Why We Pray

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.

I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.

I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.

I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse but it could have been different), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.

I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.

Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.

While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.

Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.

I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.

I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.

Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.

My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.

So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.

If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Hey Mom

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I was in church before the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I talked to her like I usually do whenever I stop by. I got the thought to write down some of the things I said to her, as best as I can remember, and it reads like a poem. Here it is:

Hey Mom

Hey mom,

Isn’t it crazy,

How we are all brothers and sisters, 

All gathered under one roof to worship God,

But we are more strangers over being family?

We are all God’s children,

having One Father,

Yet hardly anyone’s gaze envelopes you with warmth,

Hardly anyone’s smile catches you in theirs. 

But I am just the same, aren’t I?

It is so instinctual;

This awkwardness. 

…Mom, did you catch that?

That soft swivel of my head to avoid any misunderstanding,

That my gaze was vastly cool,

That it gave the sense that this brief meeting of eyes,

was nothing more than a coincidence,

nothing more than a watchfulness,

the result of her sudden appearance in my eye’s direction.

I suppose I could have smiled at her,

But I didn’t want her to think me weird.

Hey mom,

How is it that we are more strangers than family?

I had to re-write this poem because of the feedback I got from my younger brother. I took it because ultimately, I want this to read better. But I must say, I teared up when I saw his suggestions. I felt like a horrible writer who could not think of “his refinements”, and I wondered if I could really call this poem mine. Well, it is a learning process, and I will be better next time. Besides, I do not mind sharing this poem with him. I always say he is the better writer.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song. Have a listen!

The Right Time

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I think I have been away for over 6 months (correction: 4 months) and I really owe everyone an apology, including myself because this is really atrocious, haha..

On a serious note, I really tried to block out the thoughts of my blog and my podcast, and push off writing and creating posts because of the effort it takes to make the voice recordings. To be honest, I do not enjoy hearing back the sound of my voice. That is why these voice recordings are kind of weird to me. But, I actually enjoy the entire creating process, so, I don’t know what to say.

I hope everyone is doing okay. It’s been half a year, so, I bet a lot of things have happened in that time for you and for me too. If you care to, you can share in the comment section below.

Particularly for me, I have grown a deeper understanding and love for my faith in these 6 months. I am Catholic, just in case nobody knows. My prayer life has been more regular than it has ever been before and I am happy about that. I pray for final perseverance.

I will say for the most part I feel clueless nowadays. I don’t understand a lot of things and I fear God is speaking to me but I do not understand His message because of my short-sightedness. I say this because a recent bible passage from “The Bible in a Year” podcast, mirrored my actions and prayers. It is quite uncanny because this has happened to me twice now, first at the start of the year when this same feeling was strong and again recently, this week actually. I really do not know how clueless I can be as to what God is trying to tell me. I am a bit frustrated with myself. Pray for me that I have clarity. I just paused to pray for it too. Weird how I don’t recall praying for it before now. but perhaps I did.

Maybe I know the answer but I do not want to believe it. haha. And that is quite sad when I think about it.

The answer I can see is that God has sent His angel to take care of it.

So, if that is the case, then I am thankful to God for answered prayers.

Sidebar: I wrote this around midnight. I don’t know how I’m gonna put this all together. But, I created this post around midnight and I was like I’ll go to bed, wake up, say my prayer, come back, record this, and then finish the entire process of creating this. So, while I was on instagram, when I woke up in the morning, I saw an instagram post about “Let God take care of it. Open up the Word and listen to what God is trying to tell you”. So, I decided to listen to today’s bible verses on the Bible in a year. And something stuck out to me: “If you will not believe surely you shall not be established.” And that put a serious fear within me. Because I obviously do not want to be the one who is stopping God’s blessings from getting to me. Because we can do that to ourselves without realizing. So, I said a prayer, “I believe. Lord, heal my unbelief.” And I do believe that there is nothing God cannot do. I think it is that I cannot imagine the strength of His love for me. That’s where the unbelief comes from. I just need to trust in His love for me. To trust in His provision and to just trust in God. I will be back to give a testimony once it is all fully revealed to me by God.

