Category Archives: Hope

For An Increase in Faith

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone. Remember to pray the Rosary!

I suppose I should say Happy New Year, or rather, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. The future feels overwhelmingly long, so I’m choosing to follow Jesus’ words and focus on today, because each day has enough worries of its own. I’m thankful to God for His forgiveness, for helping me to keep praying, for holding me close, and for never letting me go. I’m aware of how often I fall short in loving Him as I should. It is a source of unhealthy grief and I don’t believe it helps me, however, my knowledge of what helps me is limited, so there is a chance that even in this conclusion, I am wrong. Since, in all things, God works for good, for those who love Him. Life moves so quickly, so I’m trying to take things slower and to be at peace with the things I cannot control.

I wrote most of this post, perhaps on the first week of last December, but never got around to sharing it. I’m glad I finally am.

This is a post about faith. It feels connected with a recent encounter I had with a man on a plane on the eve of Christmas, who’d introduced himself as Anglican, whom I’d come to realise was lacking in faith, love and perhaps, hope. I was moved to pray for him and his family, and as well for an increase in faith in myself; not that the encounter led me to doubt but because I know I am not infallible. After this prayer, I soon realized that I too, through a lack of knowledge and unaddressed doubt or should I say “confusion”, was lacking in faith. It was ugly but thanks to God, it did not last, because it is the very nature of faith to carry on even when knowledge lags behind, and I am grateful for the ministry of reconciliation. So here I am, praying that Jesus saves me from this body of death. Thanks be to God, for He has loved me enough to show me, so I know His work is not finished yet.

To have faith when you have been let down over and over again is not an easy thing to do. I don’t think I was always skeptical. I think it became my defense mechanism against the lies I was always so gullible to believe growing up, lies that did not even make sense. I believe it played a role in me falling out of faith when I became much older, although I cannot say it was the only reason. In a world full of deception, selfishness, cruelty, disregard for life and limitations, it is better to put your faith in God, who is Truth, Love, Life and Unchanging, than to put your faith in man.

The bible says, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for. The conviction of things not seen”. I recall writing a post about the point of life a little close to five years ago, April 4, 2021, to be exact (as seen in my notes). This was at a time I had returned back to a belief in God, as more of a unshakable conviction than a logical conclusion. I must add that no matter what logical conclusion one has, without a conviction, one is not able to come to faith, because not everything is seen or known, no matter how smart the argument sounds for the existence of God; this is because we are quite foolish after all, and the wisdom of men is foolishness to God. Once one has faith, all other argument contrary to the existence of God, or suggestions that it is impossible to know, becomes utter foolishness and is rejected with a vim, “God forbid”. This is because it is the character of faith to know, with a conviction reverberating throughout your very being, without knowing everything.

In any case, I read my writing from years ago and it seemed bizarre to me. I am also uncertain in totality what I believed in, since I did not see any point of life back then, even after believing in God. From reading my writing, I can only conclude that I lacked hope. I also lacked the things which people would typically state as the point of life, and what I did have, was so distant, that I could not latch on to the idea of it. From a place of poverty, I’d set out to write out my thoughts in order to prove that there was no meaning to life, however, by God’s providence, I ended up proving to myself, logically, that God exists.

I argued back then that the actual search for a point to life is futile because if life did not exist, there would be no search for its meaning. To my mind back then, the idea of a point to life only stemmed from life’s existence so, it was inaccurate for people to say helping others is in essence what gives life meaning, because the point to life could not stem from the actions of the people existing. I believed life’s point had to exist outside of life and demand that life functions in the way it was created to function. And so, if we were to ascribe to life, an External Creator who determines life’s function, then, the Creator’s Will becomes the point of life. The rest of my writing went quite dark and ended with me saying life seemed pretty pointless.

Back then, I held up 2 possibilities if we were to consider an External Creator. The first possibility was that humans are high functioning beings with wants and desires. As a result, the need for choice could not be escaped because of that very design. However, if the idea of the Creator’s Will being the point of life is the standard, this idea strips an individual of the individual’s will, leaving that individual a shell waiting to be commanded and nothing more. Just like a remote control cannot argue about the reason for its existence. The second possibility was that it is the Creator’s Will that we exist exactly as we have been created, complex and different, free to make our decisions and chase our desires, (I believe I thought this was as long as it did not go against The Creator’s Will, although I cannot be certain of this addition as I have inserted it as I’m writing this, and I distrust my memory), and when we can no more, to die, in a natural process or circle of life. When I considered that, I concluded that the point to life could possibly be defined as the sum of all we amount to or our fate in life. I considered how unfair and uncertain fate is and decided that life seemed pretty pointless. I believed people confused the point to life with what I termed “anchors to life” or reasons for living, such as family, love, friendship etc. I considered that perhaps there was more out there, a world that we are unaware of, but even if we gained all of that knowledge, it would not really matter or change the situation of the world. The way I saw it, I was lucky to have my family, and if that luck persevered, maybe I would have the love I desired. So, for one who’d thought I’d come back to Christ, I had come to a worldly conclusion.

I have come to a third possibility, I believe through God’s providence, which builds on truth within the first and the second possibilities, which I believe is true: If life did not exist, there would be no search for its meaning. The idea that there is a point to life only stems from the very fact that life exists. The point of life cannot be derived from the actions of the people existing as a primary principle, since if life did not exist, there will be no search for its meaning. Life’s point has to exist outside of life and demand that life functions in the way it was created to function. So, we can consider the Force or Power that exists outside of life and demands that life functions the way it has been created, an Immortal Creator (God), able to drive life in the direction He pleases. We can deduce from how precise and intricate creation is that there are no accidents and as such, there must be a clear plan for creation. In our human understanding, we would call a device that fails to do what it was created to do, “faulty”. However if the creator of a device dies, the device does not lose the meaning for its creation and if not faulty, is able to continue existing after its creator is dead. Without God, we would have no meaning since everything will cease to exist. From this point of view of our existence in relationship with God, it suggests that God is the Uncreated Primary Cause, and His creation are created secondary causes.

Humans have been created to be high functioning and complex, having wants and desires, the ability to search out the meaning of its creation, and to participate in it as a driving force. This reveals God’s desire that we have our own will, in order that we choose. However, since God is Creator, He has designed us to exist in the manner we have been created to exist. In order for creation to be, there has to be God’s Design and God’s Law for His creation, which humans participate in as a driving force. It follows that choosing God’s Will keeps us in God’s design, but rejecting God’s Will, throws us out of God’s design for us. To be able to choose at all God’s Will or to reject God’s Will, we would need to know what God’s Will is. This need we have to know of God and His desires, reveals that there is a type of relationship that God desires with humans.

In addition, when one considers that an all-powerful God created the universe, desired humans to know Him, and gave us the free will to choose; I suppose this gives evidence of the nature of God, which is Pure Love, because given the choice, humans can love you or hate you. God chose that vulnerability. God being Love itself, did not force us to love Him out of compulsion even if it meant we could reject Him. This reveals another nature of Love. Love is not driven by the need of one party over the detriment of the other party. So, The Creator has to be a God infinitely more powerful than we can imagine to create the universe, and irrevocably Love to have created us.

It could not be a sadistic situation either for human beings to choose God’s will, given that when one reaches discernment of what love is, we know that Love is pure, Love is good, Love is truth, Love is life, Love wills the best for you, Love is joyful, Love never ends. I can conclude from the nature of love that in living according to God’s will, humans were joyful and full of life at some point. If you consider our current human experience, you will see evidence of a lack of joy, a lack of truth and an abundance of death because of lies, selfishness, cruelty and a disregard for life. It is possible to discern that something must have happened to us to bring about this change from love, joy and life, to what it is now. Something that took us away from God’s will for us. Something that made us broken.

