Tag Archives: love

Heartbroken

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I wondered if I should post this. I wrote it down in my notes to remind me of the goodness of God to me. I considered if it will ever go up here, prayed about it as I edited my notes, and left it alone. But on seeing a clip from The Chosen about Jesus begging Thomas to stay with Him, I feel it is right to post this here.

Last week Wednesday on 17Jul2024, I got to work, sat at my desk, logged on to my computer like I normally do, ready to get to work, when suddenly the thought which had occurred to me earlier as I got ready for work came back to me, and I began to sob for close to 10 – 15 minutes or more. My thoughts began at not being skilled at anything else but clinical research and also not being the best at what I do. Then, I believe I sobbed about everything going on with me; I sobbed about how it all overwhelms me and how I do not know what to do. I felt so tired deep in my soul and my heart hurt, so I massaged it several times that day. I reached out in my mind for a hug from Jesus on the cross. My prayer felt so much stronger later in the day, when I said the Divine Mercy Chaplet while meditating on the sorrowful mystery. My eyes welled up with tears as I prayed, although it did not come crashing down my face. I think my heart hurt all through work and I tried to stay cheerful but mostly did not speak that day, not that I speak a lot normally. I surmised that I was heartbroken. I could imagine that it could be a little of how Jesus felt since He was a man of sorrows, well acquainted with grief. That thought brought me a burst of joy in the midst of grief. 

I went to church after work and prayed at the shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I told Our Lady about my exhaustion. I didn’t say much by way of prayer. I mostly just sat there. Then, I moved on to the tabernacle where Jesus is, and knelt to pray. While I prayed, the hurt in my heart went away without a trace, and I felt strength and consoled. So, I said to Jesus, “Look how powerful You are. I am here and I am better.” I hadn’t even prayed for the pain to go away. I was in the middle of giving thanks for God’s goodness to me, being penitent and telling Him about my day (mingled with petitions), like I usually do, when I realized it was gone. 

My feeling and thought even as I marvelled at the power of Jesus was that, “I don’t want to be here”, and a part of me wondered if His healing meant He made me better so that I can keep going. I didn’t want to be ungrateful, so, I gave thanks. I know He could turn the situation around with less than a breath, less than the minutest of energy, but I did not want to be here to find out. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. I was grateful but also didn’t care about seeing it all come to be in the future. So, I told Him that I still don’t want to be here and asked Him to take me out of here; “not the church per se, but here”, I kept saying. Deep down, I knew, “here” meant “this world” and I know He knows this too. I apologized 2 nights ago to God because I think I was ungrateful on that day, and also, I felt the ache at odd times 2 days ago. It is not here today as I write this.

I do not think it is thoroughly virtuous to feel this way because I would still want to choose how it happens, however, there is still some virtue and complete honesty in it and for that I give thanks to God.

On writing my notes about my grief of this day, I have become aware that I had the dream about Our Lady of Perpetual Help in the early hours of 17th of July, the same day this happened to me, and also came across the prayer card that night. It makes me realize Mother Mary and Jesus were trying to tell me they are here for me and I am thankful to Her and I am thankful to God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

All glory and praise be to our God! Amen.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A good song to listen to.

Charism: Prayer?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I have thinking that it is possible that my charism is prayer. I do not know this for sure but I have a strong belief of this.

Maybe 2 or 3 nights ago, I had a dream in which I was lying in bed and I thought I was awake. An intrusive impure thought attempted to come into my mind, but I immediately began praying out loud against it like I normally do when I am awake. I do not fully remember the words I said. I think I prayed for God to strengthen my will, fortify/cleanse my thoughts…, and I am certain that I ended the prayer with “May the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.”, which is new. I only say that when praying the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I felt my head tighten as though I was having a “tension headache” when I began praying and it stopped while I prayed. I wondered when the tension headache began if I was really awake since the “tension headache” was familiar, and occurs whenever I am having a “bad dream”. I woke up and realized I had been dreaming.

