Temptation

By Cynthia Aralu

Hello everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I hope you are doing well!

I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.

I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.

I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God. 

I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.

I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.

It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure. 

Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times. 

All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.

I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary. 

My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever. 

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Second Chances or a Millionth

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I noticed yesterday that the theme of this week in Church, starting from Sunday, has been about the “Holy Eucharist” and I believe it is not a coincidence that I have experienced the things I spoke of in my last post.

It makes me feel that God is truly present and active in my life. Especially when I pause to think that He has given me a chance to right the wrong from my past, that is, my denial and disdain of who I am. I am thankful to God for this. I also have a chance to use my latent headstrong nature that doesn’t care about being the only one doing a thing, towards bringing glory to God, and for my salvation, as well as the salvation of others. An intention I have made recently before the Blessed Sacrament is for God to restore me to the moment I got baptized, so it is no surprise that I am being transformed to the child I once was before the corruption or into the child I am meant to be.

This is not the first time that God has done so either. I have been in a situation, where I made a bad decision the first time. In my repentance, I hoped for another chance and it did come to me. I did the right thing the second time without any struggle or thought and a man who’d noticed the interaction, looked at me wondering why I did so, but I ducked my face because I got shy from his attention. I believe the old woman must have been an angel or sent by God for that to even repeat itself, because what are the odds? Of course I think this in retrospect, many years later.

Okay, I will share what happened. I wasn’t going to.

I got on a bus in Lagos, Nigeria, and then an old lady turned to me and quietly begged me to pay for her fare and I ignored her. I got home and I told my mom about it, saying, “Why would she ask me to pay for her fare?”, and my mom told me I should have done so, since I had spare money. At the time, it seemed illogical to me, that the lady got on the bus without her T-fare. I distrusted it, like it was some sort of scam, so I ignored the old lady. I felt so bad about my mom’s words. I had not expected censure because I thought I was right. So, I prayed or hoped to God for another chance. Another time, I think on the same bus route, there was an old lady. The conductor asked her for her T-fare and he got aggravated because she ignored him. Then, she turned around to me and told me to pay for her T-fare. My eyes widened and I paid for her and for me, without a word. The conductor looked at me with confusion written all over his face, and I looked down. There were many people in that bus. The old lady could have looked to the left or right of her or even to the people around me or said something to the conductor, but she looked back, squarely at me and asked me to pay for her T-fare (she did not beg). That has never repeated itself again in my life.

When I ponder on all this, it makes me think and believe God will do the same in other ways in my life.

In case anyone is wondering what happened on Thursday, when I got to the church, I prayed to Jesus for the strength to go through with it and I prayed to Mary for her help. Then, I got on my knees and received communion on my tongue. The next day I prayed to Jesus and Mary because I know I have a fickle heart and I knelt once again to receive communion on my tongue. My ascent still needs work but I’ll get there.

I believe if people complain ceaselessly about a lack of reverence in the Novus Ordo Mass without doing anything about it, in the way of their actions at said mass, then it is all noise. I have never had a problem with a Novus Ordo mass. I grew up in it, both Latin and English versions, and it had all the reverence, the incense, the music, the altar service, the kneeling to receive Holy Communion on the tongue, the altar rails, the fervor, the participation and the love of the congregation. So, the mass itself is reverent. It is the actions of the members that are lacking, from the priest to the congregation.

If a church in a different country keeps the altar rails while another church in another country decides to do away with the rails, paten etc., and yet both use the Novus Ordo liturgy, is the liturgy less reverent or are the religious leaders less reverent? This is not to idealize the church which kept the rails because the Catholic Church around the world needs people that do the right thing.

I didn’t even know about this discussion about Traditional Latin mass until I moved to Canada, and my mom had not heard about the Traditional Latin Mass until I told her about it. It is only when I travelled abroad that I attended masses where people were not enthused in their responses if they did respond (memory is vague but there was a lack of fire I felt). I believe it rubbed off on me. Now being here in Canada, I have responded and I have sung. I have noticed the fervour in the churches I attend change over time, so much so that the priest of the church where I attend Sunday Mass has thanked the congregation for the generosity of their participation.

It takes everyone.

The priest should show reverence when giving Holy Communion to communicants or when handling the Holy Communion, bearing in mind that he has in his hands The Body of Christ. The communicants should receive the Holy Communion and appear before the Holy Communion with reference, bearing in mind that they are standing before Christ’s Body and acting as they would if they believe Him to be visibly present. Praise and worship are due to God, so the congregation should respond to the priest, knowing they are giving justice due to God.

