of a traditional African man from a largely patriarchal society, who did not want His wife to cook, hired help for her and of his own volition, made arrangements for her to get a higher education. That African man would have been made perfect if in other ways, had he practiced the Christian faith, and yet he was quite generous in nature in a lot of ways and God blessed him. It is an irony that the faithless are able to love in ways that the supposed faithful do not.

My mind also wondered if the vision of calling your husband “lord” could be akin to the victorian era where some men were called lords and some women were called ladies. To them, it might have been a surface synergy of Class meets Class on a level of some sort, but to Christians, should it not be a synergy of joint heirs to the grace of life; one heir of the Kingdom of God to another?

To my mind, I have only one Lord. My mind moved on to another bible verse when I considered how my Lord displayed His Lordship, and in turn taught through his actions and words, how the disciples ought to treat one another. It was on the day He washed their feet, a day before they would desert Him, and one would betray Him. Knowing this, He washed their feet. At another time He said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you; but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave; even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

A lord by this definition is one who is a slave and servant of his wife, and pours himself out completely, without counting the cost, to the point of death. I looked up at the picture of the cross at the moment this came to mind while praying…or perhaps I was looking at it already without registering it. I should have been meditating on the “Crucifixion of Christ” because I was praying the seven sorrows, but my mind had been restless. In any case, the love I am considering is a life-giving love. It is so powerful that I stumbled over my thoughts. A healed woman or a woman open to healing would desire or crave to submit to that man and defend that man wherever she went to. She would sing his praises everywhere and she would be able to trust him.

And so, I asked God, “What man can love like that?” I wondered if it was even possible but then again, I remembered St. Therese of the Child Jesus. I had never gone through any writing of anyone before her, I don’t think, who burned with a desire for martyrdom. No one except Jesus. Although, as I write this now, a few do come to mind. I heard the account of St. Ignatius recently, how he begged the early Christians not to save him from being torn apart by lions. St. Paul as well….oh, and another saint who did evangelical work, but I do not recall his name. All things are possible through God’s grace.

If I am to consider this idea further as I write this, “We love because Christ first loved us.”. The man loves first through dying to himself and calls out a submissive expression of love from the woman. That is not to say that love must always be received for it to be given. On the contrary, I believe there is infinitely more merit in loving when you are not loved. I think one would be better off with a lot of prayer, placing greater scrutiny on the type of dynamic or relationship one chooses to have great proximity to for the rest of their life, and face (focus on) God whether or not they are blessed with this, and if not given, to die with joy and go to God. So, I am in fact considering a healed dynamic or one open to being healed when I write about a submissive expression of love which a man call out of a woman through loving in dying to self. On the other hand, the woman submits even though the man fails, and the man loves sacrificially even when the woman fails. It is easier said than done. That is why one should pray to God if in that situation, that God should help one love. God is always ready and willing to help you love. I know this because He always helped me whenever I asked for help to love….to be patient.

I do not understand the saying that one can love without respecting, perhaps this is why I have difficulty. I subscribe to the bible’s view of love and it is not bound or limited to gender. “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. Looking at this, I cannot believe respect can be separated from love, so, I do not know how one could prefer to be respected over being loved. I wonder though, if the respect some men claim they want is the stroking of their ego, the fanning of their pride. This is what I have observed from a small sample size. But then again, I am not married and some might think me bitter because of it. Ultimately, what do I know except what I have observed, and what is the point I am trying to make by writing all of this?

I suppose the point of this is to share my thoughts, so that in doing so, someone out there does not feel alone in this vastness that is the universe; the point of my blog really, lest I forget.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you can listen to!

Pray the Rosary

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone. Pray the Rosary.

This week, within a short period of time, I started and completed the book “The Secret of the Rosary” written by St. Louis Marie de Montfort, thanks to the audiobook on Spotify. See link here: The Secret of the Rosary

It is the most powerful book I have ever read in my entire life, next to the Bible, that is. The Bible slapped some sense into me, but this book has given me an exponential increase in trust in the Blessed Virgin even as I read it and it has given more meaning to the “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “The Creed”, and the meditations on the life, death and glory of Jesus Christ, which really is all taken from the Bible. I have also realized the importance of praying the Rosary on my knees. My prayer to the Blessed Virgin is to make it as though I was born out of her womb, the same womb that carried Jesus, through the power of Holy Spirit at work, and to be my mom in every way possible it is to be a mom, so I can be like Jesus.

