Tag Archives: love

Catholic Teaching: Cooperation and Double Effect

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I said in a previous post that I could not find a catholic teaching that pointed specifically to my job situation but there are actually catholic teachings. I saw them in the publication and did not realize they were actual Catholic teachings. I also did not read the entire publication, only areas I felt pertained to me. So, two teachings among others considered in the publication are: The Principle of Double Effect and The Principle of Cooperation in Evil. Read more here: A Catholic Guide to Ethical Research

The principle of double effect is a moral guide developed over several centuries in the Catholic moral tradition, designed to help ensure that an act which has both good and bad likely effects will be morally good. 

Cooperation in evil is any specific assistance knowingly and freely given to the morally evil act of another person or institution. A cooperator is the person or institution that provides this assistance, and a “principal agent” is the person or institution whose immoral act is assisted by the cooperator. 

I must admit knowing the teachings does not automatically translate to understanding how to apply it to every given situation. I found it unclear, but this is a limitation of my understanding, not necessarily the teaching.

I have focused more on the examples which were given in the publication to gain understanding, and also the below principles laid out in the publication:

“In crafting morally acceptable wording, the following principles should be followed:

a. Subjects should not be required to use contraception. 

i. However, subjects can be required to take appropriate precautions to avoid pregnancy or fathering a child. 

ii. The level of certainty with which pregnancy is to be avoided may be specified in the protocol. 

b. The subjects must be free to choose how they will avoid becoming pregnant or fathering a child, although as noted above the level of certainty may be specified. 

c. It is permissible to convey information to subjects on the effectiveness of various methods of pregnancy prevention, and verify their understanding, as long as it is clear that use of contraceptives is not required. Conveying information but not requiring contraception is not immoral cooperation, because the writer or health professional is providing factual information that is in the public domain, which is morally different than advocating or encouraging the use of contraception. 

d. Abstinence should always be included as an acceptable method for avoiding pregnancy or fathering a child. 

e. Certain methods of preventing pregnancy may be prohibited. For example, birth control pills may be prohibited in studies where drug interactions with oral contraceptives could occur and pose a safety risk or otherwise alter the outcome of the study.

f. Abortion is never permissible as a method of birth control.”

I saw a priest about it twice and I also enlisted the help of my brother for an impartial assessment. Another priest advised me to look up catholic teaching, to get someone to help me discern (which is the reason I used my brother and read the publication better to realize it is actual catholic teaching) and that he will also read up on it as well. One priest and my brother have confirmed that I am not cooperating in evil based on the principles mentioned above.

I don’t understand the first principle stated above since to prevent pregnancy is to use contraception whether by natural methods including abstinence, or non-natural methods including pills and devices. And if it is a requirement to join the study that one must prevent pregnancy, then the subjects are required to use contraception. It could be that the authors of the publication don’t consider “behaviour” as a form of contraception when they mention contraception should not be required but appropriate measures can be required to prevent pregnancy.

There is also a lack of control I have in the implementation of these protocol/ICFs.

I am thankful to God that all this has caused me to spot an omission in a document which has not been implemented yet.

Depending on where you read, abstinence is considered a birth control method. Alberta Health Services, the jurisdiction I work under, lists abstinence as a birth control method (Birth control methods), but just because it says so today, does not mean it will say so tomorrow.

I think it is suspect if a lot of society do not include abstinence as a method of birth control when it is the only way that is 100% certain of preventing pregnancy when used consistently. No one bats an eye about the possibility that oral pills or condoms may be used inconsistently or the accidents that can happen with the condom, but a lot of people become lawyers and warriors when it comes to arguing about the impracticality of using sexual abstinence. It is hard not to see there is an agenda here.

I have been sexually abstinent for years now. It is a way of life. I don’t think about it. I just am. I don’t believe I am the only one. The culture is so harmful in making people believe they are the only one being sexually abstinent; they are odd; they will not be wanted; there is something wrong with them. I think the right way is to have properly ordered desires. The point of procreation is to have children and for bonding between a husband and a wife. Anything outside of that is disordered. Yet, disorder is praised highly and given the golden stamp.