The night before this/early hours of 17Jul, I was reciting prayers in my dream, almost as though I was learning to say the words, first, “Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us”, and then, “Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, Have Mercy on Us” My memory is vague on the prayer to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I believe I said them again, this time starting with, “Most Sacred Heart of Jesus…” and then “Our Lady of Perpetual Help…”. I do not pray to Mary under the title, “Our Lady of Perpetual Help”, although I have been praying to Mary lately under the title of “Our Lady of Succour” after learning about an apparition in Sciacca. I don’t know if the titles are linked. Later that day, I flipped open my bible which I do not use and so do not go through (I use my e-bible instead) and found a prayer card to Our Lady of Perpetual Help which I had placed there earlier in the year but forgot about. I had brought the prayer card with me from my travel to Nigeria back in January, because it is Mary and I love Mary; that and my bible from my childhood. I had the bible and prayer card blessed months after bringing it back. I don’t remember when. Anyway, I flipped over the prayer card and said the prayer there and have been saying it ever since.

A night before this, I awoke to myself praying out loud, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner and on the whole world”. I basically realized the words coming out of my mouth on waking up.

Nights before this, I awoke to my fingers moving as though moving along the beads of a Rosary.

I think it is great that while sleeping, I am praying to God or that my body remembers the movements of my prayer or devotion. I like the thought of prayer being a constant part of my life.

Have you ever thought about charisms? This is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about Charisms:

“799 Whether extraordinary or simple and humble, charisms are graces of the Holy Spirit which directly or indirectly benefit the Church, ordered as they are to her building up, to the good of men, and to the needs of the world.

800 Charisms are to be accepted with gratitude by the person who receives them and by all members of the Church as well. They are a wonderfully rich grace for the apostolic vitality and for the holiness of the entire Body of Christ, provided they really are genuine gifts of the Holy Spirit and are used in full conformity with authentic promptings of this same Spirit, that is, in keeping with charity, the true measure of all charisms. 253

801 It is in this sense that discernment of charisms is always necessary. No charism is exempt from being referred and submitted to the Church’s shepherds. “Their office [is] not indeed to extinguish the Spirit, but to test all things and hold fast to what is good,” 254 so that all the diverse and complementary charisms work together “for the common good.”

I just love that God is glorified even when I am sleeping and I love the thought that I could be helping people through my prayers. I am also grateful to God for protecting me.

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song you could listen to!

Catholic Teaching: Cooperation and Double Effect

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I said in a previous post that I could not find a catholic teaching that pointed specifically to my job situation but there are actually catholic teachings. I saw them in the publication and did not realize they were actual Catholic teachings. I also did not read the entire publication, only areas I felt pertained to me. So, two teachings among others considered in the publication are: The Principle of Double Effect and The Principle of Cooperation in Evil. Read more here: A Catholic Guide to Ethical Research

The principle of double effect is a moral guide developed over several centuries in the Catholic moral tradition, designed to help ensure that an act which has both good and bad likely effects will be morally good. 

Cooperation in evil is any specific assistance knowingly and freely given to the morally evil act of another person or institution. A cooperator is the person or institution that provides this assistance, and a “principal agent” is the person or institution whose immoral act is assisted by the cooperator. 

I must admit knowing the teachings does not automatically translate to understanding how to apply it to every given situation. I found it unclear, but this is a limitation of my understanding, not necessarily the teaching.

I have focused more on the examples which were given in the publication to gain understanding, and also the below principles laid out in the publication:

“In crafting morally acceptable wording, the following principles should be followed:

a. Subjects should not be required to use contraception. 

i. However, subjects can be required to take appropriate precautions to avoid pregnancy or fathering a child. 

ii. The level of certainty with which pregnancy is to be avoided may be specified in the protocol. 

b. The subjects must be free to choose how they will avoid becoming pregnant or fathering a child, although as noted above the level of certainty may be specified. 

c. It is permissible to convey information to subjects on the effectiveness of various methods of pregnancy prevention, and verify their understanding, as long as it is clear that use of contraceptives is not required. Conveying information but not requiring contraception is not immoral cooperation, because the writer or health professional is providing factual information that is in the public domain, which is morally different than advocating or encouraging the use of contraception. 

d. Abstinence should always be included as an acceptable method for avoiding pregnancy or fathering a child. 

e. Certain methods of preventing pregnancy may be prohibited. For example, birth control pills may be prohibited in studies where drug interactions with oral contraceptives could occur and pose a safety risk or otherwise alter the outcome of the study.

f. Abortion is never permissible as a method of birth control.”

