Category Archives: Saints

Discernment

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

Discernment is a gift from God, and this gift will save you from being in horrible situations. How are we to know who to listen to? How are we to know what is good?

We hear Jesus say in the Bible that, “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil man out of his evil treasure produces evil; for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.“.

In another passage, Jesus says this: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? So, every sound tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears evil fruit. A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will know them by their fruits.“

From Jesus’ words, I can only discern that Jesus cautions me to be careful about people who come to me in His Name and that I am to look to the words spoken by these people and their actions to discern what is in their hearts. Such caution, I will also apply to myself in discerning my heart, for it is necessary that I know myself, so that I too may come to repentance.

In my encounter with the content of a Catholic association whose content I follow and engage with, and in learning about the scandal that surrounds them, I have been given the opportunity by God to learn how to apply such caution, without an active awareness I was doing so. The Catholic organisation taught me and imparted so much good. I do not recall whether I learned of the scandals during the first period of being taught by them or after; I remain uncertain. Yet I found it difficult to believe they were the evil spoken of, even though I could not be sure and at times felt suspicion because of the scandal, to my shame and repentance. There are certain practices of theirs that I believe would serve them well not to continue, though none are inherently evil, and as well, my assessment of what might serve them could be wrong. The richness of the good that has come from their mouths, combined with the impression I have that they seem not to have been touched by evil or darkness has deeply influenced me to believe they are good (though perhaps this is only evidence that Jesus has transformed them so profoundly that their senses reflect this, without this being the truth of their life experiences).

I asked Mary whether they are good, and I believe I prayed for the vindication of their founder if he was indeed a good man, though my memory is not entirely clear. Even after discovering the past scandals, I did not stop watching them. I wondered how they could produce so much good and have such a good influence on me, leading me to Mary, Jesus and my repentance, and so I chose to accept the good they offered. I wished they would defend or explain themselves, but I never found any explanation, even when I searched for it. Recently, however, they released a book presenting evidence of the wrongs done to them, the damage to their reputation, along with their defense and supporting facts. They have endured much at the hands of Church authorities and others, yet bore it all patiently and gracefully for years. They are known as the Heralds of the Gospel.

The struggle to judge rightly extends to the consideration of the saints. Where one views sainthood as unattainable, another thinks it is okay to attempt to bring the saints down to their own level. Both communicate a level of despair the individuals may be unaware of; the latter greater than the former. While the saints were just like you and I, they were also not regular. Even if they had quirks, those quirks were probably not evil, because in them you have to look at the intent of their hearts, which only God is able to see. And even if they sinned, they definitely repented. Repentance is a gift from God and it is not easy for everyone to receive it, although we might tend to think it is because it feels so a lot of times. The ego is such a terrible thing and it can get in the way of repentance.

I suppose the private lives of the saints speak the loudest when they have passed on from this world, and the righteous will live forever. So, I agree wholeheartedly that the intent of the heart of a man should be taken into account when passing judgement. In fact, I believe seeking clarity should go first before making a judgement. Although, it is not always easy. The intent matters. Where one would speak or write using quotes from people, and does so from a place of pride to show knowledge, another does so because of a belief that the quote is already perfect and nothing else needs to be added. In another instance, another kneels to receive communion out of an obligation they feel to God, while another does so to look pious. Another wears a scarf to church because it is a cultural thing and it seems like a good thing to do, and another does the same to look pious. It is better to not pass judgement at all, because there is a tendency to be wrong and fall short in the same manner as well, though not always easy. Other times, there are matters that judge themselves.

Discernment also extends to the contemplation of the gravity of sins. It does not seem equal to me to compare the silence of someone in the company of one or two strangers, whom they have perceived to have rejected their Christian upbringing, with the silence of a teacher or a person of influence who remains silent before a multitude, where they should speak. Though both may be wrong depending on how one reads hearts. The unknown individual may yet have another chance to speak to those strangers at a moment when they are more open to listening, receiving the words at the level where they are at. By contrast, it may be far more difficult to reach again, a multitude, who have encountered media shared in an indefinite way, and have been led astray by it. I am learning that wisdom lies in discerning the right time and place to speak, and in seizing the opening when it presents itself, accompanied by prayer. Discernment is not easy.

I will not condemn a repentant person. Neither will I condemn a sinner. Yet, I will speak to the spirit driving a man’s actions, so that in speaking, the Holy Spirit may bring them to repentance. For as long as breath remains in their lungs, God still desires their repentance.

It is also discernment to know that if from the time of St. Augustine it was considered wise to use a certain kind of language and that language endured for about 1,600 years, it remains wise in our time to use the same language. And if the Saints, through the centuries, continued to affirm this language, yet it is suddenly no longer accepted today, it could very well be that the people have grown proud and are bellyfull. I say this only because Wisdom is not only unchanging, “Wisdom is unfading”.

I recall the first time I went through “True Devotion to Mary” by St. Louis Marie de Montfort, during my consecration course to Jesus through Mary. I, in the fullness of my pride, could not take in the words he used, because I saw them as demeaning. They came across to me as harsh and excessive. The second time I read it, a year later upon renewing my consecration, none of my previous objections were evident, because a healing had taken place by God’s grace, even without me realising, and I could finally take in more goodness and wisdom from God.

Being that I have completely accepted the worldview that is from the bible, I have discerned that there are only two worldviews; simplistic and foolish to the wisdom of the world. There is the worldview that is rooted in God and is good, and there is the worldview that is rooted in the world and which is evil. They are distinct from each other even if people play grays. The heart of everything spells out the truth and being human we may fall short in our discernment of what is good and what is evil.

I shall recount what I remember of my worldview during the period of time that I did not believe in God. Keep in mind, this is my memory and I may be mistaken in certain details. In those days, I believed myself to be smarter than everyone else. Yet the worldview I held was evil, foolish and base. I regarded God as an abstract idea, present in the grass or in beauty scattered throughout creation, but not as a God Who draws near and dwells with us. I recall having a thought and seeing the thought as a tweet afterwards and so I believed everyone was in a simulation and we were all being programmed to be a hive mind, to believe the same thing, and quite possibly being watched by someone or something or something like that. I also thought it is possible there is some being out there powerless to stop horrible things from happening but watching it all play out. To me, there was no right or wrong, no good or bad. Still, I conceded that such categories were necessary for order, so that people would not destroy each other, faster than was going on. I thought I was free, as though scales had fallen from my eyes and I could finally see things clearly for the first time, and I felt intensely free. It is the reason I do not trust feelings. I believed I had been conditioned from childhood to believe certain things as right and certain things as wrong. My reasoning against killing in a general way, was simply that life belonged to the individual, without ever asking why that made life itself precious. In that world view, I mostly did not feel the pain of others, but felt mine deeply. And even in my sorrow for the world, it was a perverse kind of selfishness lacking true compassion. Some may say that I believed in a god since I worshipped myself or science, but I maintain that I did not believe in God. For if this is the yardstick of measuring whether someone believes in God or in a god, then a lot of Christians should be labelled as idolaters.

How could one so base abandon such a worldview and embrace one so utterly contrary, if not by the power of God?

“For to know God is complete righteousness, and to know God’s power is the root of immortality.”

Indeed, it was a reckoning with God’s power and God’s infiniteness, and as well my recognition of my littleness, by the Grace of God, through the scriptures, that I was able to come back from such evil.

Though we possess infinite freedom to say and do as we please, it is better to refrain from sharing a personal opinion when it stands against the gospel, because it can rightly make one wonder about the heart of the speaker. Once a person has been led astray by another’s words, it is only prudent to recalibrate and listen with caution when that same voice speaks again. Yet caution does not mean love has diminished. On the contrary, it is a deeper lesson in how to love well: to practice patience and silence when the moment calls for it, and to reject evil when it is presented as good that should be accepted. Love is not an uncritical acceptance of someone’s words since scripture commands us to test all spirits to see whether they are of God and warns us to not believe all spirits. It is not wrong to have a healthy distrust of people and oneself. This way, truth is preserved, love is purified, and true compassion echoes throughout eternity.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used as an editing tool.

