It’s been a while since I published a post on my blog. I have been resting. I noticed myself getting extremely fatigued much more frequently, crying a lot more, and so I had to withdraw inwards and become even a lot more quiet, so as to be able to focus on the “need to do(s)”. I am feeling a lot better now and also learning to take deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed and allow stimming. I find deep pressure, such as hugging myself tightly, to be very calming but I can’t do it everywhere as it can be seen as standoffish but I don’t think about any of that when I am in church. I give thanks to God for strength.
I had a dream maybe 4 or 5 days ago. I wrote it down today and felt a desire today to share it while praying this morning. So, that’s what I’m doing now. It is a memory stitched back together, so take the meaning behind the general story without a focus on the details, that is, if there is a meaning to you. Only God knows.
It so happened that in this dream, I walked into one of the rooms in the ground floor of my family home in Nigeria which used to be storage for a long time, and there was a black cat there which I perceived was a curse, so I just thought something along the lines of, “I’m over this scene and I’m going to God”. So, I began to rise upwards into the darkness until I reached a place where all I saw was Jesus. He was so large and I was so small. I remember feeling this way. He stared neutrally at me and then frowned and then shooed me away (His approach towards me felt that way. I felt fear.). I went back down to the earth into a room I do not know. I wondered if He was truly Jesus since He looked angry. It is possible that a better description could be that He looked severe. He came back to look down at me. I looked up at Him through what seemed to be a large aperture leading upwards to the sky above, from where I stood on the earth. He was larger than everything. I was surprised He came back. I thought, “He came back”. I was impressed by the gleam and fire in His eyes, and unsure of the reason He was frowning. I don’t remember much of what happened next, if I inched closer, maybe.
I woke up wondering if I am doing something wrong or done something wrong. And if I’d really seen Jesus.
He looked like one of the depictions/icons I have seen in Orthodox Christianity or Byzantine Christianity. Even the dimensions of His eyes; one is not the same dimension as the other, similar to how I perceive the Christ Pantocrator. I think His eyes were lighter but my memory of this is vague. What I know for sure is that they had been gleaming, striking and alive. Thinking back now on June 19, 2025, when I am including this update, I think his expression could be said to have been severe (which I had interpreted as a frown).
A day before this, I had my eyes closed and saw a snake slithering on the ground and then suddenly a light skinned strong feet crushed the serpent. It all went black after that and I opened my eyes. I don’t know if I was dreaming or if it was one of those moments where I close my eyes for 1 minute and I see a short clip of something. I have read it is unusual for dreams to occur soon after falling asleep. How do I know those short clips happened after 1 minute of closing my eyes? Well, I don’t have a timer on when it happens but it feels like 1 minute, like I’m sitting in front of the Tabernacle or at the shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I doze off for a minute and at times but not all the time, I am jolted awake; that’s how it feels like. I also didn’t have much time to stay at the places I mentioned before I had to go off to the pews to join the mass or move on. So, I deduce roughly 1 minute, but it could be 1 – 10 minutes. Again, in university, it even happened while studying and also when walking back to my room to sleep. I was sleepy every time and I saw people I don’t know, in motion or chatting away or both, as if I am watching a video in front of me. One time, I became a part of it but that could have really been a dream or maybe not. Maybe it was just my imagination since I could rewind the action. I read about hyperphantasia because I wanted to understand this, but that does not explain it, since images in my head are of a poor quality when I am awake and I feel a strain in my head when I try hard to remember images. I only get a clear burst of an image for like 1 second before it is faded/hazy, or I am only able to call up an image in fragments, until I have seen parts of the images in my mind, but God helps me and uses it to heal my heart, even if this is the extent I can be present at the scenes during His life on earth.
Anyway, dream or vision or not, it took me a while to really think about what I saw and write it down, but at least it was on the same day. I kept thinking, “What did I see?”
This week, I received good news which I cannot share yet but I give thanks to God for it and I also seem to be better and more confident at driving, according to my mom, although my brother begs to differ, that I lack awareness and I drive weird. Honestly, it did not faze me because I am different and I am starting to embrace it. I struggle with noticing all the road signs because driving is an overwhelming sensory experience for me, and it is my tendency to not take in the wider picture but to focus on one detail. I am getting better at this, the more I am behind the wheel and I am getting used to the motion and the feel of the car. Sometimes, at stop signs, I have caught myself zoned out because I was overwhelmed. It was embarrassing because I was with my instructor. Sometimes, she had to tell me to move. I get better when I am more comfortable with my environment, the car, the person, the movements, the roads or when I am successful or day(s) after I fail, and with repetition; this is even the same when walking and using GPS, just more amplified when driving because I am moving fast. I have gotten lost multiple times while walking and using GPS. It is such a hard and overwhelming feeling to be lost, that in the past, I even dreamt about being lost and being rained on. I woke up on the verge of tears and the feeling carried over for a while, so, I curled up in a fetal position and hugged myself tightly in a bid to force the tears out or chase the feeling away until I calmed down.
I have been praying a lot about driving, pushing myself to keep going and disregarding the feelings which make me not want to drive. I think I have improved from the first time I got behind a car; even from 6 days ago. I know God is with me, taking care of me and I am pleased about the drive yesterday even if my brother is displeased. I am not seeking understanding. I hardly understand it all myself and I am not great at voicing out all that is happening to me. Sometimes, I lack the interoception to do so. As I understand more, I learn how to make accommodations for myself. One in particular is a low spatial awareness, which I only learnt about recently and everything in my life makes sense. I am thankful to God for bringing me this far and for leading me to Conquer Driving on YouTube and some other YouTube videos, who have given me tips which have helped me. I just need to make accommodations when driving, and do well enough to pass the road test and improve some more later. God is with me. God is for me. I give God thanks for His goodness, love and mindfulness to me.
