Tag Archives: christianity

Temptation

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I hope you are doing well!

I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.

I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.

I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God. 

I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.

I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.

It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure. 

Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times. 

All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.

I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary. 

My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever. 

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Mercy: Blood and Water

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.

My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.

Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.

My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.

I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.

I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.

I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.

To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Gregorian Chant for the soul! Have a Listen!

A Dream?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”

This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions. 

In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me. 

I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).

I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.

Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side. 

At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me. 

Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.

The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, before I was 5 years (maybe 4 years), and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. I don’t think the nightmare in Jan 2023 was the norm for me at the time I had it.

Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams over the course of my life of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Discipline

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena

St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. There were times when I went for long hours—once I remember even a full 24 hours—without eating because I simply forgot. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.

4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.

I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”

So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.

I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.

The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Was the Man Jesus?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Hope you are keeping well and are in good health. Another weekend is almost over and the time goes by so quickly.

The events of this past Wednesday has me evaluating my thoughts towards people extending their hand to me for a handshake during the “exchange of sign of peace” at mass or perhaps my response to people in general. Since the Covid-19 pandemic happened, I do not shake people’s hands without feeling like my hand is completely deadweight until I wash it or use a hand sanitizer. So, I generally do not shake people’s hands outside of church or in church. At my old job in London, when I was in a situation where a person reached out his hand for a handshake, I shook his hand out of politeness, but I waited until the person was away from me to reach for the sanitizer. Throughout the conversation with the man, all I could think of was my hand which I had to sanitize for it to be usable. I feel as though the use of the sanitizer became something of a programming to me, considering the nature of my old job and the medical environment in which I worked. I am not as stringent as I was back then about using a hand sanitizer after a handshake, but I still do not like shaking people’s hands because all I can think of is germs.

At the church I attend daily mass, I believe it has happened twice to me now, that people have stretched out their hands for a handshake. The first time, I came close to not shaking his hand. I mean, it was like a hand dance, with me pulling my hand back and then stretching my hand out again for the handshake. I didn’t want to be mean but I ended up being weird.

The second time was recently this past Wednesday. I didn’t pay much attention to the man at first. The first time I noticed him, I think I vaguely saw him walking around. The second time, I did not even look in his direction. He was a row ahead of me, at the far-left end, reciting the words of the priest at consecration and I thought, “Who is saying that? Only the priest is supposed to say that.” I vaguely remembered seeing that somewhere so, I am not sure this is true, but I did not take my eyes off the priest, the Host and the Chalice.

Then, it was time for the exchange of the sign of peace and I looked in his direction. He did not turn around to acknowledge anyone until the Agnus Dei was being said. Then, he moved to tap the shoulder of the lady in a row ahead of him and I thought, “Maybe he knows her.” He shook the lady’s hand and then moved towards the man standing in the same row as him and I thought, “Oh, he is shaking hands.” I immediately went to my knees, since the Agnus Dei had been completed and hoped my kneeling and prayer posture would deter him from approaching me to shake my hand. It didn’t. He extended his hand to me next, and I could not ignore him or be mean to him. So, I went first with my left hand since he had extended his left hand, but I remembered my Nigerian upbringing and extended my right hand instead. For context, it is considered rude in Nigeria to use your left hand to collect things from people or give things to people, including handshakes. The man in front of me had a disability; it looked like he had a bit of a hunch back and the palm of his left hand was shaped in a such a way that I actually could only fit my right hand in the palm of his left hand and not my left hand, that it almost seemed like he was taking my hand for a dance.

“Soft.” I thought when my hand connected with his and I beamed up at him, happy to have gotten the handshake right and he beamed back at me. I suppose I have never felt a hand so soft.

When he walked away, I looked at my hand and I held it away from my other hand, thinking of germs. Then a thought crossed my mind that, “For all I know, he could be an angel.” So, I dropped my reservation and clasped my hands together in my normal prayer pose.

During communion, he was in front of me on the line and when he got to the minister, I watched him get on his knees with a struggle, and I thought, “Why is he kneeling when he can’t? He must have great reverence for God. I will be doing this as well when I am old. Should I help him?” But he got on his knees and so I left it alone.

