I watched a video recently of someone scoffing at the word “baptism” and saying they don’t do that at his church but they do something else, although it does involve water. I could not listen to the end of the video so I don’t know the full story, but what I did hear was annoying to my ears, and it disturbed me, so, I thought I would make a blog post about Baptism. I wrote most of this post months ago and posted on my IG story after I saw a reel where somebody said Baptism is not necessary for salvation or something like that. I could not believe anyone would even say that but I suppose anything is possible with the evil one.
I believe it is such great violence to willfully deny oneself baptism.
As core and focus of the christian life, is the imitation of Christ. What did He say? What did He do? How can I say the things He said? How can I do the things He did?
To be a true follower of Christ, one has to look at Jesus and notice that Jesus, being Himself God and without sin, still went through a baptism and then offered baptism as a gift and a means of becoming a disciple. “Now when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John(although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples)…”
Personally, I think if Jesus went through a baptism, being that He is God and without sin, for anyone to think that they do not need it, would be akin to saying I think I am better than Jesus. Even if such a person or group says that is not the case. Some one might say, “I did not know” and maybe this is true, but if a person believes they follow Jesus, they should try to do all they can to learn about Jesus and all He commanded, even going as far as looking at history, at the Catholic Church Jesus established and said the gates of hell will not overcome.
Some might argue that the Catholic Church of the past is not the same as the Catholic Church of now, but to that I say, “Do not think to call Jesus a liar.”. Because, to say that would mean that the doctrines of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church fell into error at some point, and the gates of hell have indeed overcome it. And at no point did Jesus desire a split over differing ideologies or bad apples but He did see it coming. “I do not pray for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”. I do believe that one day, there will only be “One” church to the glory of Jesus Christ, but as of present, there are those who do not love Jesus in the fullness of all He revealed about Himself and about The Father. No matter, that will change.
Jesus was serious and He meant business in every single thing He did or said. When he was going to wash the feet of Peter and Peter was going to reject Jesus’ gift, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no part in me.” It is possible that in the limited nature of human understanding, one might think, “what is the big deal?”, but, everything Jesus did and said meant something. He is perfection and everything He did was aligned to the will of the Father. Think about it, the King of the universe washed their feet. Can one’s mind fathom this?. But, He did this to show them what they ought to do, so that they imitate Him. “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”
So, when Jesus went through a baptism, He did it so that the glory of God would be revealed through Him and in Him and with Him, when He acted in obedience to the will of the Father, as He Himself said, “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” I believe I have heard it said that in being baptized, Jesus sanctified all waters of baptism. If you look closely at the baptism of Jesus, there are things which happened when the water touched Him. The Holy Spirit came down upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus has shown through His baptism, the reason we need to be baptized. We become recognized as Heirs of the Father through baptism, and by that happening, it is evident that through baptism we are reconciled to the Father, all sins being washed away. You also receive the Holy Spirit at your baptism, God is very pleased with you, God is revealed to all through you and God is glorified through you. Baptism is such a great gift we have been given.
A disciple of Jesus takes everything Jesus says as a command and not a suggestion and Jesus instructed this right before His ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:18. So, who is anyone to argue about this?
Baptism was even spoken of in the old testament, so, how can anyone deny baptism? “I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness…” – Ezekiel 36:25-27
In addition, the apostles have told us the essence of baptism. “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” – 1 Peter 3:21
In another verse, it is written, “Repent and be baptised, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit…”- Acts 2:38-41
And yet again, it is written, “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” This is because we become incorporated into the Body of Christ through Baptism.
And many more, so, there can be no excuse on that day. This is why I think it is willfully violence to do oneself to think you do not need baptism.
Someone might argue, what about Cornelius who received the Holy Spirit before He was baptized? but then, did God allow him to stop at receiving the Holy Spirit, or did God will for Cornelius and his household to receive the gift of baptism because He loved Cornelius?