On a final note, pray the Rosary!
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I wondered if I should post this. I wrote it down in my notes to remind me of the goodness of God to me. I considered if it will ever go up here, prayed about it as I edited my notes, and left it alone. But on seeing a clip from The Chosen about Jesus begging Thomas to stay with Him, I feel it is right to post this here.
Last week Wednesday on 17Jul2024, I got to work, sat at my desk, logged on to my computer like I normally do, ready to get to work, when suddenly the thought which had occurred to me earlier as I got ready for work came back to me, and I began to sob for close to 10 – 15 minutes or more. My thoughts began at not being skilled at anything else but clinical research and also not being the best at what I do. Then, I believe I sobbed about everything going on with me; I sobbed about how it all overwhelms me and how I do not know what to do. I felt so tired deep in my soul and my heart hurt, so I massaged it several times that day. I reached out in my mind for a hug from Jesus on the cross. My prayer felt so much stronger later in the day, when I said the Divine Mercy Chaplet while meditating on the sorrowful mystery. My eyes welled up with tears as I prayed, although it did not come crashing down my face. I think my heart hurt all through work and I tried to stay cheerful but mostly did not speak that day, not that I speak a lot normally. I surmised that I was heartbroken. I could imagine that it could be a little of how Jesus felt since He was a man of sorrows, well acquainted with grief. That thought brought me a burst of joy in the midst of grief.
I went to church after work and prayed at the shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I told Our Lady about my exhaustion. I didn’t say much by way of prayer. I mostly just sat there. Then, I moved on to the tabernacle where Jesus is, and knelt to pray. While I prayed, the hurt in my heart went away without a trace, and I felt strength and consoled. So, I said to Jesus, “Look how powerful You are. I am here and I am better.” I hadn’t even prayed for the pain to go away. I was in the middle of giving thanks for God’s goodness to me, being penitent and telling Him about my day (mingled with petitions), like I usually do, when I realized it was gone.
My feeling and thought even as I marvelled at the power of Jesus was that, “I don’t want to be here”, and a part of me wondered if His healing meant He made me better so that I can keep going. I didn’t want to be ungrateful, so, I gave thanks. I know He could turn the situation around with less than a breath, less than the minutest of energy, but I did not want to be here to find out. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. I was grateful but also didn’t care about seeing it all come to be in the future. So, I told Him that I still don’t want to be here and asked Him to take me out of here; “not the church per se, but here”, I kept saying. Deep down, I knew, “here” meant “this world” and I know He knows this too. I apologized 2 nights ago to God because I think I was ungrateful on that day, and also, I felt the ache at odd times 2 days ago. It is not here today as I write this.
I do not think it is thoroughly virtuous to feel this way because I would still want to choose how it happens, however, there is still some virtue and complete honesty in it and for that I give thanks to God.
On writing my notes about my grief of this day, I have become aware that I had the dream about Our Lady of Perpetual Help in the early hours of 17th of July, the same day this happened to me, and also came across the prayer card that night. It makes me realize Mother Mary and Jesus were trying to tell me they are here for me and I am thankful to Her and I am thankful to God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
All glory and praise be to our God! Amen.
On a final note, pray the Rosary!
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I have thinking that it is possible that my charism is prayer. I do not know this for sure but I have a strong belief of this.
Maybe 2 or 3 nights ago, I had a dream in which I was lying in bed and I thought I was awake. An intrusive impure thought attempted to come into my mind, but I immediately began praying out loud against it like I normally do when I am awake. I do not fully remember the words I said. I think I prayed for God to strengthen my will, fortify/cleanse my thoughts…, and I am certain that I ended the prayer with “May the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.”, which is new. I only say that when praying the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I felt my head tighten as though I was having a “tension headache” when I began praying and it stopped while I prayed. I wondered when the tension headache began if I was really awake since the “tension headache” was familiar, and occurs whenever I am having a “bad dream”. I woke up and realized I had been dreaming.
The night before this/early hours of 17Jul, I was reciting prayers in my dream, almost as though I was learning to say the words, first, “Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us”, and then, “Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, Have Mercy on Us” My memory is vague on the prayer to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I believe I said them again, this time starting with, “Most Sacred Heart of Jesus…” and then “Our Lady of Perpetual Help…”. I do not pray to Mary under the title, “Our Lady of Perpetual Help”, although I have been praying to Mary lately under the title of “Our Lady of Succour” after learning about an apparition in Sciacca. I don’t know if the titles are linked. Later that day, I flipped open my bible which I do not use and so do not go through (I use my e-bible instead) and found a prayer card to Our Lady of Perpetual Help which I had placed there earlier in the year but forgot about. I had brought the prayer card with me from my travel to Nigeria back in January, because it is Mary and I love Mary; that and my bible from my childhood. I had the bible and prayer card blessed months after bringing it back. I don’t remember when. Anyway, I flipped over the prayer card and said the prayer there and have been saying it ever since.
A night before this, I awoke to myself praying out loud, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner and on the whole world”. I basically realized the words coming out of my mouth on waking up.
Nights before this, I awoke to my fingers moving as though moving along the beads of a Rosary.
I think it is great that while sleeping, I am praying to God or that my body remembers the movements of my prayer or devotion. I like the thought of prayer being a constant part of my life.
Have you ever thought about charisms? This is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about Charisms:
“799 Whether extraordinary or simple and humble, charisms are graces of the Holy Spirit which directly or indirectly benefit the Church, ordered as they are to her building up, to the good of men, and to the needs of the world.