When it was time for him to stand up, I noticed he struggled and this time, I rushed to his side to help him. As I tried, I realized I didn’t ask his permission, so, I stopped to ask him, “Do you need help?” He responded in a low voice, “Yes.”. I tried my hardest to help him up, but he did not budge, and I was not lifting the man. Then after a moment, he lifted his leg to give a bit of traction to his rise, to my joy which was short lived, because I tripped, and the man and I began to fall sideways. Thankfully, someone else, came to the other side of him just at that moment, as though timed, and steadied us, and we were able to get the man to his feet.

Considering the poor job I did, I had to ascertain that I did not hurt the man, so I asked, “Are you okay?” He nodded and gave an enthusiastic “Yes.”

I nodded in satisfaction and stepped back slightly to give him space. Then he stood there for some moment not moving. “Give him time.” I thought. So, the line for communion was held up, but honestly, I would have stood there for as long as he needed. He looked back at me with serious eyes as though searching, and then turned around to leave in the opposite direction from where he would need to take to get back to his seat; in the direction of the priest on the second communion line. “Why is he going that way?” I wondered. I had to go receive communion, so I looked away from him.

I got back to my seat and wondered where he went to and as I left the church, I wondered, “Did he leave the church?”

The event replayed itself in my head after mass as I made my way home, and I considered the moment we almost fell. I remembered how I had been meditating on the 4th sorrowful mystery the day before, “The carrying of the cross”, and I had considered that Jesus fell three times and He did not try to save Himself from the fall but relied on Simon of Cyrene. I could relate to Jesus’ fall in a better way and also to St. Simon helping him. My next thought went to his final glance back at me, and I thought of his studious gaze, and it felt so familiar like I had gotten that look before in a dream about Jesus. Goosebumps washed over me when I thought, “Was he Jesus?”

I suppose one of the remarkable things about this event is that prior to this, I had been wondering if I would continue kneeling to receive communion even when I am old and I was unsure, but I got my answer when I saw him get on his knees.

I have replayed this event in my head so many times I have lost count, and I have reached the conclusion that my actions would have been different if I thought the man to be Jesus from the very first moment in which I noticed him. I would not have knelt to avoid him, neither would I have had any issue shaking his hand, and when he struggled to get down on his knees, I would have rushed to him without thinking too much about it. So, I am re-evaluating the way I respond to people. In any case, if indeed the man I met was Jesus, he was quite patient with me.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you could listen to!

Second Chances or a Millionth

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I noticed yesterday that the theme of this week in Church, starting from Sunday, has been about the “Holy Eucharist” and I believe it is not a coincidence that I have experienced the things I spoke of in my last post.

It makes me feel that God is truly present and active in my life. Especially when I pause to think that He has given me a chance to right the wrong from my past, that is, my denial and disdain of who I am. I am thankful to God for this. I also have a chance to use my latent headstrong nature that doesn’t care about being the only one doing a thing, towards bringing glory to God, and for my salvation, as well as the salvation of others. An intention I have made recently before the Blessed Sacrament is for God to restore me to the moment I got baptized, so it is no surprise that I am being transformed to the child I once was before the corruption or into the child I am meant to be.

This is not the first time that God has done so either. I have been in a situation, where I made a bad decision the first time. In my repentance, I hoped for another chance and it did come to me. I did the right thing the second time without any struggle or thought and a man who’d noticed the interaction, looked at me wondering why I did so, but I ducked my face because I got shy from his attention. I believe the old woman must have been an angel or sent by God for that to even repeat itself, because what are the odds? Of course I think this in retrospect, many years later.

Okay, I will share what happened. I wasn’t going to.