One might also argue, what about the thief on the cross beside Jesus whom Jesus told, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” but what do we know of this man’s life before he was on the cross? Do we know if he was already baptized by Jesus’ disciples, but fell into sin afterwards. He won’t be the first to do just that. All we know is that He was forgiven by Jesus when he repented. However, even if the thief wasn’t baptized prior to being crucified, if God willed it as an exception, because He wills what He wills and everything He does is good, who is anyone to want to be the exception, when he has given us a command. It feels like pride to me to desire to be the exception. The thing is to deviate from Jesus’ command is to despise His gift and throw His gift in His face, to despise His heart and to be presumptuous, to hold the relationship claimed to be had with Him in contempt. On what leg does one have to stand on? Bear in mind that rebellion is likened to the sin of divination in the bible. It was so serious that King Saul was rejected by God.
God help us all.
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Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
This is imperfect and very rough, but I wrote down my reflections while praying the Seven Sorrows of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and I thought I would refine it a bit and put it here just in case anyone needs help meditating on the seven sorrows (It appears that I will continue refining this post).
Mary heard from Simeon that her Child is destined to bring about the rise and fall of many, that He will be a sign which men will refuse to acknowledge, and also, so the thoughts of many hearts would be made manifest, a sword shall pierce her soul also.
I recognize a grief three-fold….no, six-fold. She must have felt grief/stricken to hear about the downfall of men (her heart must have sunk). As well, the thought that her child was to bring about the rise and fall of men; that must have been perplexing/troubling. Her heart must have sorrowed deeply to imagine that her baby would face such profound rejection. As she considered the state of man (the deep brokenness and sinful nature), which would be revealed through her grief, did she feel alone and sorrow when she encountered its depths in her pondering? She must have been moved in heart with perfect charity for the brokenness of the human race and yet bore within herself a deep sadness for God. Did she sorrow for her son, Who would suffer and whose heart would be pierced through along with hers?
Oh, it is actually a seven-fold sorrow: her soul/heart still gets pierced when people reject her Son, Jesus, and their nature is revealed. I read/listened (audiobook) to The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Sienna, that this sorrow in heaven for God is without pain, I think. A powerful book that I recommend.
Apart from her grief or should I say “their grief”, Mary and Joseph were obedient to the law of God. They did not say, “oh, we have the messiah now, let us drop all customs and traditions passed down from the time of Moses, it does not apply to us.”. They were humble and had the fear of God, even being the Mother of God and the Foster Father of the King of the universe. There was a wait for Jesus to establish His Church and His new covenant, and the traditions and customs have been passed down and upheld by the Catholic Church from that time onwards.
I had a thought that when Mary gave birth to Jesus, she not only gave birth to her Baby, her bundle of Joy, she gave birth to The Fullness of Joy. So, at the prophecy of Simeon, her grief was complete desolation, at the thought of the loss of her Fullness of Joy.
I had another thought that Mary must have longed for Jesus all her life because she was made to carry Him in her womb. That longing must have been great and perfect because of how great her love is. She must have had a fullness of joy when the Angel announced she would bear Jesus and when she did give birth to Him and took care of Him. To hear about losing Him after all this; her grief must have been through the roof. Still, she was fully submitted to the message from God that The Child He had given her, her fullness of joy would suffer so much and die. She trusted so much in the goodness of God despite this, to give herself completely to Him, despite the apparent horror of the pain which was to come. Mary is not an ordinary woman. She did not even flinch back and away from God. She pressed forward towards God to give herself completely to Him, Who is all good. I know that she is exactly who I want to be like. “Mother of perpetual help, please make me like you. Amen.”
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sorrowful and Immaculate heart of Mary, pray for us.
Saint Joseph, pray for us.
2. The Flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-21)
Joseph received a message from an Angel in a dream that he should take Mary and Jesus and depart for Egypt until he is told it is safe to return, for Herod wanted to kill his Child, Jesus.
I recognize the deep trust Joseph had in believing the words of an Angel, although it came to him in a dream, and for leaving with his family that night without questioning it. I see a submission to Joseph on the part of Mary in going along with it without arguing. It must also have been hard on Mary, to uproot her life and make a journey to Egypt on such short notice, in the middle of the night, no less, on treacherous and hard roads. Yet, she got up, ever eager and ready to do the will of God and to be submissive to her husband, Joseph. They were very detached from material possessions and their community, not restricting or limiting in any way their love for their people. They were in the world but not of the world. I imagine they packed little for this journey. I also imagine their anxiety must have shot up too, to think their precious baby Jesus in danger, and they must have felt a profound desire to protect Him fiercely. They trusted God and submitted their lives to God’s hands to set out on this journey. “If He has told us to take this journey, then He would surely protect and provide for us.” Faith. Hope. Love.
