This week, within a short period of time, I started and completed the book “The Secret of the Rosary” written by St. Louis Marie de Montfort, thanks to the audiobook on Spotify. See link here: The Secret of the Rosary
It is the most powerful book I have ever read in my entire life, next to the Bible, that is. The Bible slapped some sense into me, but this book has given me an exponential increase in trust in the Blessed Virgin even as I read it and it has given more meaning to the “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “The Creed”, and the meditations on the life, death and glory of Jesus Christ, which really is all taken from the Bible. I have also realized the importance of praying the Rosary on my knees. My prayer to the Blessed Virgin is to make it as though I was born out of her womb, the same womb that carried Jesus, through the power of Holy Spirit at work, and to be my mom in every way possible it is to be a mom, so I can be like Jesus.
I will leave some beautiful quotes taken from the book here so that your mind might be enlightened.
“For no one can possibly be saved without the knowledge of Jesus Christ. And yet a man who knows absolutely nothing of any of the other sciences will be saved as long as he is illumined by the science of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the Rosary that gives us this science and knowledge of our Blessed Lord, through our meditations on His Life, Death, Passion and Glory.” – St. Louis Marie de Montfort.
“If only these poor, wretched sinners will say My Rosary, they will share in the merits of My passion and I would be their advocate and I would appease My Father’s Justice. ” – Our Lord to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“There is no other way to arrive at perfection than to meditate on our Lord’s passion” – St. Michael the Archangel sent by our Lord to St. Mary Magdalene. Then he placed a cross in the front of her cave and told her to pray before it contemplating the sorrowful mysteries which she had seen take place with her own eyes.
“After the Holy sacrifice of the mass, there is no finer devotion than the Holy Rosary, which is like a second memorial and representation of the life and passion of our Lord Jesus Christ” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“Whenever a person in a state of grace says the rosary while meditating on the mysteries of the life and passion of Jesus Christ, he obtains full and entire remission of all his sins.” – Our Lady to Venerable Dominic the Carthusian
“Although there are numerous indulgences already attached to the recitation of my Rosary, I shall add many more to every 50 Hail Marys, each group of 5 decades for those who say them devoutly on their knees, being of course free from mortal sin, and whosoever shall persevere in the devotion of the Holy Rosary saying these prayers and meditations shall be rewarded for it. I shall obtain for him full remission of the penalty and of the guilt of all his sins at the end of his life. Do not be unbelieving as though this is impossible. It is easy for me to do because I am the mother of the King of Heaven and He calls me full of Grace and being full of Grace, I am able to dispense Grace freely to my dear children.” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
I came across many stories that turned my heart to make many prayers to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There was a story of a man who wore a blessed Rosary to get rid of the demons that tormented him and how effective it was at chasing the evil spirits away forever, since the man resolved to wear it night and day. It also talked about a priest who placed a Blessed Rosary around a possessed girl’s neck and how the demons in the girl screamed for it to be taken off, to which the priest did because he worried about the girl. The demons went to priest at night to finish him but the priest had his rosary in his hand and used it to beat the demons. The next day, the priest went to the girl and the demons told him that if he hadn’t had his Rosary they would have finished him, so, the priest placed the Rosary around her neck and commanded the demons to leave by the Sacred Name of Jesus, and that of Mary, His Holy mother and by the power of the Holy Rosary. In another story, there was a Breton soldier called Othère, who wore the Rosary on his arm and carried it on the hilt of his sword as he went off to fight heretics and robbers. His enemies admitted that they had seen his sword gleam and that another time they had noticed a shield on his arm that had pictures of our Lord and our Lady and the saints upon it. This shield made him invincible and gave him the strength to attack well. He defeated 20,000 heretics with only 10 companies and without losing a single man. This impressed the general of the heretic’s army that he came to see Othère afterwards, abjured his heresy and declared publicly that he had seen him surrounded by flaming swords during the battle.
I started wearing my rosary recently because I remembered the advise I got from my mom, back when I had nightmares as a child, to wear the rosary. I had confessed to her about all of my nightmares when one in particular seemed to have broken through into reality. The first time but not the last. (oh, sorry, I just remembered the first time was when I was maybe 5 or younger or a little older by months. I went to my mom but I did not speak about the dream. Because it happens quite often that I remember things after the fact and go back to amend my post, I must apologise in advance. I do not mean to lie.). Anyway, my mom had also given me some Psalms and told me to say them as well as to pray the Rosary but I stopped after a short while. I was too tired to pray and I didn’t want to have to rely on the rosary or on anything or anyone, even if it did work when I prayed. I have known about the power of the rosary from my mom, and an exorcist speak about it when he placed it around a possessed person’s neck but I didn’t know about the things in “The secret of the Rosary”, prior to this week, and I can 100% relate to the stories being said and I resonate so strongly with the emphasis on the meditation on our Lord’s Passion being the way to arrive at perfection, so, I know the Blessed Virgin Mary was leading me to it.
