I have been meaning to share about God’s blessing to me and to give thanks to God in the presence of everyone like the Psalmist says: “Let them extol Him in the congregation of the people, and praise Him in the assembly of the elders”.
I held back at first because I couldn’t say anything at the time and then later on, I suppose I started to overthink everything. I got a new job within the same role at the same workplace and it gives me the opportunity to gain more project management experience while I make plans for my future. I give thanks to God for the opportunity that he has given me and it is my hope that I am able to be courageous and kind within this role, always keeping God at the forefront of all that I do. I pray for the grace to do good, for God’s guidance in all that I do, for God’s help to gain all the experience that I need. I must admit the role fills me with uncertainty about a few things but all I have to do is trust God and love as God desires. With God, I can do anything.
On a final note, pray the Rosary!
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
Last year on June 08, I pondered deeply after watching an IG reel of a non-Catholic Christian where she had scornfully said Catholicism is a religion that believes in objects or something like that but Christians believe only in Jesus. It inspired me to write a lot of words and post on my IG story and a series of events since then and especially yesterday, have moved me think more on holiness, so I intend to share all here.
My thoughts last year reached the high point that Holiness has an all-permeating characteristic. Oftentimes, we see a lot of evil in the world and it is easy to see its pervasiveness, its reach, that it may seem harder to see the permeating nature of holiness. But think about it, because of the righteousness of Abraham (faith, belief and obedience to God), we were able to have Jesus sent to us, and, in the same vein, because of the grace of God, the early christians and christians throughout 2000 years have been able to persist in Holiness and spread the news of the gospel, despite persecution and widespread evil.
I should say this so no one is confused. Human beings are not able to do any good work without the grace of God or God at work in them, whether or not they acknowledge Him and thank Him for His Goodness; although the good rendered by the unbelieving lacks perfection, since God is the source of all Good and all Holiness, since God is all Good and all Holiness and they have not acknowledged or thanked Him.
In other examples of all-permeating holiness, the Israelites threw a dead man into Elisha’s grave and the dead man came back to life (2 Kings 13:20-21). It is easy for human beings to see this good work and think Elisha did this but it is not very fruitful thinking. It was the power of God permeating through a holy man even in his death; the proof or sign that God is with the man. In this day and age, it would be called superstition by certain groups, even among those who bear the title of “Christians, be they Catholic or non-catholic”, to believe in the ability of God to work through the dead bones of holy men and women.
Another such example is when the woman with an issue of blood touched the hem of Jesus’ garment in faith that doing so would heal her of her hemorrhage and her hemorrhage stopped (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus’s garment once again is just a garment, but in her faith, an object (garment) of God, Who is Holy, was able to permeate God’s Holiness and heal the one who had faith.
Another such example of the belief and practice of this by the early christians can be found in Acts 19:11-13, where it is written: “And God did extraordinary miracles by the hands of Paul, so that handkerchiefs or aprons were carried away from his body to the sick, and diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them.”
A church that holds fast to the traditions, practices and belief of the early church/Christians, as taught either by word of mouth or by their letters/writings is the Catholic Church (2 Thessalonians 2:15) since its institution by Jesus. And like my mom always said to me, because I too was once a cynic and sceptic, like any who doubts and has reservations about the holding of objects in any esteem, “It is all about one’s faith in God to heal them or help them in anyway through that object”. Last year, I came to realize that even I who constantly said there is nothing God cannot do, did not fully believe it at one point. We are meant to live in this world and not be stained by it (James 1:27), regardless of the lies that are pervasive throughout the world. And we are called to remember that where sin abounds, grace abounds even more (Romans 5:20).
Yesterday, I went to daily mass and hoped to meet a priest who would bless two new rosaries (for me and my mom) and a Crucifix for the house which I bought. I knew it would be difficult to see a priest after mass as I am a regular at daily mass at this parish, so I hoped to go into the confessional and ask any priest I see there, as I have done before. When I got to the church, I noticed a long queue for confession so I abandoned my plans and decided to go pray in front of the Tabernacle instead. One of my prayers to Jesus was to provide for me a “Holy” priest to bless the Rosaries and Crucifix. I wanted the best priest for this blessing and I know it was uncommon to see any priest before leaving the church but still I hoped. After mass, I considered leaving, but instead I stopped by the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe and prayed there “The Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Afterwards as I made to leave I saw a priest standing in front of the altar. There were a group of people seated at the front pews but the priest was not addressing them. Anyway, I knew God had answered my prayer, so, I approached him, and he blessed the rosaries and the crucifix.
After I left, I considered that the priest had not been my expectation if I were to think of the holiest priest. I will refrain from stating his very visible imperfections. So, it made to ponder deeper about the answer God had given me. You might think that I was judging him but believe me, it was not the case. If I did, I would have walked out of the church when I saw him, but I walked to him and asked for him to bless the rosaries and the crucifix. I did not have any priest in mind but to my perception from what I have seen and even experienced in meeting him yesterday, I did not necessarily perceive him to be the holiest, but God considered him Holy and the best for me. So, I must conform my thoughts to the thoughts of God, and also learn how I might apply it to all aspects of my life, even how I regard myself. I am Holy because God made me Holy and it is through the mercy of God, likewise this priest and all priests by virtue of their consecration to do the Work of God. I suppose the call for me as well is to pray when I see a lack in someone and subsequently in myself so that I do not fall as well.
I remember a dream I had last month, on May 12, because I wrote it down and I saw it moments ago. While dreaming or on the edge of waking up, I think I heard a woman’s voice counsel me that I am not responsible for the strength of my prayers. I am not sure if this is what I heard though because the experience feels hazy, but this is the message that stuck with me upon waking up. It made me caution against ascribing the potency of God’s response to my prayer to any advancement in holiness on my part but rather to the mercy of God.