Mother, please help me to be detached from material possessions and worldly status for it is the world I have always known and longed for, you who knows how to be content with all that God gives you and ask for nothing more.
Mary must have felt deep worry at the thought of her baby in danger. Did she give Jesus a kiss on the cheek out of love and out of comfort, as she held Him in her arms, and her worry rose up? Jesus allowed Himself to go through this discomfort. Was He woken up by this or did He sleep all through the journey? She must have worried all throughout the journey and even while they lived in Egypt until Herod passed away. Imagine how grieved she felt when she heard news after they had left that Herod had killed the babies in Israel who were 2 years and under. And her grief was for the babies, for Herod, for Israel, for herself, for her family, and for God. Is there something else I am missing?
3. The Loss of Jesus for Three Days (Luke 2:41-50)
“Now His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when He was twelve years old, they went up according to custom; and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing Him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought Him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him”
The Holy Family were very communal. They trusted their kinfolk enough to leave Jesus in their company for a day without worrying about Him. “It takes a village”, comes to mind. I imagine it was a loving extended family and burden was shared between one another.
Mary and Joseph must have felt disbelief at first that He was missing before disbelief gave way to tremendous worry. They must have been unable to sleep when they thought Jesus had been missing for a day and they were only just finding out after 1 day. Maybe Mary cried too. I only say this because I cry when I am distraught but maybe she is different. Joseph must have tried to be strong for his family. Their worry must have mingled with their sorrow at the thought that something terrible had happened to their son, a son they had protected at the time of His infancy by taking a hard journey into Egypt, only to have lost Him now that He was 12 years old. Also, considering that His life had once been in danger from Herod, they may have supposed the worst had happened. One feels doubly sorrowful when a negative human experience which brings about fear and grief repeats itself. I believe this was the case for them and their grief must have been one of a compounded nature when they considered Him missing or hurt somewhere or worse. They must have felt they failed in their mission from God to take care of Him, while they searched for him. Mary must have worried about how or what He would eat or drink, as a mother would. They must have looked everywhere and asked everyone, trying to describe him to anyone they stopped. “He’s about this tall…he was wearing this outfit…” I also think that in their grief they were consoled by God.
I think it must have taken a day’s journey to return back to Jerusalem, and another day to find him, to make that a total of 3 days. They found Him in the temple listening to the teachers and questioning them. I wonder if they heard about a little wise and charismatic boy preaching in the temple with authority and thought, “Jesus”. When He was found and questioned by Mary and Joseph about His actions, He reminded them of the reality of Who He is and His mission.
“And when they saw Him they were astonished; and His mother said to him, “Son, why have You treated us so? Behold, Your father and I have been looking for You anxiously.” And He said to them, “How is it that you sought Me? Did you not know that I must be in My Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying which He spoke to them. And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and His mother kept all these things in her heart.”
I wonder what Mary thought about. Did she keep it in her heart to never forget what was to come? Did she keep it in her heart because she delighted in the works of God? Did she wonder how she was going to help Him accomplish His mission. Was it everything?
We often can get carried away with mundane things and forget what our mission is, that is, to do the good works which God has prepared beforehand; to walk in it, and we need a jolt sometimes to remember. Could this have been something similar? In any case, their joy must have been great to have found him. Jesus can always be found in His Father’s house. If you seek God, you will find Him, and your joy will be full.