Have a listen!

Ave Maria, Gratia Plena

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone. Remember to pray the Rosary!

It’s been a long time since my last post. These days, I feel as though I’m moving between keeping my head above water, walking on solid ground and living in Heaven. I believe there is a saint who said one must walk on earth and live in Heaven. I understand subtly without grasping the full depth of what he meant.

Recently, I have considered the idea of detaching from what is good. Initially, it annoyed me to hear of this spoken, because to my thinking, I wondered why anyone should desire a dysfunction. However, I’ve come to think that one must detach from all things evil, sinful and worldly, and in addition all things good because it must be the only way to reach a pure love of God.

Some overstate the importance of understanding over the power of love. However, give me an army of 10 men who truly have pure love of God, or no…give me less with such pure love, over 300 men who do not have pure love and have only supposed understanding.

Love led me to Mary and God willing, Love will keep me there.

For a while, I misunderstood the dogma of the “Immaculate Conception” even extending into a period of time past my reversion to the Catholic Faith which happened about 3 years ago. I thought the Immaculate Conception referred to Conception of Jesus. I learnt afterwards that it was about Mary. My brother who is more knowledgeable than me about the intellectual aspect of the faith did not know this as well, to my surprise, until I told him around last Christmas with so much joy. I don’t think anyone would think that it is inappropriate to speak of the term “Immaculate Conception” because it could potentially cause confusion. This is because it is a Dogma of the Church given through the teaching office of the Church and we are obedient to the Church. I believe I only learnt about the other 3 dogmas coincidentally recently (God’s providence) due to the recent bout of confusion that swept through the Church, although I had said them for a while now as part of a Marian devotion, “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”.

I listened to a priest, who to me seemed to boast to be an expert in Mariology, say the average Catholic cannot recite the creed if asked to do so and yet lacking knowledge, they gave objections to the doctrinal note released by the church. His words did not inspire confidence in me.

I could not help but wonder about the other times the term “co-redemptrix” has been used by the Church. My research brought me to the Papal encyclical written by St. Pius X (Pope, canonized saint) Ad Diem Illum Laetissimum No.12, which evokes the underlying meaning of co-redemptrix (click on the link for the full text): “…And from this community of will and suffering between Christ and Mary she merited to become most worthily the Reparatrix of the lost world (Eadmeri Mon. De Excellentia Virg. Mariae, c. 9) and Dispensatrix of all the gifts that Our Savior purchased for us by His Death and by His Blood.”

I think to myself, if the term “co-redemptrix” is never appropriate to use, what is to be said about the title of Mary as the Reparatrix of the lost world, or the dispensatrix of all the gifts that Our Saviour purchased for us by His Death and by His Blood, taken from an encyclical that comes from the authentic Magisterium of the Church.

I also came across a quote of St. Augustine referenced in the Book by St. Bonaventure titled, “Mirror of the Blessed Virgin Mary” which states: “O truly blessed humility of Mary, who brought forth the Lord to men, gave life to mortals, renewed the heavens, purified the world, opened paradise, and delivered the souls of men from hell.”. This kind of language indicates a theological view where Mary’s role is a necessary, though subordinate complement to Christ’s unique redemptive work. This is the way St. Louis Marie de Montfort describes it in “True Devotion to Mary”: “Secondly, we must conclude that, being necessary to God by a necessity which is called “hypothetical”, (that is, because God so willed it), the Blessed Virgin is all the more necessary for men to attain their final end. Consequently we must not place devotion to her on the same level as devotion to the other saints as if it were merely something optional.“.

A YouTuber claimed that during the time of the saints, it may have worked well to use co-redemptrix but it is not the right language now. I could not help but feel uneasy about that explanation because Wisdom is unchanging. During my research, I learnt that St. Pope John Paul II used the term “co-redemptriix” at least 7 times, and St. Maximillian Kolbe as well.

To be honest, that explanation from the YouTuber felt to me like the same spirit that led a popular Catholic man to say he didn’t like to say “sin” when he preached the gospel, as though it did not carry the power to convict people of their sins, as though it is by his power people reach conviction for their sins and not through The Holy Spirit; him being only a subordinate and The Holy Spirit reigning supreme over all, to the Glory of God. It is the same spirit that declared not liking the description used in the bible: “the woman caught in the act of adultery”, citing how it labelled the woman, as though it did not proclaim the Glory and Mercy of God to use that description, and still the same spirit that moved a priest to change the word the priest says at Mass from “sin” to “fault” and finally, a similar spirit that filthily craves to take the focus from the sacrifice of the Mass, when all congregation had knelt down, right after the “Sanctus”, and a priest urged the congregation to close their eyes to think of the poor and pray for the poor in an extended speech before moving on to the words of consecration; never mind this could have been done at the start of mass, during the “Prayer of the Faithful” or even after the final blessing.

I listened to another famous Youtuber who seemed to be in support of the writing, but I am not inclined to give his words on Marian devotion much credence since he has had on his show, a man who said Mary was just like everybody else before her fiat, and he did not dispute it. This video in question stayed on his channel years after the fact for me to able to see it, by God’s grace. I felt clarity when I heard Two (2) priests mention it is not binding under pain of sin to not follow the instruction of the doctrinal note, one of them explaining that the doctrinal note cautions that such terms can be unhelpful if used in a way that causes confusion or seems to reduce Christ’s unique role as Redeemer. If, however, these titles are understood and explained correctly — emphasizing Mary’s participation with Christ (never equal to Him) — then their use remains completely legitimate. The other priest (Fr. Ripperger) explained statements made in the note were inaccurate because it did not communicate an understanding of Primary Cause (God) and secondary cause (all created things), and exhorted Catholics to follow the example of the saints.

To be honest, listening to the note read out loud or even reading it where it says, “Given the necessity of explaining Mary’s subordinate role to Christ in the work of Redemption, it is always inappropriate to use the title “Co-redemptrix” to define Mary’s cooperation.”, my logical conclusion was that it is never legitimate to use, but Fr. Chris Alar explained that it is, if it is not used in a way that it causes confusion. I don’t use the term “co-redemptrix” myself in devotion, although I use terms like “Mary Immaculate, Mediatrix of all graces” and “Our Mediatrix with You” when I pray the Catena Legionis, a century old prayer sanctioned by the Catholic Church as an official prayer of the Legion of Mary, a worldwide lay apostolic organization that has received official approval from the Holy See.

I think St. Louis Marie de Montfort in his book, “True Devotion to Mary”, did a good job of upholding the phrase “Slave of Mary” without diminishing it. He’d mentioned he did not condemn the use of the term, “Slave of Mary”, as He mentions he himself uses it, but affirms that it is better to speak of “slavery of Jesus in Mary” and to call oneself “slave of Jesus” rather than “slave of Mary” to avoid giving any pretext for criticism. So that in that way, the devotion is named after its ultimate end which is Jesus, rather than after the way and the means to arrive there, which is Mary. I believe it is hard to confuse the intent and the heart behind this.

To those who hate the Church, Jesus and Mary, they sensed “less love” was given to Mary, and they rejoiced foolishly. To those who love the Church, Jesus and Mary, they sensed the same, most (including myself) without understanding much but loving much, and they felt uneasy; something akin to the feeling of the enemies of the Church encroaching. To those who sense nothing, it is all the same.

I will leave you with a devotion I have prayed for a while now almost daily, known as the “Catena Legionis”. I was given pamphlets for this prayer more than once, by a very strong old woman and urged to pray for the Legion of Mary by saying the prayer daily. I once saw that old woman use her feet to lift up the heavy kneeler of the Church to put it away, and she did it so powerfully that I was left shocked because I know how heavy that kneeler is and it is not easy for me to raise it up with my feet, yet the old woman who appears frail seems to be the strongest of us all. I credit it to her frequent reception of the Holy Eucharist at Mass, her praying the Rosary (which she also would have urged me to pray if I had told her I didn’t pray it), and this devotion I have shared below. The Catena Legionis (Latin for “Chain of the Legion”) is a daily prayer for members of the Legion of Mary, a Catholic organization founded in 1921.