I got on a bus in Lagos, Nigeria, and then an old lady turned to me and quietly begged me to pay for her fare and I ignored her. I got home and I told my mom about it, saying, “Why would she ask me to pay for her fare?”, and my mom told me I should have done so, since I had spare money. At the time, it seemed illogical to me, that the lady got on the bus without her T-fare. I distrusted it, like it was some sort of scam, so I ignored the old lady. I felt so bad about my mom’s words. I had not expected censure because I thought I was right. So, I prayed or hoped to God for another chance. Another time, I think on the same bus route, there was an old lady. The conductor asked her for her T-fare and he got aggravated because she ignored him. Then, she turned around to me and told me to pay for her T-fare. My eyes widened and I paid for her and for me, without a word. The conductor looked at me with confusion written all over his face, and I looked down. There were many people in that bus. The old lady could have looked to the left or right of her or even to the people around me or said something to the conductor, but she looked back, squarely at me and asked me to pay for her T-fare (she did not beg). That has never repeated itself again in my life.

When I ponder on all this, it makes me think and believe God will do the same in other ways in my life.

In case anyone is wondering what happened on Thursday, when I got to the church, I prayed to Jesus for the strength to go through with it and I prayed to Mary for her help. Then, I got on my knees and received communion on my tongue. The next day I prayed to Jesus and Mary because I know I have a fickle heart and I knelt once again to receive communion on my tongue. My ascent still needs work but I’ll get there.

I believe if people complain ceaselessly about a lack of reverence in the Novus Ordo Mass without doing anything about it, in the way of their actions at said mass, then it is all noise. I have never had a problem with a Novus Ordo mass. I grew up in it, both Latin and English versions, and it had all the reverence, the incense, the music, the altar service, the kneeling to receive Holy Communion on the tongue, the altar rails, the fervor, the participation and the love of the congregation. So, the mass itself is reverent. It is the actions of the members that are lacking, from the priest to the congregation.

If a church in a different country keeps the altar rails while another church in another country decides to do away with the rails, paten etc., and yet both use the Novus Ordo liturgy, is the liturgy less reverent or are the religious leaders less reverent? This is not to idealize the church which kept the rails because the Catholic Church around the world needs people that do the right thing.

I didn’t even know about this discussion about Traditional Latin mass until I moved to Canada, and my mom had not heard about the Traditional Latin Mass until I told her about it. It is only when I travelled abroad that I attended masses where people were not enthused in their responses if they did respond (memory is vague but there was a lack of fire I felt). I believe it rubbed off on me. Now being here in Canada, I have responded and I have sung. I have noticed the fervour in the churches I attend change over time, so much so that the priest of the church where I attend Sunday Mass has thanked the congregation for the generosity of their participation.

It takes everyone.

The priest should show reverence when giving Holy Communion to communicants or when handling the Holy Communion, bearing in mind that he has in his hands The Body of Christ. The communicants should receive the Holy Communion and appear before the Holy Communion with reference, bearing in mind that they are standing before Christ’s Body and acting as they would if they believe Him to be visibly present. Praise and worship are due to God, so the congregation should respond to the priest, knowing they are giving justice due to God.

Preaching about reverence is a good thing but even better is when the people move to action.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend that you could listen to!

Standards

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Recently, I got told that “I like to do ‘Holy Holy'”. This is a Nigerian way of saying I was overdoing the practice of holiness in this person’s eyes and that I loved to do so a lot. It was an ordinary thing I mentioned that I might try. I told this person that I would try to kneel down to receive Holy Communion on the tongue and apparently that was doing too much.

I would normally receive Communion on my hand, but I noticed that when I received Communion from a certain church, there were particles left on my hand, and I had to lick it off my hand. It felt uncomfortable to me. Later on, I considered the possibility that I had missed seeing particles on my hand in the past. So, I resolved to receive Communion on the tongue.

This Sunday, I felt the minister gave me a weird look. I did not see anyone in the church receive Communion on the tongue. Perhaps, I imagined the weird look, but I felt triumphant that I went through with it.

On Monday though, I went to a different church and the priest picked up the Holy Communion and lifted the Communion above his head, as he said, “The Body of Christ”. I stumbled over my response before I received the Communion on my tongue. It made me feel weird because I don’t recall a priest lifting Communion this high before giving it to me (although now in the far future I can say it was benign). It is not uncommon in this church for some people receive Communion on the tongue on their knees annd for others to receive on the hand while standing.