New entry (12Oct2025): I have come to think recently that perhaps Mary and Joseph were not surprised. I wondered why Mary was surprised, if Jesus said “Did you not know that I must be in My Father’s House?”. It appeared to me now that Jesus knew she knew, so I wondered why she was anxiously searching. It occurred to me as I prayed the 5th Joyful mystery that she knew and that is why she was anxiously searching. She held a deep knowledge and understanding of what His actions meant for Him. It meant His ministry would become very visible and kick off a countdown to the commencement of His Passion. So, I also wondered, “then why did the bible say they were astonished?”. I looked into the etymology of the word “astonished” and found it didn’t always mean surprised. In 1590s, it meant a “state of being amazed or shocked with wonder;” and earlier, in the 1570s, it meant “paralysis”. (From Etymology of the Word: Astonishment). So, in light of understanding better, I am able to glean from there that they were paralysed or struck with an overwhelm of anxiousness because of the full bible verse: “And when they saw Him they were astonished; and His mother said to him, “Son, why have You treated us so? Behold, Your father and I have been looking for You anxiously.”. They were overwhelmingly worried about Him, even having knowledge of where He would be, because they had knowledge of something greater. So, they felt the pain/anguish of loss before it was fully realised. This is what I think now, not that they forgot.
Jesus had great zeal for God and would begin His ministry as soon as possible, as it is written “Zeal for Your House has consumed Me”; but Jesus was obedient to the law out of love for God even though He is above the law. So, He went home with His parents and was obedient to them.
New entry (12Oct2025): How else does one explain this verse other than He was consumed with Love for His Father and His Father’s Will for Him to suffer and die, and He wished for it to be accomplished in earnest: “I came to cast fire upon the earth; and would that it were already kindled! I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how I am constrained until it is accomplished!”
Since He loves so greatly and perfectly, in being obedient, He sacrificed greatly and perfectly while He waited. Love is obedience. Love is sacrifice. Love is humility. Love is meek. Love is patient.
I had a thought that when He was thought to be missing, Mary’s Joy was missing too until she found Him. Mary serves as an arrow which points to Joy only to be found when we seek Jesus and find Jesus. Through her, we are able to experience the Fullness of Joy of finding Jesus. She points us to Jesus.
4. The Carrying of the Cross (John 19:17)
“So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called the place of a skull, which is called in Hebrew Gol′gotha.”
Consider the great pain Jesus felt from the thorns piercing/digging into His head after the wounds He had received from His scourging, so that thinking and moving must have been terribly difficult. I can consider this to a mild degree when I remember how it hurt so badly when I had a sore throat from Covid, that I could not even think properly enough to close my mouth, such that saliva fell to the ground. How much more was the magnitude of Jesus’ pain?
The brutality of His executioners was so peak that they had subjected Him to a scourging with all sorts of sinister weapons, clawing His flesh and placing Him in a pool of His Blood, a crowning with sharp thorns, reviling and beating, before throwing on His shoulders a heavy wooden cross to carry, the instrument of His execution, to the place of His execution. Think what this torture did to His mind and body to go through all this mental, physical and emotional suffering. The pain He felt was not only because of the injustice of suffering when He spoke the Truth, or only because He is Holy and Perfect but additionally, because He is God and we are the work of His hands rebelling against Him, Who has created us and given us life and meaning. How can one understand the pain and sadness He felt not only on His Body, but in His heart, with which He has loved us so much?
At any point, He could have thrown the cross away or lost his temper or lashed out and destroyed all of humanity, but instead with perfect love and patience, even in His state, His feet and His heart moved forward to the place of a skull. Ordinarily, a human should not have been able to hold it together or even take a step, considering the extreme pain, but for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit Who propelled Him. His heart swelled with greater love as He made this journey.
“Lord Jesus, imbue in me Your patience and Your Love for mankind, so that I may ever love people as You Love and in turn, love You Who are Holy and Perfect and deserving of all my love. Amen.”
I read that the greatest wound that Jesus bore that is not spoken about much is the wound on His shoulder from the cross digging into His skin. Under the weight of the cross, His pain and struggle caused Him to trip too quickly, and lose his footing 3 times. Each time, the cross slammed onto His back, as His face hit the ground. The thorns dug even further into His head. His writhing body in pain was a source of anger and disgust to His executioners, who hit Him further with whips and their feet, in a bid to get Him to His feet. Their eyes looked but without seeing The Man. Their hearts cold, cruel and unmoved at the sight of His suffering. He did not lose His temper but rose up, carrying His cross, with great strength, perfect love and patience that is impossible without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and His eyes locked with His mother’s.