With that in mind, I give thanks to God for His goodness to me, for all answered prayer, all imperceptibly advanced prayers, and unanswered prayers. All Glory and Praise be to Our God!
Pray the Rosary.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song written and sung by a friend. Listen to it!
This week, within a short period of time, I started and completed the book “The Secret of the Rosary” written by St. Louis Marie de Montfort, thanks to the audiobook on Spotify. See link here: The Secret of the Rosary
It is the most powerful book I have ever read in my entire life, next to the Bible, that is. The Bible slapped some sense into me, but this book has given me an exponential increase in trust in the Blessed Virgin even as I read it and it has given more meaning to the “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “The Creed”, and the meditations on the life, death and glory of Jesus Christ, which really is all taken from the Bible. I have also realized the importance of praying the Rosary on my knees. My prayer to the Blessed Virgin is to make it as though I was born out of her womb, the same womb that carried Jesus, through the power of Holy Spirit at work, and to be my mom in every way possible it is to be a mom, so I can be like Jesus.
I will leave some beautiful quotes taken from the book here so that your mind might be enlightened.
“For no one can possibly be saved without the knowledge of Jesus Christ. And yet a man who knows absolutely nothing of any of the other sciences will be saved as long as he is illumined by the science of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the Rosary that gives us this science and knowledge of our Blessed Lord, through our meditations on His Life, Death, Passion and Glory.” – St. Louis Marie de Montfort.
“If only these poor, wretched sinners will say My Rosary, they will share in the merits of My passion and I would be their advocate and I would appease My Father’s Justice. ” – Our Lord to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“There is no other way to arrive at perfection than to meditate on our Lord’s passion” – St. Michael the Archangel sent by our Lord to St. Mary Magdalene. Then he placed a cross in the front of her cave and told her to pray before it contemplating the sorrowful mysteries which she had seen take place with her own eyes.
“After the Holy sacrifice of the mass, there is no finer devotion than the Holy Rosary, which is like a second memorial and representation of the life and passion of our Lord Jesus Christ” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
“Whenever a person in a state of grace says the rosary while meditating on the mysteries of the life and passion of Jesus Christ, he obtains full and entire remission of all his sins.” – Our Lady to Venerable Dominic the Carthusian
“Although there are numerous indulgences already attached to the recitation of my Rosary, I shall add many more to every 50 Hail Marys, each group of 5 decades for those who say them devoutly on their knees, being of course free from mortal sin, and whosoever shall persevere in the devotion of the Holy Rosary saying these prayers and meditations shall be rewarded for it. I shall obtain for him full remission of the penalty and of the guilt of all his sins at the end of his life. Do not be unbelieving as though this is impossible. It is easy for me to do because I am the mother of the King of Heaven and He calls me full of Grace and being full of Grace, I am able to dispense Grace freely to my dear children.” – Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
I came across many stories that turned my heart to make many prayers to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There was a story of a man who wore a blessed Rosary to get rid of the demons that tormented him and how effective it was at chasing the evil spirits away forever, since the man resolved to wear it night and day. It also talked about a priest who placed a Blessed Rosary around a possessed girl’s neck and how the demons in the girl screamed for it to be taken off, to which the priest did because he worried about the girl. The demons went to priest at night to finish him but the priest had his rosary in his hand and used it to beat the demons. The next day, the priest went to the girl and the demons told him that if he hadn’t had his Rosary they would have finished him, so, the priest placed the Rosary around her neck and commanded the demons to leave by the Sacred Name of Jesus, and that of Mary, His Holy mother and by the power of the Holy Rosary. In another story, there was a Breton soldier called Othère, who wore the Rosary on his arm and carried it on the hilt of his sword as he went off to fight heretics and robbers. His enemies admitted that they had seen his sword gleam and that another time they had noticed a shield on his arm that had pictures of our Lord and our Lady and the saints upon it. This shield made him invincible and gave him the strength to attack well. He defeated 20,000 heretics with only 10 companies and without losing a single man. This impressed the general of the heretic’s army that he came to see Othère afterwards, abjured his heresy and declared publicly that he had seen him surrounded by flaming swords during the battle.
I started wearing my rosary recently because I remembered the advise I got from my mom, back when I had nightmares as a child, to wear the rosary. I had confessed to her about all of my nightmares when one in particular seemed to have broken through into reality. The first time but not the last. (oh, sorry, I just remembered the first time was when I was maybe 5 or younger or a little older by months. I went to my mom but I did not speak about the dream. Because it happens quite often that I remember things after the fact and go back to amend my post, I must apologise in advance. I do not mean to lie.). Anyway, my mom had also given me some Psalms and told me to say them as well as to pray the Rosary but I stopped after a short while. I was too tired to pray and I didn’t want to have to rely on the rosary or on anything or anyone, even if it did work when I prayed. I have known about the power of the rosary from my mom, and an exorcist speak about it when he placed it around a possessed person’s neck but I didn’t know about the things in “The secret of the Rosary”, prior to this week, and I can 100% relate to the stories being said and I resonate so strongly with the emphasis on the meditation on our Lord’s Passion being the way to arrive at perfection, so, I know the Blessed Virgin Mary was leading me to it.
Anyone who speaks badly or in a reserved manner about people wearing the Rosary should take care in their speech. I have heard the argument for this negative view held by some Catholics being that a pop star wore it as a jewellery, and as such the Rosary should not be worn as Jewellery, as though the Rosary should be considered Jewellery by a Catholic when a Catholic sees it being worn. People wear the Religious habit of priests or Nuns as costumes or even to mock or to blaspheme, but I find it hard to believe this has caused any priest or nun to have a reserve about wearing the Religious Habit or Catholics seeing it being worn because it is supposed to mean something to us. My advice to anyone who may have a reserve towards the religious habit or wearing the Rosary openly would be to try to acknowledge to themselves the real reason they are reserved and set themselves free with the truth. “And you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.”.
