Category Archives: Realisation

Discipline

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena

St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. I would go 24 hours without eating and I did not feel hunger, but would only come to know when I realised I had forgotten to eat. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.

4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.

I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”

So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.

I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.

The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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Why We Pray

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.

I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.

I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.

I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.

I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.

Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.

While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.

Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.

I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.

I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.

Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.

My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.

So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.

If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Seeing Without Perceiving

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

These days, my Instagram feed is mostly about Bible verses or the things of Christ. Even though I cannot dispute it is a good thing to have my feed full of the things of God, I fear I have lost a lot of my initial motivation; the desire to only see the things of God. Without intending to, I have tamed the algorithm of my feed by liking bible verses, prayers and the things of God, because I do indeed like them. They are good after all. As a result of this, even though I engage in scrolling, it cannot be mindless but it is somewhat driven by a distractedness. Yesterday night, just before bed, I engaged in this same distracted scrolling, and I would like each reel as I scrolled. I stumbled across verses about the significance of Christ’s suffering and death and a verse caused me to pause. It could be that the verse from Isaiah which I had intently listened to in church hours earlier, had helped to bring it all together in my mind as I scrolled, such that I reached enlightenment on reading the verse from St. Peter which said that “He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed”

I could not help but wonder, “Could it be that our sins were literally his wounds?”

For some reason, I had been trying so hard to understand it beyond what was stated when it was as plain as day. Am I the last in coming to know this?

There is no humour in the suffering and death of Jesus. There is so much gravity to sin that I have missed for most of my life. Was it purposeful because I could not bear it?

It is as plain as Isaiah said, that “As many were astonished at him his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the sons of men—so shall he startle many nations; kings shall shut their mouths because of him; for that which has not been told them they shall see, and that which they have not heard they shall understand”.

That is just how gnarly sin is, and rightly so, we all should be astonished by sin and its effect. Every wound Jesus took on, that which was visible and invisible to the human eyes, I inflicted and yet He chose it willingly so that I may have life through His suffering. It is the redemptive power of suffering when it is offered up to God, united to Jesus, of which I now have a share in, and only quite recently did I grasp this, without even fully realizing what I was doing, until I wrote about it.

I woke up this morning and I pondered even more about all of this which I have mentioned. I remembered the passage from scripture that said, “they will see without perceiving, hear but without understanding.”. I could not help but wonder, “What else have I missed?”. I was so full of gratitude to God, so I thanked Jesus for His offering of Himself and I thanked God the Father and the Holy Spirit for enlightening me.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song to listen to!

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My Helper

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By Cynthia Aralu

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From whence does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved,
    He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep. 

The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not smite you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

Psalm 121:1-6

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

For most of the time I have written, which is a good chunk of my life, whenever I set out to write, I have allowed my emotions to drive me. Sometimes, I had written after a chance inspiration by a body of work which I found to be inspiring and other times, I wrote from my place of interacting with the things and the people in my life. I don’t think I have really included God in my writing process, at least not until recently, when I began writing about God; then I started praying before writing. I did this because I got nervous about writing the wrong things about God or leading people astray.

I did some introspection after my poem, “Hey Mom” was refined by my younger brother. The experience left me feeling a bit shaken for some days. I realized on looking back on the poem I wrote about “Expected Endings”; I had been purely driven and guided by churning emotions. I believe most of what I have considered “some of my best works” have usually been produced this way. Even as I put the arrangement together for “Expected Endings” up on my blog, I did not pray since I was not directly mentioning God on the post. I seemed to have separated my work from God in doing this. As if to say, “Now, I get to post something of mine since I have posted everything else I wanted to post about God.” Actually, my thought process was exactly this.

Before or while writing the poem “Hey Mom”, I had said a prayer to God for His help to write well. I felt nothing as I wrote but I tried to refine the poem as best as I could on my journey home from the church. I posted the poem on my blog late at night but sent off a copy separately to my younger brother for his feedback. I suppose I wasn’t expecting anything major from him, but when I woke I up and picked up my phone, I saw his replies. We had a back and forth on my way to work, as I did not fully grasp what he was getting at. Understanding of his point of his view hit me, from seeing what his refinements were, just as my bus halted at the bus stop. I teared up in reaction to this assent of my mind to his creative genius, as I alighted from the bus; a reaction stemming entirely from a strong wave of inadequacy which washed over me and nothing more.