THE CATENA LEGIONIS

Antiphon. Who is she that comes forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in battle array?

(Make the Sign of the Cross)

v. My soul glorifies the Lord.*

R. My spirit rejoices in God, my Saviour.

v. He looks on His servant in her lowliness;* henceforth all ages will call me blessed.

R. The Almighty works marvels for me.* Holy His name!

v. His mercy is from age to age,* on those who fear Him.

R. He puts forth His arm in strength* and scatters the proud-hearted.

v. He casts the mighty from their thrones* and raises the lowly.

R. He fills the starving with good things,* sends the rich away empty.

v. He protects Israel His servant,* remembering His mercy,

R. The mercy promised to our fathers,* to Abraham and his sons for ever.

v. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

R. As it was in the beginning is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Antiphon. Who is she that comes forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in battle array?

v. O Mary, conceived without sin.

R. Pray for us who have recourse to you.

Let us pray.

O Lord Jesus Christ, our Mediator with the Father, Who has been pleased to appoint the Most Blessed Virgin, Your mother, to be our mother also, and our mediatrix with You, mercifully grant that whoever comes to You seeking Your favours may rejoice to receive all of them through her. Amen.

CONCLUDING PRAYERS

Make the Sign of the Cross) In the name of The Father, and of The Son and of The Holy Spirit. Amen..

We fly to your patronage, O holy Mother of God; despise not our prayers in our necessities, but ever deliver us from all dangers, O glorious and blessed Virgin.

v. Mary Immaculate, Mediatrix of all Graces (or Invocation appropriate to Praesidium)

R. Pray for us.

v. Sts. Michael, Gabriel and Raphael

R. Pray for us.

v. All you heavenly Powers, Mary’s Legion of Angels

R. Pray for us.

v. St. John the Baptist

R. Pray for us.

v. Saints Peter and Paul

R. Pray for us.

Confer, O Lord, on us, who serve beneath the standard of Mary, that fullness of faith in You and trust in her, to which it is given to conquer the world. Grant us a lively faith, animated by charity, which will enable us to perform all our actions from the motive of pure love of You, and ever to see You and serve You in our neighbour; a faith, firm and immovable as a rock, through which we shall rest tranquil and steadfast amid the crosses, toils and disappointments of life; a courageous faith which will inspire us to undertake and carry out without hesitation great things for Your glory and for the salvation of souls; a faith which will be our Legion’s Pillar of Fire – to lead us forth united – to kindle everywhere the fires of divine love – to enlighten those who are in darkness and in the shadow of death – to inflame those who are lukewarm – to bring back life to those who are dead in sin; and which will guide our own feet in the way of peace; so that – the battle of life over – our Legion may reassemble, without the loss of any one, in the kingdom of Your love and glory. Amen.

May the souls of our departed legionaries and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

(Make the Sign of the Cross) In the name of The Father, and of The Son and of The Holy Spirit. Amen.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Ave Maria!

No Small Feat

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Here’s your reminder to pray the Rosary.

Today, I am going to share my journey towards obtaining my driver’s license in Alberta. It has been filled with setbacks, imperfections, and difficult moments. Yet through it all, I’m thankful that God sustained me, never let me go, and faithfully brought me to the other side.

It all began in 2023 with me studying for the knowledge test. It took me such a long time to go through the driving manual from front to back. Still, I failed the knowledge test on my first try and barely passed on my second attempt. By God’s grace, I managed to guess the last few questions correctly and scored 25 out of 30—the minimum passing mark. I was overjoyed. I had assumed I would fail again with only maybe one or two questions left, so this felt like a miracle. I want to preface this by saying that many people do pass on their first try—like my older brother, whose “really?” face I still remember, when he heard I had failed. I don’t think the knowledge test in Alberta is excessively difficult. It was just challenging for me.

The next hurdle was learning to drive on the road. I enrolled in a driving school’s program that included an online course and road course package. Completing the program would earn me a certificate that could help reduce insurance costs and shorten the Class 5 GDL (probationary license) period from two years to 18 months. Driving was tougher than I expected. Ten hours of instruction didn’t seem enough. My instructor suggested more practice, so I drove occasionally with my older brother and rarely with a friend who lent me his car. The driving school required me to meet a certain score on their evaluation sheet before issuing the certificate.

In late 2023, I paused lessons because of winter approaching and the thought of driving induced a lot of anxiety. But when spring or summer arrived in 2024, I reached out to the school, determined to earn the certificate. I completed 18 hours of road training in total with the school before she declared me road-ready and issued the certificate, but I still didn’t feel confident. My heart would pound every time I sat behind the wheel. The criticisms I’d heard were loudest.

I took my first driving test using a registry car. Its analog accelerator gauge was unfamiliar, and its acceleration was jerky and the brakes required extra pressure than I was used to, so my nerves grew, and I missed a stop sign while entering a parking lot. We didn’t get on the highway. On my second attempt, I had the same tester. My anxiety was worse. He believed I should’ve paused for a vehicle with the right-of-way, but I proceeded, thinking I had enough space and time. I failed again. I don’t clearly remember the next four tests. At one point, I even considered taking herbal medicine to calm myself down but I don’t think I wanted to rely on that so, ultimately I decided to leave everything to God. I prayed a daily novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots (although it is supposed to end at 9 days), even when I wasn’t driving. After I failed the 6th road test, which I’d felt God called me to go ahead and take, I took a break from testing in 2024. During this final test of 2024 (attempt #6), I sensed the anxious feeling quietly leave me while I drove. I realised that praying the Novena to Our Lady undoer of knots daily worked so I continued it.

Around Christmas time, I drove with my sister. Her presence felt calm, safe, and warm. I did not sense any anxiety in me or her. She let me know after the drive that I could drive, made small mistakes and I just needed more confidence.

In 2025, I resumed lessons with a different school. After a series of sessions, my instructor informed me that I could drive and he seemed almost guilty to take my money for more sessions. He recommended driving on my own with some support. I felt hesitant reaching out to him again, but I eventually trained with another instructor from the same school who helped me improve in areas I knew I struggled with.

In 2024, I had purchased prescription polarised sunglasses, and found out that driving in socks helped me control speed and steering better. But by 2025, I realised I could still manage with snug shoes even though wearing socks gave me better control, and I felt comfortable enough to not rely on the prescription polarized glasses. Most importantly, my heart no longer raced uncontrollably while driving, although a trace of apprehension lingered before the drive. So, I assumed I was calm while driving.

I failed my first road test this year (attempt #7) due to visual and spatial awareness challenges. I missed crucial road markings and misjudged the lane of an approaching car as I attempted a right turn. The tester applied the brakes. He allowed me to complete the test and I could surmise from the skills assessment I received that I would have passed if not for that mistake. His assessment gave me hope so, I rebooked another test about two weeks later, believing I could succeed.

I still didn’t wear my prescription polarised sunglasses. My plan was simple: if am unsure, I’d just let others go first. I wanted to drive in socks, since it had noticeably improved my speed and steering control during the earlier test. But during a lesson prior to my next attempt (#8), my instructor had noticed and insisted I wear shoes. Even though he was not present for my test, I didn’t want to be disobedient, and I wanted to honor him, so I complied. To be clear, I can drive with shoes. It’s just harder to sense the pressure I’m applying to the pedals due to low proprioception. That low sensory feedback means I could unintentionally speed—and in a test situation where everything is heightened, that is too risky. Speeding can happen in a heartbeat. So, it did on my second test. I went 40 in a 30 zone—an automatic fail. The tester let me finish the test and once again, from his assessment, I would have passed if not for that slip. I begged him to reconsider, pleading for mercy. But he refused, saying, “I cannot lie”. I was surprised by his wording. I hadn’t viewed my plea as asking him to lie—just asking for mercy.