Anyone who speaks badly or in a reserved manner about people wearing the Rosary should take care in their speech. I have heard the argument for this negative view being that a pop star wore it as a jewellery, and to that I say, people wear the Religious habit of a priests or Nuns as costumes or even to mock or to blaspheme, but I do not believe this has caused any priest or nun to have a reserve about wearing the Religious Habit. My advice to anyone who has a reserve would be to try to acknowledge to themselves the real reason they are reserved and set themselves free with the truth. “And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.”.
I have a hard time believing anyone wearing a Rosary openly in the US and Canada is expecting to be loved for wearing it. I questioned myself for days on whether I was afraid to wear it openly, instead of hidden, and the truth is I was, even if I told myself I am at work so, I should not do it. I have been praying for courage and the fervour of the saints because, as I told Jesus, I am lacking in Fervour. I had many thoughts yesterday about how I believe it is a tremendous good to wear the Rosary openly and after the thoughts which I do not quite remember (or perhaps I have shared some in this post already), I asked myself a question, “Then, why are you not wearing the Rosary openly?”. I surprised myself when I pulled out my Rosary in the open. I was conscious about it briefly then I forgot I was wearing it, until I got a stare from a colleague, but no question. My prayer is to have the courage to continue to wear it and to be able answer any question when asked. Another beautiful thing happened before I pulled out my Rosary, I did not shy back from speaking about Jesus and the transformative power of life through Christ to a colleague. I felt so happy. I know it is little since there is still so much to speak about, but to me who lacks courage, it is everything.
Do you know that it was once granted to members of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary, a 100 days indulgence for openly wearing the Rosary out of devotion and to set a good example? I do not know why this was changed.
There are still so many other spiritual benefits of joining the Confraternity and if you already pray the three traditional mysteries (Glorious, Joyful and sorrowful mysteries) in a week, you can join it too. I joined the Confraternity quickly after reading the book. My enrolment date is a future date and on the day I got the email from the Confraternity, I felt as though I could die in peace because I had even gone to confession and attended mass and received Communion that day too. To join the confraternity, use this link: Rosary Confraternity.
Pray the Rosary.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I watched a video recently of someone scoffing at the word “baptism” and saying they don’t do that at his church but they do something else, although it does involve water. I could not listen to the end of the video so I don’t know the full story, but what I did hear was annoying to my ears, and it disturbed me, so, I thought I would make a blog post about Baptism. I wrote most of this post months ago and posted on my IG story after I saw a reel where somebody said Baptism is not necessary for salvation or something like that. I could not believe anyone would even say that but I suppose anything is possible with the evil one.
I believe it is such great violence to willfully deny oneself baptism.
As core and focus of the christian life, is the imitation of Christ. What did He say? What did He do? How can I say the things He said? How can I do the things He did?
To be a true follower of Christ, one has to look at Jesus and notice that Jesus, being Himself God and without sin, still went through a baptism and then offered baptism as a gift and a means of becoming a disciple. “Now when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John(although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples)…”
Personally, I think if Jesus went through a baptism, being that He is God and without sin, for anyone to think that they do not need it, would be akin to saying I think I am better than Jesus. Even if such a person or group says that is not the case. Some one might say, “I did not know” and maybe this is true, but if a person believes they follow Jesus, they should try to do all they can to learn about Jesus and all He commanded, even going as far as looking at history, at the Catholic Church Jesus established and said the gates of hell will not overcome.
Some might argue that the Catholic Church of the past is not the same as the Catholic Church of now, but to that I say, “Do not think to call Jesus a liar.”. Because, to say that would mean that the doctrines of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church fell into error at some point, and the gates of hell have indeed overcome it. And at no point did Jesus desire a split over differing ideologies or bad apples but He did see it coming. “I do not pray for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”. I do believe that one day, there will only be “One” church to the glory of Jesus Christ, but as of present, there are those who do not love Jesus in the fullness of all He revealed about Himself and about The Father. No matter, that will change.
Jesus was serious and He meant business in every single thing He did or said. When he was going to wash the feet of Peter and Peter was going to reject Jesus’ gift, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no part in me.” It is possible that in the limited nature of human understanding, one might think, “what is the big deal?”, but, everything Jesus did and said meant something. He is perfection and everything He did was aligned to the will of the Father. Think about it, the King of the universe washed their feet. Can one’s mind fathom this?. But, He did this to show them what they ought to do, so that they imitate Him. “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”
So, when Jesus went through a baptism, He did it so that the glory of God would be revealed through Him and in Him and with Him, when He acted in obedience to the will of the Father, as He Himself said, “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” I believe I have heard it said that in being baptized, Jesus sanctified all waters of baptism. If you look closely at the baptism of Jesus, there are things which happened when the water touched Him. The Holy Spirit came down upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus has shown through His baptism, the reason we need to be baptized. We become recognized as Heirs of the Father through baptism, and by that happening, it is evident that through baptism we are reconciled to the Father, all sins being washed away. You also receive the Holy Spirit at your baptism and God is very pleased with you. Baptism is such a great gift we have been given.
A disciple of Jesus takes everything Jesus says as a command and not a suggestion and Jesus instructed this right before His ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:18. So, who is anyone to argue about this?