You might wonder, “Why did you not kneel?”. Well, I did not have the comfort of a kneeler and perhaps, I wondered if I could be graceful about kneeling on the ground.

On Wednesday, I decided to give it a go again at this same church and it was a total disaster. The minister was shorter than me, so I bent slightly, and she dropped the Communion before it reached my tongue. The second time, she got it. I was in shock and my day felt even more disagreeable than it was at that moment. I could not say my prayers completely and I left the church distracted.

It has been weird for me so far. It should not even be. I grew up receiving Communion on the tongue in Nigeria and we would kneel at the altar rail, on the kneeler, which was in a semi-oval shape and separated the altar from the congregation. We had altar servers who walked with the priest, with a paten in hand to catch any accidental fall of the Communion when it is given to communicants downstairs (Upstairs, it was received on the tongue standing). I do not know if this is still the practice there because people started receiving on the hand when there was an outbreak of Ebola. I think people went back to receiving on the tongue after it was over, but I didn’t. When I went back in January, I received Communion on my tongue while standing, at a weekday mass. I think I might have been doing as I saw people do. A Sunday mass will be different there, with people using the kneeler.

Anyway, as I walked to the bus stop, I considered that perhaps I was doing something wrong with the way I received Communion, so I decided to google, “How to receive Communion on the tongue”. There were things I never considered on the video I watched.

Regardless, I felt like I was trying to do something good, but the worst happened. I considered strongly going back to receiving Communion on the hand but when I got called “Holy Holy”, it was a fuel to do it again but this time around kneeling down, because the act of kneeling to receive Communion on the tongue should not be considered excessively holy. It is right and just or in other words, fitting for our King, and I am not my standard of holiness. I also thought, “What if I am being called to do this?”.

Then, I remembered that as a kid in secondary school I was called “Holy Holy” once and left out of a conversation because they did not want to corrupt me. I hated it and denied being holy. Now, it feels like perhaps I might be on the right path in my life since I have been told this again. Although, I have to say, human standards can be faulty.

Today, I will be trying some of the suggestions I got from the video and also getting on my knees. I have even practiced doing this at home and at work. I am feeling embarrassed actually about the whole ordeal, but I need to get through it to get over it.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you could listen to.

Why is Mary “Our Mother”?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Last year, I was scrolling through IG and I came across a post about Mary. I believe on the post Mary was referred to as “Our Mother”. A comment popped up on my screen as it usually does when reels play. Someone asked, “Why is Mary Our Mother?”, so I felt a burst of inspiration to write down why Mary is “Our Mother”. I posted in bits on my IG story, the first three reasons, and later on in the year, the fourth reason came to me.

I feel there is no time like the present to post this here, so here it is: Why is Mary “Our Mother”?

One way to look at this is to look at Christ. If we, who have been baptized, have been brought into The Body Of Christ, with Christ as our Head, then we have been adopted as children of Mary. There is no way to separate this, since Mary is the mother of God (Jesus) Luke 1:43, Whose Body we have become a part of; such that she is also our mom. 

Another way to look at this would be to look at Christ. As He hung on the cross, while in excruciating pain, He turned to His mother and the disciple whom He loved and told His mom, “Woman, behold, your son.” And to John, He said, “Behold, your mother.” Notice that in calling Mary “Woman”, Jesus referred to the “mother of all humanity”, and in entrusting John to her as her son, Jesus points even more so to her role as the new Eve, the mother of all “disciples Whom He loves”-those who have new life in Him. St. John is worthy of imitating in taking her into his home from that hour.

A third way to look at this would be to look at Jesus, promised to Abraham and prophesied through the lips of Abraham when he blessed Judah, his son, before He died. Abraham is said to be the Father of our Faith. His belief and obedience were counted to him as righteousness. Through him came the promised Messiah in David’s line. Even closer still, through Mary’s “Yes” and faith just like Abraham’s, we were given Jesus. Mary is someone who had recognition of this promise and line when she praised God in saying, “He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy, as He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity for ever.” (Luke 1:54-55). If we are to be counted as posterity of Abraham, which we are, as we have been grafted onto the olive tree by grace (Romans 11:17-24), then in the order of grace, Mary is our mother. 