800 Charisms are to be accepted with gratitude by the person who receives them and by all members of the Church as well. They are a wonderfully rich grace for the apostolic vitality and for the holiness of the entire Body of Christ, provided they really are genuine gifts of the Holy Spirit and are used in full conformity with authentic promptings of this same Spirit, that is, in keeping with charity, the true measure of all charisms. 253
801 It is in this sense that discernment of charisms is always necessary. No charism is exempt from being referred and submitted to the Church’s shepherds. “Their office [is] not indeed to extinguish the Spirit, but to test all things and hold fast to what is good,” 254 so that all the diverse and complementary charisms work together “for the common good.”
I just love that God is glorified even when I am sleeping and I love the thought that I could be helping people through my prayers. I am also grateful to God for protecting me.
On a final note, pray the Rosary!
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.
My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil.
I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.
In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.
Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.
Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”
A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).
Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.
After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.
I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God.
With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!
Pray the Rosary.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!
This week, within a short period of time, I started and completed the book “The Secret of the Rosary” written by St. Louis Marie de Montfort, thanks to the audiobook on Spotify. See link here: The Secret of the Rosary
It is the most powerful book I have ever read in my entire life, next to the Bible, that is. The Bible slapped some sense into me, but this book has given me an exponential increase in trust in the Blessed Virgin even as I read it and it has given more meaning to the “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “The Creed”, and the meditations on the life, death and glory of Jesus Christ, which really is all taken from the Bible. I have also realized the importance of praying the Rosary on my knees. My prayer to the Blessed Virgin is to make it as though I was born out of her womb, the same womb that carried Jesus, through the power of Holy Spirit at work, and to be my mom in every way possible it is to be a mom, so I can be like Jesus.
I will leave some beautiful quotes taken from the book here so that your mind might be enlightened.
“For no one can possibly be saved without the knowledge of Jesus Christ. And yet a man who knows absolutely nothing of any of the other sciences will be saved as long as he is illumined by the science of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the Rosary that gives us this science and knowledge of our Blessed Lord, through our meditations on His Life, Death, Passion and Glory.” – St. Louis Marie de Montfort.
“If only these poor, wretched sinners will say My Rosary, they will share in the merits of My passion and I would be their advocate and I would appease My Father’s Justice. ” – Our Lord to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“There is no other way to arrive at perfection than to meditate on our Lord’s passion” – St. Michael the Archangel sent by our Lord to St. Mary Magdalene. Then he placed a cross in the front of her cave and told her to pray before it contemplating the sorrowful mysteries which she had seen take place with her own eyes.
“After the Holy sacrifice of the mass, there is no finer devotion than the Holy Rosary, which is like a second memorial and representation of the life and passion of our Lord Jesus Christ” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“Whenever a person in a state of grace says the rosary while meditating on the mysteries of the life and passion of Jesus Christ, he obtains full and entire remission of all his sins.” – Our Lady to Venerable Dominic the Carthusian
“Although there are numerous indulgences already attached to the recitation of my Rosary, I shall add many more to every 50 Hail Marys, each group of 5 decades for those who say them devoutly on their knees, being of course free from mortal sin, and whosoever shall persevere in the devotion of the Holy Rosary saying these prayers and meditations shall be rewarded for it. I shall obtain for him full remission of the penalty and of the guilt of all his sins at the end of his life. Do not be unbelieving as though this is impossible. It is easy for me to do because I am the mother of the King of Heaven and He calls me full of Grace and being full of Grace, I am able to dispense Grace freely to my dear children.” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
I came across many stories that turned my heart to make many prayers to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There was a story of a man who wore a blessed Rosary to get rid of the demons that tormented him and how effective it was at chasing the evil spirits away forever, since the man resolved to wear it night and day. It also talked about a priest who placed a Blessed Rosary around a possessed girl’s neck and how the demons in the girl screamed for it to be taken off, to which the priest did because he worried about the girl. The demons went to priest at night to finish him but the priest had his rosary in his hand and used it to beat the demons. The next day, the priest went to the girl and the demons told him that if he hadn’t had his Rosary they would have finished him, so, the priest placed the Rosary around her neck and commanded the demons to leave by the Sacred Name of Jesus, and that of Mary, His Holy mother and by the power of the Holy Rosary. In another story, there was a Breton soldier called Othère, who wore the Rosary on his arm and carried it on the hilt of his sword as he went off to fight heretics and robbers. His enemies admitted that they had seen his sword gleam and that another time they had noticed a shield on his arm that had pictures of our Lord and our Lady and the saints upon it. This shield made him invincible and gave him the strength to attack well. He defeated 20,000 heretics with only 10 companies and without losing a single man. This impressed the general of the heretic’s army that he came to see Othère afterwards, abjured his heresy and declared publicly that he had seen him surrounded by flaming swords during the battle.
I started wearing my rosary recently because I remembered the advise I got from my mom, back when I had nightmares as a child, to wear the rosary. I had confessed to her about all of my nightmares when one in particular seemed to have broken through into reality. The first time but not the last. (oh, sorry, I just remembered the first time was when I was maybe 5 or younger or a little older by months. I went to my mom but I did not speak about the dream. Because it happens quite often that I remember things after the fact and go back to amend my post, I must apologise in advance. I do not mean to lie.). Anyway, my mom had also given me some Psalms and told me to say them as well as to pray the Rosary but I stopped after a short while. I was too tired to pray and I didn’t want to have to rely on the rosary or on anything or anyone, even if it did work when I prayed. I have known about the power of the rosary from my mom, and an exorcist speak about it when he placed it around a possessed person’s neck but I didn’t know about the things in “The secret of the Rosary”, prior to this week, and I can 100% relate to the stories being said and I resonate so strongly with the emphasis on the meditation on our Lord’s Passion being the way to arrive at perfection, so, I know the Blessed Virgin Mary was leading me to it.