Baptism was even spoken of in the old testament, so, how can anyone deny baptism? “I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness…” – Ezekiel 36:25-27
In addition, the apostles have told us the essence of baptism. “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” – 1 Peter 3:21
In another verse, it is written, “Repent and be baptised, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit…”- Acts 2:38-41
And yet again, it is written, “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” This is because we become incorporated into the Body of Christ through Baptism.
And many more, so, there can be no excuse on that day. This is why I think it is willfully violence to do oneself to think you do not need baptism.
Someone might argue, what about Cornelius who received the Holy Spirit before He was baptized? but then, did God allow him to stop at receiving the Holy Spirit, or did God will for Cornelius and his household to receive the gift of baptism because He loved Cornelius?
One might also argue, what about the thief on the cross beside Jesus whom Jesus told, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” but what do we know of this man’s life before he was on the cross? Do we know if he was already baptized by Jesus’ disciples, but fell into sin afterwards. He won’t be the first to do just that. All we know is that He was forgiven by Jesus when he repented. However, even if the thief wasn’t baptized prior to being crucified, if God willed it as an exception, because He wills what He wills and everything He does is good, who is anyone to want to be the exception, when he has given us a command. It feels like pride to me to desire to be the exception. The thing is to deviate from Jesus’ command is to despise His gift and throw His gift in His face, to despise His heart and to be presumptuous, to hold the relationship claimed to be had with Him in contempt. On what leg does one have to stand on? Bear in mind that rebellion is likened to the sin of divination in the bible. It was so serious that King Saul was rejected by God.
God help us all.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
This is imperfect and very rough, but I wrote down my reflections while praying the Seven Sorrows of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and I thought I would refine it a bit and put it here just in case anyone needs help meditating on the seven sorrows (It appears that I will continue refining this post).
Mary heard from Simeon that her Child is destined to bring about the rise and fall of many, that He will be a sign which men will refuse to acknowledge, and also, so the thoughts of many hearts would be made manifest, a sword shall pierce her soul also.
I recognize a grief three-fold….no, six-fold. She must have felt grief/stricken to hear about the downfall of men (her heart must have sunk). As well, the thought that her child was to bring about the rise and fall of men; that must have been perplexing/troubling. Her heart must have sorrowed deeply to imagine that her baby would face such profound rejection. As she considered the state of man (the deep brokenness and sinful nature), which would be revealed through her grief, did she feel alone and sorrow when she encountered its depths in her pondering? She must have been moved in heart with perfect charity for the brokenness of the human race and yet bore within herself a deep sadness for God. Did she sorrow for her son, Who would suffer and whose heart would be pierced through along with hers?
Oh, it is actually a seven-fold sorrow: her soul/heart still gets pierced when people reject her Son, Jesus, and their nature is revealed. I read in The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Sienna, that this sorrow in heaven for God is without pain, I think. A powerful book that I recommend.
Apart from her grief or should I say “their grief”, Mary and Joseph were obedient to the law of God. They did not say, “oh, we have the messiah now, let us drop all customs and traditions passed down from the time of Moses, it does not apply to us.”. They were humble and had the fear of God, even being the Mother of God and the Foster Father of the King of the universe. There was a wait for Jesus to establish His Church and His new covenant, and the traditions and customs have been passed down and upheld by the Catholic Church from that time onwards.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Most Sorrowful and Immaculate heart of Mary, pray for us.
2. The Flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-21)
Joseph received a message from an Angel in a dream that he should take Mary and Jesus and depart for Egypt until he is told it is safe to return, for Herod wanted to kill his Child, Jesus.
I recognize the deep trust Joseph had in believing the words of an Angel, although it came to him in a dream, and for leaving with his family that night without questioning it. I see a submission to Joseph on the part of Mary in going along with it without arguing. It must also have been hard on Mary, to uproot her life and make a journey to Egypt on such short notice, in the middle of the night, no less, on treacherous and hard roads. Yet, she got up, ever eager and ready to do the will of God and to be submissive to her husband, Joseph. They were very detached from material possessions and their community, not restricting or limiting in any way their love their people. They were in the world but not of the world. I imagine they packed little for this journey. I also imagine their anxiety must have shot up too, to think their precious baby Jesus in danger, and wanted to protect Him fiercely. They trusted God and submitted their lives to God’s hands to set out on this journey.
Mother, please help me to be detached from material possessions and worldly status for it is the world I have always known and longed for, you who knows how to be content with all that God gives you and ask for nothing more.
Mary must have felt deep worry at the thought of her baby in danger. Did she give Jesus a kiss on the cheek out of love and out of comfort, as she held Him in her arms, and her worry rose up? She must have worried all throughout the journey and even while they lived in Egypt until Herod passed away. Imagine how grieved she felt when she heard news after they had left that Herod had killed the babies in Israel who were 2 years and under. And her grief was for the babies, for Herod, for Israel, for herself, for her family, and for God. Is there something else I am missing?
3. The Loss of Jesus for Three Days (Luke 2:41-50)
“Now His parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when He was twelve years old, they went up according to custom; and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing Him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought Him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him”
The Holy Family were very communal. They trusted their kinfolk enough to leave Jesus in their company for a day without worrying about Him. “It takes a village”, comes to mind. I imagine it was a loving extended family and burden was shared between one another.