Anyway, I drove recently; this Tuesday to be precise. Not a lot though. I have a learner’s licence here in Canada, so, I have to actually practice driving. Before this week though, the last time I was behind the wheel was 6 years ago. It felt different on Tuesday. I did not have the crippling nerves like 6 years ago. It was almost nice. It could be because my new friend, who was calm throughout, was in the passenger seat and not my brother. I love my brother but I remember him yelling 6 years ago and that was not fun. My friend, on the other hand, was using his phone at some point and when I asked him if he was afraid, he told me he wasn’t and that was his reason for using his phone. I might also have almost enjoyed driving now because I am older and calmer when it comes to handling “new things”, haha, but just a little bit calmer. But maybe that “little” makes such a huge difference on my temperament. I honestly just want to get the learning phase over with so I can move on from it. My impatience is unreal but I am trying to reel it all in. Lastly, it is definitely because I have been praying for a better experience this time around.

During the drive, I mentioned to my friend that my dad is not alive and he was so shocked and sad for me. My dad died when I was 5. It has been such a long time, which I tried to explain to him. Then He asked if my mom ever remarried or if I had any male role models growing up and my answer was “No.” He was amazed by that. I know he meant well, but his questions made me consider how much I might have lacked not having my dad. I had claimed God as my Father a long time ago when I was in bed in London and the memory of my mom’s prayer from when I was a child came to my mind. “You are The Father to the fatherless, The Husband to the widow.” I had said the same to my friend too.

However, when I was alone, I could not help but feel deficient and some things made sense to me. So, I thought it might explain why I never learnt to ride a bike. Maybe I might have been forced to learn how to drive a car, if he’d lived. I don’t know. Perhaps if my dad didn’t die, I would have gotten more confident in my childhood. But also, I would have been so spoiled, like one of those spoilt rich kids, or maybe not, since my mom was so strict. I don’t know. I wondered how else my personality might have been affected. Am I overly independent as a result of his death? Do I contemplate a lot about dying because of his death? Am I unable to form tangible relationships with the opposite sex as a result? Do I distrust the tangibility of human connections just a little bit? haha..

It is pointless to imagine what might have been and yet my mind wondered briefly. My dad is a hero in my memory. I loved him easily and missed him without wondering what the emotion was. Secondary school was hard for me at one point, so, I had informed my mom, out of blue, one morning, just before we got into the car, on our way to the church where I would catch my school bus, that I was okay with her remarrying, all because I wanted a dad.

I am an adult now though and have lived a considerable portion of my life without my father. I suppose thinking these things about deficiencies stirred up some feelings of inadequacies in general about myself, one such being my inability to drive competently. I probably have to address those feelings with myself. I am not my driver status. lol. and I am working towards getting it changed, and that is all that matters.

I have been a late bloomer when it comes to getting over certain milestones in my life. One such being my confirmation in the Catholic Church. I kind of conveniently pushed off attending classes run by my secondary school because I did not understand why I should do it, and my mom did not come down too hard on me for not going. Maybe because she didn’t realize I was not attending though. lol. Because of that, I ended up getting confirmed later, along with my younger sister, at her own school’s program.

I think I was a bit embarrassed then too that I had not completed it when I was younger. However, looking back now, I think I did it at the right time. I was more receptive to the message that God loves me. I think it is the only thing I remember from those classes. I had received the message with so much shock and pleasure; it is so strange, because I don’t know why it had felt personal to me to read about it in a book the instructors made to teach us with. It was like hearing it for the first time; the idea of a personal relationship with God and I felt loved.

So, perhaps, that is how I ought to look at everything else in my life that I do not have or I have not done. Perhaps, it really isn’t the right time for me.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

The Right Time by Cynthia Aralu (Audio Recording)
A song suggestion. Have a Listen! (mol-74「0.1s」)

Community

By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary

Today’s post is really about the importance of community. Sometimes, I do not really have the words the convey my thoughts and feelings. So, I rely on past words from myself and others to convey my heart.