If you look into all the stories in the world which speak of God, none of them relates the nature of God from the point of view of God creating us, in a way that gives a snapshot of God’s Power, Love, Vulnerability, Care, Purity and Loving Relationship with created things, like the God of the Bible does. Nothing else fits.

The Bible, in Genesis explains that our first parents (Adam and Eve) went against God’s will. As a result of this, sin and death came into world, and today we suffer the consequence of those actions. In essence, all the evil, sickness, death and bad that you see in this world is a consequence of sin. The Old testament tells a story of a God who loved the world so much, He set a plan in motion the moment humans sinned and fell away from His Design, in order to save them, because He is a God that does not rejoice in the death of the wicked. In His Divine Plan, He set apart a people for Himself (Israel) through whom He gave the world a Divine Law (The Ten Commandments).

The problem with sin is that it corrupts everything, and one of those things corrupted is the human intellect and the human will. As a result, after the fall, humans did whatever they felt was right in their eyes, which did not necessarily mean it was good, because on the one hand, humans enjoy sinning, and on the other hand, it can sometimes be hard to discern because of the darkened intellect, and also, we do the things that we do not want to do because of a weakened will. God knew the people He set apart for Himself were imperfect, unable to keep the Law, but it was necessary to give the Law so that what is sin may be revealed through the transgression of His Law, so that we come to knowledge of the gravity of sin which is death, so that God’s Justice and Mercy is magnified and so that humans stop destroying themselves and others. We are like foolish toddlers set on killing ourselves through our interaction with the world around us.

Through the Law and the Prophets God provided, He prepared a people for the coming of the Perfect Sacrifice to take away the sin of the world, Jesus Christ. And through the perfect everlasting sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His Son, in the likeness of sinful man, sin was condemned in the flesh. If sin is not condemned, God is not Just, but if there is no mercy, God is not merciful. This is why Christ’s sacrifice is the One Perfect Sacrifice. Jesus received the justice for our sins. Hence, those who have died in the flesh with Christ and now have new life through Christ’s resurrection, have their sins washed away, a regeneration of a new heart and have received an outpouring of the Spirit of God; the Spirit of adoption as heirs of God, being co-heirs with Jesus Christ.

What great love God has for us that while we were still sinners, He sent His Son into the world knowing that He would be killed by humans because the world hates all that is Good, Pure and Holy. Through Jesus’ entry into the world, we see that suffering is an inescapable part of existing in a broken world, but there is dignity and purpose in suffering well, when united with Jesus’ suffering. Through Jesus’ obedience and His sacrifice, God lifted Him up and gave Him a name that is above any other name. So, we know with a knowing that is conviction, a gift from God, that if we live through Him, In Him and With Him, we have the justification of a clean conscience before God, a crown of glory and immortality in God’s presence, where there is fullness of life and peace.

From this third possibility, I can see in fact, that the point of life is relationship with God, and from what I have come to know and believe, I can see that this relationship can only be through Jesus Christ, His Son.

Relationship does not negate religion. It is through the system of religion which Jesus Himself instituted, in establishing His Church, through Peter, “the rock”, and supported by the Apostles, the pillars of the Catholic Church, in a succession that spans nearly two (2) millennia, that we are able to have a relationship with God through Jesus.

The bible points out religious practices which are pleasing to God and those that are not. It never said religion is bad. So, if you’ve heard religion is bad, do a complete 180 and drop such foolish beliefs and doubt the ones or groups that told you that. There might be no malice from them but there is plenty foolishness and a blind man cannot lead a blind man. To accept such a teaching signals a spirit that craves sugary goodness without the pain of submission to authority and yes, there is pain that comes with submission. You are not able to reach pure love of God there or anywhere else other than the Church Jesus founded, which is the ONE, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. That is, if this is your desire.

Old testament:

  • Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

New testament:

  • Jesus speaking: And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church (singular), and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.
  • If any one thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man’s religion is vain. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used as an editing tool.

A great song to listen to!

No Small Feat

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Here’s your reminder to pray the Rosary.

Today, I am going to share my journey towards obtaining my driver’s license in Alberta. It has been filled with setbacks, imperfections, and difficult moments. Yet through it all, I’m thankful that God sustained me, never let me go, and faithfully brought me to the other side.

It all began in 2023 with me studying for the knowledge test. It took me such a long time to go through the driving manual from front to back. Still, I failed the knowledge test on my first try and barely passed on my second attempt. By God’s grace, I managed to guess the last few questions correctly and scored 25 out of 30—the minimum passing mark. I was overjoyed. I had assumed I would fail again with only maybe one or two questions left, so this felt like a miracle. I want to preface this by saying that many people do pass on their first try—like my older brother, whose “really?” face I still remember, when he heard I had failed. I don’t think the knowledge test in Alberta is excessively difficult. It was just challenging for me.

The next hurdle was learning to drive on the road. I enrolled in a driving school’s program that included an online course and road course package. Completing the program would earn me a certificate that could help reduce insurance costs and shorten the Class 5 GDL (probationary license) period from two years to 18 months. Driving was tougher than I expected. Ten hours of instruction didn’t seem enough. My instructor suggested more practice, so I drove occasionally with my older brother and rarely with a friend who lent me his car. The driving school required me to meet a certain score on their evaluation sheet before issuing the certificate.

In late 2023, I paused lessons because of winter approaching and the thought of driving induced a lot of anxiety. But when spring or summer arrived in 2024, I reached out to the school, determined to earn the certificate. I completed 18 hours of road training in total with the school before she declared me road-ready and issued the certificate, but I still didn’t feel confident. My heart would pound every time I sat behind the wheel. The criticisms I’d heard were loudest.

I took my first driving test using a registry car. Its analog accelerator gauge was unfamiliar, and its acceleration was jerky and the brakes required extra pressure than I was used to, so my nerves grew, and I missed a stop sign while entering a parking lot. We didn’t get on the highway. On my second attempt, I had the same tester. My anxiety was worse. He believed I should’ve paused for a vehicle with the right-of-way, but I proceeded, thinking I had enough space and time. I failed again. I don’t clearly remember the next four tests. At one point, I even considered taking herbal medicine to calm myself down but I don’t think I wanted to rely on that so, ultimately I decided to leave everything to God. I prayed a daily novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots (although it is supposed to end at 9 days), even when I wasn’t driving. After I failed the 6th road test, which I’d felt God called me to go ahead and take, I took a break from testing in 2024. During this final test of 2024 (attempt #6), I sensed the anxious feeling quietly leave me while I drove. I realised that praying the Novena to Our Lady undoer of knots daily worked so I continued it.

Around Christmas time, I drove with my sister. Her presence felt calm, safe, and warm. I did not sense any anxiety in me or her. She let me know after the drive that I could drive, made small mistakes and I just needed more confidence.

In 2025, I resumed lessons with a different school. After a series of sessions, my instructor informed me that I could drive and he seemed almost guilty to take my money for more sessions. He recommended driving on my own with some support. I felt hesitant reaching out to him again, but I eventually trained with another instructor from the same school who helped me improve in areas I knew I struggled with.

In 2024, I had purchased prescription polarised sunglasses, and found out that driving in socks helped me control speed and steering better. But by 2025, I realised I could still manage with snug shoes even though wearing socks gave me better control, and I felt comfortable enough to not rely on the prescription polarized glasses. Most importantly, my heart no longer raced uncontrollably while driving, although a trace of apprehension lingered before the drive. So, I assumed I was calm while driving.

I failed my first road test this year (attempt #7) due to visual and spatial awareness challenges. I missed crucial road markings and misjudged the lane of an approaching car as I attempted a right turn. The tester applied the brakes. He allowed me to complete the test and I could surmise from the skills assessment I received that I would have passed if not for that mistake. His assessment gave me hope so, I rebooked another test about two weeks later, believing I could succeed.