When I was younger, I felt the pressure to not be celibate because society seemed to condemn people who were “virgins” and I felt weird for not being like everyone else.

Society mentions that birth control methods like pills and devices give you the freedom to choose when you can be pregnant but it is a false sense of freedom if a person has no control over their desires. Essentially, to not have control over one’s desires is to be a slave to one’s desires. The ones who are truly free are the ones who have control over their desires. That is the ideal goal. Nobody says it is easy but through the power of the Holy Spirit and persistence, humility and courage in drawing close to the throne of mercy to Jesus; that is how you will become free. “Now, The Lord is Spirit, and where The Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

On a final note, pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you could listen to!

Hope

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary!

I started off before I began to write this, to pray to God for His help with writing this post on Hope. I told Him that I don’t really know if I am the best to write about “Hope” and I do not know much what to say about it, but I had kind of decided earlier, I believe during morning prayer, that it would be the topic of writing for my next post. My thought in prayer was a conversation I had with a colleague of mine yesterday.

I have been making job applications for close to a year now if not more, since the one I have now is temporary. I have had 3 initial interviews which have not proceeded to the next. The last one, I seemed to have offended the lady by telling her “Thank you for reaching out to me.” Her displeasure was so evident on her face and her body language. She practically reclined back in her chair in that moment with a displeased expression on her face, that I did not understand what I did to offend her, so, I had to explain my reason for saying thank you, by adding, “I appreciate it.” The giveaway was her eagerness to tell me her concern about a lack of experience in a particular therapeutic area, when I had asked her something different, i.e., if there was something she needed clarity on from what I had shared with her. My lack of experience in dermatology was clearly stated in my application, since it is one of their intake questions. Her reaction after my “Thank you” was another giveaway. My consideration from the experience was I was glad I did not lie about my experience. I feel like she tried to trip my up, when she stated an experience which I did not have and I don’t believe I claimed to have it anywhere. This could be an assumption, but her smile/mini-laugh when I denied having the experience was strange to me. My joy is that I refuted it and put away my desperation or desire for a job. I suppose I also considered afterwards that I should have taken the word I believe now was from God, telling me to rest, while I prepared late into the night for the interview. How many times have I not listened to that voice because while I considered it might be from God, I wondered if it came from me?

This and the other rejections I have received, including the other 2 pre-interviews, have not hurt me so much. I have been thankful to God so much that it does not hurt anymore. My hunger is for God to show me what exactly He would like me to do. And I have begun to wonder if that is clinical research, since I have started to have some concerns about a certain part of clinical research, in relation to my faith, and I am starting to wonder if I am complicit in evil. I spoke to a priest about it and he assured me that I am not, although after leaving him, I wondered if I was clear enough to him about the extent of my involvement. I am unclear on that point in my memory. Although, recently, I remembered that it is possible that I did mention it to him. I have to book another appointment to clarify this again. I feel silly when these things happen but what am I to do about it? He did say I could leave the field of clinical research if I continue to be bothered about it, and encouraged me to pray to God for discernment. I think a part of me knows I am not doing anything wrong but for clarity sake, I must ask. I also have to think if I am indeed proud of the work that I am involved in.

So, these are the things I have been thinking about, first and foremost and not necessarily the rejections. I have praying for direction into the job or vocation that God is calling me into. I do not know what it is or could be.

My conversation with my colleague yesterday was a topic on the Job opening at my workplace which I applied for which is a project manager role in clinical research (Although I am applying broadly to any project management role and praying God places me in the one He feels is best). My colleague feels I am so qualified, with my PMP certification and experience in project management that I had to tell her that I try not to raise my hopes too high. She mentioned that I must have some hope if I am applying. So, I explained in my brief way of speaking that “I do not hope in myself. I hope in God.” She stared at me in consideration. I tried to convey to her that if my skills were ultimate, I would have a job now. I don’t know if my explanation carried as far as I wished to convey it, since in person, I use so few words. One thing I know is, God is ultimate and greater than anything and I wish to please Him, as best as I can. I am not saying I am perfect. I make so many mistakes and sometimes, I do not know if I am doing the right thing. Other times, what seemed right, ends up looking wrong to me and bringing me grief that I think I would prefer my free will taken away by God but what do I know.