I saw a priest about it twice and I also enlisted the help of my brother for an impartial assessment. Another priest advised me to look up catholic teaching, to get someone to help me discern (which is the reason I used my brother and read the publication better to realize it is actual catholic teaching) and that he will also read up on it as well. One priest and my brother have confirmed that I am not cooperating in evil based on the principles mentioned above.

I don’t understand the first principle stated above since to prevent pregnancy is to use contraception whether by natural methods including abstinence, or non-natural methods including pills and devices. And if it is a requirement to join the study that one must prevent pregnancy, then the subjects are required to use contraception. It could be that the authors of the publication don’t consider “behaviour” as a form of contraception when they mention contraception should not be required but appropriate measures can be required to prevent pregnancy.

There is also a lack of control I have in the implementation of these protocol/ICFs.

I am thankful to God that all this has caused me to spot an omission in a document which has not been implemented yet.

Depending on where you read, abstinence is considered a birth control method. Alberta Health Services, the jurisdiction I work under, lists abstinence as a birth control method (Birth control methods), but just because it says so today, does not mean it will say so tomorrow.

I think it is suspect if a lot of society do not include abstinence as a method of birth control when it is the only way that is 100% certain of preventing pregnancy when used consistently. No one bats an eye about the possibility that oral pills or condoms may be used inconsistently or the accidents that can happen with the condom, but a lot of people become lawyers and warriors when it comes to arguing about the impracticality of using sexual abstinence. It is hard not to see there is an agenda here.

I have been sexually abstinent for years now. It is a way of life. I don’t think about it. I just am. I don’t believe I am the only one. The culture is so harmful in making people believe they are the only one being sexually abstinent; they are odd; they will not be wanted; there is something wrong with them. I think the right way is to have properly ordered desires. The point of procreation is to have children and for bonding between a husband and a wife. Anything outside of that is disordered. Yet, disorder is praised highly and given the golden stamp.

When I was younger, I felt the pressure to not be celibate because society seemed to condemn people who were “virgins” and I felt weird for not being like everyone else.

Society mentions that birth control methods like pills and devices give you the freedom to choose when you can be pregnant but it is a false sense of freedom if a person has no control over their desires. Essentially, to not have control over one’s desires is to be a slave to one’s desires. The ones who are truly free are the ones who have control over their desires. That is the ideal goal. Nobody says it is easy but through the power of the Holy Spirit and persistence, humility and courage in drawing close to the throne of mercy to Jesus; that is how you will become free. “Now, The Lord is Spirit, and where The Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you could listen to!

Hope

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I started off before I began to write this, to pray to God for His help with writing this post on Hope. I told Him that I don’t really know if I am the best to write about “Hope” and I do not know much what to say about it, but I had kind of decided earlier, I believe during morning prayer, that it would be the topic of writing for my next post. My thought in prayer was a conversation I had with a colleague of mine yesterday.

I have been making job applications for close to a year now if not more, since the one I have now is temporary. I have had 3 initial interviews which have not proceeded to the next. The last one, I seemed to have offended the lady by telling her “Thank you for reaching out to me.” Her displeasure was so evident on her face and her body language. She practically reclined back in her chair in that moment with a displeased expression on her face, that I did not understand what I did to offend her, so, I had to explain my reason for saying thank you, by adding, “I appreciate it.” The giveaway was her eagerness to tell me her concern about a lack of experience in a particular therapeutic area, when I had asked her something different, i.e., if there was something she needed clarity on from what I had shared with her. My lack of experience in dermatology was clearly stated in my application, since it is one of their intake questions. Her reaction after my “Thank you” was another giveaway. My consideration from the experience was I was glad I did not lie about my experience. I feel like she tried to trip my up, when she stated an experience which I did not have and I don’t believe I claimed to have it anywhere. This could be an assumption, but her smile/mini-laugh when I denied having the experience was strange to me. My joy is that I refuted it and put away my desperation or desire for a job. I suppose I also considered afterwards that I should have taken the word I believe now was from God, telling me to rest, while I prepared late into the night for the interview. How many times have I not listened to that voice because while I considered it might be from God, I wondered if it came from me?