Mary and Joseph must have felt disbelief at first that he was missing before disbelief gave way to tremendous worry. They must have been unable to sleep when they thought Jesus had been missing for a day and they were only just finding out after 1 day. Maybe Mary cried too. I only say this because I cry when I am distraught but maybe she is different. Joseph must have tried to be strong for his family. Their worry must have mingled with their sorrow at the thought that something terrible had happened to their son, a son they had protected at the time of His infancy by taking a hard journey into Egypt, only to have lost Him now that He was 12 years old. Also, considering that His life had once been in danger from Herod, they may have supposed the worst had happened. One feels doubly sorrowful when a negative human experience which brings about fear and grief repeats itself. I believe this was the case for them and their grief must have been one of a compounded nature when they considered Him missing or hurt somewhere or worse. They must have felt they failed at taking care of Him. Mary must have worried about how or what He would eat or drink, as a mother would. They must have looked everywhere and asked everyone, trying to describe him to anyone they stopped. “He’s about this tall…he was wearing this outfit…”
Then they found Him, after 3 days, in the temple listening to the teachers and questioning them. When questioned by Mary and Joseph about his actions, He reminded them of the reality of Who He is and His mission.
“And when they saw Him they were astonished; and His mother said to him, “Son, why have You treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for You anxiously.” And He said to them, “How is it that you sought Me? Did you not know that I must be in My Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying which He spoke to them. And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and His mother kept all these things in her heart.”
I wonder what Mary thought about. Did she keep it in her heart to never forget what was to come? Did she keep it in her heart because she delighted in the works of God? Was it both?
We often can get carried away with mundane things and forget what our mission is, that is, to do the good works which God has prepared beforehand; to walk in it, and we need a jolt sometimes to remember. Could this have been something similar? In any case, their joy must have been great to have found him. Jesus can always be found in His Father’s house. If you seek God, you will find Him.
Jesus was obedient to the law out of love for God even though He is above the law. Love is obedience. Love is humility. Love is meek.
4. The Carrying of the Cross (John 19:17)
“So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called the place of a skull, which is called in Hebrew Gol′gotha.”
Consider the great pain Jesus felt from the thorns piercing/digging into His head after the wounds He had received from His scourging, so that thinking and moving must have been terribly difficult. I can consider this to a mild degree when I remember how it hurt so badly when I had a sore throat from Covid, that I could not even think properly enough to close my mouth, such that saliva fell to the ground. How much more the magnitude of Jesus’ pain?
The brutality of His executioners was so peak that they had subjected Him to a scourging with all sorts of sinister weapons, and a crowning with sharp thorns, reviling and beating, before throwing on His shoulders a heavy wooden cross to carry, the instrument of His execution, to the place of His execution. Think what the torture this did to his mind and body to go through all this mental, physical and emotional suffering. At any point, He could have thrown the cross away or lost his temper and destroyed all of humanity, but instead with perfect love and patience, even in His state, His feet and His heart moved forward to the place of a skull. Ordinarily, a human should not have been able to hold it together or even take a step, considering the extreme pain, but for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit Who propelled Him.
I read that the greatest wound that Jesus bore that is not spoken about much is the wound on His shoulder from the cross digging into His skin. Under the weight of the cross, His pain and struggle caused Him to trip and lose his footing 3 times and each time, the cross slammed onto His back, as His face hit the ground. The thorns dug even further into His head. His writhing body in pain was a source of anger and disgust to His executioners, who hit Him further with whips and their feet, in a bid to get Him to His feet. Their eyes looked but without seeing The Man. Their hearts cold, cruel and unmoved at the sight of His suffering. He did not lose His temper but rose up, carrying His cross, with strength, perfect love and patience that is impossible without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and His eyes locked with His mother’s.
Did he feel alone until that moment? “Mom” I think He could have echoed in His mind.
Could there have been comfort in sorrow, when the eyes of Mary and Jesus met, on the way to Calvary, despite the deep sorrow that pierced Mary’s heart and the pain that ravaged her body and soul? Did the noise of the crowd drown out as she tried to be strong for Him. She had known this moment was to come and now here, she beholds Him with a tenderness, sorrow and strength. How she wished to take His place as she took in His bruised and blood soaked face and body; His pain registered in His eyes and face as He gazed at her, which broke her heart even further. And she would have rushed over to Him too, if she had not been prevented. Her heart remembered the words of Simeon and she was full of consternation to see the affliction that had come to her Son.
The prophecy of Simeon, the danger when He was an infant and His loss when He was 12 years were all but preparatory for this moment, to a heart tinged with sorrow throughout the raising of her Son, and yet nothing could really prepare Her to see it come to be. And how the pain ripped through her heart in her grief. His grief must have doubled when He took in her sorrow for Him. Both ever committed to submitting to the Will of the Father, brimming with ardent love for God and perfect charity for all mankind, knowing that it had to be.
Our comfort in sorrow, pray for us.
Then, there was Simon of Cyrene, an unwilling participant, who was commanded by the soldiers to help Jesus carry His Cross, because they feared that He would die before He reached the place of His execution, and they did not want that. They wanted to inflict more pain.
This unwilling participant was converted in his encounter with Jesus Christ and became a saint through the mercy and love of God.