I know that God is more than able to give me more and better than I can ever imagine. If He chooses not to give me in this life, I look forward to the feast and treasure that awaits me in Heaven. I only ask for the grace to move on to all that He desires for me.

On a final note, Pray the Rosary!

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A peaceful chant you might enjoy! Listen to find out!

Holiness

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone. Pray the Rosary!

Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.

My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil. 

I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.

In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.

Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.

Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”  

A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).

Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.

After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.

I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God. 

With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!

Pray the Rosary.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!

Baptism is Necessary

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! (Pray the Rosary)

I watched a video recently of someone scoffing at the word “baptism” and saying they don’t do that at his church but they do something else, although it does involve water. I could not listen to the end of the video so I don’t know the full story, but what I did hear was annoying to my ears, and it disturbed me, so, I thought I would make a blog post about Baptism. I wrote most of this post months ago and posted on my IG story after I saw a reel where somebody said Baptism is not necessary for salvation or something like that. I could not believe anyone would even say that but I suppose anything is possible with the evil one.

I believe it is such great violence to willfully deny oneself baptism. 

As core and focus of the christian life, is the imitation of Christ. What did He say? What did He do? How can I say the things He said? How can I do the things He did?

To be a true follower of Christ, one has to look at Jesus and notice that Jesus, being Himself God and without sin, still went through a baptism and then offered baptism as a gift and a means of becoming a disciple. “Now when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John (although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples)…”

Personally, I think if Jesus went through a baptism, being that He is God and without sin, for anyone to think that they do not need it, would be akin to saying I think I am better than Jesus. Even if such a person or group says that is not the case. Some one might say, “I did not know” and maybe this is true, but if a person believes they follow Jesus, they should try to do all they can to learn about Jesus and all He commanded, even going as far as looking at history, at the Catholic Church Jesus established and said the gates of hell will not overcome.

Some might argue that the Catholic Church of the past is not the same as the Catholic Church of now, but to that I say, “Do not think to call Jesus a liar.”. Because, to say that would mean that the doctrines of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church fell into error at some point, and the gates of hell have indeed overcome it. And at no point did Jesus desire a split over differing ideologies or bad apples but He did see it coming. “I do not pray for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”. I do believe that one day, there will only be “One” church to the glory of Jesus Christ, but as of present, there are those who do not love Jesus in the fullness of all He revealed about Himself and about The Father. No matter, that will change.

Jesus was serious and He meant business in every single thing He did or said. When he was going to wash the feet of Peter and Peter was going to reject Jesus’ gift, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no part in me.” It is possible that in the limited nature of human understanding, one might think, “what is the big deal?”, but, everything Jesus did and said meant something. He is perfection and everything He did was aligned to the will of the Father. Think about it, the King of the universe washed their feet. Can one’s mind fathom this?. But, He did this to show them what they ought to do, so that they imitate Him. “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”

So, when Jesus went through a baptism, He did it so that the glory of God would be revealed through Him and in Him and with Him, when He acted in obedience to the will of the Father, as He Himself said, “Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfil all righteousness.” I believe I have heard it said that in being baptized, Jesus sanctified all waters of baptism. If you look closely at the baptism of Jesus, there are things which happened when the water touched Him. The Holy Spirit came down upon Him like a dove, and a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus has shown through His baptism, the reason we need to be baptized. We become recognized as Heirs of the Father through baptism, and by that happening, it is evident that through baptism we are reconciled to the Father, all sins being washed away. You also receive the Holy Spirit at your baptism, God is very pleased with you, God is revealed to all through you and God is glorified through you. Baptism is such a great gift we have been given.

A disciple of Jesus takes everything Jesus says as a command and not a suggestion and Jesus instructed this right before His ascension, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” – Matthew 28:18. So, who is anyone to argue about this?