I have a hard time believing anyone wearing a Rosary openly in the US and Canada is expecting to be loved for wearing it. I questioned myself for days on whether I was afraid to wear it openly, instead of hidden, and the truth is I was, even if I told myself I am at work so, I should not do it. I have been praying for courage and the fervour of the saints because, as I told Jesus, I am lacking in Fervour. I had many thoughts yesterday about how I believe it is a tremendous good to wear the Rosary openly and after the thoughts which I do not quite remember (or perhaps I have shared some in this post already), I asked myself a question, “Then, why are you not wearing the Rosary openly?”. I surprised myself when I pulled out my Rosary in the open. I was conscious about it briefly then I forgot I was wearing it, until I got a stare from a colleague, but no question. My prayer is to have the courage to continue to wear it and to be able answer any question when asked. Another beautiful thing happened before I pulled out my Rosary, I did not shy back from speaking about Jesus and the transformative power of life through Christ to a colleague. I felt so happy. I know it is little since there is still so much to speak about, but to me who lacks courage, it is everything.
Do you know that it was once granted to members of the Confraternity of the Holy Rosary, a 100 days indulgence for openly wearing the Rosary out of devotion and to set a good example? I do not know why this was changed.
There are still so many other spiritual benefits of joining the Confraternity and if you already pray the three traditional mysteries (Glorious, Joyful and sorrowful mysteries) in a week, you can join it too. I joined the Confraternity quickly after reading the book. My enrolment date is a future date and on the day I got the email from the Confraternity, I felt as though I could die in peace because I had even gone to confession and attended mass and received Communion that day too. To join the confraternity, use this link: Rosary Confraternity.
Pray the Rosary.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I write this knowing that for the past week or so I have been plagued in my body, in an on and off manner, with temptation, and it all started with a dream, in which I saw a form at the foot of the bed. I was so groggy in the dream that when I tried to pray the Hail Mary, I could only begin at “Holy Mary Mother of God”. It disappeared the moment I said that and then I woke up. I concluded it was not able to touch me because I have been wearing my rosary to sleep. I couldn’t say for sure what it was trying to do but what I could perceive was it was trying to unlock a memory, in order to tempt me to impurity, and as soon as I tried to understand my dream better, a memory came to the periphery of my mind which I pushed away but damage was already done. I prayed and then found a recitation of “Hail Mary” on Spotify which I allowed to play on my phone as I went back to sleep.
I have denied my eyes and ears of things that could possibly be sources of temptation, even before this day. I have denied my body as well, but I know my memory is not innocent and I know this is deserved.
I have been praying a lot of prayers. I get better while praying or at Church, especially after receiving communion, but it comes back. I am thankful to God, that my will and my mind is drawn to God, even in my dreams, and this is definitely a grace from God.
I kept up playing the recording of Hail Mary as I slept until yesterday. In the morning of yesterday, as I lay in bed sleeping, I heard a voice tell me that God will not let me know if an action is a sin or something along those lines. I thought the voice came from the recording playing on my phone because it sounded like it; it even had the same pace of the voice on the recording. I got indignant and my thought was, “That’s a lie. He does and He has.” and I remembered a moment from a time when I was much younger that I heard an inner voice recite the commandment to me when I was about to break it without even realizing that I was about to.
I wondered why the recitation I had on would say that. So, I opened my eyes and turned towards my phone to listen to it, and it only recited the “Hail Mary”. Then, I got confused. To be honest, it is hard to tell if I was dreaming or awake but I had been asleep and then I was awake. I probably woke up when I opened my eyes.
It was trying to get me to distrust God and I think it was trying to play on my worries about the difficulty I have in discerning mortal sin from venial sin. I tend to think it might be mortal sin and it makes me so sad that I have actually missed communion once because of it. I realized I was wrong after studying about sin on EWTN multiple times (Link here: Sin) and praying for understanding, and then later on, the priest during confession told me it was venial. I also came close to doing so again this Sunday, but I prayed for discernment and came to realize it wasn’t mortal sin, although, I still had to speak with a priest in confession to be completely sure.
Later on after waking up on Monday, I did an act of trust when I looked at the image of Jesus on my phone by saying “Jesus I trust in you” multiple times.
All through yesterday, I was troubled; actually all along I have been troubled because I do not want to sin, and I would be foolish to underestimate the temptation. So, I prayed to Our Lady of Sorrows for discernment of what was happening to me. Afterwards, I googled “Saints that were tempted in the body” and came across a great post. The post gave me great comfort. I will leave the part which lifted my spirits here. “Temptations have besides the following advantages….they afford us a means of expiating sin in this life…” Of course this is only possible in union with Christ. Here is the link to the full post: Temptations. There is more on polishing and sanctification on the post and an urging anyone who is tempted to pray to God for strength to resist the temptation rather than to take it all away. I pray for both, if it is God’s will.
I couldn’t play the same recording to go to sleep last night after what happened, so I searched on Spotify for a recitation of the rosary and found Bishop Barron’s podcast “The Rosary with Bishop Barron” and kept the sorrowful mystery playing as I went to sleep. I woke up refreshed and to a good tool for meditating on the Rosary.