The call of all christians is to help to carry the cross of Christ, His suffering in His Body, so that we, through the love and mercy of God, become like God.
5. The Crucifixion of Jesus (John 19:18-30)
I like the note from St. JoseMaria Escriva that Mary comforted Jesus with her presence. For it is through the strength of the presence of the one who loves perfectly that we are perfectly comforted.
“There they crucified Him, and with Him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them.”
My Lord Jesus was very on mission to the very end, wanting to fulfil every prophecy out of Perfect Love for God and for us, even though He could have chosen to conserve His energy. “My God My God, why have You forsaken Me” “I thirst” etc. How I long to have such love and how I fall short every time. “O Lord Jesus, please help me to be loud about my love for people even if I do not hate them or respect their choices. Please break me out of my silence and reservedness around them so that I may radiate Your Love so clearly to them, not just internally.”
The prophecy of Simeon continues to play out, as the depth of the brokenness of mankind is naked to the eyes of some onlookers and to us, “He saved others; He cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in Him.” “He trusts in God; let God deliver Him now, if he desires Him; for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” And the robbers who were crucified with Him also reviled Him in the same way.
In the midst of this, we see Jesus turn towards The Father to intercede for us, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” and as well, His redemptive work through His sacrifice was in action. We see this clearly when the thief repents of his mocking, and turns to Jesus saying, “Remember me when You go into Your Kingdom”. The rise and the fall, just as Simeon had prophesied and in perfect order, Mary’s heart was lanced through, as she comforted her Son with the strength of her silent presence, thoroughly united to His pain and His suffering, in perfect charity. Did Mary pray for all sinners at the foot of the cross and offer up Christ’s passion to God?
How blessed we are, that even on the cross, our Saviour thought of us in giving us Mary, our comfort in sorrows, to be our Mother. “Behold your mother”
“Thank You, Jesus for giving me Mary to be my mother.”
How she comforts us her children, even in her silence, united with us in perfect charity, when we grieve. “Please comfort me mom because you love me.”
6. Jesus Taken Down from the Cross (John 19:39-40)
“But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs. But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and at once there came out Blood and Water.”
To confirm that Jesus is dead, the centurion pierces Jesus’ side and Blood and Water gushes out upon him and on the whole world. In that moment, the Centurion was saved when he uttered, “Truly this was the Son of God!”
“Truly, Lord Jesus, You are the Son of God!”
He was saved by the Most Precious Blood and Water which gushed out of the side of Jesus. “I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Temple. Alleluia. It brought God’s life and salvation, and the people sing with songs of Praise…Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia. I saw Water flowing from the right side of the Son of God, Alleluia…”
O Blood and Water which gushed out from the heart of Jesus as a fountain of mercy for us, I trust in You! x3
Consider Mary seeing this, her heart transfixed and sorrowing as she watched His skin pierced. Her heart suffering further to see His body injured even after death, she gulped in a deep breath, and her body trembled as she looked on.
His brutal suffering and death had not been enough for mankind and as though He had not given enough, they had to take more. She, with perfect charity, said “Yes” to it knowing that God so willed it to be.
How many times have I asked for more when I have been given so much love and fail to return such love to my neighbours.
Also, consider Jesus Who allowed for His skin to be pierced even after suffering such a tortured death.
“This is just how deep My love is for you, that even after my body had been bruised and beaten, nailed and bleeding, reviled and exposed, writhing and heart broken, hanging dead on a cross, I would allow my heart to be broken open for you and I would pour myself out upon you so that you will be healed by My love, if you would trust it. Yet still, I would do even more.”
Jesus I trust in You! x3
“After this Joseph of Arimathe′a, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly, for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him leave. So he came and took away His body.”
Think what courage it took Joseph to ask for the body of Jesus. Yet, the love of God ought to propel us forward to complete inestimable feats. How I long to love God with a love so perfect and yet how I fall short so many times. “Lord Jesus please give me the fervour of the saints who went forward regardless of the consequence to bring You to people, so that their ignorance may be broken and their souls may be liberated from the captivity of the evil one, and they may be well and do good as it pleases You.”
Here His mother, Mary, takes His lifeless body in her arms. Her grief surges upwards, as she considers His lifeless body which had been strong and full of life a day before. Her son whom she had carried for nine months in the womb, nursed at her bosom, protected from the beasts of humanity who sought His life, when only an baby/infant. She had watched Him laugh, play and grow up strong and full of life, and now she hugs His lifeless body to hers in silent sorrow. I cannot imagine the grief of a mother losing her child; I, who has so much attachment to trivial things that I pause and wince before cutting them off, talk less of losing a whole human who has been loved with a love so perfect. I am reminded of my imperfect love. However, I have seen from the eyes and voice of my mother that it is an unimaginable grief. I can say though that I have known grief that I almost lost my mind, when I thought my sister was dead. Was her grief similar but tempered and perfect?
“Lord Jesus please help me to love You more than created things.” “Mother, please unite my heart to your grief and the suffering of your Son, so that my heart will be able to see Him and You in your glorified states”.