I can’t say that I felt I had done something wrong for begging. I had even told my younger brother that maybe I should’ve begged during the first test this year (attempt #7), but I’d wanted to follow the process. Later that day, though, I reflected on the tester’s words. I had asked him for something that could compromise his integrity. And he’d declined. I felt terrible for asking, not because I intended deceit, but because I realized I had tempted him to sin. I genuinely believed mercy to be in the hands of the person who you plead your case with, and in this instance, it was this man. But, I suppose he is human and not God; and he has his responsibilities and I was placing the wrong request on him.

I felt a distrust start to creep in that God was not going to help me. Not even because He couldn’t, because He is God and He is all powerful, but because there must be a good from me failing that I cannot see or understand. I had prayed. I had faith. I worked hard (to the best of my ability), and yet I failed, even though I knew how to drive. It didn’t make sense. Life didn’t make sense. I felt kicked, beaten, and abandoned at the curbside. I felt truly defeated and I caught myself slipping back into old pattern of swearing as I spoke to my brother. It was like watching myself from the outside, stunned: I’m swearing. Why am I swearing?. By God’s grace, I stopped even though the pull was there to continue.

I considered taking a break from testing for a while. But my younger brother said “no”—firmly. He insisted I could drive and just needed to be careful. He hadn’t seen me drive, but he believed in me because minus one error I would have passed. He urged me to book another test right there at the registry. I sat on a bench close to registry, under the hot sun for a long time, until I finally went in. Later on, my sister echoed her encouragement. She worried I sounded defeated about the next test I had booked. But I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t guarantee a different outcome. I gave thanks to God, but praying felt difficult. I felt sinful and like a failure in both my spiritual life and my earthly efforts. I felt abandoned by God and not helped by Him. Yet, I knew God had helped me because I remembered how I used to drive with my heart racing uncontrollably. And now I don’t. That change was real, even if I didn’t feel helped. I felt like nothing.

Before my first road test this year (attempt #7), I had prayed earnestly for God’s guidance—should I postpone or proceed? In the final moments leading up to the test, my prayers were answered. I received an unexpected opportunity to practice, and the weather shifted dramatically in my favor, contrary to the forecast. Even my Uber driver remarked on how beautiful the day was. I gave thanks to God out loud, taking it as a greenlight from Him to go forward. So, when I failed, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why would God tell me to go ahead if I was going to fail? I know it was definitely for good but I could not understand it. Maybe I thought I heard wrong but the answered prayers were so clear.

Prior to my second road test of this year (attempt #8), by God’s providence, I stumbled upon the story in Scripture where the Israelites (11 tribes), sought God’s guidance on whether to go to battle against the tribe of Benjamin (1 tribe). God told them to go, and they lost. Twice. It was only after they wept, fasted, offered sacrifice to God and returned to ask, not just whether they should fight, but whether they would triumph, that God assured them of victory. And they did. That story stayed with me and I decided to act like the Israelites: I fasted and prayed, seeking God’s voice not just for permission, but for outcome. During Mass, a passage was read about Jacob (Israel) wrestling with the God—a relentless grip for blessing—and leaving with a limp. That same day, my ball and socket joint had flared up and I limped slightly too, so, in my spirit, I concluded God had blessed me as well. I took it as a sign that I would pass. I can’t remember if anything else affirmed that conclusion, but I decided to have faith. So when I failed, my confusion came back, and I think I began to wonder if I’d been hearing my own voice all along and mistaking it for God’s voice. I questioned whether I had ever heard from God ever in my life. I questioned whether people deluded themselves when they said God spoke to them. I believe I concluded from scripture that God truly speaks to those He loves… or perhaps I concluded God speaks to those who truly love Him. Unclear at this point, but I think both are valid.

I went to confession the day after my 8th attempt. The priest told me that God’s message to me that day was the same one He gave to St. Paul: My grace is sufficient for you. St. Paul’s words came to me also: “I will boast all the more of my weakness”. He counselled me to trust in God’s grace and mercy, but I struggled to understand what it really meant to trust God’s mercy and grace, or what it meant to have faith or how to have faith. I questioned whether my faith was ever genuine because of my poor actions.

Daily, I ask God to interrupt my plans if they’re not aligned with His plan for me, and to move me into conformity with His plans. I’d heard someone online say this prayer, loved it and adopted it. In this time, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just my prayer coming true. I felt a slight temptation to stop but I continued it because genuinely deep down, it is what I want even if my being revolts against it. 

I had been told by the priest at confession that the ability to do better is a gift from God and that I have it. So, in the six days leading up to attempt #9, I looked inward: what could I do better? I remembered my Apple Watch alerting me that my resting heart rate had hit 120 bpm before the previous test so, I’d removed it prior to the test to avoid distractions. I decided to check the data for the period I practiced, and my heart rate had climbed to 132 bpm. I think at the time I may have thought my baseline or lowest heart rate to be in the 50s, but I can say now that it got as low as 50 bpm on July 15th (a day before the test). So, I think it is safe to take that as a baseline. The thing is I never sensed any rise. In the past, I would hear my heart race uncontrollably but that stopped and I assumed I was calm, but the reading said otherwise. I realized my body had adapted to driving under pressure. However, the anxiety slipped into my feet, triggering unconscious sensory-seeking behavior to ground/regulate me: pressing harder on the accelerator (tactile/proprioceptive input) without noticing, due to low proprioception. I recalled all my reading last year (which I believe were guided by God) about proprioception and sensory seeking, which I’d pushed aside and did not prioritise because I didn’t feel qualified as a doctor to give a diagnosis. But on considering all of this, I decided to drive in socks on my last road test.

A day before the test, I noticed the early morning sun—mild for most—felt intense to my eyes. I got a headache and felt nauseous. I considered that perhaps my eyes could be sensitive to the sun, considering other times when I had the same reaction to what appeared to be low intensity sun but read to my eyes as high intensity. I’ve also had moments when the road appeared washed out and made it impossible to detect bends or markings but I can’t say I truly fully believed I had visual sensitivity even though I purchased prescription polarised sunglasses. I’d held back from wearing them while driving this year because I did not want to seem arrogant to the examiner and I seemed to be doing better without wearing them, but I suppose when this happened, I decided not to take any chances.

Another thing that helped me was that I stopped obsessing over each driving maneuver. I simply got in the car and drove on my 1-hour practice a day before, and my 1-hour practice the day of the test and also on the test. I also prayed “God forbid” whenever I felt trepidation sinking into my gut, and the fear retreated. This made me suspicious that perhaps, there was a problem which the enemy capitalised on and so the fear became excessive. To my mind, “God forbid” was my way of praying to God to rebuke it and also me coming out of agreement with it. I enlisted the help of everyone in Heaven (I believe), including my Guardian Angel, and I also braced my mind to accept whatever type of road condition I face. I stumbled upon an encouraging video about John Gurdon, a Nobel Prize winner in Physiology or Medicine, whose teacher had told him his ambition of being a scientist were ridiculous and a waste of time because he was bottom of a class of 250. I suppose it is already striking to me that he won a Nobel Prize in Medicine but what stood out most to me was what he said upon being congratulated and told the teacher was wrong. His response was, “Are you sure? You don’t know how many times I have done experiments that don’t work”. It was all humorous with a tinge of truth. The video spoke of perseverance and it felt God-sent.

I took my third road test this year (attempt #9) wearing prescription polarised sunglasses and socks. I passed with only 30 points off, the maximum allowed being 75, and I looked cool doing it to the glory of God. The points off were for hesitation and judgment related to hesitation (I’d wanted to be safe and to pass, and I got honked at once at a red light, where I thought it safest to wait for the person with the right of way to go by, but I’m supposing in the tester’s judgment it was not enough to fail). I learnt later on at Mass that that day (July 16th) was the Feast Day of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. When I considered it, it felt like a gentle Heavenly wink. This road test was harder than the previous two. I was taken through unfamiliar roads for the most part, which were busy, had tight corners, and construction zones. Yet, I was able to apply every lesson from my past training, including those failure had taught me. I had the same examiner as the last two times (attempt #7 and #8). This time, he opened the car door to inspect my parkings (parallel and downhill)—something he hadn’t done before and none of the testers before him ever did. I suppose he was being thorough. Good man.