My thoughts rest and resonate with the words of St. Paul, “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self,but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I of myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”
I also remember and dwell on the words of St. James, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and I have hope that this is not forever.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
During Lent, I came to the conclusion, I believe through God’s help, that I have a difficulty feeling empathy for the Passion and Suffering of Jesus, so I begged Jesus, in front of the blessed sacrament, to help me to feel His pain even if I have to suffer. The following day, I experienced suffering that helped me to relate more to Jesus, and accelerated the correction of misconceptions I held in my mind and heart about Jesus’ suffering. I felt healed in my heart to a large extent. Since then, I have had another experience that pulled my mind to His fall on the way to Calvary. However, I still wanted to feel grief when I looked upon the images or depictions of His passion and suffering. I wanted to be cut to the heart like I was the first time I was told by a sibling that when we sin, we crucify Jesus again. The words had evoked a strong image of a nail going through flesh in my mind, and I flinched back from it, unable to bear the thought. “He has died already, why would he go through it again?” I had argued in my head and disbelieved.
My understanding now is that time is not linear for God like it is for humans. So, for every sin I have ever committed or may commit, Jesus suffered in His Body, and that once for all suffering is represented (made present) to us at the Mass during consecration of the bread and wine, into the Body and Blood of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit working through the ministry of the Priesthood, as commanded by Jesus at the last supper, “This is My Body….This is My Blood…..given up for you….poured out for you….Do this in memory of me.”. Therefore, as Jesus said, so It is.
Although, I could relate to His suffering a bit better through my experiences, I still wanted to be able to look at images and depiction of Jesus’ suffering and feel grief, beyond being sober.
My experiences this week have brought me to praying the Divine Mercy Prayer and the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows.
I believe I was reading about St. Catherine and I believe she heard from God about the mercy of God. This made me consider beginning the Divine Mercy Prayer because it is my conviction that I need the Mercy of God. After praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the first time alone, I kept reading the first line of the chaplet because I found it curious. It goes like this: “You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.” Upon meditating repeatedly on the first sentence, I imagined and fixated on Jesus drawing His last breath and the Blood and Water gushing forth from His side upon me, after He was lanced on His side, as though I was right there at the foot of the cross. After a short while of fixation, it felt like a force pushed me back and I held my phone away from my face saying, “Woah.” to steady myself, as though I had been blasted with the full force of His Blood and Water. I felt my heart become different, as though it became calm and more able to embrace Christ in His passion, the image of His love for me. The heart of mercy is love and my heart felt awash with it.
I also stumbled across a note I wrote last year on Friday, Mar 24, 2023 at 03:20 a.m. The note goes that I woke up from sleep at 2:54 a.m that Friday. I thought it to be Saturday and had no inclination of waking up at 5:18 a.m. for prayer that day since I pray later on Saturdays. So, imagining I still had a long way to sleep, I closed my eyes to go back to sleep and I heard a voice say, “Amara, Let Us Pray.”. I opened my eyes and checked my phone, surprised to see that it was Friday. So, I said “1 Our Father, 3 Hail Marys, One Glory Be” three times, and then said some closing prayers I usually say: “Prayer to my guardian Angel, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, The Memorare, Jesus I love You (3x), We fly to Your Patronage”, and because I was taking the consecration course to Jesus through Mary during that period, and had been saying the “Veni Creator Spiritus and the Ave Maris Stella” as part of the course, I also said them. Then, I could not think of any more prayers (perhaps I considered the Rosary but I would have been up maybe about 2 hrs later to say it so I didn’t begin it). I wrote the note and went back to sleep. I can’t explain how much I love sleep.
I had forgotten about this event until reading it recently. My focus on the Divine Mercy prayer which is said at the 3 o’clock hour, made it strikingly present to my mind that it was on a Friday at the 3 o’clock hour, that Jesus had passed, and I had heard the voice close to the 3 o’clock hour. I wondered if there was anything said in the Catholic Church about the 3 o’clock hour. So, I did some research and read a post on Catholic Answers that “some claim that due to the large amount of sin committed at 3 a.m., the Communion of Saints often awakens individuals at this time in order to prompt them to pray for others.”. The post also has a disclaimer that this notion is not rooted in catholicism. However, I did wonder about it since I had heard a voice call me to pray and no one but family calls me “Amara”. I did consider my Guardian Angel was waking me up to pray, and my Guardian Angel prays along with me. My mom agrees it could be the Holy Spirit or my Guardian Angel, but definitely a voice from God, and she could not believe I never gave testimony about it until I told her today. I suppose I keep a lot of things to heart without sharing, which may not always be the best thing. It is incredible how I forgot about this until I was going through my notes for something else. So, I decided to add praying the Divine Mercy Prayer at 3 a.m. at least on Fridays.
To the point of the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and some of the things which have lead me to saying it; I considered if I should be praying the rosary and meditating through Mary’s eyes. I also recall seeing a video on IG of “Gabi” speak about the sorrows of Mary and how my heart had been gripped with anguish at his description of her sorrow, and how it pleased me to be able to share in her sorrow. I considered again when praying the rosary if perhaps sharing in her sorrows would help me to share in Jesus’ sorrow by extension. I had not at this point considered that “Gabi” might have been referring to the devotion to “Our Lady of Sorrows”. Perhaps he was. I don’t know. It was a reel on IG, not a full video. Later on, I came across the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows on YouTube, where I watched Fr. Ripperger speak about it, and I considered adding that to my prayers. However, upon reading one of the promises Jesus that “He would impress upon their minds the remembrance of His Passion, and that they should have their reward for it in heaven.”, all I could think is “this is all I want”, and my decision was solidified. Truly, I want to share in the pain of Christ, to feel grief for what grieves Him and joy for causes Him Joy.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
If you are the type to get scared when you read or watch stories about evil beings, you should probably skip this post, but I hope you tough it out. I am writing this post to shed some light on the fact that the evil one exists but Jesus has already overcome the devil. “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome It.”
This was the way I dreamed on 06 Jan 2023 after reading about Jesus in the book of Matthew. I had read about the authority He’d given to His Apostles and his instructions.