This and the other rejections I have received, including the other 2 pre-interviews, have not hurt me so much. I have been thankful to God so much that it does not hurt anymore. My hunger is for God to show me what exactly He would like me to do. And I have begun to wonder if that is clinical research, since I have started to have some concerns about a certain part of clinical research, in relation to my faith, and I am starting to wonder if I am complicit in evil. I spoke to a priest about it and he assured me that I am not, although after leaving him, I wondered if I was clear enough to him about the extent of my involvement. I am unclear on that point in my memory. Although, recently, I remembered that it is possible that I did mention it to him. I have to book another appointment to clarify this again. I feel silly when these things happen but what am I to do about it? He did say I could leave the field of clinical research if I continue to be bothered about it, and encouraged me to pray to God for discernment. I think a part of me knows I am not doing anything wrong but for clarity sake, I must ask. I also have to think if I am indeed proud of the work that I am involved in.

So, these are the things I have been thinking about, first and foremost and not necessarily the rejections. I have praying for direction into the job or vocation that God is calling me into. I do not know what it is or could be.

My conversation with my colleague yesterday was a topic on the Job opening at my workplace which I applied for which is a project manager role in clinical research (Although I am applying broadly to any project management role and praying God places me in the one He feels is best). My colleague feels I am so qualified, with my PMP certification and experience in project management that I had to tell her that I try not to raise my hopes too high. She mentioned that I must have some hope if I am applying. So, I explained in my brief way of speaking that “I do not hope in myself. I hope in God.” She stared at me in consideration. I tried to convey to her that if my skills were ultimate, I would have a job now. I don’t know if my explanation carried as far as I wished to convey it, since in person, I use so few words. One thing I know is, God is ultimate and greater than anything and I wish to please Him, as best as I can. I am not saying I am perfect. I make so many mistakes and sometimes, I do not know if I am doing the right thing. Other times, what seemed right, ends up looking wrong to me and bringing me grief that I think I would prefer my free will taken away by God but what do I know.

I know that God is more than able to give me more and better than I can ever imagine. If He chooses not to give me in this life, I look forward to the feast and treasure that awaits me in Heaven. I only ask for the grace to move on to all that He desires for me.

On a final note, Pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A peaceful chant you might enjoy! Listen to find out!

Holiness

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone. Pray the Rosary!

Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.

My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil. 

I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.

In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.

Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.

Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”  

A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).

Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.

After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.

I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God. 

With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!

Pray the Rosary.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!

Baptism is Necessary

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! (Pray the Rosary)

I watched a video recently of someone scoffing at the word “baptism” and saying they don’t do that at his church but they do something else, although it does involve water. I could not listen to the end of the video so I don’t know the full story, but what I did hear was annoying to my ears, and it disturbed me, so, I thought I would make a blog post about Baptism. I wrote most of this post months ago and posted on my IG story after I saw a reel where somebody said Baptism is not necessary for salvation or something like that. I could not believe anyone would even say that but I suppose anything is possible with the evil one.

I believe it is such great violence to willfully deny oneself baptism. 

As core and focus of the christian life, is the imitation of Christ. What did He say? What did He do? How can I say the things He said? How can I do the things He did?

To be a true follower of Christ, one has to look at Jesus and notice that Jesus, being Himself God and without sin, still went through a baptism and then offered baptism as a gift and a means of becoming a disciple. “Now when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John (although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples)…”

Personally, I think if Jesus went through a baptism, being that He is God and without sin, for anyone to think that they do not need it, would be akin to saying I think I am better than Jesus. Even if such a person or group says that is not the case. Some one might say, “I did not know” and maybe this is true, but if a person believes they follow Jesus, they should try to do all they can to learn about Jesus and all He commanded, even going as far as looking at history, at the Catholic Church Jesus established and said the gates of hell will not overcome.