Did he feel alone until that moment? “Mom” I think He could have echoed in His mind.
Could there have been comfort in sorrow, when the eyes of Mary and Jesus met, on the way to Calvary, despite the deep sorrow that pierced Mary’s heart and the pain that ravaged her body and soul? Did the noise of the crowd drown out as she tried to be strong for Him. She had known this moment was to come and now here, she has walked with Him, with anguish filling her heart as she watched him take painful steps forward. She looked on with a tenderness, sorrow and strength. How she wished to take His place as she took in His bruised and blood soaked face and body; His pain registered in His eyes and face as He gazed at her, which broke her heart even further. And she would have rushed over to Him too, if she had not been prevented. I say she would have gone immediately, because that was her reaction to the news of her cousin Elizabeth being pregnant and also at the feast at Cana. She has a heart which goes in love to those needing helping and her love is not just words but actions. Her heart remembered the words of Simeon and she was full of consternation to see the affliction that had come to her Son.
The prophecy of Simeon, the danger when He was an infant and His loss when He was 12 years were all but preparatory for this moment, to a heart tinged with sorrow throughout the raising of her Son, and yet nothing could really prepare Her to see it come to be. And how the pain ripped through her heart in her grief as she accompanied Him on His way to Calvary. She wanted so much to comfort Him.
His grief must have doubled when He took in her sorrow for Him. Both ever committed to submitting to the Will of the Father, brimming with ardent love for God and perfect charity for all mankind, knowing that it had to be.
Our comfort in sorrow, pray for us.
Then, there was Simon of Cyrene, an unwilling participant, who was commanded by the soldiers to help Jesus carry His Cross, because they feared that He would die before He reached the place of His execution, and they did not want that. They wanted to inflict maximum pain and ridicule.
This unwilling participant was converted in his encounter with Jesus Christ and became a saint through the mercy and love of God.
The call of all christians is to help to carry the cross of Christ, His suffering in His Body, so that we, through the love and mercy of God, become like God.
5. The Crucifixion of Jesus (John 19:18-30)
I like the note from St. JoseMaria Escriva that Mary comforted Jesus with her presence. For it is through the strength of the presence of the one who loves perfectly that we are perfectly comforted.
“There they crucified Him, and with Him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them.”
This is a thought, as with the rest of these reflections, but I imagine at the point where the nails were being driven through the hands and feet of our Lord Jesus, He let out a cry of pain, and in His heart called out for His Father, “Father, Father, Father.”
My Lord Jesus was very on mission to the very end, wanting to fulfil every prophecy out of Perfect Love for God and for us, even though He could have chosen to conserve His energy. “My God My God, why have You forsaken Me” “I thirst” etc. How I long to have such love and how I fall short every time. “O Lord Jesus, please help me to be loud about my love for people even if I do not hate them or respect their choices. Please break me out of my silence and reservedness around them so that I may radiate Your Love so clearly to them, not just internally. Amen.”
The prophecy of Simeon continues to play out, as the depth of the brokenness of mankind is naked to the eyes of some onlookers and to some of us, “He saved others; He cannot save Himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him.” “He trusts in God; let God deliver Him now, if he desires Him; for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” And the robbers who were crucified with Him also reviled Him in the same way.
In the midst of this, we see Jesus turn towards The Father to intercede for us, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” and as well, His redemptive work through His sacrifice was in action. We see this clearly when the thief repents of his mocking, and turns to Jesus saying, “Remember me when You go into Your Kingdom”. The rise and the fall, just as Simeon had prophesied and in perfect order, Mary’s heart was lanced through, as she comforted her Son with the strength of her silent presence, thoroughly united to His pain and His suffering, in perfect charity. Did Mary pray for all sinners at the foot of the cross and offer up Christ’s passion to God?
“Lord Jesus, please remember me in Your Kingdom. Amen.”
How blessed we are, that even on the cross, our Saviour thought of us in giving us Mary, our comfort in sorrows, to be our Mother. “Behold your mother”
“Thank You, Jesus for giving me Mary to be my mother.”