7. Jesus Laid in the Tomb (John 19:39-42)
“Nicode′mus also, who had at first come to Him by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pounds’ weight…Now in the place where He was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb where no one had ever been laid.”
The body of Jesus was wrapped in a linen shroud and spices, and Mary helped out too, taking great care. My Lord Jesus relied on the generosity of Joseph of Arimathe′a, for His resting place. We all have our part to play in God’s redemptive work and he did his.
They laid Jesus in a tomb which had never been used before; His burial place in a garden given out of love. Mary must have taken one final glance back at Him before departing. Her heart was buried with her son’s in that garden, and being that her heart is one that loves perfectly, she must have considered, much like the faith of Abraham, that surely God is able to raise Him up. Her silent hope rested on Jesus’ words, that He lays His life down to take it up again. “Lord Jesus, help me to rest my hope solely on Your words, like Your mom.”
Our first parents died to life in the garden of Eden through the sin of disobedience and so were separated along with their children from God. The New Adam and the New Eve died to sin in another garden through obedience and have united us to God. So, if we have died with Christ through Baptism, we will also be raised to newness of life in Christ, just as Christ was raised from the dead by and to the glory of the Father.
“O Lord Jesus, please keep me away from the disobedience which leads to separation from You.”
“Mother Mary, if it pleases God, please take my will, my body, my soul, my heart, my intellect, my memory, my imagination, my dreams, my mind, and all of me, and give me only all that is yours, so that I may always be pleasing to God.”
The stone was rolled over the entrance to the tomb and they departed, and Mary was separated from her son.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary, and let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song you could listen to (Sounds better on Spotify BTW)
I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.
I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.
I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God.
I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.
I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.
It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure.
Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times.
All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.
I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary.
My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self,but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”
I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.
My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.
Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.
My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.
I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.
I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers. I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.
I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.
To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”
This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions.
In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me.
I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).
I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.
Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side.
At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me.
Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.
The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, when I was 5, and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. So, the nightmare in Jan 2023, was not the norm at the time I had it.
Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena
St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. I would go 24 hours without eating and I did not feel hunger, but would only come to know when I realised I had forgotten to eat. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.
4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.
I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”
So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.
I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.
The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
Hope you are keeping well and are in good health. Another weekend is almost over and the time goes by so quickly.
The events of this past Wednesday has me evaluating my thoughts towards people extending their hand to me for a handshake during the “exchange of sign of peace” at mass or perhaps my response to people in general. Since the Covid-19 pandemic happened, I do not shake people’s hands without feeling like my hand is completely deadweight until I wash it or use a hand sanitizer. So, I generally do not shake people’s hands outside of church or in church. At my old job in London, when I was in a situation where a person reached out his hand for a handshake, I shook his hand out of politeness, but I waited until the person was away from me to reach for the sanitizer. Throughout the conversation with the man, all I could think of was my hand which I had to sanitize for it to be usable. I feel as though the use of the sanitizer became something of a programming to me, considering the nature of my old job and the medical environment in which I worked. I am not as stringent as I was back then about using a hand sanitizer after a handshake, but I still do not like shaking people’s hands because all I can think of is germs.
At the church I attend daily mass, I believe it has happened twice to me now, that people have stretched out their hands for a handshake. The first time, I came close to not shaking his hand. I mean, it was like a hand dance, with me pulling my hand back and then stretching my hand out again for the handshake. I didn’t want to be mean but I ended up being weird.
The second time was recently this past Wednesday. I didn’t pay much attention to the man at first. The first time I noticed him, I think I vaguely saw him walking around. The second time, I did not even look in his direction. He was a row ahead of me, at the far-left end, reciting the words of the priest at consecration and I thought, “Who is saying that? Only the priest is supposed to say that.” I vaguely remembered seeing that somewhere so, I am not sure this is true, but I did not take my eyes off the priest, the Host and the Chalice.
Then, it was time for the exchange of the sign of peace and I looked in his direction. He did not turn around to acknowledge anyone until the Agnus Dei was being said. Then, he moved to tap the shoulder of the lady in a row ahead of him and I thought, “Maybe he knows her.” He shook the lady’s hand and then moved towards the man standing in the same row as him and I thought, “Oh, he is shaking hands.” I immediately went to my knees, since the Agnus Dei had been completed and hoped my kneeling and prayer posture would deter him from approaching me to shake my hand. It didn’t. He extended his hand to me next, and I could not ignore him or be mean to him. So, I went first with my left hand since he had extended his left hand, but I remembered my Nigerian upbringing and extended my right hand instead. For context, it is considered rude in Nigeria to use your left hand to collect things from people or give things to people, including handshakes. The man in front of me had a disability; it looked like he had a bit of a hunch back and the palm of his left hand was shaped in a such a way that I actually could only fit my right hand in the palm of his left hand and not my left hand, that it almost seemed like he was taking my hand for a dance.
“Soft.” I thought when my hand connected with his and I beamed up at him, happy to have gotten the handshake right and he beamed back at me. I suppose I have never felt a hand so soft.
When he walked away, I looked at my hand and I held it away from my other hand, thinking of germs. Then a thought crossed my mind that, “For all I know, he could be an angel.” So, I dropped my reservation and clasped my hands together in my normal prayer pose.