Preaching about reverence is a good thing but even better is when the people move to action.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song written and sung by a friend that you could listen to!

Why is Mary “Our Mother”?

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

Last year, I was scrolling through IG and I came across a post about Mary. I believe on the post Mary was referred to as “Our Mother”. A comment popped up on my screen as it usually does when reels play. Someone asked, “Why is Mary Our Mother?”, so I felt a burst of inspiration to write down why Mary is “Our Mother”. I posted in bits on my IG story, the first three reasons, and later on in the year, the fourth reason came to me.

I feel there is no time like the present to post this here, so here it is: Why is Mary “Our Mother”?

One way to look at this is to look at Christ. If we, who have been baptized, have been brought into The Body Of Christ, with Christ as our Head, then we have been adopted as children of Mary. There is no way to separate this, since Mary is the mother of God (Jesus) Luke 1:43, Whose Body we have become a part of; such that she is also our mom. 

Another way to look at this would be to look at Christ. As He hung on the cross, while in excruciating pain, He turned to His mother and the disciple whom He loved and told His mom, “Woman, behold, your son.” And to John, He said, “Behold, your mother.” Notice that in calling Mary “Woman”, Jesus referred to the “mother of all humanity”, and in entrusting John to her as her son, Jesus points even more so to her role as the new Eve, the mother of all “disciples Whom He loves”-those who have new life in Him. St. John is worthy of imitating in taking her into his home from that hour.

A third way to look at this would be to look at Jesus, promised to Abraham and prophesied through the lips of Abraham when he blessed Judah, his son, before He died. Abraham is said to be the Father of our Faith. His belief and obedience were counted to him as righteousness. Through him came the promised Messiah in David’s line. Even closer still, through Mary’s “Yes” and faith just like Abraham’s, we were given Jesus. Mary is someone who had recognition of this promise and line when she praised God in saying, “He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy, as He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity for ever.” (Luke 1:54-55). If we are to be counted as posterity of Abraham, which we are, as we have been grafted onto the olive tree by grace (Romans 11:17-24), then in the order of grace, Mary is our mother. 

The most obvious reason Mary is our mother is in Revelations. A woman gives birth to a son, “One Who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron”, Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (Rev 12:5). The dragon tries to kill her but cannot because she is kept safe by God. In frustration, the dragon goes after her children “on those who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus” (Rev 12:17). If you are one of those who keep the commandments of God and bear testimony to Jesus, then Mary is your mother.

I believe there is still even more in the bible that points to her as Our Mother, but this is all that my limited mind is able to share now.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

I have had this song on repeat lately.

Why We Pray

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.

I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.

I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.

I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse but it could have been different), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.

I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.

Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.

While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.

Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.

I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.

I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.

Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.

My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.

So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.

If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A song you can listen to!

Hey Mom

By Cynthia Aralu

Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.

I was in church before the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and I talked to her like I usually do whenever I stop by. I got the thought to write down some of the things I said to her, as best as I can remember, and it reads like a poem. Here it is:

Hey Mom

Hey mom,

Isn’t it crazy,

How we are all brothers and sisters, 

All gathered under one roof to worship God,

But we are more strangers over being family?

We are all God’s children,

having One Father,

Yet hardly anyone’s gaze envelopes you with warmth,

Hardly anyone’s smile catches you in theirs. 

But I am just the same, aren’t I?

It is so instinctual;

This awkwardness. 

…Mom, did you catch that?

That soft swivel of my head to avoid any misunderstanding,

That my gaze was vastly cool,

That it gave the sense that this brief meeting of eyes,

was nothing more than a coincidence,

nothing more than a watchfulness,

the result of her sudden appearance in my eye’s direction.

I suppose I could have smiled at her,

But I didn’t want her to think me weird.

Hey mom,

How is it that we are more strangers than family?

I had to re-write this poem because of the feedback I got from my younger brother. I took it because ultimately, I want this to read better. But I must say, I teared up when I saw his suggestions. I felt like a horrible writer who could not think of “his refinements”, and I wondered if I could really call this poem mine. Well, it is a learning process, and I will be better next time. Besides, I do not mind sharing this poem with him. I always say he is the better writer.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.

Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.

A lovely song. Have a listen!