How she comforts us her children, even in her silence, united with us in perfect charity, when we grieve. “Please comfort me mom because you love me.”
6. Jesus Taken Down from the Cross (John 19:39-40)
“But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs. But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and at once there came out Blood and Water.”
To confirm that Jesus is dead, the centurion pierces Jesus’ side and Blood and Water gushes out upon him and on the whole world. In that moment, the Centurion was saved when he uttered, “Truly this was the Son of God!”
“Truly, Lord Jesus, You are the Son of God!”
He was saved by the Most Precious Blood and Water which gushed out of the side of Jesus. “I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Temple. Alleluia. It brought God’s life and salvation, and the people sing with songs of Praise…Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia. I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Son of God, Alleluia…”
O Blood and Water which gushed out from the heart of Jesus as a fountain of mercy for us, I trust in You! x3
Consider Mary seeing this, her heart transfixed and sorrowing as she watched His skin pierced. Her heart suffered further to see His body injured even after death; she gulped in a deep breath, and her body trembled as she looked on.
His brutal suffering and death had not been enough for mankind and as though He had not given enough, they had to take more. She, with perfect charity, said “Yes” to it knowing that God so willed it to be.
How many times have I asked for more when I have been given so much love and fail to return such love to my neighbours.
Also, consider Jesus Who allowed for His skin to be pierced even after suffering such a tortured death.
“This is just how deep My love is for you, that even after my body had been bruised and beaten, nailed and bleeding, reviled and exposed, writhing and heart broken, hanging dead on a cross, I would allow my heart to be broken open for you and I would pour myself out upon you so that you will be healed by My love, if you would trust it. Yet still, I would do even more.”
Jesus I trust in You! x3
“After this Joseph of Arimathe′a, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly, for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him leave. So he came and took away His body.”
Think what courage it took Joseph to ask for the body of Jesus. Yet, the love of God ought to propel us forward to complete inestimable feats. How I long to love God with a love so perfect and yet how I fall short so many times. “Lord Jesus please give me the fervour of the saints who went forward regardless of the consequence to bring You to people, so that their ignorance may be broken and their souls may be liberated from the captivity of the evil one, and they may be well and do good as it pleases You. Amen.”
Here His mother, Mary, takes His lifeless body in her arms. Her grief surges upwards, as she considers His lifeless body which had been strong and full of life a day before. Her son whom she had carried for nine months in her womb, nursed at her bosom, protected from the beasts of humanity who sought His life, when only a baby/infant. She had watched Him laugh, play and grow up strong and full of life and He had brought so much joy and fulfilment to her life. His body, she had hugged so many times when He was alive but now she hugs His lifeless body to hers in silent sorrow. Jesus abandoned Himself to the care of His mother and His elect. He abandoned Himself to the care of God. He allowed death to crush Him. He allowed Himself to be in the position of defeat. He allowed Himself to take on a humbling state, lifeless and without bodily function; His body able to move in unseemly directions due to a lack of control. A state of total abandon. He loves with total abandon; child-like love.
I cannot imagine the grief of a mother losing her child; I, who has so much attachment to trivial things that I pause and wince before cutting them off, talk less of losing a whole human who has been loved with a love so perfect. I am reminded of my imperfect love. “Please heal my heart mom.”
However, I have seen from the eyes and voice of my mother that it is an unimaginable grief. I can say though that I have known grief that I almost lost my mind, when I thought my sister was dead. Was her grief similar but tempered and perfect?
“Lord Jesus please help me to love You more than created things. Amen.” “Mother, please unite my heart to your grief and the suffering of your Son, so that my heart will be able to see Him and You in your glorified states. Amen.”.
7. Jesus Laid in the Tomb (John 19:39-42)
“Nicode′mus also, who had at first come to Him by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pounds’ weight…Now in the place where He was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb where no one had ever been laid.”
The body of Jesus was wrapped in a linen shroud and spices, and Mary helped out too, taking great care. My Lord Jesus relied on the generosity of Joseph of Arimathe′a, for His resting place. We all have our part to play in God’s redemptive work and he did his.