Baptism was even spoken of in the old testament, so, how can anyone deny baptism? “I will sprinkle clean water upon you and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness…” – Ezekiel 36:25-27

In addition, the apostles have told us the essence of baptism. “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” – 1 Peter 3:21

In another verse, it is written, “Repent and be baptised, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit…”- Acts 2:38-41

And yet again, it is written, “Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” This is because we become incorporated into the Body of Christ through Baptism.

And many more, so, there can be no excuse on that day. This is why I think it is willfully violence to do oneself to think you do not need baptism. 

Someone might argue, what about Cornelius who received the Holy Spirit before He was baptized? but then, did God allow him to stop at receiving the Holy Spirit, or did God will for Cornelius and his household to receive the gift of baptism because He loved Cornelius?

One might also argue, what about the thief on the cross beside Jesus whom Jesus told, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” but what do we know of this man’s life before he was on the cross? Do we know if he was already baptized by Jesus’ disciples, but fell into sin afterwards. He won’t be the first to do just that. All we know is that He was forgiven by Jesus when he repented. However, even if the thief wasn’t baptized prior to being crucified, if God willed it as an exception, because He wills what He wills and everything He does is good, who is anyone to want to be the exception, when he has given us a command. It feels like pride to me to desire to be the exception. The thing is to deviate from Jesus’ command is to despise His gift and throw His gift in His face, to despise His heart and to be presumptuous, to hold the relationship claimed to be had with Him in contempt. On what leg does one have to stand on? Bear in mind that rebellion is likened to the sin of divination in the bible. It was so serious that King Saul was rejected by God.

God help us all.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song!

Temptation

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I hope you are doing well!

I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.

I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.

I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God. 

I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.

I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.

It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure. 

Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times. 

All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.

I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary. 

My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever. 

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Mercy: Blood and Water

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.

My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.

Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.

My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.

I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.

I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.

I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.

To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

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A Dream?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”

This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions. 

In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me. 

I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).

I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.

Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side. 

At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me. 

Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.

The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, before I was 5 years (maybe 4 years), and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. I don’t think the nightmare in Jan 2023 was the norm for me at the time I had it.

Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams over the course of my life of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Discipline

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena

St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. There were times when I went for long hours—once I remember even a full 24 hours—without eating because I simply forgot. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.

4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.

I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”

So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.

I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.

The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Was the Man Jesus?

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By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Hope you are keeping well and are in good health. Another weekend is almost over and the time goes by so quickly.

The events of this past Wednesday has me evaluating my thoughts towards people extending their hand to me for a handshake during the “exchange of sign of peace” at mass or perhaps my response to people in general. Since the Covid-19 pandemic happened, I do not shake people’s hands without feeling like my hand is completely deadweight until I wash it or use a hand sanitizer. So, I generally do not shake people’s hands outside of church or in church. At my old job in London, when I was in a situation where a person reached out his hand for a handshake, I shook his hand out of politeness, but I waited until the person was away from me to reach for the sanitizer. Throughout the conversation with the man, all I could think of was my hand which I had to sanitize for it to be usable. I feel as though the use of the sanitizer became something of a programming to me, considering the nature of my old job and the medical environment in which I worked. I am not as stringent as I was back then about using a hand sanitizer after a handshake, but I still do not like shaking people’s hands because all I can think of is germs.

At the church I attend daily mass, I believe it has happened twice to me now, that people have stretched out their hands for a handshake. The first time, I came close to not shaking his hand. I mean, it was like a hand dance, with me pulling my hand back and then stretching my hand out again for the handshake. I didn’t want to be mean but I ended up being weird.

The second time was recently this past Wednesday. I didn’t pay much attention to the man at first. The first time I noticed him, I think I vaguely saw him walking around. The second time, I did not even look in his direction. He was a row ahead of me, at the far-left end, reciting the words of the priest at consecration and I thought, “Who is saying that? Only the priest is supposed to say that.” I vaguely remembered seeing that somewhere so, I am not sure this is true, but I did not take my eyes off the priest, the Host and the Chalice.