I still didn’t wear my prescription polarised sunglasses. My plan was simple: if am unsure, I’d just let others go first. I wanted to drive in socks, since it had noticeably improved my speed and steering control during the earlier test. But during a lesson prior to my next attempt (#8), my instructor had noticed and insisted I wear shoes. Even though he was not present for my test, I didn’t want to be disobedient, and I wanted to honor him, so I complied. To be clear, I can drive with shoes. It’s just harder to sense the pressure I’m applying to the pedals due to low proprioception. That low sensory feedback means I could unintentionally speed—and in a test situation where everything is heightened, that is too risky. Speeding can happen in a heartbeat. So, it did on my second test. I went 40 in a 30 zone—an automatic fail. The tester let me finish the test and once again, from his assessment, I would have passed if not for that slip. I begged him to reconsider, pleading for mercy. But he refused, saying, “I cannot lie”. I was surprised by his wording. I hadn’t viewed my plea as asking him to lie—just asking for mercy.

I can’t say that I felt I had done something wrong for begging. I had even told my younger brother that maybe I should’ve begged during the first test this year (attempt #7), but I’d wanted to follow the process. Later that day, though, I reflected on the tester’s words. I had asked him for something that could compromise his integrity. And he’d declined. I felt terrible for asking, not because I intended deceit, but because I realized I had tempted him to sin. I genuinely believed mercy to be in the hands of the person who you plead your case with, and in this instance, it was this man. But, I suppose he is human and not God; and he has his responsibilities and I was placing the wrong request on him.

I felt a distrust start to creep in that God was not going to help me. Not even because He couldn’t, because He is God and He is all powerful, but because there must be a good from me failing that I cannot see or understand. I had prayed. I had faith. I worked hard (to the best of my ability), and yet I failed, even though I knew how to drive. It didn’t make sense. Life didn’t make sense. I felt kicked, beaten, and abandoned at the curbside. I felt truly defeated and I caught myself slipping back into old pattern of swearing as I spoke to my brother. It was like watching myself from the outside, stunned: I’m swearing. Why am I swearing?. By God’s grace, I stopped even though the pull was there to continue.

I considered taking a break from testing for a while. But my younger brother said “no”—firmly. He insisted I could drive and just needed to be careful. He hadn’t seen me drive, but he believed in me because minus one error I would have passed. He urged me to book another test right there at the registry. I sat on a bench close to registry, under the hot sun for a long time, until I finally went in. Later on, my sister echoed her encouragement. She worried I sounded defeated about the next test I had booked. But I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t guarantee a different outcome. I gave thanks to God, but praying felt difficult. I felt sinful and like a failure in both my spiritual life and my earthly efforts. I felt abandoned by God and not helped by Him. Yet, I knew God had helped me because I remembered how I used to drive with my heart racing uncontrollably. And now I don’t. That change was real, even if I didn’t feel helped. I felt like nothing.

Before my first road test this year (attempt #7), I had prayed earnestly for God’s guidance—should I postpone or proceed? In the final moments leading up to the test, my prayers were answered. I received an unexpected opportunity to practice, and the weather shifted dramatically in my favor, contrary to the forecast. Even my Uber driver remarked on how beautiful the day was. I gave thanks to God out loud, taking it as a greenlight from Him to go forward. So, when I failed, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why would God tell me to go ahead if I was going to fail? I know it was definitely for good but I could not understand it. Maybe I thought I heard wrong but the answered prayers were so clear.

Prior to my second road test of this year (attempt #8), by God’s providence, I stumbled upon the story in Scripture where the Israelites (11 tribes), sought God’s guidance on whether to go to battle against the tribe of Benjamin (1 tribe). God told them to go, and they lost. Twice. It was only after they wept, fasted, offered sacrifice to God and returned to ask, not just whether they should fight, but whether they would triumph, that God assured them of victory. And they did. That story stayed with me and I decided to act like the Israelites: I fasted and prayed, seeking God’s voice not just for permission, but for outcome. During Mass, a passage was read about Jacob (Israel) wrestling with the God—a relentless grip for blessing—and leaving with a limp. That same day, my ball and socket joint had flared up and I limped slightly too, so, in my spirit, I concluded God had blessed me as well. I took it as a sign that I would pass. I can’t remember if anything else affirmed that conclusion, but I decided to have faith. So when I failed, my confusion came back, and I think I began to wonder if I’d been hearing my own voice all along and mistaking it for God’s voice. I questioned whether I had ever heard from God ever in my life. I questioned whether people deluded themselves when they said God spoke to them. I believe I concluded from scripture that God truly speaks to those He loves… or perhaps I concluded God speaks to those who truly love Him. Unclear at this point, but I think both are valid.

I went to confession the day after my 8th attempt. The priest told me that God’s message to me that day was the same one He gave to St. Paul: My grace is sufficient for you. St. Paul’s words came to me also: “I will boast all the more of my weakness”. He counselled me to trust in God’s grace and mercy, but I struggled to understand what it really meant to trust God’s mercy and grace, or what it meant to have faith or how to have faith. I questioned whether my faith was ever genuine because of my poor actions.

Daily, I ask God to interrupt my plans if they’re not aligned with His plan for me, and to move me into conformity with His plans. I’d heard someone online say this prayer, loved it and adopted it. In this time, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just my prayer coming true. I felt a slight temptation to stop but I continued it because genuinely deep down, it is what I want even if my being revolts against it. 

I had been told by the priest at confession that the ability to do better is a gift from God and that I have it. So, in the six days leading up to attempt #9, I looked inward: what could I do better? I remembered my Apple Watch alerting me that my resting heart rate had hit 120 bpm before the previous test so, I’d removed it prior to the test to avoid distractions. I decided to check the data for the period I practiced, and my heart rate had climbed to 132 bpm. I think at the time I may have thought my baseline or lowest heart rate to be in the 50s, but I can say now that it got as low as 50 bpm on July 15th (a day before the test). So, I think it is safe to take that as a baseline. The thing is I never sensed any rise. In the past, I would hear my heart race uncontrollably but that stopped and I assumed I was calm, but the reading said otherwise. I realized my body had adapted to driving under pressure. However, the anxiety slipped into my feet, triggering unconscious sensory-seeking behavior to ground/regulate me: pressing harder on the accelerator (tactile/proprioceptive input) without noticing, due to low proprioception. I recalled all my reading last year (which I believe were guided by God) about proprioception and sensory seeking, which I’d pushed aside and did not prioritise because I didn’t feel qualified as a doctor to give a diagnosis. But on considering all of this, I decided to drive in socks on my last road test.

A day before the test, I noticed the early morning sun—mild for most—felt intense to my eyes. I got a headache and felt nauseous. I considered that perhaps my eyes could be sensitive to the sun, considering other times when I had the same reaction to what appeared to be low intensity sun but read to my eyes as high intensity. I’ve also had moments when the road appeared washed out and made it impossible to detect bends or markings but I can’t say I truly fully believed I had visual sensitivity even though I purchased prescription polarised sunglasses. I’d held back from wearing them while driving this year because I did not want to seem arrogant to the examiner and I seemed to be doing better without wearing them, but I suppose when this happened, I decided not to take any chances.

Another thing that helped me was that I stopped obsessing over each driving maneuver. I simply got in the car and drove on my 1-hour practice a day before, and my 1-hour practice the day of the test and also on the test. I also prayed “God forbid” whenever I felt trepidation sinking into my gut, and the fear retreated. This made me suspicious that perhaps, there was a problem which the enemy capitalised on and so the fear became excessive. To my mind, “God forbid” was my way of praying to God to rebuke it and also me coming out of agreement with it. I enlisted the help of everyone in Heaven (I believe), including my Guardian Angel, and I also braced my mind to accept whatever type of road condition I face. I stumbled upon an encouraging video about John Gurdon, a Nobel Prize winner in Physiology or Medicine, whose teacher had told him his ambition of being a scientist were ridiculous and a waste of time because he was bottom of a class of 250. I suppose it is already striking to me that he won a Nobel Prize in Medicine but what stood out most to me was what he said upon being congratulated and told the teacher was wrong. His response was, “Are you sure? You don’t know how many times I have done experiments that don’t work”. It was all humorous with a tinge of truth. The video spoke of perseverance and it felt God-sent.