I will leave some beautiful quotes taken from the book here so that your mind might be enlightened.

“For no one can possibly be saved without the knowledge of Jesus Christ. And yet a man who knows absolutely nothing of any of the other sciences will be saved as long as he is illumined by the science of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the Rosary that gives us this science and knowledge of our Blessed Lord, through our meditations on His Life, Death, Passion and Glory.” – St. Louis Marie de Montfort. 

“If only these poor, wretched sinners will say My Rosary, they will share in the merits of My passion and I would be their advocate and I would appease My Father’s Justice. ” – Our Lord to Blessed Alan de la Roche

“There is no other way to arrive at perfection than to meditate on our Lord’s passion” – St. Michael the Archangel sent by our Lord to St. Mary Magdalene. Then he placed a cross in the front of her cave and told her to pray before it contemplating the sorrowful mysteries which she had seen take place with her own eyes. 

“After the Holy sacrifice of the mass, there is no finer devotion than the Holy Rosary, which is like a second memorial and representation of the life and passion of our Lord Jesus Christ” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche

“Whenever a person in a state of grace says the rosary while meditating on the mysteries of the life and passion of Jesus Christ, he obtains full and entire remission of all his sins.” – Our Lady to Venerable Dominic the Carthusian

“Although there are numerous indulgences already attached to the recitation of my Rosary, I shall add many more to every 50 Hail Marys, each group of 5 decades for those who say them devoutly on their knees, being of course free from mortal sin, and whosoever shall persevere in the devotion of the Holy Rosary saying these prayers and meditations shall be rewarded for it. I shall obtain for him full remission of the penalty and of the guilt of all his sins at the end of his life. Do not be unbelieving as though this is impossible. It is easy for me to do because I am the mother of the King of Heaven and He calls me full of Grace and being full of Grace, I am able to dispense Grace freely to my dear children.” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche

I came across many stories that turned my heart to make many prayers to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There was a story of a man who wore a blessed Rosary to get rid of the demons that tormented him and how effective it was at chasing the evil spirits away forever, since the man resolved to wear it night and day. It also talked about a priest who placed a Blessed Rosary around a possessed girl’s neck and how the demons in the girl screamed for it to be taken off, to which the priest did because he worried about the girl. The demons went to priest at night to finish him but the priest had his rosary in his hand and used it to beat the demons. The next day, the priest went to the girl and the demons told him that if he hadn’t had his Rosary they would have finished him, so, the priest placed the Rosary around her neck and commanded the demons to leave by the Sacred Name of Jesus, and that of Mary, His Holy mother and by the power of the Holy Rosary. In another story, there was a Breton soldier called Othère, who wore the Rosary on his arm and carried it on the hilt of his sword as he went off to fight heretics and robbers. His enemies admitted that they had seen his sword gleam and that another time they had noticed a shield on his arm that had pictures of our Lord and our Lady and the saints upon it. This shield made him invincible and gave him the strength to attack well. He defeated 20,000 heretics with only 10 companies and without losing a single man. This impressed the general of the heretic’s army that he came to see Othère afterwards, abjured his heresy and declared publicly that he had seen him surrounded by flaming swords during the battle.

I started wearing my rosary recently because I remembered the advise I got from my mom, back when I had nightmares as a child, to wear the rosary. I had confessed to her about all of my nightmares when one in particular seemed to have broken through into reality. The first time but not the last. (oh, sorry, I just remembered the first time was when I was maybe 5 or younger or a little older by months. I went to my mom but I did not speak about the dream. Because it happens quite often that I remember things after the fact and go back to amend my post, I must apologise in advance. I do not mean to lie.). Anyway, my mom had also given me some Psalms and told me to say them as well as to pray the Rosary but I stopped after a short while. I was too tired to pray and I didn’t want to have to rely on the rosary or on anything or anyone, even if it did work when I prayed. I have known about the power of the rosary from my mom, and an exorcist speak about it when he placed it around a possessed person’s neck but I didn’t know about the things in “The secret of the Rosary”, prior to this week, and I can 100% relate to the stories being said and I resonate so strongly with the emphasis on the meditation on our Lord’s Passion being the way to arrive at perfection, so, I know the Blessed Virgin Mary was leading me to it. 