They laid Jesus in a tomb which had never been used before; His burial place in a garden given out of love. Mary must have taken one final glance back at Him before departing. Her heart was buried with her son’s in that garden, and being that her heart is one that loves perfectly, she must have considered, much like the faith of Abraham, that surely God is able to raise Him up. Her silent hope rested on Jesus’ words, that He lays His life down to take it up again. “Lord Jesus, help me to rest my hope solely on Your words, like Your mom. Amen.”
Our first parents died to life in the garden of Eden through the sin of disobedience and so were separated along with their children from God. The New Adam and the New Eve died to sin in another garden through obedience and have united us to God. So, if we have died with Christ through Baptism, we will also be raised to newness of life in Christ, just as Christ was raised from the dead by and to the glory of the God, The Father. Amen.
“O Lord Jesus, please keep me away from the disobedience which leads to separation from You. Amen.”
“Mother Mary, if it pleases God, please take my will, my body, my soul, my heart, my intellect, my memory, my imagination, my dreams, my mind, and all of me, and give me only all that is yours, so that I may always be pleasing to God. Amen.”
The stone was rolled over the entrance to the tomb and they departed, and Mary was separated from her son.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary, and let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song you could listen to (Sounds better on Spotify BTW)
I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.
I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.
I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God.
I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.
I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.
It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure.
Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times.
All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.
I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary.
My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self,but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”
I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.
My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.
Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.
My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.
I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.
I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.
I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.
To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.
I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.
I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.
I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse but it could have been different), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.
I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.
Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.
While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.
Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.
I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.
I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.
Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.
My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.
So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.
If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I think I have been away for over 6 months (correction: 4 months) and I really owe everyone an apology, including myself because this is really atrocious, haha..
On a serious note, I really tried to block out the thoughts of my blog and my podcast, and push off writing and creating posts because of the effort it takes to make the voice recordings. To be honest, I do not enjoy hearing back the sound of my voice. That is why these voice recordings are kind of weird to me. But, I actually enjoy the entire creating process, so, I don’t know what to say.
I hope everyone is doing okay. It’s been half a year, so, I bet a lot of things have happened in that time for you and for me too. If you care to, you can share in the comment section below.
Particularly for me, I have grown a deeper understanding and love for my faith in these 6 months. I am Catholic, just in case nobody knows. My prayer life has been more regular than it has ever been before and I am happy about that. I pray for final perseverance.
I will say for the most part I feel clueless nowadays. I don’t understand a lot of things and I fear God is speaking to me but I do not understand His message because of my short-sightedness. I say this because a recent bible passage from “The Bible in a Year” podcast, mirrored my actions and prayers. It is quite uncanny because this has happened to me twice now, first at the start of the year when this same feeling was strong and again recently, this week actually. I really do not know how clueless I can be as to what God is trying to tell me. I am a bit frustrated with myself. Pray for me that I have clarity. I just paused to pray for it too. Weird how I don’t recall praying for it before now. but perhaps I did.
Maybe I know the answer but I do not want to believe it. haha. And that is quite sad when I think about it.
The answer I can see is that God has sent His angel to take care of it.
So, if that is the case, then I am thankful to God for answered prayers.
Sidebar: I wrote this around midnight. I don’t know how I’m gonna put this all together. But, I created this post around midnight and I was like I’ll go to bed, wake up, say my prayer, come back, record this, and then finish the entire process of creating this. So, while I was on instagram, when I woke up in the morning, I saw an instagram post about “Let God take care of it. Open up the Word and listen to what God is trying to tell you”. So, I decided to listen to today’s bible verses on the Bible in a year. And something stuck out to me: “If you will not believe surely you shall not be established.” And that put a serious fear within me. Because I obviously do not want to be the one who is stopping God’s blessings from getting to me. Because we can do that to ourselves without realizing. So, I said a prayer, “I believe. Lord, heal my unbelief.” And I do believe that there is nothing God cannot do. I think it is that I cannot imagine the strength of His love for me. That’s where the unbelief comes from. I just need to trust in His love for me. To trust in His provision and to just trust in God. I will be back to give a testimony once it is all fully revealed to me by God.