Logical or not, that feeling of inadequacy which had labelled me a horrible writer might have been, I cannot say. I can say however, that by the time I arrived at my office, I pondered on the fact that I had prayed to God for His help to write a good poem, but His help had come through my brother. I think I was rattled majorly because His help did not come in the form I had expected it. I literally want God to show up in dazzling ways through me, but He does not want me to be alone, so, He shows me the bar of my limitations, urging me to lean on the strength he has supplied to others, to surpass my limits.

So, I prayed to Him to send me a helper for a petition I have been making for a while now. 

This experience made me realize three things: (1) God does not want me to be alone, (2) God will use the people or whatever it is He has sent into my life to help me whether or not they realize it or even want to help me and (3) I do not want to keep my writing separate from God.

I will figure this writing thing out with God because my help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song to listen to!

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No Coincidence

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone. Pray the Rosary.

I started believing there were no coincidences even before understanding the reason I believed it, beyond something I heard on a TV show, coupled with my ability to connect dots where people didn’t. I did not grasp the depth of what I believed either, beyond the little that I did see.

Recently, however, I came across a passage of scripture about Angel Gabriel’s visit to Zachariah, and it dawned on me in a deeper way that there are no coincidences in life. Zachariah was going about his duty as a priest before God, and it fell to him “by lot” to enter the temple of the Lord and burn incense. And there, he was met by the angel who gave him the message from God that he would have a son and name his son, John.

What had the appearance of being random, was all within God’s providence and will.

I called that to mind when certain disappointing and hurtful things happened to me and offered the events and my emotions up to God. I felt a weight lift off my chest, as I submitted to God on separate occasions, even praising and thanking God in the most recent event. It is as John Jin Han sang in “Days of Youth”, “I know there is still so much growing that I have to do but I know in the end, I want to burn for God”. I am not so gracious in processing it all as it happens to me but I will leave it to Him to give me the grace to have more grace, then I will actually be able to act like my other name.

My other name is Amarachukwu. It is an “Igbo” name and it means “the grace of God”. I was given that name at birth because of an overflow of thanksgiving and gratitude my mom felt towards God at my safe, easy and quick delivery. Upon giving birth to me, she had broken out in an “Igbo” song which featured my name. To give more context, while my mom had been pregnant with me, a soothsayer had told her that when she gave birth to me, there would be joy and crying. So, my mom’s joyous gratitude to God had flowed from her faith in God and her utter dependence on God to deliver her and hers from all evil, which is why she had decided to go into prayer rather than to accept the soothsayer’s suggestion of a fetish ritual to prevent the evil omen.

My mom told me my name means more than the grace of God but she couldn’t really describe it to me in English because as she explained, the English Language is limited in its expression of the meaning of my name. I think she described it as the goodness of God, the gift of God, the grace of God and the mercy of God all balled up in one name.

My naming was not a coincidence. Even the soothsayer’s prophecy was not a coincidence. Neither was my mom’s doubling down in prayer, a coincidence. Not even my birth or my life. All I know is that the devil has always been after us, even as a baby in my mother’s womb, and God has always been protecting us. If my mom had given in to that temptation, we would have been destroyed. Even the soothsayer recognized the spirit in my mom when the soothsayer turned to my dad and told him to ask my mom if she would agree, because as the soothsayer expressed, she could sense that my mom wouldn’t.

As I count my blessings in this life, as I look around at the evil and tragedy in the world, I suppose I think how sad it is to see so much sadness in this world. Yet, I know if you look closely, this world is fading away, and who’s to say the ones whom I learnt just passed away tragically are not the blessed ones.

I have always dreamt of a place full of order, a perfect place. It is my reason for leaving home. I know now that I was naive in my thinking. There is no perfect place. Yet, I do not regret my decision to leave. I came to realize recently that I have been longing for heaven all along. I have been longing for God. This longing hits me harder at certain periods and I get tired of being here. I can only pray for a happy death and hope in Christ my Saviour.