In the dream, I was fumbling with something in my hand (I am thinking a weighing device) when “they” came and took me and I think there was someone else taken captive. The other person had surrendered so, I too surrendered. I think I lost consciousness. Later when I regained consciousness, still dreaming, I was lying on my side. There was a person behind me that was speaking strongly against “six brothers of Israel or God”. I am unsure if they were of God or Israel but I believe this is one and the same. These six brothers were being bitterly accused of speaking about God or doing God’s work. When it noticed I was conscious, it’s voice turned gnarly, distorted and evil and unfriendly as it spoke the same words angrily as though its accusation held any basis. I sensed that it sought to harm me.
I was not afraid. Instead, I was filled with an anger for the thing that would stand against God’s work. So, I commanded it to be destroyed. But, I felt at that moment, my body became paralyzed, as though I was having sleep paralysis, except it was different in character since (1) I was on my side instead of lying on my back, (2) I heard it speak where in the past I saw nothing and heard nothing even though my eyes may have been open, and (3) I had felt free in this dream, enough to look, until I was not. I felt like all those times in the past (when I was a child), that I had attempted to vanquish the evil presence during a sleep paralysis episode, and how I had failed. I tried to open my eyes but at this point, it was hard to keep it open. When it opened partially in my struggle, I saw a dark formless shape hover overhead in front of me, just in front of a dark patch that was lined with light on all or some corners (I can’t fully remember if the light was on all corners).
I felt myself losing against this thing and so, I said to God, “Father, I am Your daughter. Please give me the power to vanquish this evil” or something like that.
Then to the thing, I said, “Be gone and be no more or never return” or something like that. And immediately, I was released from paralysis and I could open my eyes fully. The strange thing is, I opened my eyes, awake now, to my window which looked like a patch in the darkness of my room, kind of like what I had seen in my dream, and light streamed in through its bottom where I had left it slightly open. I was also lying on my side.
At the time, I was not sure if what I had witnessed held any atom of truth or reality, since I had dreamed it, but I was very disturbed for the preachers/brothers, so I started praying for 6 preachers/brothers doing God’s work. On 07Jan 2023, I went on my Twitter and solicited for prayers for God’s workers, saying how the devil hates them and accuses them for doing God’s work. My daily prayer for them evolved from six brothers/preachers/workers to all Priests, Clergy, Religious, The Pope, Pastors, Preachers, Workers in God’s Church. Then, it expanded to include all the Laity. One thing I could not help but note from the dream was how I got authority and power from God as His daughter because I asked Him and only then was I able to vanquish the evil near me.
Last week after that weird occurrence on my phone, I began watching Michael Knowles’ interviews of a former witch, a former pyschic and then an exorcist, Fr. Dan Reehil. Michael Knowles spoke of hearing a gnarly voice when he was coming back to the Catholic church and I think someone from the videos described the evil one as a dark, formless shape and the reason being that the thing lacks the light of God so it is now dark. The dream I had happened not too long after I went to confession for the first time in 4 years.
The sleep paralysis and nightmares about evil beings started very early for me. If I was to take a guess, it started around the time my father died, before I was 5 years (maybe 4 years), and pretty much stopped when I was around 17 or 18 years, after I awoke from a nightmare about a grotesque red hand grabbing my arm in bed. It burned where it touched even when I was awake. I had angrily said out loud as I stomped my feet from the room I had slept in to my room, “I am a child of God. This should not be happening to me.” and also speaking to God about it. It is the first time I got upset about the nightmares. I was always so afraid back then. After that day, I slept peacefully and well-rested, and started to love sleeping long hours. I don’t think the nightmare in Jan 2023 was the norm for me at the time I had it.
Apart from praying for them, I moved on with my life and drew closer to Mary, praying a daily consecration of exterior goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and afterwards I said the “Consecration to Mary” prayer on EWTN daily. This was even before I learnt about the “Consecration to Jesus through Mary” course. So, it all felt so timely, as though I was being called to complete the consecration course. I must admit that it is only upon renewal of my consecration this year that I began to gain a better understanding of the 33-day course written by St. Louis-Marie de Montfort. Although, I never did deviate from my daily devotion, scrupulosity was starting to take root, as I was losing understanding, and I feel as though I was holding back until I renewed my consecration last month. I am thankful to the Heralds of the Gospel for guiding me twice now. It is an amazing devotion and I have never felt as close to God like this in the past. I know that surely the Lord will heal me completely because I place my trust completely in Him. Although, I have mentioned nightmares now and it might seem pretty dark, I have had dreams over the course of my life of a pure and heavenly nature and heard things I have held so close to my heart, not wanting to forget them, that I have written them down. They impress on me that they surpass any bad thing I may have ever seen or heard.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I would like to start off this post by recommending a YouTube video. The weirdest thing happened to me this week when I played it on my phone. The volume on my phone kept going down. Each time, I would turn it back up, the volume would automatically turn down low, close to being silent, until I intervened and turned it back up. I started praying to God to protect me, calling on the name of Jesus. I probably asked for the intercession of Mary (this is becoming a habit) and St. Catherine (I was watching a video about her, so it makes sense), and it desisted after a short while. All in all, I relied on God to do the fighting. I did not have to restart my phone or change any settings on it, so it was a very weird thing. This happened on Tuesday night in my bedroom. It is God’s grace that I felt no fear, instead, I was ready to fight through the only way I really know how to, through prayer. The video is titled “The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena”. Here is the link, go and watch: The Apostle of the Blood of Christ: St. Catherine of Siena
St. Catherine of Siena is my patron saint. When I chose the name Catherine for my confirmation name, I did not realize what I was doing. I just thought the name to be a pretty name. That was until recently, maybe last year, that I learnt about her, and I found myself relating to her experiences, one of which is her extreme fasts when she was just young. I have a weird relationship with food. When I was maybe 12 or 13, I started rigorous fasts from food, not for good religious purposes unfortunately, but to lose weight because I was called “fat”. There were times when I went for long hours—once I remember even a full 24 hours—without eating because I simply forgot. When I did eat, I ate ridiculously tiny portions, maybe once a day, coupled with a small snack (cheese balls). While it was a rather bad reason that caused me to engage in this, I cannot deny when I look back, that as a child I had so much discipline, a grace and a gift from God.