Anyone who speaks badly or in a reserved manner about people wearing the Rosary should take care in their speech. I have heard the argument for this negative view held by some Catholics being that a pop star wore it as a jewellery, and as such the Rosary should not be worn as Jewellery, as though the Rosary should be considered Jewellery by a Catholic when a Catholic sees it being worn. People wear the Religious habit of priests or Nuns as costumes or even to mock or to blaspheme, but I find it hard to believe this has caused any priest or nun to have a reserve about wearing the Religious Habit or Catholics seeing it being worn because it is supposed to mean something to us. My advice to anyone who may have a reserve towards the religious habit or wearing the Rosary openly would be to try to acknowledge to themselves the real reason they are reserved and set themselves free with the truth. “And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.”.

I have a hard time believing anyone wearing a Rosary openly in the US and Canada is expecting to be loved for wearing it. I questioned myself for days on whether I was afraid to wear it openly, instead of hidden, and the truth is I was, even if I told myself I am at work so, I should not do it. I have been praying for courage and the fervour of the saints because, as I told Jesus, I am lacking in Fervour. I had many thoughts yesterday about how I believe it is a tremendous good to wear the Rosary openly and after the thoughts which I do not quite remember (or perhaps I have shared some in this post already), I asked myself a question, “Then, why are you not wearing the Rosary openly?”. I surprised myself when I pulled out my Rosary in the open. I was conscious about it briefly then I forgot I was wearing it, until I got a stare from a colleague, but no question. My prayer is to have the courage to continue to wear it and to be able answer any question when asked. Another beautiful thing happened before I pulled out my Rosary, I did not shy back from speaking about Jesus and the transformative power of life through Christ to a colleague. I felt so happy. I know it is little since there is still so much to speak about, but to me who lacks courage, it is everything.

Do you know that it was once granted to members of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary, a 100 days indulgence for openly wearing the Rosary out of devotion and to set a good example? I do not know why this was changed.

There are still so many other spiritual benefits of joining the Confraternity and if you already pray the three traditional mysteries (Glorious, Joyful and sorrowful mysteries) in a week, you can join it too. I joined the Confraternity quickly after reading the book. My enrolment date is a future date and on the day I got the email from the Confraternity, I felt as though I could die in peace because I had even gone to confession and attended mass and received Communion that day too. To join the confraternity, use this link: Rosary Confraternity.

Pray the Rosary.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song!

A Dream?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”

This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions. 

In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me. 

I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).

I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.

Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side. 

At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me. 

Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.

The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, before I was 5 years (maybe 4 years), and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. I don’t think the nightmare in Jan 2023 was the norm for me at the time I had it.

Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams over the course of my life of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Discipline

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena

St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. There were times when I went for long hours—once I remember even a full 24 hours—without eating because I simply forgot. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.

4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.

I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”

So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.

I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.

The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Why We Pray

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.

I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.

I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.

I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse but it could have been different), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.

I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.

Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.

While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.

Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.

I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.

I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.

Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.

My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.

So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.

If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

The Forgiveness of Sins

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I suppose I will begin at what I do know.

Yesterday night and today, my mind has been full of the memory of a past dream I had about my dad, close to 3 years ago, in which at the end of it, I started to preach to the people present about the forgiveness of sins, after what I perceived to be my dad’s departure from the land of the living into the Kingdom of Heaven.

I have never done that preaching in real life and to be honest, I do not know how to. I was so full of boldness and conviction in that dream as I preached the forgiveness of sins. At the time I had that dream, I was coming back to a belief in God from a time when I believed in nothing. I had finished reading the book of Mark in order to understand Who Jesus is to me. I had tried to tame my distrust and work on a bible plan on YouVersion and I chose Mark because it is the shortest gospel. I did see things in a new light by the grace of God, to the extent that I could, but at the core, I was still weak in faith and morals, and I did what I wanted and found pleasing, not what God wanted.

The dream I mentioned earlier stuck with me, mostly because I had seen my deceased dad and he’d felt so real to me and somehow, I felt as though he had gone to heaven.

Today, in church, I heard St. Paul say that he does as he ought to do when he preaches the gospel, that it is of no boasting to him, and woe to him if he doesn’t, as it is a necessity that he does so, as he has been entrusted with a commission, and I thought that perhaps I ought to fulfil the dream I had in some way, right now, since I have never really outrightly spoken about the forgiveness of sins.