It is my hope that my life and death brings glory to God. Even my many sins and mistakes. How they weigh down heavy on me, as I am starting to recognize the gravity of them, after I have confessed them. How nonchalant I have lived without considering God. It is an all-permeating, fixed thought; of how much I have been loved even while being wholly undeserving, even now. I struggle to extend that grace to people; to be moved with compassion for people when they hurt me instead of taking offence. Just one of the things I am processing and praying about. I know one day even this struggle will be a thing of the past because I know that God is shaping me from one moment unto the next into the image of His Son, my Lord Jesus. I feel His guiding and instructive footprint in my mind and in my life, even as I am a mixture of resistance and willingness. I tell Him I am trying my best and ask for His help to be joyful in complying without that initial resistance. It is a funny scene but it is also rough.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you can listen to!
Another lovely song you can listen to!

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St. Paul

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Today’s post was written on a night in January. I am convinced I am loved by God no matter what because of St. Paul’s confidence. I believe it is similar to what Fr. Mike Schmitz has explained about our belief not being in isolation when we say the Nicene Creed. We believe in and with a community of believers and are strengthened together in the midst of all believers. My translation of what he’d said anyway. Funny enough, I wrote this post prior to listening to Fr. Mike Schmitz.

It was nighttime that day and I thought of St. Paul as I ate my peppery pasta. I tried to imagine how he must have felt. He’d sinned against God when he persecuted God’s people. I wondered for a moment if he ever went back in his head and heart and felt torture remembering this but as soon as that thought formed, I realized he felt loved because a summarized version of a bible verse which he wrote popped into my head right after.

“Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

I knew with certainty that he felt loved and I felt loved as well by proxy.

Reading the bible verse now, I must admit he says it so much better. His conviction carries through and lifts my heart. So, I shall put it here for you to read, so that your heart will find rest from its torment.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:35-39 (NIV)

08 Jan 2023

“Catalogued thoughts”

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

St. Paul By Cynthia Aralu (Audio Recording)
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2022 In Review

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I started off the year feeling hopeful. I wished to remain hopeful and persevere once again this year.

There were moments I lost hope. I felt hurt. I felt pain. I could not see the light. When I caught myself doing this, I reminded myself to hope once again. I am glad I kept on hoping.

Wonderful things happened to me this year in the midst of life’s turbulence. I got a merit raise. I am thankful to God that I had the courage to ask for a raise…and for the raise as well. The raise didn’t even come to me until 3 months had passed after I had asked. I wanted more in the way of professional development into a future career path I am hopeful for but when I asked I was not given that opportunity.

After a long wait this year, my Canadian PR was approved and in the same month as my mom’s too.

I dealt with unsavoury characters and thrived in a hostile environment. A character showed a softness towards the end of my time in London that I never expected.

I had a conversation with someone about this and she told me we attract everything that happens to us. I don’t agree with what I had been told about attracting all that I am because I have not had unkindness dealt towards me because this is what I put out. I had had a tough time in London. I had met difficult people and the wall I developed was higher than that of the wall of China. I never let myself be soft with these people. I matched their toughness and defended myself. Even though I didn’t fully agree with her, I did wonder if there was some level of truth to what she said. It made me sad. It made me ask myself these questions.

“Is it faith I’m lacking,

Is it hope I’m lacking,

Is it love?

Maybe it’s all.”

– Me (23 Sep 2022)

While I do not agree with her now, I do see how I could have reacted differently to the way I had been treated. I could have been soft towards them while they were terrible to me and rejoiced in it. Now, I see it as a chance I could have used to draw even closer to God. To know His word, To know His Will. To know Him.

I was complacent in my spirituality and I didn’t realize this until I had moved to Canada. I actually had a thought in London prior to moving, “If God is not angry with me because He was still good to me. Then, it must be fine. I must be doing nothing wrong.”

I had a tough time with my job applications in Canada and I thought, “Could God be mad at me?”

I had felt I was good relatively, but upon self examination, I realized I was far from being okay and I resolved to fix things.

I am not quite sure what spurred on my study of the bible.

Was it the funny skit that Ariel Fitzpatrick made. The one where she said, “God answers the prayer of the righteous”. That skit had caused me to pause. I did not feel righteous. I always imagined it impossible to be righteous so, I never really thought I could win there and I never tried, but I did know I am a daughter of The Most High and I am loved regardless of my imperfections.