Later on, I checked my heart rate data. From what is available to me, it appears to have started at 113 bpm, but during the test, it dipped into the 70s, peaked at 80 before settling at 77 bpm at 11:04 a.m. The test finished at 11:07 a.m. and I don’t have data for 3 minutes. But, essentially I was at resting heart rate for a time. And I said to myself: God is real. My heart rate seemed to spike up after the test at maybe 11:11a.m. to 127 to 130 bpm, but my assumption is that at that time, I was expecting to hear I had failed again, as I waited for his corrections to be over, but instead I heard him say I passed and that I should go inside to upgrade my license.

Someone I told about passing the test, praised my perseverance—but I overheard them say they didn’t think I would pass because I hadn’t driven much, I am guessing between the last fail and the final test or perhaps because of how spaced out my lessons were, and all the other times I’d failed. But you know what, I could not tell either, but it goes to show that human perception is limited and God’s mercy does not depend on the thoughts of people. This was no small feat.

If I could list the factors that made learning to drive especially challenging, they would include:

  • Anxiety — pervasive and gripping, especially during tests.
  • Criticism — I have come to understand there is a difference between correction to build a person up and criticism which tears you down. One corrects and proffers solution, the other tears down with no solution proffered such that the individual becomes the problem and not the issue at hand being the problem. Correct them but if they don’t take you seriously, limit your performance of anything important to you in their knowing or presence and if you can, surround yourself with people who correct to build up. You’ll be surprised how much wonders this will do for you.
  • Photosensitivity, contrast distortion & Vision Issues — The glare and reflection of sunlight sometimes caused the road to appear completely washed out, erasing clear distinctions between bends, lane markings, and surface textures, and sometimes my glasses felt insufficient to help with my short sightedness.
  • Low Spatial Awareness — gradually improved, but still not perfect; I’ve reached “safe” levels for driving. I’m more attuned to positioning, movement, and distance, though I remain mindful.
  • Low Proprioception — particularly in my feet, which made speed control and steering unpredictable at times.
  • Unclear Guidance from Instructors — Sometimes, they didn’t clearly explain how to perform actions, just expected results.
  • Lack of Regular Access to a Car — limited my ability to reinforce lessons through practice.
  • Instructor Misalignment with Examiner Expectations — I wasn’t properly taught about the expectations of the tester. For example how the tester expects a shoulder check to be until a tester flagged it. Afterwards, I exaggerated my head turns during checks, even doing multiple—and testers praised me on it in a manner I thought felt excessive but it boosted my confidence in that area. Another area was that none of my instructors even pointed out my wide right turns apart from the testers. I had to share that with them and still they didn’t tell me how to fix it, they just expected me to know. I had to figure out I had to steer a lot more. Seems simple now but I really didn’t know.
  • Low Awareness of My Body & Needs — I was often disconnected from what my body was experiencing or needing while driving.
  • Poor Nervous System Regulation — fight-or-flight responses were common and uncontrollable.
  • Difficulty Processing Test Directions — My ability to mentally process the verbal testing directions felt slow and labored, which led to delayed reactions and poor execution which triggered anxiety and a sense of panic, clouding my confidence and making it harder to perform tasks I had otherwise prepared for. This got better with time and failure.
  • Difficulty Remembering Rules to Apply them: Failing caused it to stick to memory better. I also learn better through experience than verbal communication. I process that better.
  • Discomfort with Examiner Presence — their watchful silence made me more anxious and less intuitive.
  • Discomfort with New Roads: New roads or places can feel disconcerting to me, although that didn’t seem to matter on my last test. Although I was disconcerted, letting out a shaky, thoughtful “hmmm” at certain moments, my mind and body seemed to have adapted under pressure, such that I was able to drive safely, thanks to God.
  • Difficulty Prioritizing My Comfort — I often chose to “fit in” over choosing methods that helped me drive better (like socks over shoes).
  • Distrust in My Instincts — I resisted decisions that felt right for me in order to follow what seemed normal to me or others.
  • Agreement with Anxiety — Somewhere down the line, I don’t know when, but I had accepted anxiety and this had to be broken.
  • Choosing Times Based on Traffic Hope, Not Mental Readiness — I’d select quiet times for tests, rather than mentally preparing for any road condition that God permits, and I’d face the opposite.

To anyone who thinks I’ve over-spiritualized this, I’ve come to believe that we’re meant to spiritualize everything. We are body and soul—not separate—but one integrated being, only divided at death, which was never part of God’s original plan. In the resurrection of the dead, there will be a resurrection to life and a resurrection of judgement, and in both, body and soul will be reunited. St. Paul even tells us that the battle is not merely physical—it’s a fight between the forces of God and the powers of darkness. Beneath the surface of daily life, there is a very real war between good and evil. So, I don’t believe it is excessive to examine life through a spiritual lens. It is right to honor what our natural senses are often too limited to perceive. I give thanks to God for He has done a great thing for me, undeserving as I am. Indeed, it is hard to believe. I also thank Mother Mary, my Guardian Angel, St. Joseph and all the Angels and Saints for their intercession.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used as an editing tool.

A great song you could listen to!

Other Posts from Me

To Jesus Through Mary—A Personal Reflection

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

I recently realized that I may not have been entirely clear about the sources of the information I’ve shared regarding devotion to Mary and the path to Jesus through her. I had thought I was, but upon reflection, I see that I could have been more precise.

My last post, ‘We are sons, not slaves,’ was inspired by two books—the Bible and True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis Marie de Montfort—as well as the teachings of the Heralds of the Gospel, a Catholic International Association of Pontifical Right that has learned from both teachers and St. Louis Marie de Montfort’s writings.

At times, I reflect on the fact that I do not have a spiritual director and have expressed this to Mary, and claimed her as my own. Yet, I also think it is fair to consider the saints as my teachers, particularly St. Louis Marie de Montfort in this case. I do not possess half of his devotion or love for Mary—and if I claimed to be close to half, that would be generous—but his words resonate with me as though they were written about my life. His prayer to Jesus feels as if I could have spoken those very words myself: “Ah, would that I could proclaim throughout the whole world the mercy that Thou hast shown to me! Would that everyone might know I should be already damned, were it not for Mary! Would that I might offer worthy thanksgiving for so great a blessing! Mary is in me. Oh, what a treasure! Oh, what a consolation! And shall I not be entirely hers?”.

I have used strong words to describe Jesus’ complete giving of Himself to Mary, stating that He wrapped Himself in her flesh. I am unsure where I first encountered this phrase. Initially, I thought it came from St. Louis Marie de Montfort, but now I am uncertain. Perhaps it arose from the saint’s reflection on a holy person—also a slave of Mary like Jesus—who was described as being wrapped up in her. Regardless, the intention expressed by those words is that Jesus is the seed of Mary from her flesh, and that in her 2 natures were united Divinity and Humanity, at the incarnation. It reveals the profound intimacy of the incarnation. I don’t believe my expression was literal but rather an expression of a mystery—one the heart understands if it is open. However, who could truly claim full understanding of the mystery of the Incarnation or how it came to be? If in truth, even a minute aspect of it meant Jesus walked among us with flesh wrapped around His divinity, I wonder if such simplicity could be dismissed if echoed by Jesus on the last day. Additionally, Mary’s womb is the sacred dwelling place where Heaven and earth met in the Incarnation, where God and man remain united in Christ, and where souls continue to be formed in holiness, grow mature in enlightenment, in experience and in wisdom, and in a short time reach the fullness of the age of Christ.

In St. Louis Marie de Montfort’s words: the principal mystery celebrated and honoured in the true devotion to Mary is the mystery of the Incarnation where we find Jesus only in Mary, having become incarnate in her womb, it is appropriate for us to call the devotion, “slavery of Jesus in Mary”, of Jesus dwelling enthroned in Mary, according to the beautiful prayer, recited by so many great souls, “O Jesus living in Mary”.

He further explains that these expressions show more clearly the intimate union existing between Jesus and Mary. He writes: “So closely are they united that one is wholly the other. Jesus is all in Mary and Mary is all in Jesus. Or rather, it is no longer she who lives, but Jesus alone who lives in her. It would be easier to separate light from the sun than Mary from Jesus. So united are they that our Lord may be called, “Jesus of Mary”, and His Mother “Mary of Jesus”“.