4 years ago, I came to the recognition through the study of the Bible, that nothing happens without God knowing or allowing it to happen and everything that happens is ultimately for the glory of His name, that is, for good. Isaiah 45 tells this bit very clearly. I learnt that it is pointless to be mad at God or to fight God and as much as we are important to Him, as much as we are loved by Him, we are nothing. I recognised that this is hard to accept but I believe acceptance of these things is key to managing anxiety.
I gained understanding of other facts as well, such as facts about gratitude, hope and love – gratitude to God while weighed down by troubles, hope that suffering is not forever, hope that God will show his glory in the situation, Love, God’s love, which shields our hearts even as we hurt, such that the pain is dull, and we know we are not alone. I had another pang of anxiety after I had learnt these things, and so I told myself these things and I felt my heart grow stronger and the anxiety leave me. You see, “My life is in God’s hands. Nothing happens to me without His consent. It is part of His plan, and He shall be glorified through my situation. I am not alone. Never alone. God walks with me. So, I should walk through life lightly.”
So, when in the video I spoke of earlier, Bishop Barron mentioned that St. Catherine received a Divine Word about her relationship to God, “You are she who is not and I am He Who is.”, I could understand it. Watching this video has helped me to remember the revelation I received from God years ago. It is easy to forget so I am thankful to remember.
I find it interesting how I have had in my life, strong bursts of faith, only to be faithless afterwards or moments of Divine inspiration without even realizing it, until I go back to read what I have written and I am amazed, but it all goes to show that even the burst of faith or Divine inspiration which I have experienced in my life, is all because of God’s grace at work in my life, and being here right now in my journey to know Him and to be like Him; all this could only be God’s doing.
The religious life requires discipline but even more so, the religious life requires God Who supplies us with the Grace we need to encounter Him, to be transformed by these encounters, in order to draw us even closer to Him with a discipline that is only possible through Him, with Him and in Him. I am hopeful when I think back to the child I was, that God will supply me once again with an even stronger discipline with which I will be able to dwell in His house forever to behold His beauty that surpasses all understanding.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I noticed yesterday that the theme of this week in Church, starting from Sunday, has been about the “Holy Eucharist” and I believe it is not a coincidence that I have experienced the things I spoke of in my last post.
It makes me feel that God is truly present and active in my life. Especially when I pause to think that He has given me a chance to right the wrong from my past, that is, my denial and disdain of who I am. I am thankful to God for this. I also have a chance to use my latent headstrong nature that doesn’t care about being the only one doing a thing, towards bringing glory to God, and for my salvation, as well as the salvation of others. An intention I have made recently before the Blessed Sacrament is for God to restore me to the moment I got baptized, so it is no surprise that I am being transformed to the child I once was before the corruption or into the child I am meant to be.
This is not the first time that God has done so either. I have been in a situation, where I made a bad decision the first time. In my repentance, I hoped for another chance and it did come to me. I did the right thing the second time without any struggle or thought and a man who’d noticed the interaction, looked at me wondering why I did so, but I ducked my face because I got shy from his attention. I believe the old woman must have been an angel or sent by God for that to even repeat itself, because what are the odds? Of course I think this in retrospect, many years later.
Okay, I will share what happened. I wasn’t going to.
I got on a bus in Lagos, Nigeria, and then an old lady turned to me and quietly begged me to pay for her fare and I ignored her. I got home and I told my mom about it, saying, “Why would she ask me to pay for her fare?”, and my mom told me I should have done so, since I had spare money. At the time, it seemed illogical to me, that the lady got on the bus without her T-fare. I distrusted it, like it was some sort of scam, so I ignored the old lady. I felt so bad about my mom’s words. I had not expected censure because I thought I was right. So, I prayed or hoped to God for another chance. Another time, I think on the same bus route, there was an old lady. The conductor asked her for her T-fare and he got aggravated because she ignored him. Then, she turned around to me and told me to pay for her T-fare. My eyes widened and I paid for her and for me, without a word. The conductor looked at me with confusion written all over his face, and I looked down. There were many people in that bus. The old lady could have looked to the left or right of her or even to the people around me or said something to the conductor, but she looked back, squarely at me and asked me to pay for her T-fare (she did not beg). That has never repeated itself again in my life.
When I ponder on all this, it makes me think and believe God will do the same in other ways in my life.
In case anyone is wondering what happened on Thursday, when I got to the church, I prayed to Jesus for the strength to go through with it and I prayed to Mary for her help. Then, I got on my knees and received communion on my tongue. The next day I prayed to Jesus and Mary because I know I have a fickle heart and I knelt once again to receive communion on my tongue. My ascent still needs work but I’ll get there.
I believe if people complain ceaselessly about a lack of reverence in the Novus Ordo Mass without doing anything about it, in the way of their actions at said mass, then it is all noise. I have never had a problem with a Novus Ordo mass. I grew up in it, both Latin and English versions, and it had all the reverence, the incense, the music, the altar service, the kneeling to receive Holy Communion on the tongue, the altar rails, the fervor, the participation and the love of the congregation. So, the mass itself is reverent. It is the actions of the members that are lacking, from the priest to the congregation.