The most obvious reason Mary is our mother is in Revelations. A woman gives birth to a son, “One Who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron”, Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (Rev 12:5). The dragon tries to kill her but cannot because she is kept safe by God. In frustration, the dragon goes after her children “on those who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus” (Rev 12:17). If you are one of those who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus, then Mary is your mother.

I believe there is still even more in the bible that points to her as Our Mother, but this is all that my limited mind is able to share now.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

I have had this song on repeat lately.

Seeing Without Perceiving

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

These days, my Instagram feed is mostly about Bible verses or the things of Christ. Even though I cannot dispute it is a good thing to have my feed full of the things of God, I fear I have lost a lot of my initial motivation; the desire to only see the things of God. Without intending to, I have tamed the algorithm of my feed by liking bible verses, prayers and the things of God, because I do indeed like them. They are good after all. As a result of this, even though I engage in scrolling, it cannot be mindless but it is somewhat driven by a distractedness. Yesterday night, just before bed, I engaged in this same distracted scrolling, and I would like each reel as I scrolled. I stumbled across verses about the significance of Christ’s suffering and death and a verse caused me to pause. It could be that the verse from Isaiah which I had intently listened to in church hours earlier, had helped to bring it all together in my mind as I scrolled, such that I reached enlightenment on reading the verse from St. Peter which said that “He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed”

I could not help but wonder, “Could it be that our sins were literally his wounds?”

For some reason, I had been trying so hard to understand it beyond what was stated when it was as plain as day. Am I the last in coming to know this?

There is no humour in the suffering and death of Jesus. There is so much gravity to sin that I have missed for most of my life. Was it purposeful because I could not bear it?

It is as plain as Isaiah said, that “As many were astonished at him his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the sons of men—so shall he startle many nations; kings shall shut their mouths because of him; for that which has not been told them they shall see, and that which they have not heard they shall understand”.

That is just how gnarly sin is, and rightly so, we all should be astonished by sin and its effect. Every wound Jesus took on, that which was visible and invisible to the human eyes, I inflicted and yet He chose it willingly so that I may have life through His suffering. It is the redemptive power of suffering when it is offered up to God, united to Jesus, of which I now have a share in, and only quite recently did I grasp this, without even fully realizing what I was doing, until I wrote about it.

I woke up this morning and I pondered even more about all of this which I have mentioned. I remembered the passage from scripture that said, “they will see without perceiving, hear but without understanding.”. I could not help but wonder, “What else have I missed?”. I was so full of gratitude to God, so I thanked Jesus for His offering of Himself and I thanked God the Father and the Holy Spirit for enlightening me.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song to listen to!

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The Accused

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By Cynthia Aralu

Out of the depths I cry to Thee, O Lord!
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Thy ears be attentive
to the voice of my supplications!

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with Him is plenteous redemption.

Psalm 130: 1, 5-7

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Have you ever been in a situation where a person who had given you some information which you shared to someone else, was now lying to that someone else about the content of the information they had given to you? Then, you were made to look like a liar and also incompetent, because the person who they were lying to has known them longer or better, and because of human nature, was more inclined to take their side. Have you ever been in the position to disprove this person with a screenshot and a well-formed argument?

This happened to me quite recently; actually the interval between Monday and Tuesday.

When the person who had been lied to looked at me and presented to me the information he had received from the lady, I mentioned that I was pretty sure that I had been told something different by the lady and he had given me a weird look, so, I had followed up with, “It is probably just a misunderstanding.” to which he nodded in agreement.