During communion, he was in front of me on the line and when he got to the minister, I watched him get on his knees with a struggle, and I thought, “Why is he kneeling when he can’t? He must have great reverence for God. I will be doing this as well when I am old. Should I help him?” But he got on his knees and so I left it alone.
When it was time for him to stand up, I noticed he struggled and this time, I rushed to his side to help him. As I tried, I realized I didn’t ask his permission, so, I stopped to ask him, “Do you need help?” He responded in a low voice, “Yes.”. I tried my hardest to help him up, but he did not budge, and I was not lifting the man. Then after a moment, he lifted his leg to give a bit of traction to his rise, to my joy which was short lived, because I tripped, and the man and I began to fall sideways. Thankfully, someone else, came to the other side of him just at that moment, as though timed, and steadied us, and we were able to get the man to his feet.
Considering the poor job I did, I had to ascertain that I did not hurt the man, so I asked, “Are you okay?” He nodded and gave an enthusiastic “Yes.”
I nodded in satisfaction and stepped back slightly to give him space. Then he stood there for some moment not moving. “Give him time.” I thought. So, the line for communion was held up, but honestly, I would have stood there for as long as he needed. He looked back at me with serious eyes as though searching, and then turned around to leave in the opposite direction from where he would need to take to get back to his seat; in the direction of the priest on the second communion line. “Why is he going that way?” I wondered. I had to go receive communion, so I looked away from him.
I got back to my seat and wondered where he went to and as I left the church, I wondered, “Did he leave the church?”
The event replayed itself in my head after mass as I made my way home, and I considered the moment we almost fell. I remembered how I had been meditating on the 4th sorrowful mystery the day before, “The carrying of the cross”, and I had considered that Jesus fell three times and He did not try to save Himself from the fall but relied on Simon of Cyrene. I could relate to Jesus’ fall in a better way and also to St. Simon helping him. My next thought went to his final glance back at me, and I thought of his studious gaze, and it felt so familiar like I had gotten that look before in a dream about Jesus. Goosebumps washed over me when I thought, “Was he Jesus?”
I suppose one of the remarkable things about this event is that prior to this, I had been wondering if I would continue kneeling to receive communion even when I am old and I was unsure, but I got my answer when I saw him get on his knees.
I have replayed this event in my head so many times I have lost count, and I have reached the conclusion that my actions would have been different if I thought the man to be Jesus from the very first moment in which I noticed him. I would not have knelt to avoid him, neither would I have had any issue shaking his hand, and when he struggled to get down on his knees, I would have rushed to him without thinking too much about it. So, I am re-evaluating the way I respond to people. In any case, if indeed the man I met was Jesus, he was quite patient with me.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I noticed yesterday that the theme of this week in Church, starting from Sunday, has been about the “Holy Eucharist” and I believe it is not a coincidence that I have experienced the things I spoke of in my last post.
It makes me feel that God is truly present and active in my life. Especially when I pause to think that He has given me a chance to right the wrong from my past, that is, my denial and disdain of who I am. I am thankful to God for this. I also have a chance to use my latent headstrong nature that doesn’t care about being the only one doing a thing, towards bringing glory to God, and for my salvation, as well as the salvation of others. An intention I have made recently before the Blessed Sacrament is for God to restore me to the moment I got baptized, so it is no surprise that I am being transformed to the child I once was before the corruption or into the child I am meant to be.
This is not the first time that God has done so either. I have been in a situation, where I made a bad decision the first time. In my repentance, I hoped for another chance and it did come to me. I did the right thing the second time without any struggle or thought and a man who’d noticed the interaction, looked at me wondering why I did so, but I ducked my face because I got shy from his attention. I believe the old woman must have been an angel or sent by God for that to even repeat itself, because what are the odds? Of course I think this in retrospect, many years later.
Okay, I will share what happened. I wasn’t going to.
I got on a bus in Lagos, Nigeria, and then an old lady turned to me and quietly begged me to pay for her fare and I ignored her. I got home and I told my mom about it, saying, “Why would she ask me to pay for her fare?”, and my mom told me I should have done so, since I had spare money. At the time, it seemed illogical to me, that the lady got on the bus without her T-fare. I distrusted it, like it was some sort of scam, so I ignored the old lady. I felt so bad about my mom’s words. I had not expected censure because I thought I was right. So, I prayed or hoped to God for another chance. Another time, I think on the same bus route, there was an old lady. The conductor asked her for her T-fare and he got aggravated because she ignored him. Then, she turned around to me and told me to pay for her T-fare. My eyes widened and I paid for her and for me, without a word. The conductor looked at me with confusion written all over his face, and I looked down. There were many people in that bus. The old lady could have looked to the left or right of her or even to the people around me or said something to the conductor, but she looked back, squarely at me and asked me to pay for her T-fare (she did not beg). That has never repeated itself again in my life.
When I ponder on all this, it makes me think and believe God will do the same in other ways in my life.
In case anyone is wondering what happened on Thursday, when I got to the church, I prayed to Jesus for the strength to go through with it and I prayed to Mary for her help. Then, I got on my knees and received communion on my tongue. The next day I prayed to Jesus and Mary because I know I have a fickle heart and I knelt once again to receive communion on my tongue. My ascent still needs work but I’ll get there.