I took my third road test this year (attempt #9) wearing prescription polarised sunglasses and socks. I passed with only 30 points off, the maximum allowed being 75, and I looked cool doing it to the glory of God. The points off were for hesitation and judgment related to hesitation (I’d wanted to be safe and to pass, and I got honked at once at a red light, where I thought it safest to wait for the person with the right of way to go by, but I’m supposing in the tester’s judgment it was not enough to fail). I learnt later on at Mass that that day (July 16th) was the Feast Day of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. When I considered it, it felt like a gentle Heavenly wink. This road test was harder than the previous two. I was taken through unfamiliar roads for the most part, which were busy, had tight corners, and construction zones. Yet, I was able to apply every lesson from my past training, including those failure had taught me. I had the same examiner as the last two times (attempt #7 and #8). This time, he opened the car door to inspect my parkings (parallel and downhill)—something he hadn’t done before and none of the testers before him ever did. I suppose he was being thorough. Good man.

Later on, I checked my heart rate data. From what is available to me, it appears to have started at 113 bpm, but during the test, it dipped into the 70s, peaked at 80 before settling at 77 bpm at 11:04 a.m. The test finished at 11:07 a.m. and I don’t have data for 3 minutes. But, essentially I was at resting heart rate for a time. And I said to myself: God is real. My heart rate seemed to spike up after the test at maybe 11:11a.m. to 127 to 130 bpm, but my assumption is that at that time, I was expecting to hear I had failed again, as I waited for his corrections to be over, but instead I heard him say I passed and that I should go inside to upgrade my license.

Someone I told about passing the test, praised my perseverance—but I overheard them say they didn’t think I would pass because I hadn’t driven much, I am guessing between the last fail and the final test or perhaps because of how spaced out my lessons were, and all the other times I’d failed. But you know what, I could not tell either, but it goes to show that human perception is limited and God’s mercy does not depend on the thoughts of people. This was no small feat.

If I could list the factors that made learning to drive especially challenging, they would include:

  • Anxiety — pervasive and gripping, especially during tests.
  • Criticism — I have come to understand there is a difference between correction to build a person up and criticism which tears you down. One corrects and proffers solution, the other tears down with no solution proffered such that the individual becomes the problem and not the issue at hand being the problem. Correct them but if they don’t take you seriously, limit your performance of anything important to you in their knowing or presence and if you can, surround yourself with people who correct to build up. You’ll be surprised how much wonders this will do for you.
  • Photosensitivity, contrast distortion & Vision Issues — The glare and reflection of sunlight sometimes caused the road to appear completely washed out, erasing clear distinctions between bends, lane markings, and surface textures, and sometimes my glasses felt insufficient to help with my short sightedness.
  • Low Spatial Awareness — gradually improved, but still not perfect; I’ve reached “safe” levels for driving. I’m more attuned to positioning, movement, and distance, though I remain mindful.
  • Low Proprioception — particularly in my feet, which made speed control and steering unpredictable at times.
  • Unclear Guidance from Instructors — Sometimes, they didn’t clearly explain how to perform actions, just expected results.
  • Lack of Regular Access to a Car — limited my ability to reinforce lessons through practice.
  • Instructor Misalignment with Examiner Expectations — I wasn’t properly taught about the expectations of the tester. For example how the tester expects a shoulder check to be until a tester flagged it. Afterwards, I exaggerated my head turns during checks, even doing multiple—and testers praised me on it in a manner I thought felt excessive but it boosted my confidence in that area. Another area was that none of my instructors even pointed out my wide right turns apart from the testers. I had to share that with them and still they didn’t tell me how to fix it, they just expected me to know. I had to figure out I had to steer a lot more. Seems simple now but I really didn’t know.
  • Low Awareness of My Body & Needs — I was often disconnected from what my body was experiencing or needing while driving.
  • Poor Nervous System Regulation — fight-or-flight responses were common and uncontrollable.
  • Difficulty Processing Test Directions — My ability to mentally process the verbal testing directions felt slow and labored, which led to delayed reactions and poor execution which triggered anxiety and a sense of panic, clouding my confidence and making it harder to perform tasks I had otherwise prepared for. This got better with time and failure.
  • Difficulty Remembering Rules to Apply them: Failing caused it to stick to memory better. I also learn better through experience than verbal communication. I process that better.
  • Discomfort with Examiner Presence — their watchful silence made me more anxious and less intuitive.
  • Discomfort with New Roads: New roads or places can feel disconcerting to me, although that didn’t seem to matter on my last test. Although I was disconcerted, letting out a shaky, thoughtful “hmmm” at certain moments, my mind and body seemed to have adapted under pressure, such that I was able to drive safely, thanks to God.
  • Difficulty Prioritizing My Comfort — I often chose to “fit in” over choosing methods that helped me drive better (like socks over shoes).
  • Distrust in My Instincts — I resisted decisions that felt right for me in order to follow what seemed normal to me or others.
  • Agreement with Anxiety — Somewhere down the line, I don’t know when, but I had accepted anxiety and this had to be broken.
  • Choosing Times Based on Traffic Hope, Not Mental Readiness — I’d select quiet times for tests, rather than mentally preparing for any road condition that God permits, and I’d face the opposite.

To anyone who thinks I’ve over-spiritualized this, I’ve come to believe that we’re meant to spiritualize everything. We are body and soul—not separate—but one integrated being, only divided at death, which was never part of God’s original plan. In the resurrection of the dead, there will be a resurrection to life and a resurrection of judgement, and in both, body and soul will be reunited. St. Paul even tells us that the battle is not merely physical—it’s a fight between the forces of God and the powers of darkness. Beneath the surface of daily life, there is a very real war between good and evil. So, I don’t believe it is excessive to examine life through a spiritual lens. It is right to honor what our natural senses are often too limited to perceive. I give thanks to God for He has done a great thing for me, undeserving as I am. Indeed, it is hard to believe. I also thank Mother Mary, my Guardian Angel, St. Joseph and all the Angels and Saints for their intercession.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used as an editing tool.

A great song you could listen to!

Other Posts from Me

Consecration to Jesus through the Hands of Mary

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and you remember to pray the rosary.

For quite a while now, I’ve felt as though I have nothing meaningful to share—like I have no voice. Whenever I wanted to express something, it always seemed like the timing was off, or my words came across as too harsh and unrefined. With that in mind, I could offer you a glimpse into my current thoughts and direct you to a consecration course to Jesus through the hands of Mary.

1. The concept of “unconditional love,” as it is often interpreted to mean, that is, the enabling of evil for the sake of love, is a distortion. Reflecting on the verse, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”, we see that God, who is Love, has demonstrated the depth of His love for the world. Yet, He also made clear that only those who believe in His Son, sent as a perfect sacrifice, will have eternal life.

This highlights that holy love—the highest and purest form of love—maintains boundaries while remaining enduring, as mercy itself is an expression of love. You are loved as you are, but called and nurtured to be the best. This is the true definition of unconditional love. Any love that strays from or fails to align with God’s Holy Love becomes an aberration, no longer love but a corruption of the term. I believe this is reason people do not believe in love or the transformative power of love. They have imagined in their heads what love is not and defined it as love and their imaginations have failed them.

2. The world and its people are steeped in corruption—a truth that should not come as a surprise. I felt the weight of this truth profoundly last year when I renewed my consecration to Jesus through the Hands of Mary. I do not exclude myself from this observation. It is difficult to truly grasp the depth of corruption embedded in the mind of someone who has lived an unguarded life, shaped and influenced by evil perspectives. Recently, this feeling has grown remarkably intense.