Some might argue that the Catholic Church of the past is not the same as the Catholic Church of now, but to that I say, “Do not think to call Jesus a liar.”. Because, to say that would mean that the doctrines of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church fell into error at some point, and the gates of hell have indeed overcome it. And at no point did Jesus desire a split over differing ideologies or bad apples but He did see it coming. “I do not pray for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”. I do believe that one day, there will only be “One” church to the glory of Jesus Christ, but as of present, there are those who do not love Jesus in the fullness of all He revealed about Himself and about The Father. No matter, that will change.

Jesus was serious and He meant business in every single thing He did or said. When he was going to wash the feet of Peter and Peter was going to reject Jesus’ gift, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no part in me.” It is possible that in the limited nature of human understanding, one might think, “what is the big deal?”, but, everything Jesus did and said meant something. He is perfection and everything He did was aligned to the will of the Father. Think about it, the King of the universe washed their feet. Can one’s mind fathom this?. But, He did this to show them what they ought to do, so that they imitate Him. “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”

So, when Jesus went through a baptism, He did it so that the glory of God would be revealed through Him and in Him and with Him, when He acted in obedience to the will of the Father, as He Himself said, “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” I believe I have heard it said that in being baptized, Jesus sanctified all waters of baptism. If you look closely at the baptism of Jesus, there are things which happened when the water touched Him. The Holy Spirit came down upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus has shown through His baptism, the reason we need to be baptized. We become recognized as Heirs of the Father through baptism, and by that happening, it is evident that through baptism we are reconciled to the Father, all sins being washed away. You also receive the Holy Spirit at your baptism, God is very pleased with you, God is revealed to all through you and God is glorified through you. Baptism is such a great gift we have been given.

A disciple of Jesus takes everything Jesus says as a command and not a suggestion and Jesus instructed this right before His ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:18. So, who is anyone to argue about this?

Baptism was even spoken of in the old testament, so, how can anyone deny baptism? “I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness…” – Ezekiel 36:25-27

In addition, the apostles have told us the essence of baptism. “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” – 1 Peter 3:21

In another verse, it is written, “Repent and be baptised, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit…”- Acts 2:38-41

And yet again, it is written, “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” This is because we become incorporated into the Body of Christ through Baptism.

And many more, so, there can be no excuse on that day. This is why I think it is willfully violence to do oneself to think you do not need baptism. 

Someone might argue, what about Cornelius who received the Holy Spirit before He was baptized? but then, did God allow him to stop at receiving the Holy Spirit, or did God will for Cornelius and his household to receive the gift of baptism because He loved Cornelius?

One might also argue, what about the thief on the cross beside Jesus whom Jesus told, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” but what do we know of this man’s life before he was on the cross? Do we know if he was already baptized by Jesus’ disciples, but fell into sin afterwards. He won’t be the first to do just that. All we know is that He was forgiven by Jesus when he repented. However, even if the thief wasn’t baptized prior to being crucified, if God willed it as an exception, because He wills what He wills and everything He does is good, who is anyone to want to be the exception, when he has given us a command. It feels like pride to me to desire to be the exception. The thing is to deviate from Jesus’ command is to despise His gift and throw His gift in His face, to despise His heart and to be presumptuous, to hold the relationship claimed to be had with Him in contempt. On what leg does one have to stand on? Bear in mind that rebellion is likened to the sin of divination in the bible. It was so serious that King Saul was rejected by God.

God help us all.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song!

Temptation

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I hope you are doing well!

I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.

I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.

I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God. 

I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.

I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.

It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure. 

Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times. 

All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.

I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary. 

My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever. 

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Mercy: Blood and Water

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.

My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.

Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.

My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.

I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.

I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.

I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.

To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

Gregorian Chant for the soul! Have a Listen!

A Dream?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”

This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions. 

In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me. 

I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).

I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.

Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side. 

At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me. 

Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.

The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, before I was 5 years (maybe 4 years), and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. I don’t think the nightmare in Jan 2023 was the norm for me at the time I had it.

Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams over the course of my life of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!