Anyone who speaks badly or in a reserved manner about people wearing the Rosary should take care in their speech. I have heard the argument for this negative view held by some Catholics being that a pop star wore it as a jewellery, and as such the Rosary should not be worn as Jewellery, as though the Rosary should be considered Jewellery by a Catholic when a Catholic sees it being worn. People wear the Religious habit of priests or Nuns as costumes or even to mock or to blaspheme, but I find it hard to believe this has caused any priest or nun to have a reserve about wearing the Religious Habit or Catholics seeing it being worn because it is supposed to mean something to us. My advice to anyone who may have a reserve towards the religious habit or wearing the Rosary openly would be to try to acknowledge to themselves the real reason they are reserved and set themselves free with the truth. “And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.”.
I have a hard time believing anyone wearing a Rosary openly in the US and Canada is expecting to be loved for wearing it. I questioned myself for days on whether I was afraid to wear it openly, instead of hidden, and the truth is I was, even if I told myself I am at work so, I should not do it. I have been praying for courage and the fervour of the saints because, as I told Jesus, I am lacking in Fervour. I had many thoughts yesterday about how I believe it is a tremendous good to wear the Rosary openly and after the thoughts which I do not quite remember (or perhaps I have shared some in this post already), I asked myself a question, “Then, why are you not wearing the Rosary openly?”. I surprised myself when I pulled out my Rosary in the open. I was conscious about it briefly then I forgot I was wearing it, until I got a stare from a colleague, but no question. My prayer is to have the courage to continue to wear it and to be able answer any question when asked. Another beautiful thing happened before I pulled out my Rosary, I did not shy back from speaking about Jesus and the transformative power of life through Christ to a colleague. I felt so happy. I know it is little since there is still so much to speak about, but to me who lacks courage, it is everything.
Do you know that it was once granted to members of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary, a 100 days indulgence for openly wearing the Rosary out of devotion and to set a good example? I do not know why this was changed.
There are still so many other spiritual benefits of joining the Confraternity and if you already pray the three traditional mysteries (Glorious, Joyful and sorrowful mysteries) in a week, you can join it too. I joined the Confraternity quickly after reading the book. My enrolment date is a future date and on the day I got the email from the Confraternity, I felt as though I could die in peace because I had even gone to confession and attended mass and received Communion that day too. To join the confraternity, use this link: Rosary Confraternity.
Pray the Rosary.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I watched a video recently of someone scoffing at the word “baptism” and saying they don’t do that at his church but they do something else, although it does involve water. I could not listen to the end of the video so I don’t know the full story, but what I did hear was annoying to my ears, and it disturbed me, so, I thought I would make a blog post about Baptism. I wrote most of this post months ago and posted on my IG story after I saw a reel where somebody said Baptism is not necessary for salvation or something like that. I could not believe anyone would even say that but I suppose anything is possible with the evil one.
I believe it is such great violence to willfully deny oneself baptism.
As core and focus of the christian life, is the imitation of Christ. What did He say? What did He do? How can I say the things He said? How can I do the things He did?
To be a true follower of Christ, one has to look at Jesus and notice that Jesus, being Himself God and without sin, still went through a baptism and then offered baptism as a gift and a means of becoming a disciple. “Now when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John(although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples)…”
Personally, I think if Jesus went through a baptism, being that He is God and without sin, for anyone to think that they do not need it, would be akin to saying I think I am better than Jesus. Even if such a person or group says that is not the case. Some one might say, “I did not know” and maybe this is true, but if a person believes they follow Jesus, they should try to do all they can to learn about Jesus and all He commanded, even going as far as looking at history, at the Catholic Church Jesus established and said the gates of hell will not overcome.
Some might argue that the Catholic Church of the past is not the same as the Catholic Church of now, but to that I say, “Do not think to call Jesus a liar.”. Because, to say that would mean that the doctrines of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church fell into error at some point, and the gates of hell have indeed overcome it. And at no point did Jesus desire a split over differing ideologies or bad apples but He did see it coming. “I do not pray for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”. I do believe that one day, there will only be “One” church to the glory of Jesus Christ, but as of present, there are those who do not love Jesus in the fullness of all He revealed about Himself and about The Father. No matter, that will change.
Jesus was serious and He meant business in every single thing He did or said. When he was going to wash the feet of Peter and Peter was going to reject Jesus’ gift, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no part in me.” It is possible that in the limited nature of human understanding, one might think, “what is the big deal?”, but, everything Jesus did and said meant something. He is perfection and everything He did was aligned to the will of the Father. Think about it, the King of the universe washed their feet. Can one’s mind fathom this?. But, He did this to show them what they ought to do, so that they imitate Him. “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”
So, when Jesus went through a baptism, He did it so that the glory of God would be revealed through Him and in Him and with Him, when He acted in obedience to the will of the Father, as He Himself said, “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” I believe I have heard it said that in being baptized, Jesus sanctified all waters of baptism. If you look closely at the baptism of Jesus, there are things which happened when the water touched Him. The Holy Spirit came down upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus has shown through His baptism, the reason we need to be baptized. We become recognized as Heirs of the Father through baptism, and by that happening, it is evident that through baptism we are reconciled to the Father, all sins being washed away. You also receive the Holy Spirit at your baptism, God is very pleased with you, God is revealed to all through you and God is glorified through you. Baptism is such a great gift we have been given.
A disciple of Jesus takes everything Jesus says as a command and not a suggestion and Jesus instructed this right before His ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:18. So, who is anyone to argue about this?