I believe if people complain ceaselessly about a lack of reverence in the Novus Ordo Mass without doing anything about it, in the way of their actions at said mass, then it is all noise. I have never had a problem with a Novus Ordo mass. I grew up in it, both Latin and English versions, and it had all the reverence, the kneeling to receive Holy Communion on the tongue, the altar rails, the fervor, the participation and the love of the congregation. So, the mass itself is reverent. It is the actions of the members that are lacking, from the priest to the congregation.
If a church in a different country keeps the altar rails while another church in another country decides to do away with the rails, paten etc., and yet both use the Novus Ordo liturgy, is the liturgy less reverent or are the religious leaders less reverent? This is not to idealize the church which kept the rails because the Catholic Church around the world needs people that do the right thing.
I didn’t even know about this discussion about Traditional Latin mass until I moved to Canada, and my mom had not heard about the Traditional Latin Mass until I told her about it. It is only when I travelled abroad that I attended masses where people did not respond or sing and I joined them. Now being here in Canada, I have responded and I have sung. I have noticed the fervour in the churches I attend change over time, so much so that the priest of the church where I attend Sunday Mass has thanked the congregation for the generosity of their participation.
It takes everyone.
The priest should show reference when giving Holy Communion to communicants or when handling the Holy Communion, bearing in mind that he has in his hands The Body of Christ. The communicants should receive the Holy Communion and appear before the Holy Communion with reference, bearing in mind that they are standing before Christ’s Body and acting as they would if they believe Him to be visibly present. Praise and worship are due to God, so the congregation should respond to the priest, knowing they are giving justice due to God.
Preaching about reference is a good thing but even better is when the people move to action.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song written and sung by a friend that you could listen to!
Recently, I got told that “I like to do ‘Holy Holy'”. This is a Nigerian way of saying I was overdoing the practice of holiness in this person’s eyes and that I loved to do so a lot. It was an ordinary thing I mentioned that I might try. I told this person that I would try to kneel down to receive Holy Communion on the tongue and apparently that was doing too much.
I would normally receive Communion on my hand, but I noticed that when I received Communion from a certain church, there were particles left on my hand, and I had to lick it off my hand. It felt uncomfortable to me. Later on, I considered the possibility that I had missed seeing particles on my hand in the past. So, I resolved to receive Communion on the tongue.
This Sunday, I felt the minister gave me a weird look. I did not see anyone in the church receive Communion on the tongue. Perhaps, I imagined the weird look, but I felt triumphant that I went through with it.
On Monday though, I went to a different church and the priest acted strangely in my opinion. He picked up the Holy Communion and lifted his hand above his head, as he said, “The Body of Christ”, and then I stumbled over my response before I received the Communion on my tongue. I do not know his reasons. I cannot say. but it made me feel weird. In this church, some people receive Communion on the tongue on their knees, while other receive on the hand while standing. Could it be because I stood that he acted that way or perhaps something benign that I am not privy to?
You might wonder, “Why did you not kneel?”. Well, I did not have the comfort of a kneeler and I wondered if I could be graceful about kneeling on the ground.
On Wednesday, I decided to give it a go again at this same church and it was a total disaster. The minister was shorter than me, so I bent slightly, and she dropped the Communion before it reached my tongue. The second time, she got it. I was in shock and my day felt even more disagreeable than it was at that moment. I could not say my prayers completely and I left the church distracted.
It has been weird for me so far. It should not even be. I grew up receiving Communion on the tongue in Nigeria and we would kneel at the altar rail, on the kneeler, which was in a semi-oval shape and separated the altar from the congregation. We had altar servers who walked with the priest, with a paten in hand to catch any accidental fall of the Communion when it is given to communicants. I do not know if this is still the practice there because people started receiving on the hand when there was an outbreak of Ebola. I think people went back to receiving on the tongue after it was over, but I didn’t. When I went back in January, I received Communion on my tongue while standing, at a weekday mass. I think I might have been doing as I saw people do. A Sunday mass will be different there, with people using the kneeler.
Anyway, as I walked to the bus stop, I considered that perhaps I was doing something wrong with the way I received Communion, so I decided to google, “How to receive Communion on the tongue”. There were things I never considered on the video I watched.
Regardless, I felt like I was trying to do something good, but the worst happened. I considered strongly going back to receiving Communion on the hand but when I got called “Holy Holy”, it was a fuel to do it again but this time around kneeling down, because the act of kneeling to receive Communion on the tongue should not be considered excessively holy. It is right and just or in other words, fitting for our King, and I am not my standard of holiness. I also thought, “What if I am being called to do this?”.
Then, I remembered that as a kid in secondary school I was called “Holy Holy” once and left out of a conversation because they did not want to corrupt me. I hated it and denied being holy. Now, it feels like perhaps I might be on the right path in my life since I have been told this again. Although, I have to say, human standards can be faulty.
Today, I will be trying some of the suggestions I got from the video and also getting on my knees. I have even practiced doing this at home and at work. I am feeling embarrassed actually about the whole ordeal, but I need to get through it to get over it.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
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