If a church in a different country keeps the altar rails while another church in another country decides to do away with the rails, paten etc., and yet both use the Novus Ordo liturgy, is the liturgy less reverent or are the religious leaders less reverent? This is not to idealize the church which kept the rails because the Catholic Church around the world needs people that do the right thing.
I didn’t even know about this discussion about Traditional Latin mass until I moved to Canada, and my mom had not heard about the Traditional Latin Mass until I told her about it. It is only when I travelled abroad that I attended masses where people were not enthused in their responses if they did respond (memory is vague but there was a lack of fire I felt). I believe it rubbed off on me. Now being here in Canada, I have responded and I have sung. I have noticed the fervour in the churches I attend change over time, so much so that the priest of the church where I attend Sunday Mass has thanked the congregation for the generosity of their participation.
It takes everyone.
The priest should show reverence when giving Holy Communion to communicants or when handling the Holy Communion, bearing in mind that he has in his hands The Body of Christ. The communicants should receive the Holy Communion and appear before the Holy Communion with reference, bearing in mind that they are standing before Christ’s Body and acting as they would if they believe Him to be visibly present. Praise and worship are due to God, so the congregation should respond to the priest, knowing they are giving justice due to God.
Preaching about reverence is a good thing but even better is when the people move to action.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
A lovely song written and sung by a friend that you could listen to!
As a little girl, I did not like praying. My mom noticed this and would say so to me. I felt evil for not liking to pray and for other reasons I could not reconcile in my mind; not because of anything she said to me. My mom may have her imperfections just as I do, but no one loves like my mom. She loves you where you are and prays for you to be better, all the while encouraging you to join her. I am not always that patient nor do I have her social skills; I’m still learning this. It was the thoughts that I had that condemned me.
I never once picked up the rosary to pray of my own accord in the past, unless instructed to or called to do so. I remember timing the rosary one time when we prayed together at home. I was surprised it took us 15 minutes to complete the rosary and the litany, because it always felt so long to me. Prayer at home consisted of the rosary, songs of praise and worship and then petitions. I preferred when we ended up only doing praise, worship and petitions because it felt shorter.
I did not go to the chapel at my secondary school either for daily mass, unless forced to do so, which hardly ever happened since I was alone. I was surprised when I found out my sister prayed the rosary alone. To me, goodness came so easily to her, that she has helped people come to the Catholic Faith through only living out her life and sharing testimony. My brothers recited the mass in Latin easily, and I’m talking about on the car ride home or at home, not only in church, and because I can be a bit competitive, I learnt to say the “Our Father” in Latin and tried to master the creed and the gloria. With time, I could say long stretches, almost becoming excellent at singing the creed and the gloria in Latin at every First Sunday mass of the month at St. Dominic Catholic Church, Yaba. If it weren’t for my siblings around me, I would never have risen to even the small level that I did while at home in Nigeria.
I walked away from my faith during the early-second quarter of 2020. I sinned gravely and then started to question my faith. I found holes in it and started to doubt the existence of God. The moment I thought God did not exist, it felt to me as though a film had come down my eyes and I could see things clearly. That is the only way I can explain it, but I was blinder than a bat. Towards the end of 2020, I started getting answers when I wasn’t looking for it, but my heart was so sluggish to repent. Some sense was slapped back into me when I did a devotional with my sister as she suggested. We had studied a verse in the New Testament, which referred to another verse in the Old Testament. I was curious about what it meant so I read Isaiah 45 (I think this was the verse but it could have been different), and I realized the error in my thinking, and I repented internally to the extent that I could back then.
I believed in God but I did not believe in the Catholic Church. I had seen grave sin as a kid, that and other reasons, and I judged instead of loved. I did not attend other denominations either. As a child, I had concluded from what I’d seen that they followed their pastors and not Jesus, so, there was never a sway to be a member, even though I attended a vigil service alone and had felt the presence of God at a Pentecostal church. I do not recall the name of the church. Perhaps, it was the Redeem Christian Church of God. I don’t know any other like that. I just wanted to worship God at a cross-over service so, this visit had been very much without a thought.
Towards the end of 2022, I started watching a lot of videos. I became convicted of the authority of the Catholic Church handed down from Jesus and I gained a deeper consciousness of the Holy Eucharist as the Body of Christ. I felt immense gratitude to be able to attend mass and receive communion. I was also applying for jobs back then and kept getting rejections even after interviewing. My sister relayed to me her past experience of getting a job rejection on her way home, and how she prayed the rosary and it helped her get past it. She encouraged me to do the same. I recalled as well a time in the past when I had difficulty finding a job in London and I went to the place of prayer to Our Lady at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, New Malden. I prayed for her help and wept some more in the church pews to God. I got a job after. Bolstered with confidence from my memory and my sister’s testimony, I began praying the rosary. I realized that it wasn’t hard to pray so I prayed it when I felt really sad and later on prayed it daily. Afterwards, I got the idea to write it down and maybe publish it.
While I was in the US for Christmas/New Years’, I was really troubled about the job search, so I had gone to sleep. Just as I was waking up, I saw a woman standing at a doorway, shining with so much brilliance, with golden light around what I think was the frame of a doorway. She was so beautiful, and I think she was smiling at me with arms stretched out. I woke up and wondered, “Who is that?”. I told my sister who had walked into the room what I had seen. I kept saying how the woman was so beautiful. Although I cannot even draw her or describe her features because my memory was already fading after seeing her, one thing that stuck with me was that her beauty was astounding. If I had not written it down, I wonder what I would be able to remember now. Anyway, I had an inkling that I might have seen the Blessed Virgin, but I could not voice this to my sister. Soon after that I got a call for a Job interview in Canada. I cut my trip short and went back to Canada, and I got the job in a matter of a little over a week after the interview.