Baptism was even spoken of in the old testament, so, how can anyone deny baptism? “I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness…” – Ezekiel 36:25-27
In addition, the apostles have told us the essence of baptism. “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” – 1 Peter 3:21
In another verse, it is written, “Repent and be baptised, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit…”- Acts 2:38-41
And yet again, it is written, “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” This is because we become incorporated into the Body of Christ through Baptism.
And many more, so, there can be no excuse on that day. This is why I think it is willfully violence to do oneself to think you do not need baptism.
Someone might argue, what about Cornelius who received the Holy Spirit before He was baptized? but then, did God allow him to stop at receiving the Holy Spirit, or did God will for Cornelius and his household to receive the gift of baptism because He loved Cornelius?
One might also argue, what about the thief on the cross beside Jesus whom Jesus told, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” but what do we know of this man’s life before he was on the cross? Do we know if he was already baptized by Jesus’ disciples, but fell into sin afterwards. He won’t be the first to do just that. All we know is that He was forgiven by Jesus when he repented. However, even if the thief wasn’t baptized prior to being crucified, if God willed it as an exception, because He wills what He wills and everything He does is good, who is anyone to want to be the exception, when he has given us a command. It feels like pride to me to desire to be the exception. The thing is to deviate from Jesus’ command is to despise His gift and throw His gift in His face, to despise His heart and to be presumptuous, to hold the relationship claimed to be had with Him in contempt. On what leg does one have to stand on? Bear in mind that rebellion is likened to the sin of divination in the bible. It was so serious that King Saul was rejected by God.
God help us all.
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Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
This is imperfect and very rough, but I wrote down my reflections while praying the Seven Sorrows of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and I thought I would refine it a bit and put it here just in case anyone needs help meditating on the seven sorrows (It appears that I will continue refining this post).
Mary heard from Simeon that her Child is destined to bring about the rise and fall of many, that He will be a sign which men will refuse to acknowledge, and also, so the thoughts of many hearts would be made manifest, a sword shall pierce her soul also.
I recognize a grief three-fold….no, six-fold. She must have felt grief/stricken to hear about the downfall of men (her heart must have sunk). As well, the thought that her child was to bring about the rise and fall of men; that must have been perplexing/troubling. Her heart must have sorrowed deeply to imagine that her baby would face such profound rejection. As she considered the state of man (the deep brokenness and sinful nature), which would be revealed through her grief, did she feel alone and sorrow when she encountered its depths in her pondering? She must have been moved in heart with perfect charity for the brokenness of the human race and yet bore within herself a deep sadness for God. Did she sorrow for her son, Who would suffer and whose heart would be pierced through along with hers?
Oh, it is actually a seven-fold sorrow: her soul/heart still gets pierced when people reject her Son, Jesus, and their nature is revealed. I read/listened (audiobook) to The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Sienna, that this sorrow in heaven for God is without pain, I think. A powerful book that I recommend.
Apart from her grief or should I say “their grief”, Mary and Joseph were obedient to the law of God. They did not say, “oh, we have the messiah now, let us drop all customs and traditions passed down from the time of Moses, it does not apply to us.”. They were humble and had the fear of God, even being the Mother of God and the Foster Father of the King of the universe. There was a wait for Jesus to establish His Church and His new covenant, and the traditions and customs have been passed down and upheld by the Catholic Church from that time onwards.
I had a thought that when Mary gave birth to Jesus, she not only gave birth to her Baby, her bundle of Joy, she gave birth to The Fullness of Joy. So, at the prophecy of Simeon, her grief was complete desolation, at the thought of the loss of her Fullness of Joy.
I had another thought that Mary must have longed for Jesus all her life because she was made to carry Him in her womb. That longing must have been great and perfect because of how great her love is. She must have had a fullness of joy when the Angel announced she would bear Jesus and when she did give birth to Him and took care of Him. To hear about losing Him after all this; her grief must have been through the roof. Still, she was fully submitted to the message from God that The Child He had given her, her fullness of joy would suffer so much and die. She trusted so much in the goodness of God despite this, to give herself completely to Him, despite the apparent horror of the pain which was to come. Mary is not an ordinary woman. She did not even flinch back and away from God. She pressed forward towards God to give herself completely to Him, Who is all good. I know that she is exactly who I want to be like. “Mother of perpetual help, please make me like you. Amen.”
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sorrowful and Immaculate heart of Mary, pray for us.
Saint Joseph, pray for us.
2. The Flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-21)
Joseph received a message from an Angel in a dream that he should take Mary and Jesus and depart for Egypt until he is told it is safe to return, for Herod wanted to kill his Child, Jesus.
I recognize the deep trust Joseph had in believing the words of an Angel, although it came to him in a dream, and for leaving with his family that night without questioning it. I see a submission to Joseph on the part of Mary in going along with it without arguing. It must also have been hard on Mary, to uproot her life and make a journey to Egypt on such short notice, in the middle of the night, no less, on treacherous and hard roads. Yet, she got up, ever eager and ready to do the will of God and to be submissive to her husband, Joseph. They were very detached from material possessions and their community, not restricting or limiting in any way their love for their people. They were in the world but not of the world. I imagine they packed little for this journey. I also imagine their anxiety must have shot up too, to think their precious baby Jesus in danger, and they must have felt a profound desire to protect Him fiercely. They trusted God and submitted their lives to God’s hands to set out on this journey. “If He has told us to take this journey, then He would surely protect and provide for us.” Faith. Hope. Love.
Mother, please help me to be detached from material possessions and worldly status for it is the world I have always known and longed for, you who knows how to be content with all that God gives you and ask for nothing more.