Consider this: “Mary is the supreme masterpiece of Almighty God and He has reserved the knowledge and possession of her for Himself”. Yet “Mary being a mere creature fashioned by the hands of God is, compared to his infinite majesty, less than an atom, or rather is simply nothing, since He alone can say, ‘I am He who is'”. Mary herself knew and believed this truth, proclaiming, “I am the handmaid/slave of God… He has regarded the low estate of His handmaiden… He has put down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of low degree”.

Reflect further: “God the Father gave his only Son to the world only through Mary. Whatever desires the patriarchs may have cherished, whatever entreaties the prophets and saints of the Old Law may have had for 4,000 years to obtain that treasure, it was Mary alone who merited it and found grace before God by the power of her prayers and the perfection of her virtues. “The world being unworthy,” said Saint Augustine, “to receive the Son of God directly from the hands of the Father, He gave His Son to Mary for the world to receive Him from her.” The Son of God became man for our salvation but only in Mary and through Mary. God the Holy Spirit formed Jesus Christ in Mary but only after having asked her consent through one of the chief ministers of His court.” See “Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin”, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort

Now considering that Mary is esteemed greatly but is nothing in comparison with God, and her merits far surpass those of the saints in Heaven—who are themselves esteemed to the extent of their merits—by this true measure, I recognize how wretched I am.

3. Since “Mary loves Jesus ardently and glorifies Him more perfectly than all of God’s other creatures—saints and angels alike”, it follows that honoring Mary and the saints brings honor and glory to God. In the same vein, all creation, whether in heaven, on earth, under the earth, or in the sea, rightly gives God praise. Who could do this more perfectly when praised and honored than Mary and the saints in Heaven? Consider Mary: when praised by her cousin St. Elizabeth, her immediate response was a song of praise to God, proclaiming, “My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…” This truth should be as evident as when one gives charity to the less fortunate and brings glory and praise to God—whether through the grateful lips of those helped, the hearts of those who witness or learn of the event, or by the charitable deed itself inspired by God. Similarly, when the saints in heaven are honored, they give glory of God as a sort of reflection, having been conformed to Him to the extent they have merited. See “Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin”, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort

4. There is a noticeable inconsistency between truly serving God and what some individuals, who believe they are serving Him, deem acceptable—such as reading books or watching movies with pornographic content in their homes. This is just one example, yet it has become so normalized for some that their conscience has grown desensitized. They may believe their conscience is clear, even when confronted with this truth from an external observer.

5. It is inconsistent to claim to “believe and follow all the teachings of the Catholic Church” while accepting or engaging in certain practices that contradict its teachings. Allow me to list a few examples: being complacent about your children leaving the Catholic Church, speaking about confession as though it is optional, speaking negatively about devotion to the saints, accepting the use of contraception, abusing the sanctity of the marital bed, or considering IVF as an acceptable option.

A recent instance that left me unsettled involves the engagement with content where someone, under the label of ‘Christian prophecy’, examined palms to predict the future. I have been cautious in describing the activity as it was relayed to me, refraining from attaching specific labels to it. However, I was informed that it is not considered divination or palm reading—or that palm reading, in this context, is not divination—but I struggle to see how the conclusion could be otherwise, even if it is rare in its occurrence, as I’ve been told. I believe the truth will come out one day.

Ironically, it would be better to follow all the teachings of the Catholic Church in simplicity, even without raising “wise questions” or trying to be wise in one’s own eyes, as such simplicity in faith could make one truly wise.

6. There is no greater mother than Mary. Even if I falter, I trust her to guide me back to true contrition and repentance. I rely on her to show me the best way to please her Son, Jesus, who, in His love, has chosen to be my brother. This was once a source of concern for me, but through the consecration course, I learned to entrust myself to her care. Now, I feel a deep sense of peace, knowing that she intercedes for me before Jesus.

7. Why go to Jesus through Mary? It pleases Jesus, as it is the most perfect way He chose to come to us, and thus the most perfect way for us to go to Him. Furthermore, since Jesus is God, just as God the Father is God, and we have been given Jesus Christ as a Mediator between us and the Father, it is fitting that Jesus, being God, would also have a mediator. Out of His profound humility and perfection, He gave us Mary—not out of necessity, but because it is the most humble and perfect way He chose to unite Himself with humanity in the flesh; through her.

Humility is not easy, and in today’s world, its meaning has been lost. Many have also lost a sense of a Holy Fear of God, to the point where roles and stations are no longer given their due regard. I personally grapple with the concept of humility, as it feels foreign to me. Yet, in Heaven, hierarchies exist as part of God’s divine order.

8. There is a consecration course set to begin on March 24th, led by the Heralds of the gospel. I will renew my consecration to Jesus again this year by God’s grace.

“The Consecration Course is based on the Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort, a prophetic work and a theological document of the utmost importance. A daily video lesson will be on Heralds of the Gospel’s online catholic course platform (“Reconquest Platform“)”. 

  • “The first class, on the evening of the 24th of march, will be a Live on Youtube at https://live.heralds.org/
    On consequent days, you will be able to attend each day’s class at your convenience. The classes will be recorded and will be available from 5 a.m. 
  • To easily receive all the information, you can join their WhatsApp group – although this is not necessary: click here.
  • Send any questions you have to: consecration@heralds.org
  • To join the consecration course, sign up at this link: https://consecration.heralds.org/slei
  • Alternatively, if you are wary of links, google “Reconquest Platform Heralds of the Gospel”. It should be easy enough to navigate to the free consecration course that starts on March 24th and ends on April 26th.
True Devotion to Mary By St. Louis Marie de MontfortDownload

Here is an another excerpt from the True Devotion to Mary: Consequently, this great Lord, who is ever independent and self-sufficient, never had and does not now have any absolute need of the Blessed Virgin for the accomplishment of His will and the manifestation of His glory. To do all things He has only to will them. 15. However, I declare that, considering things as they are, because God has decided to begin and accomplish His greatest works through the Blessed Virgin ever since He created her, we can safely believe that He will not change His plan in the time to come, for He is God and therefore does not change in His thoughts or His way of acting.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used to refine this write up.

An Invitation to Love

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

January was a long and busy month, and I’m still working on getting back into my daily mass routine after returning from Houston and moving recently. I am thankful to God for another month in this new year. Since my last blog post, I’ve learned more about myself and discovered a missing piece. Before the year was over, I was called selfish in a situation where I believed my reasons were justified, but it was perceived differently. This made me wonder, if I couldn’t handle being called selfish by a human, how would I bear it if God called me selfish? It was a chilling thought. So, I resolved to accept insults from people, keeping that in mind, to prepare myself for that day.

I’ve also reflected on my last blog post, wondering if it came across as selfish. Since being called selfish, I’ve been questioning my actions, asking myself, “Is this selfish?” and “Am I being selfish?” I thought maybe my blogpost seemed selfish, but my heart and intent weren’t, as the post didn’t capture the full context or my complete feelings. I considered other details I hadn’t included, not intentionally, but because they didn’t come to mind while writing. Who is to judge the heart but God?

Those accusatory words and my blog post propelled me to delve deeper into lessons I previously only understood superficially. This principle might seem simple or straightforward to you, who are wise, and maybe I had heard it before, but it only truly registered when I watched a video about suffering last month. The video mentioned, “There is no love without sacrifice. How could a mother claim to love her child without sacrificing for that child,” or something similar. Then, I realized my inclination is to desire to love without pain, but the pain and sacrifice are proof of the genuineness of my love. Here is a link to the YouTube video: Heralds of the Gospel – What CATHOLICS are not told about FASTING

All through last year, God invited me in so many ways to love Him. So, the year I couldn’t say I enjoyed was actually filled with moments where I loved God, a lot of moments I previously saw as inconveniences. Although, this does not apply to every moment, it felt like last year was marred by struggles. Yet, even the lows, which I didn’t enjoy, were highs in disguise. My perspective was just skewed. So, I resolved to welcome this year, by God’s grace, with the joy of knowing that this moment, this time, God is inviting me to love Him. It’s an opportunity.