Here are his brief remarks on the incarnation:

  • The Incarnation is the first mystery of Jesus Christ; it is the most hidden; and it is the most exalted and the least known.
  • It was in this mystery that Jesus, in the womb of Mary and with her co-operation, chose all the elect. For this reason the saints called her womb, the throne-room of God’s mysteries. It was in this mystery that Jesus anticipated all subsequent mysteries of His life by His willing acceptance of them. Consequently, this mystery is a summary of all His mysteries since it contains the intention and the grace of them all.
  • Lastly, this mystery is the seat of the mercy, the liberality, and the glory of God. It is the seat of His mercy for us, since we can approach and speak to Jesus through Mary. We need her intervention to see or speak to him. Here, ever responsive to the prayer of His Mother, Jesus unfailingly grants grace and mercy to all poor sinners. “Let us come boldly before the throne of grace”.
  • It is the seat of liberality for Mary, because while the new Adam dwelt in this truly earthly paradise God performed there so many hidden marvels beyond the understanding of men and angels. For this reason, the saints call Mary “the magnificence of God”, as if God showed His magnificence only in Mary.
  • It is the seat of glory for His Father, because it was in Mary that Jesus perfectly atoned to His Father on behalf of mankind. It was here that He perfectly restored the glory that sin had taken from His Father. It was here again that our Lord, by the sacrifice of Himself and of His will, gave more glory to God than He would have given had He offered all the sacrifices of the Old Law. Finally, in Mary He gave His Father infinite glory, such as His Father had never received from man.

I would not have esteemed his words so highly had he not spoken of Mary with such profound love and devotion. Nor would I have valued them had he not been a canonized saint, speaking alongside other canonized saints who shared the same devotion. His words, which I already held in high regard, carried even greater weight when I learned that Pope St. John Paul II himself esteemed them. More recently, my appreciation deepened as I renewed my consecration to Jesus through Mary last month. During the 33-day period, I came to see how his writings resonate profoundly with my own life—as though I were reading the truth of my own life. It would be helpful to exercise discernment when listening to perspectives contrary to the words in this book. Listen with discernment, always seeking to uphold and honor Mary and Jesus—with prayer for yourself, for those speaking, and for God’s mercy. Should you choose to respond, do so with all the angelic kindness and deep humility of Mary—or most perfectly, with all of her virtues.

It can be confusing to sort through these perspectives. I once heard a very Catholic man confidently state that Mary was just like everyone else before she gave her Fiat: “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to your word”. His brilliance on other matters captivated me, so I didn’t immediately reject his claim that night. Yet, I didn’t accept it either. Whether it lingered in my mind out of unease or temptation—or perhaps both—I’m unsure, as time has passed. But the next morning, as I prayed the Rosary, his words resurfaced, and deep within, I felt a conviction that his words did not align with truth.

I acknowledge that Mary is human like everyone else and that doesn’t change at the point of her Fiat, so I can see that this is not the point being made. The only change in state that I can see is that she went from being the predestined Mother of God to Mother of God, and yet who else was prepared for it by God. Given this, would it be fitting to consider Mary just like everyone else until she gave her Fiat—especially in light of the dogma of the Immaculate Conception? After all, the angel Gabriel’s greeting at the Annunciation affirms her unique grace: ‘Hail, full of grace’.

For a long time, I wondered where the phrase “full of grace” in the Hail Mary originated, since some Bible translations render Luke 1:28 as “Hail, O highly favored one”. By God’s grace—and through Mary’s quiet ordering of my life—I stumbled upon an insightful explanation in a Q&A on Catholic.com which illuminated the richness of the original Greek.

The answer I found was that meaning can sometimes be lost in translation. I’ve even experienced this with my own Igbo name, Amarachukwu. At one time, my mom explained that it meant more than the Grace of God. It apparently carries a deeper blend of grace, mercy, and goodness (or so), in its meaning—particularly directed toward her and me—which is difficult to fully express in a single English word. Yet, if asked, I will say it means Grace of God, as that is the common understanding. According to the writer of the post, the same challenge applies to the translation “full of grace”. The Greek phrase pleres charitos is what translates literally to “full of grace” and it appears in reference to Jesus (John 1:14) and St. Stephen (Acts 6:8), with its meaning shaped by context, such that we can infer that anyone who has recently been baptized or received the sacrament of confession is pleres charitos. In Luke 1:28, however, the angel uses kecharitomene, derived from charitoo (meaning “to give grace”). This verb, kecharitomene, is in the perfect passive participle tense (which I learned is more accurate than ‘past perfect’), signifying that the action of grace was to the fullest, in the past and with enduring effects. The verb is used as a title. Gabriel does not say “Hail Mary, you are kecharitomene” but rather “Hail kecharitomene” 

I am not a theologian but to my mind the greeting could be rendered as ‘Hail, one who has been graced to the fullest and enduringly, the Lord is with you’ or perhaps colloquially as “Hello, Your Royal Highness, Immaculate, the Lord is with you”. Kecharitomene appears to be used within the context of Angel Gabriel’s greeting as her name, revealing her identity as the Immaculate one, and revealing an action of grace given in a complete and enduring way, implying that purity, holiness and sinlessness is intrinsic to her very being rather than something temporary. Since sin and grace oppose each other, could one who has been graced in a complete and enduring way bear even the slightest stain of sin?

It begs the question: when was her identity given to her by God, and when was the spiritual action completed? To explore possibilities, we can look at how God has worked with His prophets throughout Scripture, preparing them uniquely—sometimes even before they were in their mother’s womb.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”  

“For he will be great before the Lord, and he shall drink no wine nor strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb.” 

God completely prepares the ones He calls to fulfill their mission. Throughout the Old Testament, we find prophecies and typological connections that foreshadow Mary’s role—the New Eve who will crush the serpent’s head (‘I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; (s)he/they shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his/her/their heel’). While this verse carries multiple meanings, my focus is on one at this time. As well, the Ark of the Covenant and other symbols—which I cannot fully expand on here—suggest that she was predestined to be the Mother of God (taking into consideration her freedom to surrender her will completely to God, where the first Eve did not).

If we believe that God never changes and He doesn’t, it follows that He would act in the same way with her, preparing her to be a worthy dwelling place for God Himself. Considering how profoundly God prepared His prophets, would it not be fitting that His preparation of the one entrusted with forming and shaping Jesus would be even greater—since Jesus, being perfectly obedient to her as a good Son, honors her to fulfill the commandment?

Catholic dogma holds that Mary was preserved from original sin from the first moment of her conception through the merits of Jesus. While this might seem difficult to grasp, it is entirely possible—especially considering that at the Last Supper, when Jesus referred to the bread as ‘His body that is given for us’ and the wine as ‘His blood that is poured out for us,’ He spoke of His sacrifice as if it were already accomplished in intention and grace. In doing so, He applied the merits of His sacrifice to a time before it had fully unfolded for us—extending this grace prior to His bodily presence in the moment of His sacrifice. To those who have faith, it is believable that His sacrifice and its merits are not bound by time. Fitting, since He is God eternal. This makes me pause, especially when I consider that He gave thanks to the Father for it, or that He could still pray afterwards: ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible to thee; remove this cup from me; yet not what I will, but what thou wilt’. He could still hope, and it remained possible to pass from Him, even though the mystery of His sacrifice was already completed and accepted by Him—unfolding for us yet still awaiting His physical entry into the moment of His sacrifice. So, it is okay to have hope, even when a poor outcome seems inevitable. Yet, there is a right way to hope—a hope rooted in trust, surrender to God’s will, and profound acceptance of whatever He permits. I could not sufficiently penetrate the infinite depth of this, being finite myself. However, in all things, it is always good to give thanks to God.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Throughout this process, I prayed to Jesus through Mary for insight, renewing my consecration with the words inspired from True Devotion to Mary: ‘I renounce myself completely, and I give myself entirely to you, Mom’. To explain briefly, to give oneself entirely to Mary, is to give oneself entirely to Jesus, since she belongs entirely to Him. There is a need to renounce our evil dispositions and corrupt nature, since our perception of our good intentions is colored by self-love. While we can always go directly to Jesus, going through Mary to Jesus is a reliable way, direct and sure, since Mary purifies your intentions, calls down the mercy of God on you and shapes you and your intentions to His liking.