Mary must have felt deep worry at the thought of her baby in danger. Did she give Jesus a kiss on the cheek out of love and out of comfort, as she held Him in her arms, and her worry rose up? Jesus allowed Himself to go through this discomfort. Was He woken up by this or did He sleep all through the journey? She must have worried all throughout the journey and even while they lived in Egypt until Herod passed away. Imagine how grieved she felt when she heard news after they had left that Herod had killed the babies in Israel who were 2 years and under. And her grief was for the babies, for Herod, for Israel, for herself, for her family, and for God. Is there something else I am missing?
3. The Loss of Jesus for Three Days (Luke 2:41-50)
“Now His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when He was twelve years old, they went up according to custom; and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing Him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought Him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him”
The Holy Family were very communal. They trusted their kinfolk enough to leave Jesus in their company for a day without worrying about Him. “It takes a village”, comes to mind. I imagine it was a loving extended family and burden was shared between one another.
Mary and Joseph must have felt disbelief at first that He was missing before disbelief gave way to tremendous worry. They must have been unable to sleep when they thought Jesus had been missing for a day and they were only just finding out after 1 day. Maybe Mary cried too. I only say this because I cry when I am distraught but maybe she is different. Joseph must have tried to be strong for his family. Their worry must have mingled with their sorrow at the thought that something terrible had happened to their son, a son they had protected at the time of His infancy by taking a hard journey into Egypt, only to have lost Him now that He was 12 years old. Also, considering that His life had once been in danger from Herod, they may have supposed the worst had happened. One feels doubly sorrowful when a negative human experience which brings about fear and grief repeats itself. I believe this was the case for them and their grief must have been one of a compounded nature when they considered Him missing or hurt somewhere or worse. They must have felt they failed in their mission from God to take care of Him, while they searched for him. Mary must have worried about how or what He would eat or drink, as a mother would. They must have looked everywhere and asked everyone, trying to describe him to anyone they stopped. “He’s about this tall…he was wearing this outfit…” I also think that in their grief they were consoled by God.
I think it must have taken a day’s journey to return back to Jerusalem, and another day to find him, to make that a total of 3 days. They found Him in the temple listening to the teachers and questioning them. I wonder if they heard about a little wise and charismatic boy preaching in the temple with authority and thought, “Jesus”. When He was found and questioned by Mary and Joseph about His actions, He reminded them of the reality of Who He is and His mission.
“And when they saw Him they were astonished; and His mother said to him, “Son, why have You treated us so? Behold, Your father and I have been looking for You anxiously.” And He said to them, “How is it that you sought Me? Did you not know that I must be in My Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying which He spoke to them. And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and His mother kept all these things in her heart.”
I wonder what Mary thought about. Did she keep it in her heart to never forget what was to come? Did she keep it in her heart because she delighted in the works of God? Did she wonder how she was going to help Him accomplish His mission. Was it everything?
We often can get carried away with mundane things and forget what our mission is, that is, to do the good works which God has prepared beforehand; to walk in it, and we need a jolt sometimes to remember. Could this have been something similar? In any case, their joy must have been great to have found him. Jesus can always be found in His Father’s house. If you seek God, you will find Him, and your joy will be full.
New entry (12Oct2025): I have come to think recently that perhaps Mary and Joseph were not surprised. I wondered why Mary was surprised, if Jesus said “Did you not know that I must be in My Father’s House?”. It appeared to me now that Jesus knew she knew, so I wondered why she was anxiously searching. It occurred to me as I prayed the 5th Joyful mystery that she knew and that is why she was anxiously searching. She held a deep knowledge and understanding of what His actions meant for Him. It meant His ministry would become very visible and kick off a countdown to the commencement of His Passion. So, I also wondered, “then why did the bible say they were astonished?”. I looked into the etymology of the word “astonished” and found it didn’t always mean surprised. In 1590s, it meant a “state of being amazed or shocked with wonder;” and earlier, in the 1570s, it meant “paralysis”. (From Etymology of the Word: Astonishment). So, in light of understanding better, I am able to glean from there that they were paralysed or struck with an overwhelm of anxiousness because of the full bible verse: “And when they saw Him they were astonished; and His mother said to him, “Son, why have You treated us so? Behold, Your father and I have been looking for You anxiously.”. They were overwhelmingly worried about Him, even having knowledge of where He would be, because they had knowledge of something greater. So, they felt the pain/anguish of loss before it was fully realised. This is what I think now, not that they forgot.
Jesus had great zeal for God and would begin His ministry as soon as possible, as it is written “Zeal for Your House has consumed Me”; but Jesus was obedient to the law out of love for God even though He is above the law. So, He went home with His parents and was obedient to them.
New entry (12Oct2025): How else does one explain this verse other than He was consumed with Love for His Father and His Father’s Will for Him to suffer and die, and He wished for it to be accomplished in earnest: “I came to cast fire upon the earth; and would that it were already kindled! I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how I am constrained until it is accomplished!”
Since He loves so greatly and perfectly, in being obedient, He sacrificed greatly and perfectly while He waited. Love is obedience. Love is sacrifice. Love is humility. Love is meek. Love is patient.
I had a thought that when He was thought to be missing, Mary’s Joy was missing too until she found Him. Mary serves as an arrow which points to Joy only to be found when we seek Jesus and find Jesus. Through her, we are able to experience the Fullness of Joy of finding Jesus. She points us to Jesus.
4. The Carrying of the Cross (John 19:17)
“So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called the place of a skull, which is called in Hebrew Gol′gotha.”
Consider the great pain Jesus felt from the thorns piercing/digging into His head after the wounds He had received from His scourging, so that thinking and moving must have been terribly difficult. I can consider this to a mild degree when I remember how it hurt so badly when I had a sore throat from Covid, that I could not even think properly enough to close my mouth, such that saliva fell to the ground. How much more was the magnitude of Jesus’ pain?