So, what is the forgiveness of sins, which I wholeheartedly believe and profess?

The truth is that God so loved the world; He loves you and He loves me so very much, that He sent His only Begotten Son, Jesus, so that anyone who believes in Jesus will have eternal life and have it to the fullest. It is the wish of God that we all become His sons and daughters and it is His desire and His good pleasure to give us the Kingdom, every single one of us, the righteous or the sinner, the weak or the strong, the poor or the rich, the despised or the loved, the broken or the healing. He wants you. He wants me. But, we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory and the goodness of God. As such, Jesus made the way for us to be reconciled and bridged back to God, the Father, through the sacrifice of His Life, the sinless for the sinful; and Jesus, He has conquered sin, death and the troubles of the world. If we would but repent, put away our old, sinful ways that bring harm to our souls, and believe in Jesus and all that He has revealed, we will have eternity with Him, living as beloved sons and daughters of God. Be baptized, therefore, in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, as Jesus has commanded and walk in new life in Jesus, remembering always that He is with you always even to the end of age and through it all, and knowing as well, that once we have endured this life, we have a crown of glory waiting for us with God forever.

This is as best as I can tell of the forgiveness of sins in this post. If you would like to learn more, you can go on the YouTube page of Ascension Presents.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A beautiful song you could listen to!

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St. Paul

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Today’s post was written on a night in January. I am convinced I am loved by God no matter what because of St. Paul’s confidence. I believe it is similar to what Fr. Mike Schmitz has explained about our belief not being in isolation when we say the Nicene Creed. We believe in and with a community of believers and are strengthened together in the midst of all believers. My translation of what he’d said anyway. Funny enough, I wrote this post prior to listening to Fr. Mike Schmitz.

It was nighttime that day and I thought of St. Paul as I ate my peppery pasta. I tried to imagine how he must have felt. He’d sinned against God when he persecuted God’s people. I wondered for a moment if he ever went back in his head and heart and felt torture remembering this but as soon as that thought formed, I realized he felt loved because a summarized version of a bible verse which he wrote popped into my head right after.

“Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

I knew with certainty that he felt loved and I felt loved as well by proxy.

Reading the bible verse now, I must admit he says it so much better. His conviction carries through and lifts my heart. So, I shall put it here for you to read, so that your heart will find rest from its torment.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:35-39 (NIV)

08 Jan 2023

“Catalogued thoughts”

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

St. Paul By Cynthia Aralu (Audio Recording)
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2022 In Review

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I started off the year feeling hopeful. I wished to remain hopeful and persevere once again this year.

There were moments I lost hope. I felt hurt. I felt pain. I could not see the light. When I caught myself doing this, I reminded myself to hope once again. I am glad I kept on hoping.

Wonderful things happened to me this year in the midst of life’s turbulence. I got a merit raise. I am thankful to God that I had the courage to ask for a raise…and for the raise as well. The raise didn’t even come to me until 3 months had passed after I had asked. I wanted more in the way of professional development into a future career path I am hopeful for but when I asked I was not given that opportunity.

After a long wait this year, my Canadian PR was approved and in the same month as my mom’s too.

I dealt with unsavoury characters and thrived in a hostile environment. A character showed a softness towards the end of my time in London that I never expected.

I had a conversation with someone about this and she told me we attract everything that happens to us. I don’t agree with what I had been told about attracting all that I am because I have not had unkindness dealt towards me because this is what I put out. I had had a tough time in London. I had met difficult people and the wall I developed was higher than that of the wall of China. I never let myself be soft with these people. I matched their toughness and defended myself. Even though I didn’t fully agree with her, I did wonder if there was some level of truth to what she said. It made me sad. It made me ask myself these questions.

“Is it faith I’m lacking,

Is it hope I’m lacking,

Is it love?

Maybe it’s all.”

– Me (23 Sep 2022)

While I do not agree with her now, I do see how I could have reacted differently to the way I had been treated. I could have been soft towards them while they were terrible to me and rejoiced in it. Now, I see it as a chance I could have used to draw even closer to God. To know His word, To know His Will. To know Him.