In addition, I used Copilot as a thought partner and writing assistant to refine my ideas, improve readability, and explore deeper connections.

A song you could listen to!

Consecration to Jesus through the Hands of Mary

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and you remember to pray the rosary.

For quite a while now, I’ve felt as though I have nothing meaningful to share—like I have no voice. Whenever I wanted to express something, it always seemed like the timing was off, or my words came across as too harsh and unrefined. With that in mind, I could offer you a glimpse into my current thoughts and direct you to a consecration course to Jesus through the hands of Mary.

1. The concept of “unconditional love,” as it is often interpreted to mean, that is, the enabling of evil for the sake of love, is a distortion. Reflecting on the verse, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”, we see that God, who is Love, has demonstrated the depth of His love for the world. Yet, He also made clear that only those who believe in His Son, sent as a perfect sacrifice, will have eternal life.

This highlights that holy love—the highest and purest form of love—maintains boundaries while remaining enduring, as mercy itself is an expression of love. You are loved as you are, but called and nurtured to be the best. This is the true definition of unconditional love. Any love that strays from or fails to align with God’s Holy Love becomes an aberration, no longer love but a corruption of the term. I believe this is reason people do not believe in love or the transformative power of love. They have imagined in their heads what love is not and defined it as love and their imaginations have failed them.

2. The world and its people are steeped in corruption—a truth that should not come as a surprise. I felt the weight of this truth profoundly last year when I renewed my consecration to Jesus through the Hands of Mary. I do not exclude myself from this observation. It is difficult to truly grasp the depth of corruption embedded in the mind of someone who has lived an unguarded life, shaped and influenced by evil perspectives. Recently, this feeling has grown remarkably intense.

Consider this: “Mary is the supreme masterpiece of Almighty God and He has reserved the knowledge and possession of her for Himself”. Yet “Mary being a mere creature fashioned by the hands of God is, compared to his infinite majesty, less than an atom, or rather is simply nothing, since He alone can say, ‘I am He who is'”. Mary herself knew and believed this truth, proclaiming, “I am the handmaid/slave of God… He has regarded the low estate of His handmaiden… He has put down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of low degree”.

Reflect further: “God the Father gave his only Son to the world only through Mary. Whatever desires the patriarchs may have cherished, whatever entreaties the prophets and saints of the Old Law may have had for 4,000 years to obtain that treasure, it was Mary alone who merited it and found grace before God by the power of her prayers and the perfection of her virtues. “The world being unworthy,” said Saint Augustine, “to receive the Son of God directly from the hands of the Father, He gave His Son to Mary for the world to receive Him from her.” The Son of God became man for our salvation but only in Mary and through Mary. God the Holy Spirit formed Jesus Christ in Mary but only after having asked her consent through one of the chief ministers of His court.” See “Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin”, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort

Now considering that Mary is esteemed greatly but is nothing in comparison with God, and her merits far surpass those of the saints in Heaven—who are themselves esteemed to the extent of their merits—by this true measure, I recognize how wretched I am.

3. Since “Mary loves Jesus ardently and glorifies Him more perfectly than all of God’s other creatures—saints and angels alike”, it follows that honoring Mary and the saints brings honor and glory to God. In the same vein, all creation, whether in heaven, on earth, under the earth, or in the sea, rightly gives God praise. Who could do this more perfectly when praised and honored than Mary and the saints in Heaven? Consider Mary: when praised by her cousin St. Elizabeth, her immediate response was a song of praise to God, proclaiming, “My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…” This truth should be as evident as when one gives charity to the less fortunate and brings glory and praise to God—whether through the grateful lips of those helped, the hearts of those who witness or learn of the event, or by the charitable deed itself inspired by God. Similarly, when the saints in heaven are honored, they give glory of God as a sort of reflection, having been conformed to Him to the extent they have merited. See “Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin”, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort

4. There is a noticeable inconsistency between truly serving God and what some individuals, who believe they are serving Him, deem acceptable—such as reading books or watching movies with pornographic content in their homes. This is just one example, yet it has become so normalized for some that their conscience has grown desensitized. They may believe their conscience is clear, even when confronted with this truth from an external observer.

5. It is inconsistent to claim to “believe and follow all the teachings of the Catholic Church” while accepting or engaging in certain practices that contradict its teachings. Allow me to list a few examples: being complacent about your children leaving the Catholic Church, speaking about confession as though it is optional, speaking negatively about devotion to the saints, accepting the use of contraception, abusing the sanctity of the marital bed, or considering IVF as an acceptable option.

A recent instance that left me unsettled involves the engagement with content where someone, under the label of ‘Christian prophecy’, examined palms to predict the future. I have been cautious in describing the activity as it was relayed to me, refraining from attaching specific labels to it. However, I was informed that it is not considered divination or palm reading—or that palm reading, in this context, is not divination—but I struggle to see how the conclusion could be otherwise, even if it is rare in its occurrence, as I’ve been told. I believe the truth will come out one day.

Ironically, it would be better to follow all the teachings of the Catholic Church in simplicity, even without raising “wise questions” or trying to be wise in one’s own eyes, as such simplicity in faith could make one truly wise.

6. There is no greater mother than Mary. Even if I falter, I trust her to guide me back to true contrition and repentance. I rely on her to show me the best way to please her Son, Jesus, who, in His love, has chosen to be my brother. This was once a source of concern for me, but through the consecration course, I learned to entrust myself to her care. Now, I feel a deep sense of peace, knowing that she intercedes for me before Jesus.

7. Why go to Jesus through Mary? It pleases Jesus, as it is the most perfect way He chose to come to us, and thus the most perfect way for us to go to Him. Furthermore, since Jesus is God, just as God the Father is God, and we have been given Jesus Christ as a Mediator between us and the Father, it is fitting that Jesus, being God, would also have a mediator. Out of His profound humility and perfection, He gave us Mary—not out of necessity, but because it is the most humble and perfect way He chose to unite Himself with humanity in the flesh; through her.

Humility is not easy, and in today’s world, its meaning has been lost. Many have also lost a sense of a Holy Fear of God, to the point where roles and stations are no longer given their due regard. I personally grapple with the concept of humility, as it feels foreign to me. Yet, in Heaven, hierarchies exist as part of God’s divine order.

8. There is a consecration course set to begin on March 24th, led by the Heralds of the gospel. I will renew my consecration to Jesus again this year by God’s grace.

“The Consecration Course is based on the Treatise on True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, by St. Louis Marie Grignion de Montfort, a prophetic work and a theological document of the utmost importance. A daily video lesson will be on Heralds of the Gospel’s online catholic course platform (“Reconquest Platform“)”. 

  • “The first class, on the evening of the 24th of march, will be a Live on Youtube at https://live.heralds.org/
    On consequent days, you will be able to attend each day’s class at your convenience. The classes will be recorded and will be available from 5 a.m. 
  • To easily receive all the information, you can join their WhatsApp group – although this is not necessary: click here.
  • Send any questions you have to: consecration@heralds.org
  • To join the consecration course, sign up at this link: https://consecration.heralds.org/slei
  • Alternatively, if you are wary of links, google “Reconquest Platform Heralds of the Gospel”. It should be easy enough to navigate to the free consecration course that starts on March 24th and ends on April 26th.
True Devotion to Mary By St. Louis Marie de MontfortDownload

Here is an another excerpt from the True Devotion to Mary: Consequently, this great Lord, who is ever independent and self-sufficient, never had and does not now have any absolute need of the Blessed Virgin for the accomplishment of His will and the manifestation of His glory. To do all things He has only to will them. 15. However, I declare that, considering things as they are, because God has decided to begin and accomplish His greatest works through the Blessed Virgin ever since He created her, we can safely believe that He will not change His plan in the time to come, for He is God and therefore does not change in His thoughts or His way of acting.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Note: Co-pilot was used to refine this write up.