The brutality of His executioners was so peak that they had subjected Him to a scourging with all sorts of sinister weapons, clawing His flesh and placing Him in a pool of His Blood, a crowning with sharp thorns, reviling and beating, before throwing on His shoulders a heavy wooden cross to carry, the instrument of His execution, to the place of His execution. Think what this torture did to His mind and body to go through all this mental, physical and emotional suffering. The pain He felt was not only because of the injustice of suffering when He spoke the Truth, or only because He is Holy and Perfect but additionally, because He is God and we are the work of His hands rebelling against Him, Who has created us and given us life and meaning. How can one understand the pain and sadness He felt not only on His Body, but in His heart, with which He has loved us so much?
At any point, He could have thrown the cross away or lost his temper or lashed out and destroyed all of humanity, but instead with perfect love and patience, even in His state, His feet and His heart moved forward to the place of a skull. Ordinarily, a human should not have been able to hold it together or even take a step, considering the extreme pain, but for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit Who propelled Him. His heart swelled with greater love as He made this journey.
“Lord Jesus, imbue in me Your patience and Your Love for mankind, so that I may ever love people as You Love and in turn, love You Who are Holy and Perfect and deserving of all my love. Amen.”
I read that the greatest wound that Jesus bore that is not spoken about much is the wound on His shoulder from the cross digging into His skin. Under the weight of the cross, His pain and struggle caused Him to trip too quickly, and lose his footing 3 times. Each time, the cross slammed onto His back, as His face hit the ground. The thorns dug even further into His head. His writhing body in pain was a source of anger and disgust to His executioners, who hit Him further with whips and their feet, in a bid to get Him to His feet. Their eyes looked but without seeing The Man. Their hearts cold, cruel and unmoved at the sight of His suffering. He did not lose His temper but rose up, carrying His cross, with great strength, perfect love and patience that is impossible without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and His eyes locked with His mother’s.
Did he feel alone until that moment? “Mom” I think He could have echoed in His mind.
Could there have been comfort in sorrow, when the eyes of Mary and Jesus met, on the way to Calvary, despite the deep sorrow that pierced Mary’s heart and the pain that ravaged her body and soul? Did the noise of the crowd drown out as she tried to be strong for Him. She had known this moment was to come and now here, she has walked with Him, with anguish filling her heart as she watched him take painful steps forward. She looked on with a tenderness, sorrow and strength. How she wished to take His place as she took in His bruised and blood soaked face and body; His pain registered in His eyes and face as He gazed at her, which broke her heart even further. And she would have rushed over to Him too, if she had not been prevented. I say she would have gone immediately, because that was her reaction to the news of her cousin Elizabeth being pregnant and also at the feast at Cana. She has a heart which goes in love to those needing helping and her love is not just words but actions. Her heart remembered the words of Simeon and she was full of consternation to see the affliction that had come to her Son.
The prophecy of Simeon, the danger when He was an infant and His loss when He was 12 years were all but preparatory for this moment, to a heart tinged with sorrow throughout the raising of her Son, and yet nothing could really prepare Her to see it come to be. And how the pain ripped through her heart in her grief as she accompanied Him on His way to Calvary. She wanted so much to comfort Him.
His grief must have doubled when He took in her sorrow for Him. Both ever committed to submitting to the Will of the Father, brimming with ardent love for God and perfect charity for all mankind, knowing that it had to be.
Our comfort in sorrow, pray for us.
Then, there was Simon of Cyrene, an unwilling participant, who was commanded by the soldiers to help Jesus carry His Cross, because they feared that He would die before He reached the place of His execution, and they did not want that. They wanted to inflict maximum pain and ridicule.
This unwilling participant was converted in his encounter with Jesus Christ and became a saint through the mercy and love of God.
The call of all christians is to help to carry the cross of Christ, His suffering in His Body, so that we, through the love and mercy of God, become like God.
5. The Crucifixion of Jesus (John 19:18-30)
I like the note from St. JoseMaria Escriva that Mary comforted Jesus with her presence. For it is through the strength of the presence of the one who loves perfectly that we are perfectly comforted.
“There they crucified Him, and with Him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them.”
This is a thought, as with the rest of these reflections, but I imagine at the point where the nails were being driven through the hands and feet of our Lord Jesus, He let out a cry of pain, and in His heart called out for His Father, “Father, Father, Father.”
My Lord Jesus was very on mission to the very end, wanting to fulfil every prophecy out of Perfect Love for God and for us, even though He could have chosen to conserve His energy. “My God My God, why have You forsaken Me” “I thirst” etc. How I long to have such love and how I fall short every time. “O Lord Jesus, please help me to be loud about my love for people even if I do not hate them or respect their choices. Please break me out of my silence and reservedness around them so that I may radiate Your Love so clearly to them, not just internally. Amen.”
The prophecy of Simeon continues to play out, as the depth of the brokenness of mankind is naked to the eyes of some onlookers and to some of us, “He saved others; He cannot save Himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him.” “He trusts in God; let God deliver Him now, if he desires Him; for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” And the robbers who were crucified with Him also reviled Him in the same way.
In the midst of this, we see Jesus turn towards The Father to intercede for us, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” and as well, His redemptive work through His sacrifice was in action. We see this clearly when the thief repents of his mocking, and turns to Jesus saying, “Remember me when You go into Your Kingdom”. The rise and the fall, just as Simeon had prophesied and in perfect order, Mary’s heart was lanced through, as she comforted her Son with the strength of her silent presence, thoroughly united to His pain and His suffering, in perfect charity. Did Mary pray for all sinners at the foot of the cross and offer up Christ’s passion to God?
“Lord Jesus, please remember me in Your Kingdom. Amen.”