Was it the bible notification I received which said to “Seek first His kingdom and everything else will be added onto you”. Did that do it?

I know I sensed I was supposed to seek God. Even heard a voice say, “Seek me” at some point. I read about Abraham, who himself was a nomad, and I could relate to him in that aspect of his life. Reading about Abraham made me realize what it meant to be righteous. Obedience to God. Then, I read the Bible even more. I explored devotional plans on YouVersion that I felt I was supposed to read and I learnt more about God and how I have not exactly been living a life that was pleasing to God and it felt ridiculous to me that I had even been complacent.

I found God once again, but also quite differently. This time I care enough to do what pleases Him because he really does care about what I do and I love Him. I think I am still learning and growing to be firm in these things, praying and asking for His help every step of the way.

The year ends soon. I am so hopeful for all the New Year will hold. I am expectant of the blessings God has in store for me and I feel His love for me; His presence in my life.

In the New Year, I hope to have an even stronger understanding of who God is and to live as he would want. I hope for all things good and soft in the New Year. I especially hope to have faith, hope and love, swirling within me and everywhere all around me.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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Community

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary

Today’s post is really about the importance of community. Sometimes, I do not really have the words the convey my thoughts and feelings. So, I rely on past words from myself and others to convey my heart.

———————————————-

The first mini write-up are the words from a priest’s sermon that has been stuck in my head since I heard it in 2017/2018.

A Priest’s Sermon

“If God is community, why go it alone?”

– Fr Uche of St. Joseph’s Catholic Church New Malden, London

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In the second mini write-up, I realized my family and I always had community even if we may not have always seen them.

To Those Left Behind 

I attended a mid week prayer session on Clubhouse and one of the speakers while praying, said some words for the people who passed away. She went further to add a prayer:

“And for those left behind…” Her words came through my phone’s speaker. 

Maybe I have heard this line in prayers a million times before. However, at that mid week prayer session, it felt like the first time I had heard a prayer for the ones left behind. The words “Left behind” really registered in my mind because it described exactly how I felt after my father died. My anger had been great that I had been left behind. But even more important than my past anger which all dissipated a long time ago, I was surprised that we’d been prayed for by people who knew us and those who didn’t, and that we were constantly being included in the gathering of believers who said the same prayer. 

“Were we prayed for?” That was my thought as I’d heard her prayer. Just how much were we bolstered as a family by these prayers by no faces, even when we could have been defeated? I just think there is something powerful about that.

I am grateful to have had the support of all who said that prayer and I am humbled at the immensity of the community that is found within the Church. 

– Me (28 May 2022)

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The third is an indulgence in retrospection on the importance of having your own community, even more important when you are having a bad time.

Isolation 

People are peculiar when they say because they are going through it, they cannot make the required effort to keep relationships going. Basic contact to say Hi . I have been through it. And by it, I mean periods of mental incapacity. 

I think in all of it, through all of my internal cries for help, it was my isolation that killed me most.

– Me (08 Sep 2022)

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To wrap up today’s post, I am reminded of the words of Albaner C. Eugene, when he spoke of surface relationships. He likened the relationship that God calls us to have with Him as one which is intimate and draws a parallel to the type of relationship he would prefer to have with his community. There is reciprocity in intimacy…true intimacy, that is, which asks of us to be vulnerable with each other. I am reminded as well of a conclusion I made about Jesus from reading the book of Mark; Jesus was okay being vulnerable regardless of being all knowing. I suppose I have been blessed with my family, that I can indeed be vulnerable with them. My mind draws back to a time when I was comfortable being vulnerable with friends until I found it difficult to trust. I suppose I would like to change that. I would like to build meaningful, deeper friendships.

Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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Thoughts and Feelings

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi Everyone! It has been a long while since I posted on my blog and podcast. I got tired early on in the year and it was difficult to create any content for both platforms, although I never did stop writing. Thank you to everyone who were patient with me while I was away. A special shout-out to Eylem Parlak and Matthew Gibson, for liking old posts and reminding me to be here.

I have had this post in drafts since March 13 2022. I read it recently and I absolutely loved it. I hope you do too.

I had the idea to put together mini thoughts I’ve had for a post. I found two in my notes which I have included here. I also included an extra at the end which I wrote later on in April.