End-of-Year

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

How is everyone doing? I came close to not creating this post but my future self in less than 2 hours might be disappointed. So, here we go…

It has been a long year! My year started off on a high note with me passing the PMP exam, but I did not feel good on the first day of the year because all I did was worry.

A lot of this year was full of uncertainty, and I felt so unstable. It is not an easy feeling or place to be. I still feel unstable and uncertain about a lot of other things, and I feel the New Year will be a continuation of my endeavour towards what I feel stability should look like. I am thankful to God for a lot of things such as my job and for saving me in a lot of ways, especially in the ways I have no knowledge of, no matter how impatient I am or annoying. I am also thankful for His patience, His gentleness and His comforting presence which I could sense sometimes.

I don’t feel good on the last day of the year. This fact makes me uneasy when I think of the New Year.

It is not necessarily a bad thing to suffer in any way. The saints seemed to believe they were kissed by Jesus when they suffered. However, I cannot say I love suffering…maybe this is why I struggle. I don’t know how to reconcile their point of view with mine, but I am happy they exist because they love God in a more perfect way, and I admire them and all that they are and stand for.

I would like to pause in the New Year. I hope I am able to do that. I would also like my heart to be protected. I hope that happens.

I hate that I have been able to see all the flaws in others and I am not able to piece mine together to actually bring about significant change. I hate it so much that I wish I was oblivious. I think it might make life lighter. But then again, my insight has helped me navigate certain people, so perhaps it is not a total loss, and my wish is not for the best. I just don’t know how to make sense of it.

Oh well, I would like Next Year to be a good year for me. I hope that I will continue to see the goodness of God in the land of the living. I pray God accompanies me in all that I do next year, right down to me breathing in and out…right down to the functioning of my cells….right down to the stirrings of my soul. I hope that I am able to love God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength. I need God’s help. I need God.

I think St. Padre Pio is going to be watching over me in the New Year. You might think it is a random statement, but I truly believe that it will be so, for my reasons and it makes me chuckle and also fret…only because I do not trust easy.

I hope everyone reading this has a blessed New Year, and I hope and pray that you find God when you search for Him in all the little ways that you do and might not even realise it.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you could listen to!

A Happy Death

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary!

Have you ever wondered what a happy death is? I did at the start of my reversion to the Catholic faith, since I prayed the Rosary regularly; the intention of the 4th Glorious Mystery (The Assumption of Mother Mary into Heaven) being a “Happy Death”, and presently, it is regularly on my mind.

I suppose at the start of my reversion, I might have imagined a happy death to mean a good death. I am trying to recall what conclusion I came to at the start. What is a good death? Is it to live comfortable, amassing wealth, love, fame, and then to die, and to cease to exist? The Catholic belief is that those who die in God’s grace, go to Heaven eventually, after a purification process. The Word of God says, “Nothing unclean will see God.”. So, is it possible to go straight to Heaven? One would have to be completely purified at the moment of death for them to go to Heaven straight away and how many can be so confident, without being foolish, that at the moment of their death, they have renounced all attachments and cling solely to God. I think I have heard it spoken of that it is also a Catholic belief that you can go straight to heaven after you die. Blessed Carlo Acutis spoke of going straight to Heaven. I think St. Therese of the Child Jesus did as well. St. Therese is a gem amongst gems. Then, there is St. Cecilia, who I learnt of recently and I was so in awe of. I think she went straight to heaven. She is so pure and beautiful. When I think of the saints, I think of how I am nothing like them.

I think I heard it said a “Happy Death” is to die in God’s grace and not about living a good life and then dying, by man’s standards. I suppose I might have imagined dying in my sleep, free of troubles and illness, when I considered a “good death”. I know of someone who prayed to die free of illness or long illness. I do not know if she died that way. I came to a place of no fear about death, and even thought recently that I could be dying while I slept one night. I felt myself floating upwards in that dream and thought, “Am I dying?”. I resigned myself to it and prayed, “Father, welcome me into your arms”. Then, I remembered I ought to pray for the forgiveness of my sins, which I did. Immediately, I prayed a prayer of contrition, it felt like my soul was slammed back into my body. I don’t know if the following happened right after, but while my eyes were still closed, an image of a smiling woman carrying a baby took shape in my head. It was like a drawing coming to completion. I remember clearly that at least either the woman or the child had chubby cheeks, possibly both did. And their youth, beauty, and cuteness was so evident. I have never seen that drawing in real life. I thought it was Jesus and Mary as I watched. This happened the Sunday of the first week of October.

I have watched people say it is normal to regret not doing a lot of things before dying. I have also heard it said it is naive not to fear dying even a little bit. Additionally, I heard it said it is foolish to just want to die, without considering the need to receive final rites or viaticum, and that it is the way to have a “Good Death”, and perhaps there was talk of a battle that happens at the moment of death. This is my interpretation of the things spoken. Perhaps, I misunderstand these people. I have considered those lines of thinking and perhaps I am the most foolish of them all for not being encumbered by such ways of thinking.

I have concluded that those ways of thinking produce fear, and I lay all my fear and anxiety at the feet of Jesus, at the foot of His cross, begging Him to redeem it and redeem me to glory of His Name, for my salvation and the salvation of others.

While having final rites done for you is a good thing, do I think everyone who have died or will die without final rites do not have a fighting chance of going straight to heaven or that they have less of a chance? The battle is God’s after all. Do I think I have a fighting chance at any point in my life, apart from the abundance and unending nature of God’s grace and mercy and Mary’s intercession for me.

I imagine even if I stood before Him and I was accused of the most heinous crimes and they were all found to be true, He is justified in condemning me, because He is all good and all righteous and I will accept His righteous judgement as true, without forgetting as well another truth, that even though there is no good in me, the Mercy of God never ceases, and I would beg for mercy with all the confidence of a child that knows it is loved without measure. This is a prayer and hope of mine. And so, I pray frequently and earnestly for a “Happy Death”, knowing that I will never be surrounded by love on this earth to the magnitude that I would be when I get to Heaven. I also earnestly run to the Blessed Virgin, ever confident in her love and intercession for me. I pray that Jesus and Mary are there at the moment of my death to lead me to Heaven. Knowing me, I will get lost without them.

I imagine a “Happy life” will be dictated by union with God after death or should I say a “Happy death”. I will be able to say “I lived a full life”, when I am in Heaven, not before. I count my life as loss, if it means I am separated from God. A happy life to me, is a life which terminates in friendship with God, whether rich or poor, loved or hated, young or old. There is no reason to despise the rich or to despise the hated or consider them going to a worse place than you are when death comes. You do not see their heart or know their destination and you could be wrong about them. The same God who loves you, loves them too. You would be better off praying for them to get to Heaven, not forgetting to pray for yourself too. So, I think there is no right station to be assigned to in this life, only a right way of living; a life lived loving God with your whole heart, with your whole soul, with your whole might, a life lived loving your neighbour as yourself. Go and learn what that entails by seeking God through Jesus, while He still can be found, and do it in truth. He will draw near to you.

I think I should say that I am not encouraging sinning so that God’s mercy presses even greater upon you. It should be obvious but it isn’t always.

I will end this post with the prayer from the Divine Mercy Prayer that I encourage people to pray and meditate on: “Eternal God in Whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon me and increase Your mercy in me, that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will which is love and mercy itself”. You see, it really is in showing mercy or in the abundance of mercy that is in us, that we are able to hope that mercy will be shown to us. I just realized this.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song! Take a listen!

Holiness

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone. Pray the Rosary!

Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.

My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil. 

I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.

In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.

Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.

Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”  

A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).

Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.

After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.

I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God. 

With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!

Pray the Rosary.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!

Mercy: Blood and Water

Posted on by
Reply

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.

My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.

Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.

My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.

I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.

I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.

I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.

To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Gregorian Chant for the soul! Have a Listen!