Later on when I heard people describe Mary from her apparitions or visits, one thing they all said was how she was so beautiful and I remembered what I’d seen.
I have also smelt a nice-smelling fragrance while praying the rosary. I thought I was imagining it until I saw a video of someone describing the same. I also wondered if it could be an air freshener. I took my thought to my mom, and she told me she has experienced the same, so I thought that maybe it was real and maybe we experienced the same thing. I also thought if it was the air freshener, it would have been a consistent smell in prayer and outside of prayer but of course, I pray that I experience it again to give confirmation to my experience.
I started the 33 day preparation of consecration to Jesus through Mary in March, 2023. An intention we were asked to make to the Holy Spirit for a certain duration of the 33 days was to increase our trust in Mary. I had a dream during that time. I lay on a bed and felt a hand under me. I knelt up on the bed in panic. I was holding a rosary, so I placed it over the edge of the bed and a hand reached out from under the bed and grabbed on to the rosary, dragging it with me. My intention had been to scare it away with the rosary I was holding and I was shocked it did not work. So, I said “Mother, please burn this evil away.” or something to that effect. The instant I uttered that, the evil was gone. The moment I woke up, I was filled with a deeper trust for Mary beyond the rosary beads. This is not to say that a blessed rosary will not be effective in an exorcism. I needed to trust her and that is what happened.
Prayer comes easily to me now because I pray from a place of love and it has since the end of 2022. I do not stop to think about the time it takes to complete prayer anymore or read the bible or even if saying one word is just as efficient as saying plenty words. I had those arguments with my mom in the past. I think now that it wasn’t because I was evil that I did not like prayer, but because I did not love with a big heart. Because whether or not I said one word, I never sat in silence in His presence waiting for God to speak to me, while those who said plenty did not care about spending a long time in the presence of God, even if their prayer was full of words.
My mom has since told me the time in her life where she had the most encounter with God and received prophetic messages from God was when she attended daily mass, received communion and prayed the rosary. Back then, she did not do the amount of prayer she does now. I have also learnt that her mom, my grandmother, spoke in tongues, which I found surprising since the perception I got growing up from other Catholics is that it is not something believed in the Catholic Church, but my grandmother was very Catholic and a member of the Charismatic renewal. I think my grandmother must have been praying for me too in heaven.
So, even if more prayers are added to an already established prayer, and I happen to be present with the people praying, I will join in in joy. If they sing it, I will sing along with joy. This is because I know the prayer must have been put together by people with deep devotion and love, and prayer really should be about love and not a to-do-list or a comparison of what is more efficient over the other. If the heart is there and it pleases God, i.e., not against God’s commandments, that is most important.
If you would like to learn how to pray the rosary as taught by mom and her parents, see link here: How to pray the rosary
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From whence does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved, He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.
Psalm 121:1-6
Hi everyone! Pray the Rosary.
For most of the time I have written, which is a good chunk of my life, whenever I set out to write, I have allowed my emotions to drive me. Sometimes, I had written after a chance inspiration by a body of work which I found to be inspiring and other times, I wrote from my place of interacting with the things and the people in my life. I don’t think I have really included God in my writing process, at least not until recently, when I began writing about God; then I started praying before writing. I did this because I got nervous about writing the wrong things about God or leading people astray.
I did some introspection after my poem, “Hey Mom” was refined by my younger brother. The experience left me feeling a bit shaken for some days. I realized on looking back on the poem I wrote about “Expected Endings”; I had been purely driven and guided by churning emotions. I believe most of what I have considered “some of my best works” have usually been produced this way. Even as I put the arrangement together for “Expected Endings” up on my blog, I did not pray since I was not directly mentioning God on the post. I seemed to have separated my work from God in doing this. As if to say, “Now, I get to post something of mine since I have posted everything else I wanted to post about God.” Actually, my thought process was exactly this.
Before or while writing the poem “Hey Mom”, I had said a prayer to God for His help to write well. I felt nothing as I wrote but I tried to refine the poem as best as I could on my journey home from the church. I posted the poem on my blog late at night but sent off a copy separately to my younger brother for his feedback. I suppose I wasn’t expecting anything major from him, but when I woke I up and picked up my phone, I saw his replies. We had a back and forth on my way to work, as I did not fully grasp what he was getting at. Understanding of his point of his view hit me, from seeing what his refinements were, just as my bus halted at the bus stop. I teared up in reaction to this assent of my mind to his creative genius, as I alighted from the bus; a reaction stemming entirely from a strong wave of inadequacy which washed over me and nothing more.
Logical or not, that feeling of inadequacy which had labelled me a horrible writer might have been, I cannot say. I can say however, that by the time I arrived at my office, I pondered on the fact that I had prayed to God for His help to write a good poem, but His help had come through my brother. I think I was rattled majorly because His help did not come in the form I had expected it. I literally want God to show up in dazzling ways through me, but He does not want me to be alone, so, He shows me the bar of my limitations, urging me to lean on the strength he has supplied to others, to surpass my limits.
So, I prayed to Him to send me a helper for a petition I have been making for a while now.
This experience made me realize three things: (1) God does not want me to be alone, (2) God will use the people or whatever it is He has sent into my life to help me whether or not they realize it or even want to help me and (3) I do not want to keep my writing separate from God.
I will figure this writing thing out with God because my help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
Thank you for reading today’s post. Remember to like this post and share it with your friends if you enjoyed it. Follow me on my blog, Katmira’s blog or my podcast, Amara’s Musings, to receive notifications whenever I have a new post. You can also subscribe below to get an email notification whenever a new post is out. This is particularly helpful if you don’t have a WordPress account.
Pray the Rosary. Let it be, until we meet again or “Ka ọ dị” as it is said in Igbo.
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