I had equated loving God with loving my neighbors, and in truth, to love God is to love your neighbors. What I hadn’t considered is that to love God means to love everything He has willed to come my way, knowing it’s for my benefit. In fact, knowing the weakness of my will, these seemingly inconvenient moments are necessary for the salvation of my soul, if I cooperate with His grace. Cooperating with His grace will look different each time and doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing.

Since having these thoughts, I’ve joyfully embraced everything God has sent my way, doing my best by His grace and offering it all up to Him. When I reflect on January, much of it has been focused on this. I try not to get too upset when things go wrong because I have a goal in mind. I don’t always get it right and I’m not perfect, but that’s okay. With time, I will perfect this by God’s grace. It’s such a privilege to be invited to love God. How many people truly realize this?

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you could listen to!

A Happy Death

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

Have you ever wondered what a happy death is? I did at the start of my reversion to the Catholic faith, since I prayed the Rosary regularly; the intention of the 4th Glorious Mystery (The Assumption of Mother Mary into Heaven) being a “Happy Death”, and presently, it is regularly on my mind.

I suppose at the start of my reversion, I might have imagined a happy death to mean a good death. I am trying to recall what conclusion I came to at the start. What is a good death? Is it to live comfortable, amassing wealth, love, fame, and then to die, and to cease to exist? The Catholic belief is that those who die in God’s grace, go to Heaven eventually, after a purification process. The Word of God says, “Nothing unclean will see God.”. So, is it possible to go straight to Heaven? One would have to be completely purified at the moment of death for them to go to Heaven straight away and how many can be so confident, without being foolish, that at the moment of their death, they have renounced all attachments and cling solely to God. I think I have heard it spoken of that it is also a Catholic belief that you can go straight to heaven after you die. Blessed Carlo Acutis spoke of going straight to Heaven. I think St. Therese of the Child Jesus did as well. St. Therese is a gem amongst gems. Then, there is St. Cecilia, who I learnt of recently and I was so in awe of. I think she went straight to heaven. She is so pure and beautiful. When I think of the saints, I think of how I am nothing like them.

I think I heard it said a “Happy Death” is to die in God’s grace and not about living a good life and then dying, by man’s standards. I suppose I might have imagined dying in my sleep, free of troubles and illness, when I considered a “good death”. I know of someone who prayed to die free of illness or long illness. I do not know if she died that way. I came to a place of no fear about death, and even thought recently that I could be dying while I slept one night. I felt myself floating upwards in that dream and thought, “Am I dying?”. I resigned myself to it and prayed, “Father, welcome me into your arms”. Then, I remembered I ought to pray for the forgiveness of my sins, which I did. Immediately, I prayed a prayer of contrition, it felt like my soul was slammed back into my body. I don’t know if the following happened right after, but while my eyes were still closed, an image of a smiling woman carrying a baby took shape in my head. It was like a drawing coming to completion. I remember clearly that at least either the woman or the child had chubby cheeks, possibly both did. And their youth, beauty, and cuteness was so evident. I have never seen that drawing in real life. I thought it was Jesus and Mary as I watched. This happened the Sunday of the first week of October.

I have watched people say it is normal to regret not doing a lot of things before dying. I have also heard it said it is naive not to fear dying even a little bit. Additionally, I heard it said it is foolish to just want to die, without considering the need to receive final rites or viaticum, and that it is the way to have a “Good Death”, and perhaps there was talk of a battle that happens at the moment of death. This is my interpretation of the things spoken. Perhaps, I misunderstand these people. I have considered those lines of thinking and perhaps I am the most foolish of them all for not being encumbered by such ways of thinking.

I have concluded that those ways of thinking produce fear, and I lay all my fear and anxiety at the feet of Jesus, at the foot of His cross, begging Him to redeem it and redeem me to glory of His Name, for my salvation and the salvation of others.

While having final rites done for you is a good thing, do I think everyone who have died or will die without final rites do not have a fighting chance of going straight to heaven or that they have less of a chance? The battle is God’s after all. Do I think I have a fighting chance at any point in my life, apart from the abundance and unending nature of God’s grace and mercy and Mary’s intercession for me.

I imagine even if I stood before Him and I was accused of the most heinous crimes and they were all found to be true, He is justified in condemning me, because He is all good and all righteous and I will accept His righteous judgement as true, without forgetting as well another truth, that even though there is no good in me, the Mercy of God never ceases, and I would beg for mercy with all the confidence of a child that knows it is loved without measure. This is a prayer and hope of mine. And so, I pray frequently and earnestly for a “Happy Death”, knowing that I will never be surrounded by love on this earth to the magnitude that I would be when I get to Heaven. I also earnestly run to the Blessed Virgin, ever confident in her love and intercession for me. I pray that Jesus and Mary are there at the moment of my death to lead me to Heaven. Knowing me, I will get lost without them.

I imagine a “Happy life” will be dictated by union with God after death or should I say a “Happy death”. I will be able to say “I lived a full life”, when I am in Heaven, not before. I count my life as loss, if it means I am separated from God. A happy life to me, is a life which terminates in friendship with God, whether rich or poor, loved or hated, young or old. There is no reason to despise the rich or to despise the hated or consider them going to a worse place than you are when death comes. You do not see their heart or know their destination and you could be wrong about them. The same God who loves you, loves them too. You would be better off praying for them to get to Heaven, not forgetting to pray for yourself too. So, I think there is no right station to be assigned to in this life, only a right way of living; a life lived loving God with your whole heart, with your whole soul, with your whole might, a life lived loving your neighbour as yourself. Go and learn what that entails by seeking God through Jesus, while He still can be found, and do it in truth. He will draw near to you.

I think I should say that I am not encouraging sinning so that God’s mercy presses even greater upon you. It should be obvious but it isn’t always.

I will end this post with the prayer from the Divine Mercy Prayer that I encourage people to pray and meditate on: “Eternal God in Whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon me and increase Your mercy in me, that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will which is love and mercy itself”. You see, it really is in showing mercy or in the abundance of mercy that is in us, that we are able to hope that mercy will be shown to us. I just realized this.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song! Take a listen!

“Love”

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

I have been going through some things which I shan’t go into details about, but I will say this, I have learnt that a stranger will give love more readily than someone you consider close. Better to run to that stranger, than someone you think is close. But a stranger is a stranger for a reason, and I think as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt…hmmm, or is it disrespect. Better yet, run to God Who never fails.

I flinched when someone told me “I love you.”. It is hard to hear those words when you have been beat up emotionally by the person saying them. The words became easier to digest over time, to understand and to love. I cannot take credit for this transformation. Only God can do this.

I also prayed and hoped to God for something I desired. I moved forward courageously, when I had not a lot of courage, and prayed fervently for His peace. I thought I heard Him say to go forward but things did not work out as I had hoped. I wondered if indeed I had heard Him. Maybe not but also maybe I did. I do know looking back at it from a close distance, I can see that I have learnt some things from the experience so far. I have a richer understanding of what it means when God forgives you. It is written that God forgets your sins when you repent, and He forgives you. It all made sense to me amid a chaotic moment that was unrelated in matter to God’s revelation to me, but congruent in weight or depth of expression. The potent revelation I received made me realize in a striking manner which my soul is wont not to forget, that I will not crucify myself for my mistakes and God does not want me to do so either. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our sins from us”. “I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”

Oh, I felt ecstatic and hopeful when things did not go my way, and instead of grief, I thought to myself that this is all for the Glory of God, for my salvation and the salvation of others. Later on, I felt grief, but it did not overtake me like it had in the past. It made me long for the Heavenly Jerusalem just like Abraham and the saints did. I told Him that perhaps I did hear from Him and I will take this event as discipline. God disciplines those He loves, so He must love me so much. God loves me so much, this I know.