To be honest, I have been in a similar situation multiple times in the past before, when I lived in London. It is such a terrible position to be in. I recall the first time it happened. I was thrown under the bus by a coordinator for a mistake he made. I was at the virtual meeting, the first of that kind for me and He’d lied. I had frozen then and my heart raced uncontrollably. I did not know how to protect myself. I am glad that I did not do so at that meeting. It would have been a useless argument, and I would have been labelled “troublesome”. He was a coordinator, and I was only an assistant. When I left that meeting, my mind had run in all directions, and then settled on an idea to prove that there was no way I could have possibly known about the existence of the task, to even have been aware to perform it. I got indisputable proof that I had not been trained on the SOP and so, I could not have been aware of it, let alone, done it.

That was God’s saving grace. I emailed this proof to the second-in-charge of the unit and explained my side of things. My point was acknowledged and accommodated, but I always felt weird to work there after that, and around that coordinator. I didn’t have the option to leave. If I had been back in Nigeria, I would not have stayed. I became so guarded after that incident. A similar situation repeated itself but this time around, I spoke up for myself with email receipts, and the other person got angry. It felt so messy to me, and I was uncomfortable. To be fair, God vindicated me so swiftly from these situations and others, but it all felt turbulent to me, and it made me distrustful; this and other things in life.

So, when this similar situation repeated itself this Monday, I did not want to cause any friction, so I had automatically said, “It is probably just a misunderstanding.” It was her word against mine and I started to wonder if I had heard her wrong on the call that day. After work, as I walked to the bus stop, I felt tired and sad, and I told myself not to cry. For me, it went beyond the lie. She had been so rude to me on the call while I tried to stay professional and levelheaded. It felt as though this situation kept repeating itself in my life, but I also recognized, as I stood at the bus stop waiting for a bus, that the day before, I had knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, and told Jesus that I really want to know how He felt when He suffered during His passion. My mind knows that it must have been great suffering, but in truth, I feel I am lacking the empathy to fully grasp the depth of His suffering. I thought the best way to cure my lack would be to feel as He felt.

“Not a lot of people experience this.” I told myself, coming close to resenting it.

“It is a privilege to go through this.” I recognized, when I considered the rarity of my experiences, still feeling tired and sad.

A word from scripture stood at the forefront of my mind, “He was a man of sorrows, well-acquainted with grief.”

So, I wondered, “Did Jesus cry? Did He hurt every time he was accused or rejected or mistreated?”

My emotions were heavy so I offered them up to God.

When I got home, I pulled out my laptop. It occurred to me to check my laptop for a Teams conversation from a different day when the lady seemed to be suggesting the same thing I had surmised from her call that day. I found it, took a screenshot of it and saved it. Then, I started to formulate an argument in my mind that I was going to present the next day.

I woke up Tuesday morning and I prayed to God to vindicate me. On my way to work, I recognized that I wanted to do things my own way because I did not want to ask God what I should do, and I was trying to hide from this knowledge. But you really cannot hide from God. So, I asked God what I should do. I felt the heaviness lift off my chest. I decided to listen to an episode from Bible in a Year (BIY) because I wanted to hear from God. Psalm 130 was read in this episode. It spoke to me, and I knew what to do. I decided I was going to be still and wait on God. I laughed when I realized that I did not even want to fight for myself. Whatever fight I had been mustering was only a symptom of conditioning. Truth is, I want to be fought for by God Who loves me so much. I want to bask in the sweetness of His love, and I want to laugh and rejoice in the recognition that I am loved so.

My Spotify was on shuffle, so it suggested another episode from BIY a while later. This episode had Psalm 120, which thoroughly fit my situation; a prayer for deliverance from slanderers. I knew God’s hand was in it.

His vindication may not even come through this situation. It might be through something else that leads to her conversion. I am fine with it. I know that He is protecting and leading me. What can mere mortals do to me?

Later on, that day, I heard a bible passage differently for the first time. “Come to Me all you who are labor and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me. For I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will have rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”. In the past, I had focused on the part where Jesus said to cast my burdens on Him. Yesterday, I was able to focus more on the part where He said to learn from Him “to be gentle and lowly in heart”.

I can’t say I fully understand what it means to be “gentle and lowly in heart” but I do know that I crave peace more than anything and yet, I seem to want to fight first.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song! Have a listen!

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