I was complacent in my spirituality and I didn’t realize this until I had moved to Canada. I actually had a thought in London prior to moving, “If God is not angry with me because He was still good to me. Then, it must be fine. I must be doing nothing wrong.”

I had a tough time with my job applications in Canada and I thought, “Could God be mad at me?”

I had felt I was good relatively, but upon self examination, I realized I was far from being okay and I resolved to fix things.

I am not quite sure what spurred on my study of the bible.

Was it the funny skit that Ariel Fitzpatrick made. The one where she said, “God answers the prayer of the righteous”. That skit had caused me to pause. I did not feel righteous. I always imagined it impossible to be righteous so, I never really thought I could win there and I never tried, but I did know I am a daughter of The Most High and I am loved regardless of my imperfections.

Was it the bible notification I received which said to “Seek first His kingdom and everything else will be added onto you”. Did that do it?

I know I sensed I was supposed to seek God. Even heard a voice say, “Seek me” at some point. I read about Abraham, who himself was a nomad, and I could relate to him in that aspect of his life. Reading about Abraham made me realize what it meant to be righteous. Obedience to God. Then, I read the Bible even more. I explored devotional plans on YouVersion that I felt I was supposed to read and I learnt more about God and how I have not exactly been living a life that was pleasing to God and it felt ridiculous to me that I had even been complacent.

I found God once again, but also quite differently. This time I care enough to do what pleases Him because he really does care about what I do and I love Him. I think I am still learning and growing to be firm in these things, praying and asking for His help every step of the way.

The year ends soon. I am so hopeful for all the New Year will hold. I am expectant of the blessings God has in store for me and I feel His love for me; His presence in my life.

In the New Year, I hope to have an even stronger understanding of who God is and to live as he would want. I hope for all things good and soft in the New Year. I especially hope to have faith, hope and love, swirling within me and everywhere all around me.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi Everyone! It has been a long while since I posted on my blog and podcast. I got tired early on in the year and it was difficult to create any content for both platforms, although I never did stop writing. Thank you to everyone who were patient with me while I was away. A special shout-out to Eylem Parlak and Matthew Gibson, for liking old posts and reminding me to be here.

I have had this post in drafts since March 13 2022. I read it recently and I absolutely loved it. I hope you do too.

I had the idea to put together mini thoughts I’ve had for a post. I found two in my notes which I have included here. I also included an extra at the end which I wrote later on in April.

The Rick and Morty Epiphany 

I watched S2 ep7 of Rick and Morty and I finally realised why it matters to me that Dean died. Dean was a man I only ever interacted with when he posted his beautiful, dark poetry on IG and he sent me an IG message before he passed on. 

In the dramatic words of Rick: 

“What is life?

How can someone so talented die so young?

What is being young?

I’m not young. I’m old.

I’m — I’m gonna die. ”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Afterlife Argument 

I received my daily bible verse notification and it said:

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” – 1 Peter 5:10

And I felt this way:

The promise, sometimes, feels so abstract. I think of “the now” all the time and only a little ahead, because there are a lot of the things I really can’t control, which looms in a future with multiple possibilities. I’m not “good” because of a promise. I do good for my peace of mind. So, it really does feel abstract to me; the idea of the afterlife. However, I learnt–or rather I saw a post from someone on Twitter and he mentioned something about data persistence and I believe the concept of data persistence lends argument that there must be an afterlife. At the end of the day, I’m too tired to overthink beyond these tiny details, and all I really want to do is to sleep, to laugh, to watch an amazing anime, to listen to mad music and to be loved unconditionally by the ones I choose to love. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Extra: Mom’s Validating Words

In April, I was having a conversation with my mom and she just out of blue said in a matter of fact way that I am successful. She didn’t even pause when she made her point, because that was not actually the point of the message she was trying to drive across to me. I can’t remember what she was trying to tell me but it was just like a passing comment to get to whatever point she was trying to get to. I had to call her back to what she’d just said. I made her explain to me her reasoning behind calling me successful. She’d explained in such a good way that I’d believed her. It was just so true. I felt it deep in my soul that it was true.

I was the one who had previously just not seen myself as successful.

I’m always waiting for some other exciting, better, job opportunity to feel successful and I decided that I have to stop that. 

My mom has a way of validating me without even realizing she’s doing it. She probably feels it is as obvious as the air we breathe.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Thank you reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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