Afterwards, I considered the love between a husband and a wife. I have been trying to have a God-like view of what that dynamic is supposed to look like. I remembered the portion of the bible where St. Peter exhorts wives to treat their husbands in the manner Sarah did, when she obeyed Abraham and called him ‘lord’. I was critical of the word “lord”. What did that mean? It sounded reverent but also, I couldn’t help but think about subjugation combined with inflexibility, judgementality, hypocrisy and inconsideration. I know of a traditional, catholic man who was this way. I also know of a middle class protestant Christian who was very considerate to his wife, he treated his wife like an egg. I know of a rich, liberal man who was conservative when it soothed him, so his wife suffered because he did not help whether by contract or by self, and he did not encourage the best for his wife. Finally, I know of a traditional African man from a largely patriarchal society, who did not want His wife to cook, hired help for her and of his own volition, made arrangements for her to get a higher education. That African man would have been made perfect if in other ways, had he practiced the Christian faith, and yet he was quite generous in nature in a lot of ways and God blessed him. It is an irony that the faithless are able to love in ways that the supposed faithful do not.

My mind also wondered if the vision of calling your husband “lord” could be akin to the victorian era where some men were called lords and some women were called ladies. To them, it might have been a surface synergy of Class meets Class on a level of some sort, but to Christians, should it not be a synergy of joint heirs to the grace of life; one heir of the Kingdom of God to another?

To my mind, I have only one Lord. My mind moved on to another bible verse when I considered how my Lord displayed His Lordship, and in turn taught through his actions and words, how the disciples ought to treat one another. It was on the day He washed their feet, a day before they would desert Him, and one would betray Him. Knowing this, He washed their feet. At another time He said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you; but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave; even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

A lord by this definition is one who is a slave and servant of his wife, and pours himself out completely, without counting the cost, to the point of death. I looked up at the picture of the cross at the moment this came to mind while praying…or perhaps I was looking at it already without registering it. I should have been meditating on the “Crucifixion of Christ” because I was praying the seven sorrows, but my mind had been restless. In any case, the love I am considering is a life-giving love. It is so powerful that I stumbled over my thoughts. A healed woman or a woman open to healing would desire or crave to submit to that man and defend that man wherever she went to. She would sing his praises everywhere and she would be able to trust him.

And so, I asked God, “What man can love like that?” I wondered if it was even possible but then again, I remembered St. Therese of the Child Jesus. I had never gone through any writing of anyone before her, I don’t think, who burned with a desire for martyrdom. No one except Jesus. Although, as I write this now, a few do come to mind. I heard the account of St. Ignatius recently, how he begged the early Christians not to save him from being torn apart by lions. St. Paul as well….oh, and another saint who did evangelical work, but I do not recall his name. All things are possible through God’s grace.

If I am to consider this idea further as I write this, “We love because Christ first loved us.”. The man loves first through dying to himself and calls out a submissive expression of love from the woman. That is not to say that love must always be received for it to be given. On the contrary, I believe there is infinitely more merit in loving when you are not loved. I think one would be better off with a lot of prayer, placing greater scrutiny on the type of dynamic or relationship one chooses to have great proximity to for the rest of their life, and face (focus on) God whether or not they are blessed with this, and if not given, to die with joy and go to God. So, I am in fact considering a healed dynamic or one open to being healed when I write about a submissive expression of love which a man call out of a woman through loving in dying to self. On the other hand, the woman submits even though the man fails, and the man loves sacrificially even when the woman fails. It is easier said than done. That is why one should pray to God if in that situation, that God should help one love. God is always ready and willing to help you love. I know this because He always helped me whenever I asked for help to love….to be patient.

I do not understand the saying that one can love without respecting, perhaps this is why I have difficulty. I subscribe to the bible’s view of love and it is not bound or limited to gender. “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. Looking at this, I cannot believe respect can be separated from love, so, I do not know how one could prefer to be respected over being loved. I wonder though, if the respect some men claim they want is the stroking of their ego, the fanning of their pride. This is what I have observed from a small sample size. But then again, I am not married and some might think me bitter because of it. Ultimately, what do I know except what I have observed, and what is the point I am trying to make by writing all of this?

I suppose the point of this is to share my thoughts, so that in doing so, someone out there does not feel alone in this vastness that is the universe; the point of my blog really, lest I forget.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you can listen to!

Testimony

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By Cynthia Aralu

I waited patiently for the Lord;

He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

and put their trust in him.

Psalms 40:1-3

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

I have been meaning to share about God’s blessing to me and to give thanks to God in the presence of everyone like the Psalmist says: “Let them extol Him in the congregation of the people, and praise Him in the assembly of the elders”.

I held back at first because I couldn’t say anything at the time and then later on, I suppose I started to overthink everything. I got a new job within the same role at the same workplace and it gives me the opportunity to gain more project management experience while I make plans for my future. I give thanks to God for the opportunity that he has given me and it is my hope that I am able to be courageous and kind within this role, always keeping God at the forefront of all that I do. I pray for the grace to do good, for God’s guidance in all that I do, for God’s help to gain all the experience that I need. I must admit the role fills me with uncertainty about a few things but all I have to do is trust God and love as God desires. With God, I can do anything.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

God bless you!

A lovely song you could listen to!

Dreams or Visions

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By Cynthia Aralu

About 4 or 5 days ago,

I dreamt that I saw Jesus. 

I would have known the exact day,

if I’d written it down when I told myself to.

He was so large and I was so small. 

His face was neutral one minute,

The next, He had a frown. 

His eyes were exquisite.

They gleamed with so much power and fire. 

There He was, only looking at me. 

There I was, staring right back at him,

truly a mixture of awe and question.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary!

It’s been a while since I published a post on my blog. I have been resting. I noticed myself getting extremely fatigued much more frequently, crying a lot more, and so I had to withdraw inwards and become even a lot more quiet, so as to be able to focus on the “need to do(s)”. I am feeling a lot better now and also learning to take deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed and allow stimming. I find deep pressure, such as hugging myself tightly, to be very calming but I can’t do it everywhere as it can be seen as standoffish but I don’t think about any of that when I am in church. I give thanks to God for strength.

I had a dream maybe 4 or 5 days ago. I wrote it down today and felt a desire today to share it while praying this morning. So, that’s what I’m doing now. It is a memory stitched back together, so take the meaning behind the general story without a focus on the details, that is, if there is a meaning to you. Only God knows. 

It so happened that in this dream, I walked into one of the rooms in the ground floor of my family home in Nigeria which used to be storage for a long time, and there was a black cat there which I perceived was a curse, so I just thought something along the lines of, “I’m over this scene and I’m going to God”. So, I began to rise upwards into the darkness until I reached a place where all I saw was Jesus. He was so large and I was so small. I remember feeling this way. He stared neutrally at me and then frowned and then shooed me away (His approach towards me felt that way. I felt fear.). I went back down to the earth into a room I do not know. I wondered if He was truly Jesus since He looked angry. It is possible that a better description could be that He looked severe. He came back to look down at me. I looked up at Him through what seemed to be a large aperture leading upwards to the sky above, from where I stood on the earth. He was larger than everything. I was surprised He came back. I thought, “He came back”. I was impressed by the gleam and fire in His eyes, and unsure of the reason He was frowning. I don’t remember much of what happened next, if I inched closer, maybe. 

I woke up wondering if I am doing something wrong or done something wrong. And if I’d really seen Jesus. 