Anyway, I drove recently; this Tuesday to be precise. Not a lot though. I have a learner’s licence here in Canada, so, I have to actually practice driving. Before this week though, the last time I was behind the wheel was 6 years ago. It felt different on Tuesday. I did not have the crippling nerves like 6 years ago. It was almost nice. It could be because my new friend, who was calm throughout, was in the passenger seat and not my brother. I love my brother but I remember him yelling 6 years ago and that was not fun. My friend, on the other hand, was using his phone at some point and when I asked him if he was afraid, he told me he wasn’t and that was his reason for using his phone. I might also have almost enjoyed driving now because I am older and calmer when it comes to handling “new things”, haha, but just a little bit calmer. But maybe that “little” makes such a huge difference on my temperament. I honestly just want to get the learning phase over with so I can move on from it. My impatience is unreal but I am trying to reel it all in. Lastly, it is definitely because I have been praying for a better experience this time around.
During the drive, I mentioned to my friend that my dad is not alive and he was so shocked and sad for me. My dad died when I was 5. It has been such a long time, which I tried to explain to him. Then He asked if my mom ever remarried or if I had any male role models growing up and my answer was “No.” He was amazed by that. I know he meant well, but his questions made me consider how much I might have lacked not having my dad. I had claimed God as my Father a long time ago when I was in bed in London and the memory of my mom’s prayer from when I was a child came to my mind. “You are The Father to the fatherless, The Husband to the widow.” I had said the same to my friend too.
However, when I was alone, I could not help but feel deficient and some things made sense to me. So, I thought it might explain why I never learnt to ride a bike. Maybe I might have been forced to learn how to drive a car, if he’d lived. I don’t know. Perhaps if my dad didn’t die, I would have gotten more confident in my childhood. But also, I would have been so spoiled, like one of those spoilt rich kids, or maybe not, since my mom was so strict. I don’t know. I wondered how else my personality might have been affected. Am I overly independent as a result of his death? Do I contemplate a lot about dying because of his death? Am I unable to form tangible relationships with the opposite sex as a result? Do I distrust the tangibility of human connections just a little bit? haha..
It is pointless to imagine what might have been and yet my mind wondered briefly. My dad is a hero in my memory. I loved him easily and missed him without wondering what the emotion was. Secondary school was hard for me at one point, so, I had informed my mom, out of blue, one morning, just before we got into the car, on our way to the church where I would catch my school bus, that I was okay with her remarrying, all because I wanted a dad.
I am an adult now though and have lived a considerable portion of my life without my father. I suppose thinking these things about deficiencies stirred up some feelings of inadequacies in general about myself, one such being my inability to drive competently. I probably have to address those feelings with myself. I am not my driver status. lol. and I am working towards getting it changed, and that is all that matters.
I have been a late bloomer when it comes to getting over certain milestones in my life. One such being my confirmation in the Catholic Church. I kind of conveniently pushed off attending classes run by my secondary school because I did not understand why I should do it, and my mom did not come down too hard on me for not going. Maybe because she didn’t realize I was not attending though. lol. Because of that, I ended up getting confirmed later, along with my younger sister, at her own school’s program.
I think I was a bit embarrassed then too that I had not completed it when I was younger. However, looking back now, I think I did it at the right time. I was more receptive to the message that God loves me. I think it is the only thing I remember from those classes. I had received the message with so much shock and pleasure; it is so strange, because I don’t know why it had felt personal to me to read about it in a book the instructors made to teach us with. It was like hearing it for the first time; the idea of a personal relationship with God and I felt loved.
So, perhaps, that is how I ought to look at everything else in my life that I do not have or I have not done. Perhaps, it really isn’t the right time for me.
Thank you for reading or listening to today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
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By Cynthia Aralu Hello everyone! Remember to pray the Rosary! The meaning of holiness has been blurred by some Christians such that you may hear phrases such as holy Muslim, holy Jew or holy non-Christian. Could it be a lack of vocabulary or perhaps the snare of the tongue or a trap they have fallen… Read more
By Cynthia Aralu Hello everyone. Remember to pray the Rosary! I suppose I should say Happy New Year, or rather, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. The future feels overwhelmingly long, so I’m choosing to follow Jesus’ words and focus on today, because each day has enough worries of its own.… Read more
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