Then, it was time for the exchange of the sign of peace and I looked in his direction. He did not turn around to acknowledge anyone until the Agnus Dei was being said. Then, he moved to tap the shoulder of the lady in a row ahead of him and I thought, “Maybe he knows her.” He shook the lady’s hand and then moved towards the man standing in the same row as him and I thought, “Oh, he is shaking hands.” I immediately went to my knees, since the Agnus Dei had been completed and hoped my kneeling and prayer posture would deter him from approaching me to shake my hand. It didn’t. He extended his hand to me next, and I could not ignore him or be mean to him. So, I went first with my left hand since he had extended his left hand, but I remembered my Nigerian upbringing and extended my right hand instead. For context, it is considered rude in Nigeria to use your left hand to collect things from people or give things to people, including handshakes. The man in front of me had a disability; it looked like he had a bit of a hunch back and the palm of his left hand was shaped in a such a way that I actually could only fit my right hand in the palm of his left hand and not my left hand, that it almost seemed like he was taking my hand for a dance.

“Soft.” I thought when my hand connected with his and I beamed up at him, happy to have gotten the handshake right and he beamed back at me. I suppose I have never felt a hand so soft.

When he walked away, I looked at my hand and I held it away from my other hand, thinking of germs. Then a thought crossed my mind that, “For all I know, he could be an angel.” So, I dropped my reservation and clasped my hands together in my normal prayer pose.

During communion, he was in front of me on the line and when he got to the minister, I watched him get on his knees with a struggle, and I thought, “Why is he kneeling when he can’t? He must have great reverence for God. I will be doing this as well when I am old. Should I help him?” But he got on his knees and so I left it alone.

When it was time for him to stand up, I noticed he struggled and this time, I rushed to his side to help him. As I tried, I realized I didn’t ask his permission, so, I stopped to ask him, “Do you need help?” He responded in a low voice, “Yes.”. I tried my hardest to help him up, but he did not budge, and I was not lifting the man. Then after a moment, he lifted his leg to give a bit of traction to his rise, to my joy which was short lived, because I tripped, and the man and I began to fall sideways. Thankfully, someone else, came to the other side of him just at that moment, as though timed, and steadied us, and we were able to get the man to his feet.

Considering the poor job I did, I had to ascertain that I did not hurt the man, so I asked, “Are you okay?” He nodded and gave an enthusiastic “Yes.”

I nodded in satisfaction and stepped back slightly to give him space. Then he stood there for some moment not moving. “Give him time.” I thought. So, the line for communion was held up, but honestly, I would have stood there for as long as he needed. He looked back at me with serious eyes as though searching, and then turned around to leave in the opposite direction from where he would need to take to get back to his seat; in the direction of the priest on the second communion line. “Why is he going that way?” I wondered. I had to go receive communion, so I looked away from him.

I got back to my seat and wondered where he went to and as I left the church, I wondered, “Did he leave the church?”

The event replayed itself in my head after mass as I made my way home, and I considered the moment we almost fell. I remembered how I had been meditating on the 4th sorrowful mystery the day before, “The carrying of the cross”, and I had considered that Jesus fell three times and He did not try to save Himself from the fall but relied on Simon of Cyrene. I could relate to Jesus’ fall in a better way and also to St. Simon helping him. My next thought went to his final glance back at me, and I thought of his studious gaze, and it felt so familiar like I had gotten that look before in a dream about Jesus. Goosebumps washed over me when I thought, “Was he Jesus?”

I suppose one of the remarkable things about this event is that prior to this, I had been wondering if I would continue kneeling to receive communion even when I am old and I was unsure, but I got my answer when I saw him get on his knees.

I have replayed this event in my head so many times I have lost count, and I have reached the conclusion that my actions would have been different if I thought the man to be Jesus from the very first moment in which I noticed him. I would not have knelt to avoid him, neither would I have had any issue shaking his hand, and when he struggled to get down on his knees, I would have rushed to him without thinking too much about it. So, I am re-evaluating the way I respond to people. In any case, if indeed the man I met was Jesus, he was quite patient with me.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you could listen to!