He looked like one of the depictions/icons I have seen in Orthodox Christianity or Byzantine Christianity. Even the dimensions of His eyes; one is not the same dimension as the other, similar to how I perceive the Christ Pantocrator. I think His eyes were lighter but my memory of this is vague. What I know for sure is that they had been gleaming, striking and alive. Thinking back now on June 19, 2025, when I am including this update, I think his expression could be said to have been severe (which I had interpreted as a frown).

A day before this, I had my eyes closed and saw a snake slithering on the ground and then suddenly a light skinned strong feet crushed the serpent. It all went black after that and I opened my eyes. I don’t know if I was dreaming or if it was one of those moments where I close my eyes for 1 minute and I see a short clip of something. I have read it is unusual for dreams to occur soon after falling asleep. How do I know those short clips happened after 1 minute of closing my eyes? Well, I don’t have a timer on when it happens but it feels like 1 minute, like I’m sitting in front of the Tabernacle or at the shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I doze off for a minute and at times but not all the time, I am jolted awake; that’s how it feels like. I also didn’t have much time to stay at the places I mentioned before I had to go off to the pews to join the mass or move on. So, I deduce roughly 1 minute, but it could be 1 – 10 minutes. Again, in university, it even happened while studying and also when walking back to my room to sleep. I was sleepy every time and I saw people I don’t know, in motion or chatting away or both, as if I am watching a video in front of me. One time, I became a part of it but that could have really been a dream or maybe not. Maybe it was just my imagination since I could rewind the action. I read about hyperphantasia because I wanted to understand this, but that does not explain it, since images in my head are of a poor quality when I am awake and I feel a strain in my head when I try hard to remember images. I only get a clear burst of an image for like 1 second before it is faded/hazy, or I am only able to call up an image in fragments, until I have seen parts of the images in my mind, but God helps me and uses it to heal my heart, even if this is the extent I can be present at the scenes during His life on earth.

Anyway, dream or vision or not, it took me a while to really think about what I saw and write it down, but at least it was on the same day. I kept thinking, “What did I see?”

This week, I received good news which I cannot share yet but I give thanks to God for it and I also seem to be better and more confident at driving, according to my mom, although my brother begs to differ, that I lack awareness and I drive weird. Honestly, it did not faze me because I am different and I am starting to embrace it. I struggle with noticing all the road signs because driving is an overwhelming sensory experience for me, and it is my tendency to not take in the wider picture but to focus on one detail. I am getting better at this, the more I am behind the wheel and I am getting used to the motion and the feel of the car. Sometimes, at stop signs, I have caught myself zoned out because I was overwhelmed. It was embarrassing because I was with my instructor. Sometimes, she had to tell me to move. I get better when I am more comfortable with my environment, the car, the person, the movements, the roads or when I am successful or day(s) after I fail, and with repetition; this is even the same when walking and using GPS, just more amplified when driving because I am moving fast. I have gotten lost multiple times while walking and using GPS. It is such a hard and overwhelming feeling to be lost, that in the past, I even dreamt about being lost and being rained on. I woke up on the verge of tears and the feeling carried over for a while, so, I curled up in a fetal position and hugged myself tightly in a bid to force the tears out or chase the feeling away until I calmed down.

I have been praying a lot about driving, pushing myself to keep going and disregarding the feelings which make me not want to drive. I think I have improved from the first time I got behind a car; even from 6 days ago. I know God is with me, taking care of me and I am pleased about the drive yesterday even if my brother is displeased. I am not seeking understanding. I hardly understand it all myself and I am not great at voicing out all that is happening to me. Sometimes, I lack the interoception to do so. As I understand more, I learn how to make accommodations for myself. One in particular is a low spatial awareness, which I only learnt about recently and everything in my life makes sense. I am thankful to God for bringing me this far and for leading me to Conquer Driving on YouTube and some other YouTube videos, who have given me tips which have helped me. I just need to make accommodations when driving, and do well enough to pass the road test and improve some more later. God is with me. God is for me. I give God thanks for His goodness, love and mindfulness to me.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you could listen to!

Hope

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I started off before I began to write this, to pray to God for His help with writing this post on Hope. I told Him that I don’t really know if I am the best to write about “Hope” and I do not know much what to say about it, but I had kind of decided earlier, I believe during morning prayer, that it would be the topic of writing for my next post. My thought in prayer was a conversation I had with a colleague of mine yesterday.

I have been making job applications for close to a year now if not more, since the one I have now is temporary. I have had 3 initial interviews which have not proceeded to the next. The last one, I seemed to have offended the lady by telling her “Thank you for reaching out to me.” Her displeasure was so evident on her face and her body language. She practically reclined back in her chair in that moment with a displeased expression on her face, that I did not understand what I did to offend her, so, I had to explain my reason for saying thank you, by adding, “I appreciate it.” The giveaway was her eagerness to tell me her concern about a lack of experience in a particular therapeutic area, when I had asked her something different, i.e., if there was something she needed clarity on from what I had shared with her. My lack of experience in dermatology was clearly stated in my application, since it is one of their intake questions. Her reaction after my “Thank you” was another giveaway. My consideration from the experience was I was glad I did not lie about my experience. I feel like she tried to trip my up, when she stated an experience which I did not have and I don’t believe I claimed to have it anywhere. This could be an assumption, but her smile/mini-laugh when I denied having the experience was strange to me. My joy is that I refuted it and put away my desperation or desire for a job. I suppose I also considered afterwards that I should have taken the word I believe now was from God, telling me to rest, while I prepared late into the night for the interview. How many times have I not listened to that voice because while I considered it might be from God, I wondered if it came from me?

This and the other rejections I have received, including the other 2 pre-interviews, have not hurt me so much. I have been thankful to God so much that it does not hurt anymore. My hunger is for God to show me what exactly He would like me to do. And I have begun to wonder if that is clinical research, since I have started to have some concerns about a certain part of clinical research, in relation to my faith, and I am starting to wonder if I am complicit in evil. I spoke to a priest about it and he assured me that I am not, although after leaving him, I wondered if I was clear enough to him about the extent of my involvement. I am unclear on that point in my memory. Although, recently, I remembered that it is possible that I did mention it to him. I have to book another appointment to clarify this again. I feel silly when these things happen but what am I to do about it? He did say I could leave the field of clinical research if I continue to be bothered about it, and encouraged me to pray to God for discernment. I think a part of me knows I am not doing anything wrong but for clarity sake, I must ask. I also have to think if I am indeed proud of the work that I am involved in.

So, these are the things I have been thinking about, first and foremost and not necessarily the rejections. I have praying for direction into the job or vocation that God is calling me into. I do not know what it is or could be.

My conversation with my colleague yesterday was a topic on the Job opening at my workplace which I applied for which is a project manager role in clinical research (Although I am applying broadly to any project management role and praying God places me in the one He feels is best). My colleague feels I am so qualified, with my PMP certification and experience in project management that I had to tell her that I try not to raise my hopes too high. She mentioned that I must have some hope if I am applying. So, I explained in my brief way of speaking that “I do not hope in myself. I hope in God.” She stared at me in consideration. I tried to convey to her that if my skills were ultimate, I would have a job now. I don’t know if my explanation carried as far as I wished to convey it, since in person, I use so few words. One thing I know is, God is ultimate and greater than anything and I wish to please Him, as best as I can. I am not saying I am perfect. I make so many mistakes and sometimes, I do not know if I am doing the right thing. Other times, what seemed right, ends up looking wrong to me and bringing me grief that I think I would prefer my free will taken away by God but what do I know.

I know that God is more than able to give me more and better than I can ever imagine. If He chooses not to give me in this life, I look forward to the feast and treasure that awaits me in Heaven. I only ask for the grace to move on to all that He desires for me.

On a final note, Pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A peaceful chant you might enjoy! Listen to find out!

Holiness

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone. Pray the Rosary!

Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.

My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil. 

I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.

In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.

Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.

Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”  

A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).

Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.

After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.

I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God. 

With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!

Pray the Rosary.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!