The Rick and Morty Epiphany 

I watched S2 ep7 of Rick and Morty and I finally realised why it matters to me that Dean died. Dean was a man I only ever interacted with when he posted his beautiful, dark poetry on IG and he sent me an IG message before he passed on. 

In the dramatic words of Rick: 

“What is life?

How can someone so talented die so young?

What is being young?

I’m not young. I’m old.

I’m — I’m gonna die. ”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Afterlife Argument 

I received my daily bible verse notification and it said:

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” – 1 Peter 5:10

And I felt this way:

The promise, sometimes, feels so abstract. I think of “the now” all the time and only a little ahead, because there are a lot of the things I really can’t control, which looms in a future with multiple possibilities. I’m not “good” because of a promise. I do good for my peace of mind. So, it really does feel abstract to me; the idea of the afterlife. However, I learnt–or rather I saw a post from someone on Twitter and he mentioned something about data persistence and I believe the concept of data persistence lends argument that there must be an afterlife. At the end of the day, I’m too tired to overthink beyond these tiny details, and all I really want to do is to sleep, to laugh, to watch an amazing anime, to listen to mad music and to be loved unconditionally by the ones I choose to love. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Extra: Mom’s Validating Words

In April, I was having a conversation with my mom and she just out of blue said in a matter of fact way that I am successful. She didn’t even pause when she made her point, because that was not actually the point of the message she was trying to drive across to me. I can’t remember what she was trying to tell me but it was just like a passing comment to get to whatever point she was trying to get to. I had to call her back to what she’d just said. I made her explain to me her reasoning behind calling me successful. She’d explained in such a good way that I’d believed her. It was just so true. I felt it deep in my soul that it was true.

I was the one who had previously just not seen myself as successful.

I’m always waiting for some other exciting, better, job opportunity to feel successful and I decided that I have to stop that. 

My mom has a way of validating me without even realizing she’s doing it. She probably feels it is as obvious as the air we breathe.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Thank you reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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Crush Vs Like Vs Love

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By Cynthia Aralu

It is entirely possible to get an ego stroke when you find out someone feels any of the above for you. Common sense would be to allow this person to share this information with you, if you’ve come across the information from a source other than out of their mouth and straight into your ears, before you let it get to your head. 

Besides, time changes things and who says a crush felt at some point would persist beyond the day it is brought to your awareness. Anyone wise would not place much stock on a crush. A crush is basically a cute way of saying infatuation. It isn’t based on knowing a person. Once one becomes aware of certain negative characteristics of the object of attraction, a crush dies. I guess someone who is immature might handle the knowledge of someone having a crush on them poorly.

A crush bears the potential of evolving into a “like”. A moment that for me would feel like, “Yes, I can say with my full chest that I like this person. I am proud to be associated with this human.” That “like” is still cautious, to be honest, because I have to reach a point where I can categorically say, there is nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you; a choice to love this person. It sounds like falling off a cliff and I think that’s what love is; only beautiful, when you’re falling off that cliff with someone. And therein, lies the bungee rope, that saves you from certain death; reciprocity and selflessness. It is such a huge gamble, with an incredibly enormous reward, only if you’re lucky. It tracks that people would want to experience this.

I have had someone tell me after 4 cerebral phone conversations that he thinks he might be falling in love with me. I was flattered at the idea of someone feeling so strongly for me after such a short period of getting to know how my mind actually ticks. However, we did have quite a lot of profound conversations every time we spoke, so, it is entirely possible that he got to know an idea of me on an extensive level, and this was enough to evoke such strong feelings. I was not in the right frame of mind to even go there with him and I don’t think I felt that spark. I loved his mind thoroughly though and the conversations were amazing. I think that is the reason our conversations were always great. We sort of thought that the other’s mind was awesome. I found him therapeutic and I learnt a lot about myself, which I put to good use, even after we stopped speaking, out of respect for his feelings. 

I took away from that experience that I am amazing and I should not settle. I did not make him feel uncomfortable about his feelings. Because feelings are just that; feelings. They cannot be helped. Feed them and they grow. Starve them and they die. Ultimately, feelings should be acknowledged, understood better and respected.

Thank you for reading/listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new blog post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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