———————————————-

The first mini write-up are the words from a priest’s sermon that has been stuck in my head since I heard it in 2017/2018.

A Priest’s Sermon

“If God is community, why go it alone?”

– Fr Uche of St. Joseph’s Catholic Church New Malden, London

———————————————-

In the second mini write-up, I realized my family and I always had community even if we may not have always seen them.

To Those Left Behind 

I attended a mid week prayer session on Clubhouse and one of the speakers while praying, said some words for the people who passed away. She went further to add a prayer:

“And for those left behind…” Her words came through my phone’s speaker. 

Maybe I have heard this line in prayers a million times before. However, at that mid week prayer session, it felt like the first time I had heard a prayer for the ones left behind. The words “Left behind” really registered in my mind because it described exactly how I felt after my father died. My anger had been great that I had been left behind. But even more important than my past anger which all dissipated a long time ago, I was surprised that we’d been prayed for by people who knew us and those who didn’t, and that we were constantly being included in the gathering of believers who said the same prayer. 

“Were we prayed for?” That was my thought as I’d heard her prayer. Just how much were we bolstered as a family by these prayers by no faces, even when we could have been defeated? I just think there is something powerful about that.

I am grateful to have had the support of all who said that prayer and I am humbled at the immensity of the community that is found within the Church. 

– Me (28 May 2022)

———————————————-

The third is an indulgence in retrospection on the importance of having your own community, even more important when you are having a bad time.

Isolation 

People are peculiar when they say because they are going through it, they cannot make the required effort to keep relationships going. Basic contact to say Hi . I have been through it. And by it, I mean periods of mental incapacity. 

I think in all of it, through all of my internal cries for help, it was my isolation that killed me most.

– Me (08 Sep 2022)

———————————————-

To wrap up today’s post, I am reminded of the words of Albaner C. Eugene, when he spoke of surface relationships. He likened the relationship that God calls us to have with Him as one which is intimate and draws a parallel to the type of relationship he would prefer to have with his community. There is reciprocity in intimacy…true intimacy, that is, which asks of us to be vulnerable with each other. I am reminded as well of a conclusion I made about Jesus from reading the book of Mark; Jesus was okay being vulnerable regardless of being all knowing. I suppose I have been blessed with my family, that I can indeed be vulnerable with them. My mind draws back to a time when I was comfortable being vulnerable with friends until I found it difficult to trust. I suppose I would like to change that. I would like to build meaningful, deeper friendships.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Community By Cynthia Aralu (Audio Recording)
Listen On My Podcast (Amara’s Musings)
A Song Suggestion: Red Rocks Worship – Things Of Heaven feat. Elyssa Smith (The Other Side)

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The worst thing that ever happened to me was when my little sister, as a kid, slipped down the stairs of our home and slammed the back of her head against the edge of the last step. I remember watching her lifeless body lifted up at the base of the staircase, not too far from the scene of the accident, and we gathered round, all scared. I’m not sure who did the lifting. Probably my mom. I know they certainly yelled her name repeatedly but she did not respond. I thought for sure she was dead, so I gave a blood curdling scream, but no one looked in my direction. To be fair, I don’t think they heard. Somehow in my head, I’d believed that nothing as bad as my dad dying could ever happen to us anymore because we had had our fair share of tragedy.

I took slight steps back, rapidly going into shock, when that child opened her eyes and moved around like nothing had happened. Our enquiry of her well-being yielded a positive answer. My older brother, unsatisfied with the answer, did the “how many fingers can you see” test. Mind you, he was only 3 years older than her. We waited patiently, with bated breaths, for her answer and laughed with delirious relief, when it was the right one. I think she was checked out by a doctor later on. 

She had a secondary school entrance exam that same day and she went for it like none of this had happened. We never talk about that day and I never think about it. I don’t know what has sprung this memory to my mind now. It makes me cry. It also fills me with gratitude to God. 

That child is now an adult and she still constantly amazes me with her mind, her heart and her hustle spirit.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

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