How blessed we are, that even on the cross, our Saviour thought of us in giving us Mary, our comfort in sorrows, to be our Mother. “Behold your mother”
“Thank You, Jesus for giving me Mary to be my mother.”
How she comforts us her children, even in her silence, united with us in perfect charity, when we grieve. “Please comfort me mom because you love me.”
6. Jesus Taken Down from the Cross (John 19:39-40)
“But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs. But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and at once there came out Blood and Water.”
To confirm that Jesus is dead, the centurion pierces Jesus’ side and Blood and Water gushes out upon him and on the whole world. In that moment, the Centurion was saved when he uttered, “Truly this was the Son of God!”
“Truly, Lord Jesus, You are the Son of God!”
He was saved by the Most Precious Blood and Water which gushed out of the side of Jesus. “I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Temple. Alleluia. It brought God’s life and salvation, and the people sing with songs of Praise…Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia. I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Son of God, Alleluia…”
O Blood and Water which gushed out from the heart of Jesus as a fountain of mercy for us, I trust in You! x3
Consider Mary seeing this, her heart transfixed and sorrowing as she watched His skin pierced. Her heart suffered further to see His body injured even after death; she gulped in a deep breath, and her body trembled as she looked on.
His brutal suffering and death had not been enough for mankind and as though He had not given enough, they had to take more. She, with perfect charity, said “Yes” to it knowing that God so willed it to be.
How many times have I asked for more when I have been given so much love and fail to return such love to my neighbours.
Also, consider Jesus Who allowed for His skin to be pierced even after suffering such a tortured death.
“This is just how deep My love is for you, that even after my body had been bruised and beaten, nailed and bleeding, reviled and exposed, writhing and heart broken, hanging dead on a cross, I would allow my heart to be broken open for you and I would pour myself out upon you so that you will be healed by My love, if you would trust it. Yet still, I would do even more.”
Jesus I trust in You! x3
“After this Joseph of Arimathe′a, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly, for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him leave. So he came and took away His body.”
Think what courage it took Joseph to ask for the body of Jesus. Yet, the love of God ought to propel us forward to complete inestimable feats. How I long to love God with a love so perfect and yet how I fall short so many times. “Lord Jesus please give me the fervour of the saints who went forward regardless of the consequence to bring You to people, so that their ignorance may be broken and their souls may be liberated from the captivity of the evil one, and they may be well and do good as it pleases You. Amen.”
Here His mother, Mary, takes His lifeless body in her arms. Her grief surges upwards, as she considers His lifeless body which had been strong and full of life a day before. Her son whom she had carried for nine months in her womb, nursed at her bosom, protected from the beasts of humanity who sought His life, when only a baby/infant. She had watched Him laugh, play and grow up strong and full of life and He had brought so much joy and fulfilment to her life. His body, she had hugged so many times when He was alive but now she hugs His lifeless body to hers in silent sorrow. Jesus abandoned Himself to the care of His mother and His elect. He abandoned Himself to the care of God. He allowed death to crush Him. He allowed Himself to be in the position of defeat. He allowed Himself to take on a humbling state, lifeless and without bodily function; His body able to move in unseemly directions due to a lack of control. A state of total abandon. He loves with total abandon; child-like love.
I cannot imagine the grief of a mother losing her child; I, who has so much attachment to trivial things that I pause and wince before cutting them off, talk less of losing a whole human who has been loved with a love so perfect. I am reminded of my imperfect love. “Please heal my heart mom.”
However, I have seen from the eyes and voice of my mother that it is an unimaginable grief. I can say though that I have known grief that I almost lost my mind, when I thought my sister was dead. Was her grief similar but tempered and perfect?
“Lord Jesus please help me to love You more than created things. Amen.” “Mother, please unite my heart to your grief and the suffering of your Son, so that my heart will be able to see Him and You in your glorified states. Amen.”.
7. Jesus Laid in the Tomb (John 19:39-42)
“Nicode′mus also, who had at first come to Him by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pounds’ weight…Now in the place where He was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb where no one had ever been laid.”
The body of Jesus was wrapped in a linen shroud and spices, and Mary helped out too, taking great care. My Lord Jesus relied on the generosity of Joseph of Arimathe′a, for His resting place. We all have our part to play in God’s redemptive work and he did his.
They laid Jesus in a tomb which had never been used before; His burial place in a garden given out of love. Mary must have taken one final glance back at Him before departing. Her heart was buried with her son’s in that garden, and being that her heart is one that loves perfectly, she must have considered, much like the faith of Abraham, that surely God is able to raise Him up. Her silent hope rested on Jesus’ words, that He lays His life down to take it up again. “Lord Jesus, help me to rest my hope solely on Your words, like Your mom. Amen.”
Our first parents died to life in the garden of Eden through the sin of disobedience and so were separated along with their children from God. The New Adam and the New Eve died to sin in another garden through obedience and have united us to God. So, if we have died with Christ through Baptism, we will also be raised to newness of life in Christ, just as Christ was raised from the dead by and to the glory of the God, The Father. Amen.
“O Lord Jesus, please keep me away from the disobedience which leads to separation from You. Amen.”
“Mother Mary, if it pleases God, please take my will, my body, my soul, my heart, my intellect, my memory, my imagination, my dreams, my mind, and all of me, and give me only all that is yours, so that I may always be pleasing to God. Amen.”
The stone was rolled over the entrance to the tomb and they departed, and Mary was separated from her son.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary, and let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song you could listen to (Sounds better on Spotify BTW)
I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.
I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.
I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God.
I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.
I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.
It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure.
Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times.
All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.
I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary.
My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self,but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”
I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.
My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.
Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.
My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.
I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.
I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.
I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.
To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
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